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The Dog Food Diet


Campy

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This one has been around awhile, but I still think it is cute.

 

 

Yesterday I was at my local WalMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices, and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

 

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's backside and a car hit us both.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. WalMart won't let me shop there anymore.

 

 

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This one cracks me up every time I hear it. You see, my friend ACTUALLY did eat dog food growing up. One winter they lost their dog of course, just after Mom had gotten a large 50# bag of kibble.

 

Being of a poor minister's family, there was very little to eat. One day she saw her older sister eating something - "Hey, whatcha eatin?" "Nothin' you'd want." "Really, how do you KNOW?!?!" On goes the conversation. The sister confessed to keeping a few pieces of dog food in her pocket. So, the 3 kids at home that sommer kept loading their pockets and munching away on the kibble.

 

Once Mom found out, she was initially horrified then she read the package. "Hmmm. Corn, rice, etc. Well, it's not bad for you. Go on ahead."

 

:24::24::24:

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