I have begged for relief and almost gave up until now and it hit me out of the blue. I think they call it an Epiphany??? I think it's God.
Our son came home last weekend to take Crazy Girlfriend to prom. Bro-in-law drove him 18 hrs just to do this....even with my husbands sister supposedly in the hospital....INSANE. He was here from Friday until Sunday and did not come to see anyone. Needless to say there were some heated words exchanged and once again we were really hurt. We are positive that she would not allow him to come over. I even told him I would leave so he could come and see his Dad, little brother and sister. So we sat here on Mother's Day....cancelled any plans we had and waited on him to show which he never did.
He would text very hurtful, disrespectful things and I finally told him not to contact me and he said that it was a "final goodbye". I was determined to stick to this for awhile. He continued sending me rude text msgs.
A friend of mine gave me a copy of a devotional that she printed of the net and the following statement almost knocked me out of my chair:
Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes: they are hand tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. When you start to feel stressed let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependance on Me and increasing intimacy between us. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.
John 15:5, 2 Corinthians 1:8-9, Ephesians 5:20
This spoke to me on every level and have realized some things.
First...our son is wanting to be a man but he's still a kid. The reason we don't recognize him and all of this junk he is spewing is because it is not from him. He is taking on the opinions of others....the ones he surrounded himself with to get his way. Nothing would please Crazy Girlfriend and my husband's sister more than to drive an irrepairable wedge in our relationship. I will not allow that to happen. My need to speak my mind and speak up for myself must now take a backseat to saving my relationship with my son. The truth will all come out but it will never be accepted coming from my lips.
At this point when I receive a text or something is told to me that hurts or baits me for an argument I will change the subject and never let on that it has bothered me.
He will hopefully get his GED on the 17th. I'm going to pray hard that he does and I'm going to do everything in my power to get him started at school in the Fall. I'm sure that they will try to upstage me in this but I will still do what I can and if they do he will still know that I tried. I talked to him yesterday about his plans and offered him things from the house to get him started in an apartment and told him I would get the stuff he needed if he was in a dorm. He seemed suprised.
Finally....I realized that this whole situation is hurting us tremendously and we have fought the situation, but maybe God has allowed him to be in this situation to teach him something and by me fighting it I am getting in God's way of teaching our son a life lesson. Who am I to do that? I know how much I love my son and I know that God loves him even more. This is a lesson to me in letting go and letting God handle it. I let go and take it back. God is working here....instead of gloom and doom which is all I have seen....I now see that this is God working. He is changing us and I pray that he is going to work hard and keep our son safe. He is teaching me that I need to put my hand over my mouth and since I have a hard time with that I'm going to ask him to put His hand there until I get it down. When I feel the need to vent...I will go to Him instead of a friend...because noone truly understands but Him and noone can protect or child or help us deal with all of this except Him.
So that is my epiphany....I pray that I can keep this attitude.
As I was getting out of the truck I saw her. She was slowly moving around her car to pump gas. My heart started beating ninety to nothing….I had not seen her in three years. I had not spoken to her since the day she told me how I would be responsible for my son being a retard because he was on medication for ADHD. I had not had any contact since I returned her large checks that she sent us for Christmas. That had always been her way of smoothing things over. Now…three years later…here she was…
I always looked at my Grandma with awe. She was so beautiful and seemed so smart. I always craved her affection and attention, and I always wanted to please her. The problem was I never could. I’m not the lone ranger…to hear it told my Daddy couldn’t please her either. To hear it told I wonder why she ever had children, because she sure didn’t seem to like Daddy, and she definitely has nothing for me.
My parents married out of necessity. Daddy went with Mama to tell her parents that she was pregnant, but he wouldn’t allow her to go with him to tell his. From what I understand my Grandma went nuts. She always thought my Mama was trash because they had no money. She tried to pay Daddy to leave Mama, but he wouldn’t. Probably the only reason he stayed with her was to spite Grandma. Mama moved in with them after they married. I can not imagine what she went through, but she said as soon as I arrived Grandma had changed her tune. She said that she loved me and was so proud of me…then came my brother.
My brother has been the apple of her eye as long as I can remember. I’m not saying that is a bad thing, but sometimes I think she went out of her way to prove it. As a little kid I did not understand it, and one day when I was about twelve I asked her. “Mamaw, why do you give him all the attention and I get in trouble for what he does.” Her response was that they had me for four years and I got the attention. It was now his turn. I’m telling you he could slap my face and I would get fussed at.
My parents were not well off by any means. They struggled and had it not been for my grandparents we would not have had a lot of things that we had. My Grandma was very ANTI-Name brand. Well, she was for me. I remember in junior high and high school, before clothes shopping at Walmart was acceptable for teenagers, that is where she would take me. I was grateful that she would buy anything for me so I did not complain. Sometimes she would make me put it up if it had a name brand on it.,,.even at Walmart. You can imagine how difficult it was to find things without a label. But I made the best of it…I tried to pick items that pleased her…and tried to show her how much I appreciated it. Then my brother would go the next weekend and he would get alligator boots, and name brand everything. I was scared if I questioned it I would be told I was ungrateful. So I didn’t for a while.
In college I started competing in pageants. The first year I entered three and I placed in one. I loved the feel of the stage and performing. My family was very supportive, but after I lost my local competition she made it known that I would NOT enter another one and they would not attend if I did because as she put it she was “tired of jumping every time she poots.” I, of course, did not know that she had said this. The next year I entered again, and it was then that I learned of her remarks and her feelings about it. This was the first time that I remember my parents really acknowledging how she did me. We didn’t say anything about the pageant, but she heard it from an Aunt and then it was on. The next thing I knew my Papaw would not speak to me. I had no idea why. He would literally ignore me and it broke my heart. I asked Daddy and he told me that she told my Papaw that I did not want them at the Pageant and all kinds of stuff that was not true. He wouldn’t listen to anyone that spoke against her or told anything that contradicted what she said. So I suffered.
I won that pageant and I represented our town at the State Competition. The woman who did not want anything to do with supporting my efforts now could not get enough of me. At first I enjoyed it because for once she really seemed to like me, but then it started getting old and I saw it for what it was. I no longer was M* her grandaughter….I was introduced as “This is my grandaughter, Miss V***”. Yeah…she was proud, but not of me….just my title.
Growing up I heard her bad-mouth my parents anytime they were not around. It was awful and I guess because we were younger we thought it was normal. As we got older we realized it wasn’t. We also heard the stories Daddy told about growing up and he was a tortured soul. One day I had dropped by the house on my way to College. My Papaw always had me stop by so he could load me up with drinks and stuff to take to the dorm. He had gone back to work and I headed over. She and I were talking and visiting and she proceeded to start slamming my parents for nothing. I stood up to her….for the first time in my life…I stood up to her. I told her I did not appreciate her speaking about them like that and I don’t remember what all was said but her personality changed instantly and she denied ever saying anything. I told her she was lying. She talked and smoothed it and was sweet and loving. I instantly told my parents because it was not like me to speak up and I felt bad because I felt like I had disrespected her, but I was so tired of her disrespecting them. Daddy told me to get ready because she would look for a way to get me back and put me in my place. Wow…he wasn’t lying.
