Chaos settling down

[euphrasyne]

The baby is doing well.  It has a heartbeat and moves on the ultrasound.  Everything is right on track and we are feeling very blessed.

 

My MIL....well she either needs to find a new place to live or I will. She ended up coming back to us after less than 2 weeks of being with her brother.   DH says he will do something about it by June when the kids get out of school and go down south for the summer.  We have gone to counseling over it, the kids and I are in regular counseling about it.   Long story short...she keeps saying highly inappropriate things to my kids, DD10 & DD15, and putting them in the middle of her 'problems' with us.  She complained that I needed to cook for her (she is more picky than the most spoiled 2 year old you will ever meet) and that I needed to be social and entertain her.  I say she needs to get out of my house and get her own life (she does NOT have health issues preventing this.)  

 

So...I'm getting a new baby, but I may end up with a divorce because this 5 year issue with the MIL is a deal breaker for me.  I was willing to put up with her insanity when it was only directed at me, but I'm not willing to let her drag my kids into it.  

[Jeepers]

I'm thrilled for you and the baby! 

 

Yes, MIL needs to stand on her own two feet. She is in your home...not the other way around. When it effects your children all deals are off. They must come first. I can only imagine how she will be with a new baby in the house and no longer gets all of the attention she craves. I feel sad you are in this situation. Momma's don't need that kind of stress. I would hate to see your home break up over this. Or is that what she wants? Could your counselor talk to your husband and let him know just how serious this is? It really really angers me that she is dragging children into this and using them.  

 

Hang in there girl and take care of yourself. Will be praying for you and your entire family to get this smoothed out.

[The WE2's]

On 3/12/2019 at 9:29 PM, euphrasyne said:

divorce

 

I wouldn't let that word be spoken in my house if I were you.  Maybe I'm just onrey, but I'd start giving her some of her own medicine and let the chips fall where they may.  Do it when it's only you and her...so she can't drag anybody else into the fray.  "Show her you can be "meaner than a junkyard dog" when she messes with your family! Just my opinion.

Edited March 14, 2019 by The WE2's

[euphrasyne]

Hopefully he will speak to her and it will work out soon.  

Edited March 14, 2019 by euphrasyne

[Ambergris]

You might want to work on your backup plans, in case he thinks everything is better--guys have a way of not doing anything to "stir the pot" when they think things are going okay.

[euphrasyne]

I stayed with my first husband for 14 years because everyone around me said 'divorce' was a dirty word.  Staying with someone who continually treats you badly is the insanity.   It isn't enough to love someone to stay with them -- they have to love  you enough back to treat you with respect.   I'm agoraphobic and very non-confrontational, so leaving is my best option if DH refuses to deal with the problem.  Fortunately, I'm very plan-orientated and have 3 sets of back up plans for every contingency.  

 

MIL said something to him this evening to stir the pot and he told me that he is going to move up the timeline as soon as we are over this cold.  I just want things to go back to low stress; I need the peace.  

[Jeepers]

Good Euphrasyne. I agree with everything you said. Divorce is bad but there are worse things.

 

I'm like We2 when it comes to my attitude.

 

Yep, Ambergris, some people will give you lip service and tell you what you want to hear to get you to shut up. I'm a 'show me don't tell me' kind of girl.

 

I really want this to work out for your family Euphrasne. Sounds like getting the old bat out of your house will be a good start. Don't let him pull the guilt trip on you either. She is abusive to you and cruel to your children in your home. The choices on what to do about it are his.

[Midnightmom]

On 3/14/2019 at 5:08 PM, euphrasyne said:

I'm agoraphobic

 

I recently "met" a lady (online through a rock painting group) who is also agoraphobic. I didn't really understand what it was all about until I did some research on it. Correct me if I'm wrong: It's basically not leaving the house to go anywhere in "public" as an attempt to control possible panic attacks (thus the need for plans and backup plans). 

 

In YOUR case, your safety zone has been compromised by your MIL living with you! How can you ever relax when you have to be constantly on guard in your own home - which is supposed to be your refuge? It also sounds like your husband doesn't fully understand your agoraphobia, or worse, dismisses it! (or,perhaps he thinks his mother is/should be taking the place of his role in your life.)

 

I don't know HOW you will do it, but you need to reclaim your home as your fortress of solitude. 

