Hi everyone. I've kind of dropped the 'blog ball' here lately. Actually, haven't been posting much even on the board. I feel a bit disconnected.
I think this started with my 9 day trip to Arkansas. I was there with only one of my children and he is 13, so able to take care of himself for the most part. I ran the roads with my mom and sister, shopping, taking mom to therapy, visiting my grandmother. I was a free spirit. I had no time constraints to speak of, no one pulling on my skirt tail, vying for my attention and very little house work to do. I talked with grownup people about grown up things. I had the best of both worlds, my cake and eating it too, for those nine days.
Then, I came home and was smothered with hugs and kisses of the best sort. Found myself laughing at the corny jokes and silly antics of my children. Rolled up my sleeves and tackled the results of a house left with a husband and 6 children for over a week, started cooking like a wild woman, and giving my best effort to bring order back into my world.
I think I may be in some kind of culture shock. Two such different worlds and enjoying them both immensely has kind of thrown me off kilter. I don't think I'm adjusting so well.
You know what I found out in Arkansas, so many things that are a BIG DEAL in my Alabama life aren't a big deal in my mom's life. She doesn't give much thought to food. Oh they have plenty and it is very tasty, but a dish of whatever will last several days. Me, I think about food constantly. With seven children, you just have to! Not just keeping them fed and tummies full, but nutrition and cost are big factors too.
Housework is not a BIG DEAL with my mom either, she stays on top of it, never letting it get out of control. HERE, well let me just tell you it is a constant battle, CONTSTANT! I try to stay on top of things, but well, mostly it seems to stay on top of me. The kids helps and we all work together as a family, but it's just a LOT of dishes, laundry, bodies!!
While I enjoyed seeing my family very much, before the visit was over I was longing for home, for my life of chaos. I found myself feeling out of sorts and anxious to get on the road and get back to my world.
Now, a week has passed since I returned and I find that I am still adjusting. So, I'm just feeling a little quiet as I work it all out in my mind and heart. I keep thinking of tht old saying, you can never go back home. I also am trying to come to grips with the fact that my family lives perfectly wonderful lives completely separate from me. And of course, the same applies to me.
Well, I'm rambling, but maybe someone knows what I mean. Being alone with my family lIke I was for those nine days was kind of bitter sweet. As I drove the hundreds of miles home, it dawned on me that for the first time in my life I think I understand what it means to leave and cleave. And, that's a good thing.
I feel ready to settle in here to my life, this life that God has given to me. It is not the same life as all of those that I love in Arkansas, it belongs to me and mine. I feel a bit melancholy as I turn my face from what once was but it's given me the ability to embrace fully what now is.