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Leah

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About Leah

  • Rank
    Honored Family Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Pacific NorthWest
  • Interests
    Getting very old these days.
    Still raising chickens, gardening, active in food charities, and teaching (heaven help me) my grandchildren's generation how to do all this "olden stuff" as they call it.

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  1. Leah

    One liners for Stephanie

    Clearing out my files... Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive." A fish swims into a wall... "I'll be dammed!" Why did the one-handed man cross the road? To get to the second-hand store. What did the tie say to the hat? You go on a head, I’ll just hang around. Judge: Malcolm, when did you become a hardened criminal? Malcolm: When I was running from a construction site with a stolen whistle and fell down into some wet cement. - Butch: You don’t look so good. Junior: That’s because I strained myself. Butch: How did you do that? Junior: I fell through a screen door. - Young fly: Pop, can you teach me how to do the backstroke? Older fly: Why do you want to learn the backstroke? Young fly: So I can be in one of those soup jokes. -- An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!" - Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. - How do you get holy water? Boil the he** out of it. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? - Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. - If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. - Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot round the world. - Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. - Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank—proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too. - Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. - How can you tell the difference between an elephant and a banana? Try peeling an elephant. Junior: Mom, I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade. Is that because of my genes? Blanche: No, Junior, it’s because you’re fifteen. First scientist: I see you’re still reading that book on anti-gravity. Second scientist: Yes, I just can’t put it down. Willie: Does your grandfather suffer from insanity? Lilly: No, he enjoys every minute of it. Professor: Junior, how can you prove the earth is round? Junior: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was. Why did the chicken cross the playground?To get to the other slide. - An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old-fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.” “I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer. “This is an orange tree.” -
  2. i looked at Your web site. The April Fools cartoon is Too funny !!! i love it !!! Mea.

  3. The title was about the courts, so I took a look. It's interesting to see what posters say about me and mine when they think I'm not reading. This is the reason I lurked for two years before making my first post. I thought perhaps only Christians are welcome here. It appears I'm not even welcome in the country part of my family was living in before the Europeans came. -- BTW: The founding fathers left England because they were being forced to belong to the Church Of England.
  4. Sometimes I don't feel very welcome on this site. Obviously according to your prayer, my religion, even though older than yours is not important. Which particular group of Christians will be in charge of your government? Roman Catholics? Presbyterians? Baptists? Should all the Buddhists and Jews be impeached as not being fit to hold office?
  5. Quote from Darlene: *REMINDER* This thread was originally started with the intent of hearing things that are going on in our local communities, or in our own lives that are red flags. This was meant to give us a thumbnail sketch of what is going on across our country and beyond. Somehow, months ago, more political red flags started being introduced, and I would like to see this thread going back to what is going on around us in our own lives.
  6. Leah

    Now I have some chicken questions

    I think it may be the stress from shipping that causes some chicks to die when ordering them from mail order. I always have just a few (from the feed store) 3 - 8 at a time. I've only lost one bird, which was a sick turkey from the start. They are pretty easy to raise, as long as they don't get too cold at night in the winter.
  7. Leah

    Wagons Ho COMMENTS (Part 2)

    No warning necessary. You didn't have any warning in the story, we shouldn't get it when reading. Daylily, maybe your group will take over Mother's spread?
  8. Leah

    Wagons Ho COMMENTS (Part 2)

    Fainting here... MOTHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
  9. Leah

    One liners for Stephanie

    Sorry about the typos. The site will not let me fix them even when I notice as I type them.
  10. Leah

    One liners for Stephanie

    What is all over the house? The roof. What runs all around the yard? The fence. What did the chimney and the door do when the house caught on fire? the chimney flue and the door bolted. What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the next corner. What did the rug say to the floor? hands up, I've got you covered. When should a window pane blush" When it sees the weather stripping. http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t197/laiesken/CERDITO3.gif[/img What is big enough to hold a pig, and small enough to hold in your hand? A pen. What is it from which you may take away the whole and still have some left, or take away some and still have the whole left? The word wholesome. What goes from New York to Albany without moving? The highway. What is always coming, but never arrives? Tomorrow. What remains down even when it flies up? A feather. What is it that you cannot hold for ten minutes, even though it is lighter than a feather? Your breath.
  11. Leah

    Eating From Your Food Stores

    It's the FAT not the ph, that makes it unsafe to can dairy. Or bacon. Commercial businesses have access to equipment we do not... Like taking 3-4 seconds to go from liquid to powdered milk and eggs.
  12. CONGRATULATIONS! I wound up with chicks again this year, usually I only get new ones every other year. Last year I got 2 unsexed in the hope one would be a male. One was, but another breed who was supposed to be a girl was a fellow as well. With two males and only four females... well not such a good number. So I sent the kids this year to each pick out a chick, and wound up with my grandson's godmother's two little bantys as well. I'm hoping for all ladies this time. - I LOVE CHICKENS!!! (well, sometimes I wonder why) LOL
  13. Leah

    Eating From Your Food Stores

    Someone mentioned the baby formula... I checked, and the 3 pounds she has left on day #48 will make about 75 8 ounce bottles.
  14. Leah

    Easter Candy

    I freeze leftover chocolate all the time. Most Easter bunnies are chocolate flavored grease though, so make sure you actually have chocolate. If it gets a little cloudy white haze on the surface, that's just the cocoa butter separating. Doesn't hurt anything at all.
  15. Pants are easier; no pulling them up out of the mud, no flashing other people when the wind blows, no scorching of the hems when they blow into the fire, no tangling in the branches when pruning trees or picking fruit, no bare legs getting scratched by the berry thorns. Why should women have to wear clothing that must constantly be twitched out of the way, held to one's body, or caused many women and girls to be badly burned? Men didn't.
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