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My husban is leaving me...


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Lynnie, MountainMommy is the one that makes our beautiful signatures...

You can go to the *Those cute little picture *thangs* forum and make a post describing in general, things you like, colors you like, and she'll make one up for you.

Right now though, she's in the middle of packing and moving to a new city so she might not be able to get to it right away. But please feel free to go ahead and get your *order* in...Her artwork is incredible!

*smile*

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{{{{{mountainmommy}}}}back to you and to all responders. Yes, I am definately getting a lawyer(leagal aid-i have no $$)but I will take care of myself and my girls.

My parent's are being really rotten to me. My Mom is mostly concerned about ' loss of status' in the community. Two of my best friends are divorced moms and she thinks I want to join 'the single mother's club'. Can you believe it? No loving words of comfort-just junk about how I will turn into a loser without my man giving me status, etc. Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That hurts more than the separation.

Class conciousness is definately last on my list.

I am planning to take nursing in the fall of 2003.( It is amazing how you can plan fast in the face of emergency) I've just decided. What do you think?

Know that your {{{}}}s and kind words have really meant something to me. I hope you all recieve 100 fold of kindness back.

lynnie

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Hey Lynnie, sorry to be so long in posting. I am working for the school district right now moving furniture. Kind of back breaking, long hours. Two teenagers to keep in line as well. I don't know if we are supposed to but my personal email is

brigidlamb__@hotmail.com Please email me and we can compare notes, and I can give you any advice that I was given and what worked and what didn't..

Remember chin up.....

grin.gif

brigid

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I dont think I can emphasize enough to take care of yourself and your children.

You are going to get alot of backlash from loved ones and even friends and aquaintences.

Big Deal!!! Blow it off your shoulders. They arent paying to support you are they? Its hard to tell people to mind their own business but there comes a point when you must be strong and do so. Tell them when they start to pay your bills and clothe and feed you then they can give you advice.

We women always think we can go to our moms for support because they will understand but sometimes that is not the case and feelings get hurt. I think when we do that we look for words of comfort and may not get them.

This is why you must control situations and only you have the power to control them.

Do not let anyone make you feel insecure in your decisions.

Sometimes the decisions people make are the wrong ones but people never fail. People only learn from their mistakes and it makes them stronger.

Push negative talk by others out of your mind. Its all about you and your girls/ end of case.

Sorry I am harping but I would love to strangle the people who try to undermine the positive feelings of a person by their negative comments. If you have a hard time saying NO to others when they ask you to do something then you know what I am talking about.

Remember YOU ARE WOMAN AND WE WANNA HEAR YOU ROAR------LOL

You Go Girl

When your feeling down put some great music in the cd and boogie away.

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Thanks Goose liver.(Why that name?? smile.gif)I fixed my profile.

It is amazing that "My husban is leaving me" has created such a stir. One of our primordial fears is to be abandoned. It touches a raw nerve for alot, I think. "If I am alone the sabertooths will get me and I won't have anyone with whom to gather food!" Well, I will surround me with my girlfriend neandertals and kick some sabertooth butt!Tee!HEE!

It is amazing that I'm able to laugh. Life is going on...does it do that?

Peace to you all!

 

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rock on reci! You are soooo right. It is just hard to be strong looking in the face of negativity.

Thanks for that.

How can I reregister? I hate having my town up for all to see...

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Lynnie, go near the top of the page and click on the word "profile". That will let you edit what you entered when you first registered.

I think our moms always "advise" us out of their own fears, it's just not always what is best for us. Sometimes it's not even what's best for anyone in THIS DECADE. lol (lol=laughing out loud)

Nursing is a great idea. It's hard work, but it pays well and there is a real nursing shortage. I have two cousins who work really long days on weekends and get paid for an entire week. That's how desperate their hospital is for nursing staff on the weekends. One of my cousins then runs a Longaberger basket business during the week and does quite well with that too.