For a while everything seemed fine. Then Christmas came and I had decided to move overseas and get married. Christmas was always big around our house and my Grandparents always either stayed with us Christmas Eve or came bright and early the next morning as we got up. This particular Christmas Papaw had wanted to take me shopping for my Christmas stuff, but he was not feeling well so he couldn’t do a lot of walking. So Grandma went with us and he would sit in the mall while we shopped. There were two things that Papaw wanted to get me…a trench coat and my carry on piece for my luggage. We got those two things and got them on a really good sale. Then he wanted me to shop for some clothes. I would look for items on sale and when Papaw was out of ear shot she would remind me I already had a piece of luggage and trench coat. When he was around she acted like she was really excited about shopping with me. She wanted to get me a “gunny pack”…you know those purse looking things you strap around your waist. I wanted NOTHING to do with one of those and told her that I really didn’t think I would use it. I ended up getting a sweatshirt out of the “old lady section” and pair of jeans that were on clearance. I may have gotten another sweater…..And that was about it. So Christmas morning comes and they are bringing in loads of presents. Mom, Dad and Brother had these huge stacks and stacks of stuff. I had a very small stack. Papaw kept asking, “Sugar where are yours?” And he’d look under the tree. My brother got Carhartt everything and a gun and hunting stuff. Tons of clothes. My parents got $500 each then stacks of gifts….clothes, hunting stuff and things for the house. My presents were labeled from Mamaw and Papaw and they included the luggage piece, coat, sweater, sweatshirt and jeans. Then there were two presents that were labeled “from Mamaw”. One was the gunny sack and the other was disposable panties. Brother was upset and pulled Daddy to the back and asked if I was getting anything else. Mama was furious and Daddy was waiting to see if Papaw had planned to give me money when he left. Papaw seemed confused and I felt awkward. After they left Mama went and got her money and gave it to me. She said she didn’t want their “d**m money.” She never curses. Found out later that Papaw thought the reason I only had a few presents compared to everyone else was because Grandma gave me money instead. The one time Daddy stood up for me was after I flew out and it was about Christmas. He and Papaw went toe to toe about it because Daddy spoke against my Grandma. The next day Papaw was in congestive heart-failure. Daddy made sure to let me know that it was because he stood up for me.
Papaw died about two years later. It was devastating to us…actually I don’t know that is even an accurate enough description. I stayed with her. I was really worried about her and despite the way she treated me I loved her. I weathered the little remarks that she made to me about how Papaw didn’t like how I did this or that. She really made some bizarre comments that made no sense to me. After the funeral I soon went back home to Belgium. When I first moved over there I had orders to call them once every few weeks…I thought it was orders from them….it was actually from him. After he was gone it was pretty clear she really didn’t care for me calling. I called one day very upset, homesick, missing Papaw and confused because of the things that she had said. I asked her..”Mamaw do you think Papaw knew I loved him?” Her response…”I don’t know if he knew you loved him or not.” Conversation was short and basically one sided. I didn’t call again.
Fast forward a few years….I had moved home, divorced and remarried a man with a beautiful little boy. His wife had died and I adopted this precious child. She was now living in another state and the only time I heard from her was when I called. Sometimes the conversations were good and she was a sweet loving person….other times she was short and cold. I pretty much knew how to gauge her and I had learned from an early age to be careful of what you say when she’s nice because when her mood changes she will cut your throat with it. My parents always tried to teach me that, but it actually took me experiencing it myself.
With us only having one child, she ate him up. Of course, she made it a point one day to tell me I needed to get a book on how to be a Mother when I corrected him in her presence. My second child came and for some reason I wished she was there. I had some fairytale dream that she would change her opinion of me through my children. Sad…I thought the same thing about Daddy, but that is another story.
She moved back home and basically next door to my Dad and brother after my parents divorced. I remember when I went to help her move I would make suggestions, but she would have to run them by my brother first. Everything had to have his approval. I finally just left. My sister-in-law and I went and painted the house before she came down and I figured that was good enough if my opinion was not worthy of hearing.
Even with her home I didn’t hear much from her unless I called or went to visit. She ate my second child up, but now the first one was forgotten. He could do nothing right in her eyes…at all. When I unexpectedly got pregnant with our third child we were surprised but very excited. I went to tell her and her response was NOT what I expected at all. “OH M** don’t you know what causes that! Goodness…Hmmph…I guess I’m going to have to change all my money around.” I was flabbergasted. She was not happy at all….you would have thought I was a 15 year old high school student pregnant for the first time… not a married mom of two. I just played nice and left.
When my third child came she came to the hospital and I was so excited to see her there. She stayed for a while and made a fuss over me not being fed for so long and them taking too long to do my “tubal”. I so enjoyed her being there, but I think that is the last happy memory.
She’s a fanatic about medicine and fumes and many other things. One day after I went back to work K** got sick. She said she would gladly keep her for me so I took her and told her what to give her as far as tylenol and instructions on feeding her. When I went to pick her up she had not given her the medicine because she said she didn’t need it…and she had fever. She instructed me that I had not been feeding her properly and I needed to learn to feed her better. My baby never stayed with her again.
After a little while it seemed that our oldest could do no right, our middle one could do no wrong and our youngest one didn’t exist, unless of course other people were around. I recognized it plain as day as how I grew up, and I just could not allow someone to do that to my kids. I could not allow my kids to give their hearts and unconditional love to someone who would turn them inside out like she had done me.
My middle child was diagnosed with ADHD. He was always extremely skinny and tall. The doctor said it was nothing to be concerned about because his weight would catch up with his height. I did not want to put him on medication because I didn’t feel comfortable with it, but he was not learning at school. As soon as we started the meds…that changed and he was catching up. During this time I got raked across the coals by not only her but Daddy about my son’s weight and him taking the meds. If he stayed with either of them he usually didn’t take the meds because if I sent them it would be a fight and a hassle that I just did not want to get into. I heard that she thought that I would not feed my child, I did not take care of my kids, and I allowed the TV to babysit them….unreal. My sitter lived behind her so that made it worst because then she said that my sitter was raising my kids and not me.
I finally had it…I went to visit her one day. She had a sewing box full of stuff that she was going to give me. Then she started in about my son and pointing out all the things I was doing wrong and how I was not a good mother. There was no explaining his condition to her. She would not listen to what the Dr said or how his educational achievement had improved. She was just letting me have it. Then she told me…and I kid you not…that he would grow up to be a retard and I would be responsible. I BLEW….I very nicely asked, “Why do you hate me so much? I have loved you unconditional, but you have done this to me all my life and I want to know why. What did I do to you?” She said she didn’t know what I was talking about that it was all in my head and everything had to revolve around me. We got into it and I told her I did not need any parenting tips from her because the last time I checked she didn’t get no Mother of the Year Award. I told her that I was not a fool and that Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister-in-Law saw how she did me. I told her I knew a lot more about things than she thought I knew. I knew she tried to pay Daddy to leave us. I told her she needed some serious medication for her mood swings and she told me if I wanted to see crazy to look in the mirror. I left all of the stuff there and left. I was furious, but I felt good because for the first time I stood up to her…for myself and for my kids. God knows no one else ever did or ever would. Daddy said he was glad and that he had told me for the longest time to stay away from her and I would not listen. Mom was surprised and thought it was great. To this day I wonder why they never did it for me when I was a kid. They admit it was not my imagination….they just couldn’t do it.
