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Stephanie

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Hi everyone. I've kind of dropped the 'blog ball' here lately. Actually, haven't been posting much even on the board. I feel a bit disconnected.

 

I think this started with my 9 day trip to Arkansas. I was there with only one of my children and he is 13, so able to take care of himself for the most part. I ran the roads with my mom and sister, shopping, taking mom to therapy, visiting my grandmother. I was a free spirit. I had no time constraints to speak of, no one pulling on my skirt tail, vying for my attention and very little house work to do. I talked with grownup people about grown up things. I had the best of both worlds, my cake and eating it too, for those nine days.

 

Then, I came home and was smothered with hugs and kisses of the best sort. Found myself laughing at the corny jokes and silly antics of my children. Rolled up my sleeves and tackled the results of a house left with a husband and 6 children for over a week, started cooking like a wild woman, and giving my best effort to bring order back into my world.

 

I think I may be in some kind of culture shock. ;) Two such different worlds and enjoying them both immensely has kind of thrown me off kilter. I don't think I'm adjusting so well.

 

You know what I found out in Arkansas, so many things that are a BIG DEAL in my Alabama life aren't a big deal in my mom's life. She doesn't give much thought to food. Oh they have plenty and it is very tasty, but a dish of whatever will last several days. Me, I think about food constantly. With seven children, you just have to! Not just keeping them fed and tummies full, but nutrition and cost are big factors too.

 

Housework is not a BIG DEAL with my mom either, she stays on top of it, never letting it get out of control. HERE, well let me just tell you it is a constant battle, CONTSTANT! I try to stay on top of things, but well, mostly it seems to stay on top of me. The kids helps and we all work together as a family, but it's just a LOT of dishes, laundry, bodies!!

 

While I enjoyed seeing my family very much, before the visit was over I was longing for home, for my life of chaos. I found myself feeling out of sorts and anxious to get on the road and get back to my world.

 

Now, a week has passed since I returned and I find that I am still adjusting. So, I'm just feeling a little quiet as I work it all out in my mind and heart. I keep thinking of tht old saying, you can never go back home. I also am trying to come to grips with the fact that my family lives perfectly wonderful lives completely separate from me. And of course, the same applies to me.

 

Well, I'm rambling, but maybe someone knows what I mean. Being alone with my family lIke I was for those nine days was kind of bitter sweet. As I drove the hundreds of miles home, it dawned on me that for the first time in my life I think I understand what it means to leave and cleave. And, that's a good thing.

 

I feel ready to settle in here to my life, this life that God has given to me. It is not the same life as all of those that I love in Arkansas, it belongs to me and mine. I feel a bit melancholy as I turn my face from what once was but it's given me the ability to embrace fully what now is.

 

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Stephanie, You're not alone in these emotions. I feel this every time I visit a dear friend on the east cost. Maybe the emotions are made more poignant by the fact that it's completely across the nation, I'm not sure.

 

With me, my friend doesn't cook. Her husband or oldest boy does. She could literally care less about food. For me, it's the center of the home, the point of which our diets revolve around and variety is indeed the spice of life. I HAVE to cook because I'm allergic to preservatives and can't eat many of the items from boxes, cans, or mixes. They will literally make me sick. Nothing is worse than being sick away from your home and comforts.

 

Something I also found this last summer was that I was very uneasy with the fact my friend's 'pantry' was pretty much limited to the week's groceries. There was little put aside in case of emergency or crisis. That, I think, is what made me terribly uneasy. There was 1/2 case of water, a few MRE's (her husband is military) and possibly some ramen or crackers. NOT a good start for storage. I even offered to help her stock her pantry, offering lists to work on ahead of time for inventory, a rough budget of what basic items cost like oil, flour, etc., even prices on some rubbermaid for the pantry. I was politely turned down because it 'just sounds like too much work'.

 

I love it when I go, yet can only stay maybe, a week. Within that time, not only is my husband missing me, my diet is completely thrown off, and I am missing the schedule of my own life. Not to mention the entire 'safety net' of my own life is completely gone.

 

I'm so glad you got time to love on relatives and disengage from your 'world' for a time. It can be very therapeutic but also startling as heck with the contrast of details between families.

 

Sorry if I 'hi-jacked' the post.I'm thrilled that you're back on MrsS and getting back in your 'groove'. :)

 

Lots of Hugs to you and your family,

 

:bighug2:

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Steph, I know what you mean by chaos at home.. . We have only 3, and 2 big noisy dogs, but they sure manage to make a wreck of the house at any given moment!

 

Vic

 

PS: How's the puppy?

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Hey Steph,

This surely makes sense to me.

I seldom leave home, and, gosh, I can not recall the last traveling I did without my family along for the ride! But I got a glimpse into that other life this week when my brother and his wife were here. They do their very best to blend into the chaos we call normal, but it was painfully clear that our worlds are seperate. How is it possible that what we once shared so closely is now so distant?

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