More power to you girl, you are doing great!

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Lynnie

I will be praying for you and I agree that you should not listen to anyone who is negative - ever. You will be fine and you will surprise yourself what you will decide and what you can do. Keep looking ahead and take it one day at a time. You deserve better and you will have a better life for yourself and your girls.

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Freundin- you are sooooo right! I do deserve better. We have been trained as women to except less than we deserve...and trained as catholics(some of us that is) to feel like we deserve what we get and not to exspect much more.

I am a goddess and deserve no less. I have given birth, created life. I own a woman's body-a sacred vessel. I should be cherished and honored...sigh. Wouldn't it be great???

Cheers!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am new here and although it is a bit late since you first posted a few weeks ago, but I would like to put my two cents in here after reading all the posts.

I left a marrage of 14 years. I never thought I'd ever see myself walking away from a marriage. I was ('WAS') in love with my (ex.) husband and gave 200% to my marriage. I planned to spend the rest of my life with him.

I won't go into a lot of details because I could honestly write a book on controling and abusive men. My ex. never hit me, what he did do to me was far worse. He used the laws of our state and the legal system to force me to stay with him and endure severe mental torture and a lot more. The day we seperated he was found waiting for me to come home and had a gun in his hands.

This was a man I had (HAD) loved and trusted with all my heart. I would never have believed it would have come down to murder but in the corse of the long drawn out divorce, I learned that he had plotted against me over a span of about 2 1/2 years.

He had planed to drive me off my homestead but I knew if I left he could legally take posession of it free and clear and leave me about $60,000 in debt and nothing to show for it. When he could not drive me out he begun to plan to get rid of me in other ways.

When selfishness, control, jealousy and GREED enters a person's heart there is no telling to what lingths they will go to. I KNOW I am VERY lucky to be alive and I am only alive because others prayed and God answered.

At one point the rapes and mental tortures were so bad I almost killed myself. I am glad God sent someone to stop me.

This man I was married to was highly respected by all in the community. He was a kind, gentle, person and helped many. But when he allowed the seeds of greed to be planted in his head he became my worst nightmare.

I never told anyone about what was happening, I could not believe it myself let alone speak of it. So when I suddenly anounced I was getting a divorce, my family all turned on me like mercyless vultures.

If I would loose weight, keep a cleaner house cook better meals, on, and on, and on...... But they didn't live with me, they never saw what my walls and doors hid from their view. My own Father ordered me to stay married.

Of corse my Ex. was being cleaverly coached by the neighbor I refused to sell my homestead to. I knew my ex. was never smart enough to come up with it all on his own, there was too much intelligent plotting for him to have not been helped and taught.

He had everyone including my family and the police believing I was cheating on him and I never did. So I had to stand alone, me against the world.

It does get better. I did not know what I wanted in a relationship for sure but I learned from my Ex. what I didn't want and used the things I didn't want to be my guide in determining if a relationship was right for me. I also got a lot stronger and much more outspoken. If I saw something wasn't right in a relationship I tried to talk it out and work it out and when that failed I walked away without looking back.

One day I met my best friend and we could not stand to be away from each other. We got married and it is terriffic. He is still my best friend and he respects me, that is something new for me. We talk and work through our problems together. Even good marriages have their share of problems but it is how you handle them that determines if your marriage will survive.

Please do all you can to protect yourself and your children from all that lays ahead. I hope and pray that your husband will keep his head on straight but prepare for the worst and if it does not come, shout for joy, you at least know you did your best and set an example for your children.

You well know, how hard life can become, but how you handle the tough times you kids will remember and pattern themselves after what they saw in you. Being a good example for your kids is the best inheritence you can ever give them. Teach them how to hold their heads high and survive. Teach them that they have choices in life and they don't have to do something just because a man tells them to.

