The Adoption Option

[erin_d_a]

Quote:

I was replying to your original post Erin, before you made your edit and said you were stepping out. I don't want you to think you're not able to express your own point of view, and that's what I was doing as well.

Were good, I just don't want this to turn into an adoption debate. I'm EXTREMELY well versed in adoption law and numbers, I've devoted several years of serious research to this topic and am passionate about change in the domestic infant adoption system, which is why I'm stepping out. I don't want this to turn into a debate

You can start your own research at a couple of good websites. I think the best place to start is the adoption institute. http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/index.php

ETA: I apologize if I sound harsh, I'm a very blunt person and while I'm not harsh, I feel like sometimes I come across that way. I apologize if I do!

[Stephanie]

To be honest, I'm not going to start any research at this point in my life. The opinions that I have are based on my own experiences and observations. I've fostered for 13 years, 45 children, adopting 7 out of the system, etc.

 

But I don't consider myself EXTREMELY qualified to do anything except express my own point of view, which of course might belong to me and me alone.

 

BTW we also had experiences with Domestic Infant Adoption, the lady chose a more lucrative arrangement for herself and left us with an empty nursery and an empty savings account. So, there you go, another 'angle of my personal perspective', which of course effects how I see things.

 

I'm not looking for a debate either. I did however want to express my differing opinion for others to read. To tell you the truth, if I were considering domestic adoption in any form for the first time and read your post, it would have scared me away.

 

I am also passionate about adoption reform and wish that more people would consider domestic adoption, that's where my heart is. We all must follow our heart.

 

And of course, we're good, just having a discussion!

 

[pricklypear]

Erin, thank you so much for responding as openly as you did. This is very helpful to me. I agree with a number of your points -- I had two good friends, incredible women who gave up their babies when they were in a "rough patch" as you say, and were not able to fully recover psychologically...you are right about the necessity of third party counseling...i'll go to read on in the further posts...looks like quite the discussion! prickly

[JCK88]

Erin,

I am happy to hear that the laws have become more adoptive parent friendly. I was basing my comments on the way things were 16 years ago.

 

Something think about-- I am firm believer that people cannot really be coerced into anything. They may regret a decision they made, but ultimately people do what they are motivated to do and what they want to do. Later, it's easy to blame a bad choice on coercion, but the dynamic of belief is that once a person makes up their mind, usually nothing can change it. In fact, the more a person is "coerced" the more likely they are to dig in their heels.

 

At any rate, adoptions usually go smoothly. In the end, ours finished well. What matters is the child, and who she thinks of as family. We have taught her to not hate her birth mother, and we have great joy in exchanging photos and letters with our daughter's half siblings and aunts.

 

It is something to always remember that adoption with all its joys is something wonderful that is yet borne of loss. The adoptive mom loses her dream of her biological child and all the emotions that go with that. The birth mother must give up a baby that she grew in her own body for nine months. The baby loses its true roots and is grafted onto a new family tree.

 

No great joy comes without travail and sorrow along the way.

 

There are debates around adoption and issues galore. Ultimately, if people on all sides remember the great losses of each, it won't be heated in here:)

 

Hugs all around.

 

 

[fostermomma]

Well we are still waiting to finish our adoptions of our for foster kids. It looks like they will be done by Christmas if all goes well.

 

 

[Stephanie]

Wow! be sure to let us know how that all works out. We're scheduled to sign the adoption placement on our 3 foster children next month. They're saying it will be complete by Christmas, but I've never seen it happen that quick. Hopefully it will!

 

Our three have already been in our home for a year and rights have been terminated, so all is a go for the adoption.

[fostermomma]

Good for you all.

 

 

[Stephanie]

Sounds like the ages are perfect for you...no messing with the pecking order. I always advise people to consider that, with taking any children into their home, foster or adopt. of course I don't follow my own advice!

[suzann]

I think adoption is great. I was adopted when I was 10 months old

from Germany by an American family back in the early 60's. I became a citizen in 1965. I had the best mom and dad. Great childhood.

My mom was 45 and my dad was 36 when I was adopted.

[Stephanie]

(((suzann))) I love to hear stories of successful adoptions, just warms my heart. If you've been reading this thread then you know that there are a good number of adoptive families on this board. I think adoption is a beautiful way to grow a family!

[Pastors wife]

We have adopted our oldest granddaughter. We had her since she was about two months old. She is now 16 and she is a wonderful, wonderful person. She makes my day, every day.

[Stephanie]

That's wonderful! I have a family member who did this same thing and it has been such a blessing to everyone it touched.