Divorce

[leaninj]

Well heck dont know why I am even posting this. I guess I just need to vent. Discovered my wife was having an affair last night. She has been doing this for about 3 weeks.

I am sick. My first wife cheated on me and then ran off.

I raise our two boys until they were about 9 and 11 then

they wanted to go live with there mother. We were 19 and 21

when we wed. I was 19. She left when the boys were 2 and 4.

Ran off with a guy she worked with. She was up and down for years then she calmed down met someone and got married and

was stable for about four year then my boys decided to live with her. I can understand but I must say it hurt very bad.

I went without and did the best I could and wam bam they go.

My current wife and i have one boy who is three getting ready to turn four. I never wanted this for him or my other two I even talked and talked to my current wife before we got married that I did not want to do that to my kids again it is they who lose. I guess it must be me. I just dont know

I am 35 and feel like my world is just gone again. I just wanna go in to a dark room and cry. caught her talking on her cell phone making a booking for a room at a hotel before she left to go out for a girls night out. I waited about a hour called my dad and had him watch my son and went to the hotel and waited sure enough i guessed right and there she was. I got out walk right up behind them.

I punched the guy in the back of his neck and then started screaming. I dont even know what i was yelling about. I went home and started packing. about a half hour later my wife called and was crying and saying she was sorry and she wanted to talk and save our marrage and she wanted to come home but wanted to know if I was "safe" to be around. I said the guy deserved what he got and he is lucky I did not really hurt him. I also to her not to come back yet I need to get my things. She started crying and yelling and saying she was sorry. I just kept asking her why?? I called work took the day off and called my dad asked him if my son could spend the night as he did not need to be involved in the right at the moment. I packed a bag and realized I had no where to go. I could go to where i planned to bug out but that is a cabin and it is on land her dad is letting us have. plus i could not get to work or see my son. just about that time she came pulling up and in started screaming what have i done with her son. I told her calmly that he was at my dads just for tonight and this not the place for him. She go insane and Demands i take him to her moms or she is calling the cops on me!!! I told her she could go get him once she calls down and if she spent the night at her moms. So I call my dad telling him to take the boy over to her moms so we wont have any trouble. and we talk she want to work this out I dont know what to do.

Right know she and my boy are at her mom while i try to get myself togeher.. HELP HELP anyvice please. sorry about the grammer and spelling and jummbled thought just upset and lost.

 

 

 

[brightblessings5]

[Guest Guest]

 

 

 

[Bamboo]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice to give, Necie and Cat have given you some good advice, I'll just add my prayers.

[arklatex]

I too am very sorry this is happening to you. I think Cat said it very well. My only advice to you would be to take your time and don't make any quick decisions.

 

I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

[chooselife]

I'm sorry too- both of my ex's cheated on me, and I found I could never trust them again. It also makes me twitchy with my current husband of ELEVEN years, who has never given me cause to mistrust him bless his heart, so it's a hard feeling to overcome.

Keeping the kids' welfare in mind is important, but they can't thrive in an unhealthy or unstable environment. Sometimes upheaval IS the better alternative.

Good luck, be strong for your kids' sake, and taking the high road is always better- never talk badly about those who have wronged you.

[ozzzyyy]

(((((dadof3)))))

 

You'll get through this. Be strong on account of your all your children, especially the youngest. This may be a situation that you and dW can work out with tremendous counseling, love and forgiveness. It certainly won't be easy but there may be more at the root at why your wife did what she did. She may have un-met needs and areas in her life that have needed healing long before you ever met her. Find out what lies at the root and work your way up to wholeness. A marraige is worth saving if both parties have the heart and determination to try and work it out.

 

My prayers go out to you and yours!

 

 

[cartoongirl]

Wow, a couple unfaithful wives? Undoubtfully, the trauma of the past and having to go through this again has to be tremendous.

 

Keep in mind, many a marriage has been saved after one has had an affair. Quite a complicated issue that certainly needs councelling for both of you to get through this and maybe one on one as well.

 

Don't give up and if you feel so strongly to give up do it for your son, that would likely be a natural thing for you to do anyway. If your wife doesn't wish to go get some help then you might have to re evaluate the entire situation.

 

Women are complicated, naturally and it could very well be that she has some underlying issues that needs to be brought out into the open.

 

Remember do not blame yourself. If you both are completely honest and lay the cards on the table face up then you should be able to work things out.

 

My dh is and has always been trustworthy, and faithful. I was burned this way from an old boyfriend and had taken my insecurity into the marriage. It took some years for me to realize that my insecurity was my problem. Thank God I didn't have to through that pain again.