My husband's daughter said to me the other day, you will never leave here and leave us ever, I know. My reply was, you are probably right, but it is because I love you and your Dad and I CHOOSE to be here with you. It is my choice and not anyone elses, but if I felt there was something seriously wrong in our relationship I would choose to leave. I am here with you because I have made that choice and it is my choice to make.

In that statement I was trying to teach her that you work out your problems and work on a relationship if at all possable, but no man OWNS a woman and she is free to come and go from a relationship as she chooses. I don't want her to ever think she has to do what a controling man tells her to.

Yet at the same time I want her to learn how to love and be loved and work through difficult times if she does find and settle down with a good man.

I try to teach her with words and example how to treat a man and respect him. I give to my husband many things I never gave to my ex. and make sure she understands why I treat him so good. My Ex. demanded that I do certain things like go to bed when he did, even if it was only 5pm., my husband tells me I can stay up as late as I want, he does not mind. So if he decides to go to bed early for some reason and I don't want to go to bed yet, I go to bed with him and stay with him until he falls asleep, then I get back up.

It is by this example that I hope she learns to be her own person and not some man's posession, or property, yet also treat a good man with all the love and respect he deserves.

I hope I have been able to offer you some help in what lies ahead. You are a woman, women always find a way to draw strength form some where. We are survivors!

(BTW) Want to get even with your husband? Become independant and show him (by actions not words) that you don't need him. You can make it on your own without him. It really bruses a controller's ego and boosts your self worth and confidence. My ex. used to tell me I could not make it without him and he was the only man that could ever love me. When I filed for divorce he watched, waiting for me to fail. The neighbor who wanted my homestead even sent his single (adult, about my age) Son over to visit me when they saw the snow piling up in the driveway and I had no money or no way to clean it out. His Son visited for 2 reasons and to help was NOT one of them.

The neighbor's Son hoped I would do one of 2 things, I would cry uncle and sell my land to them real cheap, or I would want him to start coming around more and (you get the picture)he could get my land from me that way.

You just need to hold your head high and move forward. Another thing I did in a past relationship and it worked very well and might be something you might want to concider with your husband is this......

I told one man this and it really made him step back and think...... I have been thinking and I have come to realize that I don't need you. If you walk out that door today and never come back I will make it. I will survive. I may have to endure hardship but I can and will do it. But the other thing I discovered while I was thinking is that I love you, I want you and I want our relationship to work. I want you to stay but I will not ask you to stay. You are free to go. There is the door, you can walk through it at any time and I will not stop you. You see I have discovered that if you don't really want to be here with me and if you really are not willing to do what ever it takes to make US work, IT WON'T. So you now have your freedom, there is the door, you can walk through it at any time you decide you don't want to be here anymore. I don't NEED you, but I do love you and want you to stay IF that is what you want too.

But this is something I would not avise you saying unless you are prepared for him to actually leave and if you really don't mean those words with all your heart, DON'T say them. You need to be honest with him, no matter what, never bluff or lie it will come back to haunt you every time. NEVER play games, be honest and handle things in a mature manner.

In fact come to think of it I said that to my husband also and he left. When he came to his sences, he came back home and wanted to work it out. It took 3 times before he realized that I was moving on without him. He had not transfered his daughter out of our school system yet and if he had I would not have allowed him to come home the 3'rd time. I told him weeks later that the ONLY reason I let him come back the last time was for his daughter because she didn't deserve to be bounced around like that.

He realized that there would be no next time and promised to never do that again. He has kept his promise.

Tough love is the ONLY way to go most of the time when dealing with someone who is controling and likes to play games.

I wish you well, you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on, I will be just a message away as will many others here.

Hill

A problem is just a challange waiting to be conquered.

Impossabilities are just possabilities waiting to be made possable.

You can't stop the curve balls of life but you can choose how you will handle them.

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You and your children are in my prayers!!

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CAGmomof2(Carla)Loving wife to Mark,mom to 2 children one who lives here on Earth and the other one lives in Heaven!! Renewing our Vows on July31st,2005!!

 

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