Her way of smoothing things over is to throw a check in the mail. Money fixes everything…but not this time. She sent my oldest his birthday check and I mailed it back to her unopened. She mailed us a Christmas card with a very large check and I sat down and penned her a letter. Put it in the envelope with the check and went and taped it to her door.
From the best of my memory my letter went:
Thanks but no thanks. Until you can start respecting me as an adult, mother and a granddaughter your money is not wanted nor needed. Until you love and recognize all three of my children your money is not wanted nor needed. If you ever do have a change of heart and would like to have a relationship with me where you can respect me as I respect you please come by or call and we will have coffee.
I have never heard from her.
So now I’m sitting at the gas station, 3 yrs later. My heart is racing and I’m watching her through the mirror. I want to take in the site of her because I DO love her and it‘s been so long since I‘ve seen her. She’s my Mamaw. I run in to get my things, very nervous about what type of reaction she will have if we bump into each other. I’m at the counter and in she walks. I look at her, smile and say “Hey”….she just nods. She pushes her buggy by me. Determined to try to talk to her I turn and say “How have you been?” She never stops….just says “Fine.” and walks by. As she walks by she pats my arm and says “I didn’t recognize you.” She never stopped. She never asked how things were. She never asked about her great grandchildren….she just kept walking.
I have no regrets. I stood up for myself and my kids. Nothing hurts worst than loving a family member that doesn’t love you back. I thought it was hurtful with her, but it was just a drop in the bucket compared to what I’m going through now. My parents never stood up for me….I wonder why. The only thing I can figure is that they felt so indebted to them both, didn’t want to upset Papaw and didn’t want to face her wrath. Sometimes it makes me angry and it hurts, but it’s ok. I stopped it with mine. I have good memories with her and those are the ones I hold onto and in my mind I pretend that she did love me and she just couldn’t control the other side of her personality. It’s sad that she never really knew who I was and her only idea of me is a person she made up in her mind. I loved her…I love her now and I hope that she is happy and well in all things.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My Personal Hell
Where do I begin to describe the place that I have found myself. It seems like just yesterday I had a precious blonde haired 4 yr old asking me to be his Mama, and now 14 years later I have lost my first born. He was not born from me but from my heart and part of it is now gone.
My little boy was the brightest, sweetest kid you could ever meet. He was everything to me, and I was so proud of what he had endured and overcome in his life. He lost his Mother at a young age but never let it define who he was. We had such high hopes for him and his future and our lives revolved around him. When he wanted to play baseball for a certain school we sold our house to get in that school district. He was so talented and we sunk tons of money into developing that talent. We tried to give him every opportunity to shine and become who he wanted to be.
What I'm dealing with has become so complex I don't know how to even put it all into words to describe. There are so many stories to tell...so much that leads up to how we got here. All I do know is that sometimes I feel I will either die of heartbreak or loose my sanity. I go to bed each night with him on my mind and wake up every morning with the same thoughts running through my mind...all thoughts of him and what he is becoming and what we all have become through him.
I figured I could write about it....maybe it would help sort things...help me get a grasp on reality and figure out what I can do to make things better or see where I went wrong. Noone reads this blog much anyway so why not use it for my own therapy? At this point I'm desperate and will try anything.
How can a girl twist a boy around so tight that she changes him as a person to the point that he lies, abandons his family and then destroys all that they love? How can family members that you are supposed to depend on undermind you at every turn then turn their backs on you like trash on the street....just based on what a kid says? How can your own father turn his back on you because of something a 18 yr old kid says to get his way and never once listen to what you say?
December 3, 2009 my blonde haired blue eyed baby boy turned 18. December 5th he walked out of our house and never came home. Since then my Dad turned his back on me, my brother has nothing to do with me, my husbands family does everything they can to encourage his behavior and drive a wedge as deep as possible. But this hell that we are living didn't start then...it started 3 years ago when she stepped into my driveway. Now it seems that we are living in hell and our walls are plastered with nothing but bad memories.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Man get a sitter or stay your butt at home!
I have to have a little rant.
Our neighbor has two young boys that are good friends with my son. One is in 7th grade and one in 4th....they are precious kids and ALL BOY. Their Mom ran off and left and their Dad is a single Dad. I have no idea what the reason was with her leaving. I heard she was bi-polar, on drugs and an alcoholic. I know she worked on a pole and one time got picked up for DUI when he was out of town and there was noone to get the kids. It's just a pitiful situation.
He has seemed like an attentive Dad for the most part and I always thought it was cool how he was raising his boys on his own because let's face it you just don't see that very often. Of course, I have gotten irritated when he asked if the boys could stay over while he went to lunch with someone but then didn't come back until 10 at night. BUT....he is a man.
I think I have changed my mind!
Last weekend my son wanted them to stay the night and I told him it wasn't a good night. The next day he told me I should have let them because the Dad "went out" and left them at home AND DID NOT COME HOME!! I asked him how the boys were and if they were scared and he said that they really got scared until he either called or showed up the next morning. He had "stayed in a motel with woman." How on earth could someone leave their children like that? By what my son says they didn't know where he was until the next morning.
So last night he asks for them to stay and my husband immediately says yes. Again, tonight the same situation. I said No at first, but then husband said the weather was going to possibly get bad and they didn't need to be alone. We can't help but think of them staying all alone at night and maybe their Dad not coming home. Our son says the youngest doesn't like being home alone at night. It's not our business but it just upsets me to no end. We let our son stay alone for short periods of time DURING THE DAY. We would never dream of leaving him alone at night.
So where do you draw the line....I don't know. What I DO know is I couldn't live with myself if something happened to those babies when I could have had them here. So I guess our weekends will now be full of children.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
A couple of weeks ago, actually February 12, I watched President Obama and Vice President Biden speak at a ceremony celebrating the anniversary of the passing of the stimulus plan. According to www.recover.gov , the stimulus plan, also known as The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, was created with the following goals in mind…
1)Create new jobs and save existing jobs
2)Create economic growth and invest in long term growth
3)Foster unprecedented levels of accountability and transparency in Government spending
In Obama’s speech he said, “I’m grateful that Congress agreed to my request that the bill include no earmarks; that all projects received funding based on their merits.” After hearing this I could not resist looking into this a bit more and obviously he didn’t read the bill that he signed his name to.
So I will list some of the pork that was pushed across the table…you decide if you think these things meet the above mentioned criteria from the governments website.
$219,000 was granted to study the sex lives of female college freshmen
$390,000 was granted to study malt liquor and weed
$221,355 to study why young men don’t like condoms
$787,250 was granted to a program to control home appliances from remote areas…this is a little creepy. Does this mean if I forget to turn my iron off that they may have the capability of doing so from a remote area. Will the possibility of this program allow someone from a remote area to decide if my house is too warm or cool and control my thermostat?
$21,116 for costumes for Bobber the Water Safety Dog
$943,190 terrorism prevention for a DINNER CRUISE COMPANY…uhhh what about the borders?
$1.57 million to search for fossils IN ARGENTINA
$88,000 for a Georgia road to be REPAVED…it was just paved 2 years ago…..the people studying the malt liquor and weed must have come up with this one.