 

 

[joybri]

Dad of 3, I send you prayers. Fresh hurts/raw wounds need time. Please don't be hasty about anything.

[djmarch]

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[leaninj]

I want to thank everyone for there kind words. I am very sorry to have put a dark cloud on anyones day. I don't deal

very well with this sort of thing. I wish I could have controlled my temper and not hit that man. It scares me that

I could have killed him. I dont know what to do now. Prepareing for anythings seems pointless and useless.

I just want to fix it. I guess that just what guys do.

Thanks to Darlene who I asked to delete this post. I am ashamed of what I posted and would have missed all of your very kind words. Your prayers are very very welcome and

needed. I am just Tired. There is a lot more history about my childhood I left out. My mom left me and my Dad when I was six. My older sister has cheated on all three of her husbands. I mean I know guys cheat all the freaking time too. Just seems I have had more than my fair share. Great!

Now I am crying in my soup too..... Hoo boooooooy.......

Lets end this on a high note.... you gals are great and you

are a blessing to those whos lives you touch so thank you all for touching mine. God bless.

 

Dadof3

But what is the deal with women these days.

[Judy Moist]

DADOF3,, there is absolutely no need to feel shamed about your post,, we have all had times of troubled hearts and minds, and we have come here and posted it,,only to find that it was the best thing we did, even though we may have felt embarrassed or ashamed... so your not alone..

Remember you can always come here to get the best advice and the best hugs..... So come and vent anytime.. We may not have the qualifications of a DR.Phil,, but shoot we may be even better, we've actually lived this stuff...

 

 

 

PS>> CHECK YOUR PRIVATE MESSAGES.....

[logcabinmama]

This is so close to my heart, since our DS has been through some of this. Please feel you can come and talk about anything here.

 

I'm so sorry about all of this and hope you can get things taken care of without all the problems that sometime come with it.

 

Every situation is different and it is really hard to give advise, we can understand what you are going through, but you will have to do what you feel is best in the end.

 

Since you had discussed this before you got married, she knew how you felt and this should have stopped her from doing it in the first place. Just where did she meet this other person and does she work with him? Has she done this before and you not find out about it? There are so many things that you have to consider when thinking about this.

 

If you can work it out, that will be great, but sometimes it is best to get out of the marriage in order to save the kids. But, DO NOT give her your child, make it so you have him part of the time at least, if you do get the divorce and even while you are separated be sure and have your son part of the time.

 

Is it possible for you to stay with your Dad or a friend for a while?? This will give you a chance to think about what to do.

 

So many times it is the mans fault and so when there is a problem, it is the man who is to blame, they say. I know different, as our youngest DS has gone through so much to get where he is today. I'll post the url for what I posted some time ago about that. Right now, I'm thinking of you and your son as well as your other children. I do hope you will be able to get some time with your other children during the summer, it is only the right thing.

 

[barebones]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Just so you know, you did not have to give your son back to your wife as long as he was in a safe place. Even if she had called the police. At least in my state the police will not remove the child from the care of one parent to give to the other until you go to court and work out a custody agreement.

I know it hurts and you are right, the little ones are the ones that pay.

It sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you with your wife. Do you both attend a church? I would recommend counseling as soon as possible. She was wrong in what she did, whatever her reasoning.

 

You will all be in my prayers;

 

Lori

 

[rockncook]

I don't have a lot of time, but I had to reply. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It's so very hard. Cat's questions to you were excellent. Divorce is easy, reconcilliation is hard. Don't make those hard decisions while you're still angry and so very newly hurt.

 

Prayers for your family

Mommy of Six

[Guest Guest]

I am so sorry for you! but no matter... stay with us cause we are a family!

 

counsling for your both... but you have to ask... why you keep picking the same type of woman.

 

gotta jet and pick up kidlet more later.

 

 

[chooselife]

Quote:

Divorce is easy

unfair and untrue, sorry.

[Daisygirl]

Just wanted to say that I too have been there and have the scars on my heart to prove it. Pray...pray...pray!!! I know the pain that you are going through, but I don't have the answers that you need, only the Lord has those.

 

As far as your children now living with their Mom, you were the "bad" parent that made them go to bed, go to school, study hard, etc., so they chose to live with Mom, if she holds true to course, you will get to be the good guy for a while...while she now has to inforce the rules. Be their Dad and their friend, eventually they will understand the truth of the situation that they have come through.

