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I've had a MOMENT 5/16/10

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ANewMe

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I have begged for relief and almost gave up until now and it hit me out of the blue. I think they call it an Epiphany??? I think it's God.

 

Our son came home last weekend to take Crazy Girlfriend to prom. Bro-in-law drove him 18 hrs just to do this....even with my husbands sister supposedly in the hospital....INSANE. He was here from Friday until Sunday and did not come to see anyone. Needless to say there were some heated words exchanged and once again we were really hurt. We are positive that she would not allow him to come over. I even told him I would leave so he could come and see his Dad, little brother and sister. So we sat here on Mother's Day....cancelled any plans we had and waited on him to show which he never did.

 

He would text very hurtful, disrespectful things and I finally told him not to contact me and he said that it was a "final goodbye". I was determined to stick to this for awhile. He continued sending me rude text msgs.

 

A friend of mine gave me a copy of a devotional that she printed of the net and the following statement almost knocked me out of my chair:

 

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes: they are hand tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. When you start to feel stressed let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependance on Me and increasing intimacy between us. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

John 15:5, 2 Corinthians 1:8-9, Ephesians 5:20

 

This spoke to me on every level and have realized some things.

 

First...our son is wanting to be a man but he's still a kid. The reason we don't recognize him and all of this junk he is spewing is because it is not from him. He is taking on the opinions of others....the ones he surrounded himself with to get his way. Nothing would please Crazy Girlfriend and my husband's sister more than to drive an irrepairable wedge in our relationship. I will not allow that to happen. My need to speak my mind and speak up for myself must now take a backseat to saving my relationship with my son. The truth will all come out but it will never be accepted coming from my lips.

 

At this point when I receive a text or something is told to me that hurts or baits me for an argument I will change the subject and never let on that it has bothered me.

 

He will hopefully get his GED on the 17th. I'm going to pray hard that he does and I'm going to do everything in my power to get him started at school in the Fall. I'm sure that they will try to upstage me in this but I will still do what I can and if they do he will still know that I tried. I talked to him yesterday about his plans and offered him things from the house to get him started in an apartment and told him I would get the stuff he needed if he was in a dorm. He seemed suprised.

 

Finally....I realized that this whole situation is hurting us tremendously and we have fought the situation, but maybe God has allowed him to be in this situation to teach him something and by me fighting it I am getting in God's way of teaching our son a life lesson. Who am I to do that? I know how much I love my son and I know that God loves him even more. This is a lesson to me in letting go and letting God handle it. I let go and take it back. God is working here....instead of gloom and doom which is all I have seen....I now see that this is God working. He is changing us and I pray that he is going to work hard and keep our son safe. He is teaching me that I need to put my hand over my mouth and since I have a hard time with that I'm going to ask him to put His hand there until I get it down. When I feel the need to vent...I will go to Him instead of a friend...because noone truly understands but Him and noone can protect or child or help us deal with all of this except Him.

 

So that is my epiphany....I pray that I can keep this attitude.

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