$233,825 is going to study exit polling in Africa
$122,000 to provide fish art for a highway
$2 million was granted for a bike trail to be built when the adjoining road needs work.
$30,000 was granted to study meth and the female rat sex drive and they gave $8408 to study the effects of alcohol on mice
$100,000 was provided to conduct Anti-Capitalist, socially-conscious puppet show….this really burns me up.
$210,000 was needed to help study learning patterns of honey bees, while $90,000 was given to help “learning to cooperate” while observing birds
$2 million was given to a fire station that can’t afford to employ any firemen.
$1.5 million will be or was used to restore a lighthouse living quarters and oil shed on an uninhabited island.
$8 million is used for a Wastewater Treatment Center with a “Talking Water Garden”. Because of this new elaborate treatment center local residents will be facing an increase in sewer rates to pay for the new system.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Things in our world seem so serious these days. I just needed some relief and could not pass up the opportunity to post some of these hilariously DUMB laws.
In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake moustache in Church that causes laughter. You may also not flick boogers in the wind, not carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket. You CAN drive the wrong way on a one way street as long as you attach a lantern to the front of your automobile.
If you want to practice voodoo in Louisiana you must do it outside of city limits. While driving to the area outside city limits to cast your spells you can let your wife drive, but you must walk in front of her carrying a flag.
Please do not plan to hunt whales in Kansas as it is against the law.
It’s also illegal to hunt whales in Ohio, but only on Sundays. You also may not fish while intoxicated. Installation and use of slot machines in outhouses is also permitted….DARN!
It’s a No-No to push a moose from a moving airplane in Alaska.
Sleepy? Don’t get caught sleeping on a refrigerator in Pittsburgh, Pa. It is against the law. A special cleaning ordinance was also passed banning homemakers from sweeping any dirt under the rug in a dwelling. Wives must send a note with their husbands enabling them to purchase alcohol and beware…singing in a bathtub is illegal.
If you go to Texas and decide to have a beer make sure you are sitting. It is illegal to take more than 3 sips of beer while standing. It is also illegal to release any obnoxious odors in an elevator.
If you need a blue light bulb you will have to travel to another state other than Arkansas. You will also need to keep your alligator somewhere other than the bathtub since it is illegal to keep them there. Make sure your dogs are muzzled if you live in Little Rock because they are not allowed to bark after 6 p.m.
You may not be able to drink and fish in Ohio, but there is no law against it in Idaho….you just can’t fish from a camels back!!
In Massachusetts you may NOT give beer to hospital patients. You also may not allow a guerilla to ride in the back seat of any vehicle. Taxi drivers are not allowed to make love in the front seat of their taxis while during their shift….Aw…where’s the ACLU on that one??
For more outrageous funnies go to:
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Today I write with a heavy heart and lots of concern for the direction of our country. Since Obama took office it seems that our whole country has started turning inside out and it is beginning to become very frightening.
Healthcare Reform….has been the main focus for the past year and looks as if it will be passed regardless of the people’s voice. This is a bill that Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, said that we needed to pass so we could find out what was in it. Just last night the President admitted that he did not really know what was in it. So my question is if THEY don’t know what is in it. then how do they know it’s the right thing to do for the country? We could have God knows what strapped to our backs and the backs of our children and grandchildren for years to come because this President was determined to pass Healthcare Reform now. In saying that, I’m not saying it’s not an honorable goal. I believe there are many things that need to be reformed and fixed, but why shove something through just to say it was done “on my watch” when it may not be the best thing for the people of this country?
I am a citizen that has to be worried about healthcare. As of today I am wrestling with the decision to cancel my coverage because after it is deducted from my check I may not be able to pay my utilities or keep my house running. If you knew my family you would understand WHY this is a difficult decision to make. My daughter has childhood epilepsy, I have fibromyalgia….and sometimes I think everyone else in my family needs to wrapped in bubble wrap before getting out of the bed. So I’m not one who has financial security or even has a little left over each paycheck. We have taken some hard hits this past year and finances are tight, but I still think it is wrong to strap my healthcare issues to the backs of my neighbors.
Other than being concerned about what exactly is IN the bill, I’m extremely concerned about this “slaughter” method that they plan to use and push it through in the event they do not have enough votes. Article 1 Section 7 of the United States Constitution says:
Clause 1: All bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with Amendments as on other Bills.
Clause 2: Every Bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a Law, be presented to the President of the United States; If he approves he shall sign it, but if not he shall return it, with his Objections to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the Objections at large on their Journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If after such Reconsideration two thirds of that House shall agree to pass the Bill, it shall be sent, together with the Objections, to the other House, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two thirds of that House, it shall become a Law. But in all such cases the votes of both Houses shall be determined by Yeas and Nays, and the Names of the persons voting for and against the Bill shall be entered on the Journal of each House respectively. If any Bill shall not be returned by the President within ten Days (Sunday excepted) after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be a Law, in like manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress by their adjournement prevent its Return, in which Case it shall not be a Law.
Clause 3: Every Order, Resolution, or Vote to which the concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary (except on a question of Adjournment) shall be presented to the President of the United States; and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives, according to the Rules and Limitations prescribed in the Case of a Bill.
After reading the Constitution it seems pretty clear to me that this Bill is supposed to pass the House first then be sent to the Senate. From what I understand, and I could be wrong, they intend to only pass the Bill through the Senate because they may not have enough votes in the House. I have heard that Republicans and Democrats say that there is a provision of some sort or a loophole in which they can do this, but with something as important and huge as this you would think they would want to do it on the “up and up”. This just doesn’t seem to be on the “up and up”. This method does not resonate the American ideals….or maybe it’s just my old American ideals.
The Constitution does not guarantee healthcare coverage, jobs or wealth. It does, however, guarantee to support the rights given to us by GOD for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We must make an effort to pursue what we need and stop waiting on someone to bail us out. Look for a hand up and not a hand out. I wish with every fiber of my being that our Representatives, who we elected to represent us, will start speaking out for us and the good of our country. Let’s slow down and do this right even if it means we have to fix things in stages and by category. Let's actually read the bill this time so there are no suprises and no suprise add ons for pet projects. Lets stop being Republicans and Democrats with personal agendas and be Americans.
I decided to start copying my other blog over to Mrs. S.....I sure hope I'm doing it right.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Prepping....have you heard of it?
This past November...the day after Thanksgiving to be exact...I got very sick. Of course, being the shopper and seeker of deals that I am, I tried to tough it out and go on the ritual Black Friday Shopping Trip with my Mom. I was home and in bed by 9 am. After thrahing around in the bed wondering if I would live, then rolling around begging to die....my husband took me to the Dr. to find that I had a pretty severe case of Swine Flu. The bout was particularly nasty and I can honestly say I have NEVER been so sick. Swine Flu turned to Pneumonia and before I knew it school would be letting out for Christmas Break and I had missed all but 3 days between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break.
So here's what I'm slowly inching towards.....how did everybody stay on track here? Husband was swamped trying to work and take care of all three kids. One thing he did not have to worry with was groceries and "supplies".
I have always had this little "thing" inside me that motivated me to always be prepared for anything. Weather, Current Events....any scenario and since I was young I have even imagined different scenarios in my head and how I would respond. A couple of years ago I had an urge to get my ducks in a row. This "urge" was very strong and urgent. Luckily I listened to that small voice.