 

Someone else said to take the high road and that's good advice, just make sure that you don't take the high horse to get on the road. (I'm so much better than the other person and that's why I do what I do.) You are human too and will make mistakes, perhaps just not the major ones.

 

I'm glad that you could come here and express your feelings and share with us what you were going through. I hope you know how many of us are praying for you and that you the Lord will lead you to chose the right road to survive what you are going through.

 

God Bless and you are in my family's prayers.

[rockncook]

First...I will address the comment to my comment in another thread, so as not to hijack this one. I'm really bad about that LOL.

 

Second...We are truly a family here, which means that decisions, whether we agree with them are not, are supported. You see, we all have different opinions, life experiences, and wisdom to bring to the table. What I lack, so many others make up for, and vice versa.

 

So, Dad, in this hurting time, know that you have people here who will support you, regardless of whether or not they think what you did was "right" by their standards, myself included. The keywords there are "by their standards"-and your standards are between you and God, and no one else.

 

So I apologize if my words about divorce being easy and reconcilliation hard came across as unfair, flip, or unsupportive. They were intended to be none of those things. Divorce isn't easy. It's an emotional train wreck, following quickly on the heels of the one you experienced when finding out that she was unfaithful. I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I hope that the collective words of the folks here have given you at least a little bit of comfort at a difficult time.

 

Mommy of Six

[chooselife]

Mommyof6-

 

I was 99% sure you didn't mean it the way it came out to 'my' ears- but I've gone through two divorces, so my ears are pretty tarnished and still bruised.

[kaseyb (Supermom!)]

Dadof3 asked: "But what is the deal with women these days?"

 

First off, I want to say I'm really sorry and the pain you're clearly feeling is justified and horrible to experience. I cannot imagine what this is like for your precious children, but I hope to encourage you by saying I know a guy whose wife was not only unfaithful, she was into drugs - and he had to leave her and raise his 3 kids himself. Today they all respect and love him and have a good, close family - and he has remarried a fine woman.

 

But you asked a very important question I'd like to briefly address. You asked: "But what is the deal with women these days?"

 

What I'm about to say in no way points the finger at you here. No way! But your question tells me that if you can't get this problem worked out with your current wife - then you sure don't want to marry another one like her down the road.

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has written some really good books and one of them is for men - to help them recognize women who may spell "Trouble" down the road. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060929...mp;amp;n=283155

 

My own brother married a woman who went out on him and unfortunately his little girl has to live in her house now after their divorce - subjected to all the men coming to visit her.

 

There are always warning signs prior to getting involved with someone - but we have to learn what they are.

 

I sincerely hope things can be worked out with your wife. I know that most churches have ministers who would really be interested in helping you in this. So I hope you'll explore that avenue before closing any doors, but reading Dr. Laura's book wouldn't hurt anything either.

 

I'll pray for your family and for your children in this. I'm so sorry.

 

I think it's admirable that you're beginning to reach out to get this fixed. Takes courage.

 

 

[Guest Guest]

(((((group hug)))))

 

 

[Guest Guest]

Im so very sorry for the pain that your in. My prayers are with you. Please dont do anything right away. You arent thinking clearly through your pain. give yourself some time to hurt and get at least a scab on the wound before you make any decisions.

[leaninj]

She is back in the house. It going slowly and I dont really know what i want. but I do know that I love her and I love my little boy. I am now REALLY REALLY messed up on my plans. I had about $500 saved up and know it is gone.

Radiator blew up on my truck. So I right now I need a plan.

I have only two weeks of food now. NO water. and I have a very very shaky future ahead. I cant tell what it means to me what all of you have said. I hope that someday I can repay you all. Just a funny side note. I bumped into the guy I cold cocked at walmart last night. We just kind of looked at each other and he took off running. I cant help but laugh even though I wish I had not hit him that night.

Guy really doent not know how lucky he is. and HOW luck I am. I am really more at peace I guess life will go on and

what does not kill you only makes you stronger.

I will not go quietly into the night.

I will not surrender with out a fight.

and thank you all for holding me up when I could not stand.

Rebuilding at ground Zero.......

My I be there to help rebuild yours.

 

Nothing else I can say but thank you seems soo little.

 

bye

 

Luke

[ozzzyyy]

(((((Hugs)))))))

 

You and yours are in my prayers!

 

Yes, trials do make us stronger and they also have a way to make us compassionate to another. We all know how it feels to be kicked when we are down. We're in this together and we need one another in this thing called life! Thanks for allowing us to be a blessing