 

Best of Luck euphrasyne. <3

 

 

[euphrasyne]

Rock painting is fun  XD

 

Agoraphobia is the fear that I'm going to be trapped somewhere either physically or by social standards and cannot escape.  Mine is compounded by the possibility of doing or saying something embarrassing (stupid things that most other people would not find embarrassing.)  Not leaving the house is advanced, severe agoraphobia.  I rarely leave the house to go anywhere other than kid's school appointments or doctor appointments without my husband.  Having him there is a buffer for me.  The panic attacks are pretty much guaranteed if I leave the house --well past possible and even if my husband is with me.  He helps me manage them until we get back home.  Things that tend to 'set me off' are : not knowing exactly where I am going, not knowing the exact process expected from me, unfamiliar protocol for anything, any confrontation of any type, me thinking that I'm saying the wrong thing, talking to anyone about something being wrong (like a waiter and my food,) going anywhere I haven't been before, having to deal with more than 5 people.  Confrontations in my home, online, over the phone, etc. all also cause panic attacks that make my heart race, my blood pressure soar, my entire body shake, and I begin to stutter and exhibit pronounced tics.   It is a really crappy, lonely mental illness, but I get by.  On the plus side, it really feeds into Preeping.    

 

My MIL is definitely an issue here at the house.  Right now, I'm basically living upstairs and not leaving my room except for very fast trips to the kitchen to prepare food at dinner and even that is abbreviated at the moment.  She didn't used to be as horrible to live with as she is now, but she has gotten worse over time.   It does not help that I cannot take my anti-anxiety medication because I'm pregnant.  So, that is a ton of extra stress.  This problem is not 100% MIL's fault, but she was never supposed to live with us forever and it has just evolved into an untenable situation for me.  

[Jeepers]

Thanks for explaining about agoraphobia. 

 

I have some social anxiety but not nearly to the degree of agoraphobia. And I've never had a panic attack.

[euphrasyne]

We got the NIPT results back and the baby is genetically healthy and a girl.  I have been so crazed with anxiety about it because of my age, but everything is awesome!

 

Mr. Euph is sad because this makes 4 girls and he wanted a boy, but he will live and he is still excited about the baby.  He has, however, mandated that 'one of them is going to have to learn to cut grass.'

Edited March 26, 2019 by euphrasyne

[Jeepers]

 

 

My DIL was older too. First baby and she was close to 40 years old. She did wonderful and so did baby. He was small at birth but he has caught up and is a happy healthy almost 3 year old. But I sure do know your worries. Breathe easy now little momma.

  

[Ambergris]

Oh, nice.  That's a load off.

[Mt_Rider]

 

[euphrasyne]

Last year was insane and I had to take a break from everything.  We lost our little girl in the 2nd trimester.  Went in for a scan  and everything was good.  Went in for a scan a week later and no movement or life.  There were complications and I had to have a good bit of surgery; they could never find a reason for why it happened.

 

My stress levels have been insane and I finally told DH that either the MIL was moving or the kids and I were. MIL is now living with her brother.  I'm hoping that this new decade brings peace and quiet.  

[out_of_the_ordinary]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  

[Jeepers]

Oh Hunny, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope a quieter less stress home will bring peace and happiness into your lives. 

[Annarchy]

I’m so very sorry for your loss.  

[Ambergris]

 I'm so sorry.  Losing a baby is like the roots being pulled out of the world.  I really hope you can get your feet under you soon.  

[Mt_Rider]

So sorry. 

 

MtRider  that your lives will come back together and eventually heal.

[euphrasyne]

I am pregnant again.  We are back on this roller coaster, but family issues are calmer this year and it is just us and the kids now.  I'm scared that if I actually make plans or do any prepping for it, then I will just lose it again.  So I am just kinda hanging out in limbo doing healthy things and trying to distract myself from thinking about it.  

[Ambergris]

  How wonderful!  I am so happy for you!

[Jeepers]

Oh wow. I'm so happy for you! Wishing you the very best of health.  

[Littlesister]

euphrasyne,  I am just reading this for the first time.  I will be praying for everything to work out for you this time. And now with the MIL out of the house. That should help you a great deal with this new baby on the way.  Congratulations and prayers for you and the new one. Maybe DH will get his wish and you will have a boy this time.  

[Mt_Rider]

Definitely this group will pray for you and this baby.  I can't imagine how scared you must be....yet how hopeful.  Try to focus on the hopeful, obviously. 

 

MtRider