It wasn't long after I started experiencing this urge that we started having some financially difficult times. These financially difficult times were our own doings....trying to keep up with the Joneses...trying to give our kids everything they wanted and even things they hadn't thought of yet. I can say that my view and priorities have changed drastically. With our crumbling economy and doomsday daily news you would have to have your head stuck in the sand to not know something is coming down the pike. I know some people who say..."Well, I don't want to know what is going on...there's nothing I can do about it." or "It's out of our control...no point in worrying about it." This is so far from the truth.
There are a lot of things that are out of our hands, but taking care of our families are not. Now before you get the wrong idea....a "prepper" is not always the fanatic that thinks we will be nuked tommorrow and builds a bomb shelter in the backyard. A "prepper" is someone who wants to be prepared to care for his/her family in any given situation which could be a weather event (think about Katrina), a financial hardship, or a total breakdown or society. I, personally, do not care to trust the Government to provide for my family in the event of any trouble.
There are small things that you can do to prep. When you go to the grocery store and you catch a really good sale...pick up a couple of extra items. Organize your medicine cabinets and see what you have. Do you have some OTC items if you had to deal with the flu? There is nothing worst than having to go out in the night for meds. If your power was to go out for a day or more what would you do?
With things the way that they are today we would have to be crazy to not think about some of these things. Of course, some of them are not pleasant. Of course, some scenarios may not ever happen, but what does it hurt to be prepared just in case? I'd rather have extra supplies on hand and nothing happen than nothing on hand and all hell break loose. I'm not loosing anything by doing so and nothing is going to waste.
Oh...when I got sick...I went to the grocery store that week before Thanksgiving to stock up on sale items with my coupons. I did not make another real grocery run again until January. It was one less thing my husband had to worry about. He didn't even have to worry about the juice or sprite for me because I knew flu season was coming so I put some up....just in case.
I have recently found a new hobby that I can easily see myself become very compulsive about.....COUPONS!!!
In the past I read about how people got items free, how they GOT MONEY BACK....I just couldn't figure out how this worked and never took the time to figure it out until this past week. A friend on facebook mentioned how much money she saved on a trip to Kroger after reading on a site called couponmom.com. So after checking it out and reading the free PDf download, and consulting wtih my friend SUZ....I decided to download some coupons and give it a shot. Why on earth I never did this before I don't know but all I can say is thank the Good Lord in Heaven for pointing me in the right direction with people to explain the method!!!
My first trip to Kroger with Coupons...
3 tubs of Koolaid
2 tubs of Country Time Lemonade
2 bowls of Kraft microwaveable bowls of mac n cheese
1 box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese
1 bottle of Kraft BBQ sauce
1 bottle of Kraft Ranch Dressing
Total amt for the above purchase $5.83!!!!!
If I could find some more of the same coupons I could get more of the same....just can't get them to print again!! So now I am making coupon clipping part of my prepping plan and daily life.
Just when you thought it was safe to click on the upside down picture of OBL on the Drudge Report last weekend....I sure hope you did NOT do it like we did...there was a most evil computer virus embedded in that. It ate my computer. It installed some malware called INternet Securite 2010, and then when we tried with some professional grade disinfectant to clean the drive, it nuked our access to it. In fact when we gave the drive to a friend of a friend in the biz, so to speak, it managed a cross-platform, cross-OS lock up of his Por MAC unit...they're not supposed to be able to do THAT!
We knew it was bad, when our IT friend said, "Wow...I've never seen THAT before!".
We had to get a new machine...luckily we had been planning on upgrading anyway, just not then. Oh well.
The last thing we saw before they nuked the drive was rambler.ru which is a russian domain. So we blame the Russkies for this.
Lesson learned? Don't visit the Drudge Report any more. Too bad, but that's twice now we got hit from thier site, so it's now off limits. Have to get our news elsewhere.
One of my favorite Christmas Presents this year was bought with my Christmas money from my Grandmother and Mother. A series of videos from Franklin Springs.
I have enjoyed these videos so much that I wanted to share them with my friends and give them my recommendation. They deal with candle making, soap making, canning, gardening, cooking, herbs, etc...
I also have enjoyed visiting their web page as well. They really are a delightful family, a Mom and her three daughters living out a life that many of us dream of.
One thing that I found particularly interesting was the Hand Milling of Soap. My husband wants to try the pickled eggs. One of my boys wants to try the 'easiest potato bed' they demonstrated. The girls really want to try the candle dipping. They've encouraged me to try again with my herb gardening next year. Really cool videos!
Friday, April 9, 2010
The True Beginning of my life
I can honestly say that my life truly began the night I met my husband. I can honestly say I did not want anything to do with the man. I was divorced and had plans to finish my education and get out of this town. I was struggling with the left over baggage from a bad marriage and trying to figure out who I was on my own.
My friend told me about this guy...she was dating his friend and they said that he wanted to meet me. Like I said I was not interested because he had a lot of baggage that I wanted NO PART of. So I was nice...they introduced us and I was NOT impressed. He had several drinks, was grating on my last nerve and some how they conned me into driving the fool to the next stop "to meet them". They never showed up! I told him I'd take him home and when we got there he invited me in...now this is the part where I was supposed to say "Thanks but I gotta go." For some reason I said Ok.
I went in and there on the floor. under a Barney blanket was a little blonde haired boy. I couldn't see his face just the blonde hair. Part of me said "Girl, get your butt in the car..." but again something kept me there. This guy who had grated on my last nerve proceeded to sit down and start talking about what they had been through, and I could not help but sit and listen. I had heard the story...everyone in town knew about it...and I could not bring myself to leave. This obnoxious character changed before my very eyes to a lost, desperatley devastated soul.
My husband was married to a girl who, from what I have been told, was a great person. I did not know her, but we did go to the same school. From what I had been told, they were together constantly and you never saw one without the other. They had a child...the angel that was sleeping under the Barney blanket. They played softball together on co-ed teams and had a seemingly normal life. Then she got sick.
I remember reading about her in the paper. I remember seeing flyers up all over town with pictures of her and her baby. She was missing, but the story was a devastating one that touched me to the core when he told it.
He said she had gotten sick, but he didn't realize how sick she was because she hid it. He knew something was wrong but she downplayed it, and he took her at her word. She had Cushings Disease. He worked, came home played with C*, then went to bed. (She handled everything else and that was all he had to do.) He said this one particular morning, they got up and got dressed just like every other morning. They joked and talked about what they would do after work. They told each other they loved each other and went on about their day. She was supposed to be going to another Dr. apt and was getting C* ready for school. Late that afternoon he got a call from the daycare asking who would pick C* up because noone ever showed up. He was the last one there. He said that was way out of the ordinary and went straight to get him. She never came home. From this point phone calls were made, people gathered, people searched...she never turned up. His sister came home from out of state to help, and he soon found himself being questioned. He said he had no problem with it because he wanted to find her, but it soon seemed he was the prime suspect. There was no note...nothing to indicate why she would not come home...and she never made it to her appointment. The story made the paper and the news...but still no leads.
About a week and a half to two weeks later there were some boys riding four wheelers in the woods in the north county and they came across a car...with her in it. Her father had hunted out there and she went there to take her life. He said when the cops came back down the drive he was on the lawnmower (thats what he does when he is stressed) and he just kept cutting. His sister came to him and he asked if they were going to take him back down to the jail again. She told him no that it was over. At first he didn't realize "over" meant "over" and wanted to know where she was. Of course, a thorough investigation was done and it was determined that it was 100% suicide but the questions still lingered of why?
He then had to explain to C* that Mommy was not coming home and plan a funeral. Because she had taken care of everything he was a bit lost with what to do with C*. He said his sister wanted to take him but he wouldn't allow it. He said he would not let his son go...he belonged to him and he was going to raise him.
When I met him this was only a few months after all of this had happened. This man looked like a scarecrow...he was so thin and he had hollowed-out dark holes under his eyes. He said, "I don't know..I just don't know.." constantly. The obnoxious Gomer Pyle-imitating jerk wasn't really a jerk at all. As I listened to him tell this story it broke my heart and my troubles weren't so bad. He asked if I would please come play with his little boy the next day and I said "Sure". I drove home that night in tears. That poor baby...left at that daycare...waiting on his Mama. That poor husband listening to that Trace Adkins song "Every Light in the House is On"...waiting on his wife to come home...trying to figure out what was going on and how to answer his little boy's questions.
The next day I went over as I promised and the cutest little boy I had ever laid eyes on walked out the door to meet me. He had the blondest hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He had a smile that melted my heart like butter!! I fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him, and I had never felt anything like that in my life. There are no words to describe how I felt about him that day other than it was the equivalent of how I felt later when my other two babies were born. This little boy ate more popsicles than I had ever seen. We played, watched TV and I told them I would be back again the next day to cook for them. He sure seemed to need someone to talk to and that little boy needed some real food. That day turned into two then three and before I realized it I was over there everyday. We talked about everything and I loved on that little boy like nobodies business.
Before I knew it I found myself falling for this guy and man did I feel guilty. I mean he had just lost his wife, and I figured I had for sure lost my mind. We never even sat next to each other...me on the couch...he in the recliner. I debated what to do because I was too close and I didn't want to get hurt, but for the first time I felt like someone needed me and I had long since fallen in love with that little boy. I told him that one day when and if he moved on, he would need to make sure that whoever he made a life with accepted his son as her own...no if, ands, buts about it. I never dreamed I'd be the one. One night we were sitting and talking, he in the recliner and me on the floor and he kissed me. I remember it like yesterday. It was the most electrifying kiss I have ever had in my life...then he said "I love you" and HELLO...before I knew it I said it back. I kicked myself all the way home and had three panic attacks. What on earth was I thinking??? I swore those words wouldn't come out of my mouth again to ANYBODY and here I was saying it to this guy who was probably confused because of his trauma???
Well, there was no confusion. From that day we were inseperable and were very open and honest about our feelings and concerns. I had never been so happy. Of course, people talked, but I knew the truth about how things had happened. My Mom was so upset and concerned for me. She didn't want me getting hurt or people saying things about me. My Dad on the other hand told me, "If you find love grab it with both hands and don't let go." And I did.
I brought them to my parents house and of course they instantly fell in love with C*. It was an instant bond just like it had been with me. Shortly..very shortly afterwards we were engaged and within two to three months MARRIED!!
While we were engaged C* would ask "Can I call you Mama?" or "Are you my Mama now?" I told him the day his Dad and I married he could call me anything he wanted to.
The day we married was the happiest day of my life...God sent me a man that truly loved me and I become a Mama. "Mama"....the sweetest gift given to me that day was to hear my little boy call my name.
My blog won't let me post a date past 2009. Still haven't figured out how to correct it. Oh well, life is not boring.
DH, DS#2 and I just returned home, from DD#2's home, last night. We went up there last Wed, and had a wonderful visit with the family. The grandchildren are getting so big (almost 10 and almost 5). On Sat. evening, we went to the National Geographic Museum to see the "TerraCotta Warriors" from China. What a wonderful exhibit! It was amazing to see all these amazing artifacts from 200 -300 B.C. and the workmanship was inspiring. What was a little distressing at the exhibit, was the rudeness of some of the folks. DSIL was carrying a sleeping DGS, and had people run into him, or cut in front of him - and not even say "excuse me". While visiting I was able to finish the sllipcover I started last June for their dining room chair and made a slipcover for the other dining room chair, and also hemmed a pair of pants for DGD. DH helped DGD make an "Anne Frank" wooden spoon doll for a class assignment. We also got to attend a play practice for DGD's play (we won't be able to attend), and DGS's gymnastic's class. DD made some great dishes, and I'm going to have to get her recipes. I was dragging today, but did get the laundry caught up, and also the ironing. DS#1 and DDIL and one of their friends, DS#2 and DD#3and DGS all came for dinner tonight. I opened up 2 quarts of my spaghetti sauce and cooked up some pasta, made a salad and corn and had ice cream and cookies for dessert. I'm going to have to close and get some sleep. Tomorrow while DD#3 works, I'll be babysitting her almost 3 yr old. He is such a joy, but is also quite energetic.
Take care, everyone!
P.S. I'm trying to get around the software to let me post in 2010, but no luck so far. So, I'm letting the computer think I'm posting the last day of Dec. Boy, I have so much to learn about computers!
I'm also ashamed to see that I haven't posted since Sept. One reason is just not being inspired to write, and another is shortage of free time (like everyone else, I know).
Right now I'm fighting a bad cold/crud ??? So, this may not be coherent.
Last weekend, we were snowed/iced in, but did have power, thank you Lord!
It was just DH and myself as youngest DD and DGS were at her boyfriend's (father of DGS) home.
It was so nice and peaceful. DH had the crud, so he had time to rest and I had time to work on a prayer quilt.
I had cleaned the house on Friday, and it stayed cleaned. When we would be snowed in with the kids all still at home, I would spend the whole time, cooking, baking (kids well fed were happy kids - lol)and doing laundry (every time they would come in from playing in the snow - didn't want to have wet clothes laying around if the power would go out). We tried to go to church on Sunday, but couldn't get down the hill, so we came home and read the Scriptures for the day. Today, we still have some snow on the ground but the temp is above freezing and the sun is shining. I'm still working on the prayer quilt, but it is closer to being finished. Funny story about this quilt. Back in Dec. while DH was having a physical, I sat in the waiting room and worked on a prayer quilt for a friend from church who will be having open heart surgery tomorrow. This little old white haired lady with a walker came over to see what I was doing. She said, I wish I could have a prayer quilt. I took a deep breath, then told her I wouldn't be able to work on one for her till Jan.; and asked her what color she likes "blue". I wrote her name and phone number down in my planner, and hope to be able to call her next week to arrange a time to meet to give her the quilt. DH asked me if she is coherent enough to remember that she wanted a quilt. I said if she doesn't want it, I know that God will have someone ready to use it. Never a dull moment around here.
DH will be 61 in a couple of weeks and it looks like we will be making home made pizza for his birthday dinner. Just not sure what day we will get to celebrate it - logistics are a little daunting to try to get the whole family all together.
I have started making the artisan bread in 5 minutes or less a day, and the family really likes it. The last two sets of dough I used wheat flour that I ground myself. I used 1 cup whole wheat flour and 5 1/2 cups unbleached flour the first time, and 2 cups whole wheat flour and 4 1/2 cups unbleached flour the second time. Both very good, and soooo very easy!
I was at WalMart a couple of weeks ago, and they had heirloom seeds "Ferry Morse"brand I think. They were $2/pkg. I bought 10 pkgs, and can't wait for Spring and getting the garden in.
Last year, at Lowes, we bought the AeroGarden and accessories on clearance. We are eating lettuce from it and are growing tomatoes. DD#3 set it up for me over Christrmas. (We had also bought one for her and they were already using theirs and loving it). If I can find it on clearance again, I would buy another one to start seeds with.
Enough rambling. Take care everyone!
I have no idea where the computer will post this blog, as I still can't use the correct date.
Where did the summer go??? I can't believe that Sept. is next week. DH and I, with some help from our kids, have been redoing our home. We started with our hall bathroom (took down the popcorn ceiling, ripped up the vinyl, took out the vanity, medicine cabinet, toilet, wallpaper border and towel fixtures. DS#1 laid down ceramic tile, and helped DH install the vanity, faucet, toilet and backsplash, and DS#2 helped DH install the floor molding, and DDIL painted the room and ceiling. It came out so wonderful! Then, we took down the popcorn ceilings in the hallway, living room, kitchen and two of the three bedrooms, and our master bathroom. We also painted all those rooms. It was soooo long overdue. We just have our bedroom and bath to do. But, DS#1 is in graduate school and I don't know when he will have the time to tile our bathroom floor. DH can install the new vanity and toilet and paint the room; but feels unsure about the tiling. We may try and take down the popcorn ceiling in our Master Bedroom, maybe next week???, and then paint the room.
I did get to can 10 pints of tomato sauce, and hope to can some ground beef later today. I need to close and do some sewing while DD#3 and GS are out doing errands. I'm hoping to get serious with my canning, starting next week.
Well, enough rambling. Everyone have a great weekend! Looking forward to seeing everyone at Darlene's, and all those who won't be able to come, you will be missed.
For some reason, although it's Feb. 14, 2010, the computer won't let me post with the 2010 date. So...I've given the date as day and month in 2009.
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Living in a small house has its disadvantages. There never seems to be enough space for *anything*.
At one time there was a basement pantry/ shelf-type thing along the basement stairs, but my husband says it was torn out in the 80's. You could tell something was there, for there was painted space...but sadly, no shelves.
We solved that problem temporarily with a particle board pantry and a plastic shelving unit. It was fabulous until our cats discovered they could hop from the stairs to the top of the cabinets and 'people watch' what was happening in the laundry room on the other side...and oh gee, if something got knocked off the shelves in the process, it was a pure accident.
So, in sealing the basement, we have enclosed the stairs (much to the cat's chagrin) and built a lovely pantry space. Pure bliss! It's a lovely maple wood that be echoed in the rest of the room as we complete this laundry/ bath/ storage space.
So, right before Thanksgiving (of course *before* the holidays!) I had to gut the pantry, move the shelves, and have all my stuff in boxes.
NO MORE! This past week, the pantry was DONE! Hooray!
I happily filled it and thought of the poem by Keats. It is such a thrill to have ONE THING done in the basement for storage....I've grown to dread this never-ending cycle of remodeling that comes when you buy an older home.
Classically, though, I have found the cure for dread to be hope. So, rather than be overwhelmed with dread, I've learned to revel in the small things and take extreme joy whenever I can in whatever I can. This week, my joy was the pantry. For months, my pantry items have sat hidden in boxes. No more. Everything has a place. Truth be told, I could use another wall full of pantry shelves, but for now, it is sheer, unadulterated bliss.
True, there are some who won't appreciate this, but it's my pantry and I love it. I love it for all it's four shelves that are 15" high and 25" deep and for its maple polished beauty...for it's smooth finished edges and secure non-wobbly, non-warped shelves, I love it for it's PERMANENCE. It's not temporary, it's built INTO our home. It's not some press-board cabinet made by underpaid workers in a third world country and shipped to a mega-mart. It was lovingly made by hand, making sure the walls were straight and true (as true as you can get in an 80 year old house).
I'm sure there will come a day when I have to leave this beautiful thing, but for now, I'm seriously groovin' on my pantry.
Keats was right - beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder, it can be that which causes us to stop and smile and sigh - joy in our hearts forever.
Enjoy the poem & the pics!
A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever
by John Keats
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon,
Trees old, and young, sprouting a shady boon
For simple sheep; and such are daffodils
With the green world they live in; and clear rills
That for themselves a cooling covert make
'Gainst the hot season; the mid-forest brake,
Rich with a sprinkling of fair musk-rose blooms:
And such too is the grandeur of the dooms
We have imagined for the mighty dead;
All lovely tales that we have heard or read:
An endless fountain of immortal drink,
Pouring unto us from the heaven's brink.
Nor do we merely feel these essences
For one short hour; no, even as the trees
That whisper round a temple become soon
Dear as the temple's self, so does the moon,
The passion poesy, glories infinite,
Haunt us till they become a cheering light
Unto our souls, and bound to us so fast
That, whether there be shine or gloom o'ercast,
They always must be with us, or we die.
Therefore, 'tis with full happiness that I
Will trace the story of Endymion.
The very music of the name has gone
Into my being, and each pleasant scene
Is growing fresh before me as the green
Of our own valleys: so I will begin
Now while I cannot hear the city's din;
Now while the early budders are just new,
And run in mazes of the youngest hue
About old forests; while the willow trails
Its delicate amber; and the dairy pails
Bring home increase of milk. And, as the year
Grows lush in juicy stalks, I'll smoothly steer
My little boat, for many quiet hours,
With streams that deepen freshly into bowers.
Many and many a verse I hope to write,
Before the daisies, vermeil rimmed and white,
Hide in deep herbage; and ere yet the bees
Hum about globes of clover and sweet peas,
I must be near the middle of my story.
O may no wintry season, bare and hoary,
See it half finished: but let Autumn bold,
With universal tinge of sober gold,
Be all about me when I make an end!
And now at once, adventuresome, I send
My herald thought into a wilderness:
There let its trumpet blow, and quickly dress
My uncertain path with green, that I may speed
Easily onward, thorough flowers and weed.
This has been a very busy Birthday week for our family. DD#2 was Tuesday, DGS#1 was Wed, DD#1 was Thursday. Today we'll have DGS's party - pizza and cake. It continually amazes me how fast the years go by! It's also so exciting to see our children and grandchildren grow up and be such fantastic and caring adults and for the little ones to be so amazed at the world around them. We are so blessed, and I am so thankful!
Today is a beautiful day - sunny and blue skies. DH has next Friday off, and since we won't be at church till evening, we hope to work on the yard and plant some mums, etc. DH loves for the yard to be in bloom for Easter. Some years, we have even resorted to putting silk flowers out in the gardens since the weather wasn't cooperating. We also plan to add another container garden to the 2 existing ones and maybe another bucket or two for some more tomatoes.
Have a blessed day, everyone!
We love cranberries in all forms. This thanksgiving, we had both a turkey and a ham (I am allergic to turkey). So I made cranberry apricot sauce. It turned out fabulous. I canned up the extra and have 9 beautifully sealed bright red jars of the stuff. I figure that is one for a month for most of the year. Yipee!
I have also been making Pear sauce with a hint of apple. Every time I open ajar, A eats the whole thing. I can tell that next fall I will need to make alot more of this stuff. He could easily eat a jar a week, so I will need at least 52 jars next year. Gee, I wonder exactly how many pounds of pears and apples that would be....
Yesterday we went to the local LDS cannery. We had heard that you dont need to be LDS to purchase there....
I really hope that I won't now get inundated with missionaries because I am happy in my own religion. I do have to say though that there are some things that the Mormons do very well, preparing is one of them. After growing up in Utah and seeing how in times of need the church can mobilize their people and avert disasters, I am impressed. I just do not subscribe to the same religious beliefs.
Anyway,so we picked up Mylar bags and oxygen absorbers. Now I want to start putting away Sorghum, Milletand Quinoa, the GF grains that we use. They do not offermuch in the way of GF foods at the cannery. They did have Rice, (I already have some of that on our own) and oatmeal, but that often has cross contamination issues, so we use GF oatmeal which I will slowly gather. And of course, we are corn free, so we need to stay away from thier corn products.
We did however pick up 1 (#10) can of Black beans, 1 can White beans, 2 cans apples, 2 cans carrots, and 2 cans potato flakes, 2 dry onions,and 1 salt. Their prices are much better than any I have found online. I am hoping to pick up more and to start using this stuff in my household cooking and storage as well. I am currently trying to find recipes and such to help me learn about cooking with my storage.
yesterday we stopped at a store for a few essentials. I just got back from a trip out of the country and my DH was living it up while we were gone, eating nothing but junk food. So we needed to get some real foods,,, when we left the store, I made one more stop at the local salvage store on the way home and happened to pick up a few tuna tins and a few spams. Anyway, at home, my DH said to me how we messsed up because the one thing we forgot to pick up was something for the storage. He was lecturing me that since we had decided to build up a storage, we needed to pick up something for it every time we went shopping. I had to chuckle and told him about the few tins I had stopped to pick up.
Some might have wondered why I haven't been posting or writing here in this forum.
It was all part of my grand experiment.
So, you will be seeing less of me, as the experiment showed me that not being in this forum makes me happier and I accomplish more and feel better.
This place does not build me up. It's sick and dysfunctional and censored. It's crippling to be here, like walking on eggs with crutches. I love many people, but I don't love being here anymore.
I tried, and prayed, and really honestly put my heart into posting for a couple of years.
So...it's been "nice" but I've moved past the hurt of being here and will no longer post to the blog and will only post occasionally to the boards.
The experiment, by the way, was a grand success. I found out who my real friends were, LOL
Nope, that's not typo, I meant what I said.... FUNNEL VISION .
I woke up this morning a little weary, feeling like I'd never get everything done that I needed to get done. Ya' know?
Nothing was terribly wrong, I just felt like I had about 5,000 too many things to do and felt convinced that no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn't be enough. My head was hurting, the children were wanting breakfast, my brain was frozen or muddled or overheated or something...and I just couldn't think straight. I was considering an outright pity party, wishing I could go back to bed and starting to feel very aggravated at everything and everyone around me. Being honest here.
I pulled out a box of cereal that I keep stuck away for just such mornings. The big boys passed out the bowls and poured the milk while I tried to gather myself, my thoughts and my attitude! I started piddlin' in the kitchen, organizing this and that when I decided to put some things in storage containers that needed to be done. It was that kind of mindless activity that you can do when you really don't want to do anything at all.
This is where the funnel came in. Pouring things from very large containers to smaller containers often calls for a funnel. I pulled out the appropriate one and went about my task. After a few minutes I found myself getting good and aggravated (once again). The funnel kept clogging up, for no good reason that I could tell. I was pouring granules, there was plenty of room for them to pass through and there wasn't a moisture problem. I grew quite frustrated (having already entered into this thing frustrated to begin with) and finally tossed the funnel into the sink, determined that I would just do it without it.
This was a big mistake, oh the mess and the waste of the spilled granules. I cleaned up the work area, retrieved my funnel, took and deep breath and began again. This is when I got FUNNEL VISION!
It seems to me that one of the sweetest parts of walking with the Lord is having Him speak to You, teach you a lesson, point out a truth...at a very common place moment, doing a very common place thing. And that is just what He did. With the FUNNEL VISION, I could now easily see the problem and the solution as well as an added bonus.
Even though the funnel was ample sized and the granules could pass through undeterred...if I poured them too fast, got in a hurry, they just bottle necked and stopped the whole progress. So, that was the problem. If I slowed down JUST a BIT, the problem was instantly solved and a good steady progress was made. So, that was the solution. And the bonus? I discovered that if I angled the funnel every so slightly so that the granules hit the side of the funnel, they went down even more smoothly and quickly. So, that was the bonus.
In the very instant that I had my FUNNEL VISION, I learned a life lesson, that helped me face my day.
There is nothing that the Lord has given me to do, assigned to me, or made me responsible for that I am not equipped (by His Grace) to do. BUT, sometimes I need to step back, take a deep breath and start again. Having done that, I need to pace myself, pay attention to the timing and rhythm of the Holy Spirit in my days and as a bonus...just like the leaning funnel...I need to be flexible, take a different position and allow the Lord to deflect some of the impact of life's downpours before I have to funnel them into my own container of a 24 hour day.
So, if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, incapable or 'weary in well doing'...ask the Lord for a little FUNNEL VISION and you'll soon be back on track.
You hear that an awful lot when you live out in the country with a pond and creek and a few acres!
Like today, my middle son brought me the cutest little turtle. Yesterday my oldest son brought me a humongous wood beetle. There have been collections of army ants, crickets, grasshoppers and frogs (even tadpoles). But Monday they really lucked up and found ....
Well, we don't have a cat or a kitten and they just thought this was a DANDY addition to the menagerie. This kitten was meticulously groomed, smelled like perfume, clean and brushed. Was sure that this was someones lost pet and told the kids so. But, that was over four days ago, we've called the Animal Shelter and the local vet, left numbers and watched for posted flyers. No luck.
I haven't posted a sign anywhere because I'm not comfortable putting my # out in public (crazy folks are out there...ya' know?).
I did my best to determine boy or girl. I'm 95% sure it's a boy and now the name debate has started.
First, we thought of Puff, since we've been reading a lot of Dick and Jane lately. Then, I talked to my grandmother yesterday ( a real treat for me ) and she said, "If its a Tom Cat, you're suppose to call him Tom!" So, one son is all for Tom as he likes Tom and Jerry cartoons. The girls are still liking Puff.
I then thought about Sylvester, but my youngest boys said they could NEVER remember a hard name like that!
Plus....I'm soooo sure that this is a boy...but what if I'm wrong, I'm not exactly a cat expert. So I was trying to think of something more gender neutral. If I thought is was a girl, I would have named it Lydia...just looks like a Lydia to me.
Finally the two big boys said, how about SAM, you like Sam from the Lord of the Rings, and if it happens to be a girl...that's just short for Samantha.
I think they have a point! But...I'm still thinking. (Of course an owner could show up at any point. )