Deciding to stay at home

[furbabymom]

We're expecting our first child in early December. Up till now, the plan has always been that I'd stay home for 12 weeks, and then hubby would adjust his work schedule and I'd go from full time to part time, so we won't need day care but we also won't lose TOO much of our income.

 

Well, hubby knows that it's always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom and wife. Odd, I know, for someone who took the time to get a Master's degree, but it's true. Well, last weekend he finally told me that, as long as we aren't living paycheck to paycheck, he doesn't mind if I stay home, as long as I realize that my "job" will be: 1) baby, 2) house, 3) him. That's fine with me, that's what I've been longing for all these years!

 

Anyway, we looked at the budget and I think that, financially, we can do it. I'm waiting for the new version of Turbotax to arrive to see what his take home pay would be before we commit to anything (and really, I still have to go back to work for at least a month to avoid paying back benefits from my leave time). It will mean giving up lots of stuff, more for hubby than for me (like having the latest and greatest computer equipment, and being able to run to Home Depot whenever for whatever), but these are the sacrifices we make, right?

 

Anyway, now that the possibility is in front of me, I have to admit, I'm terrified. Hubby works in the electronics industry - it's not the most stable industry, especially with the economy the way it is right now, and he's had a couple of long stretches of unemployment already in the eight years we've known each other.

 

I keep thinking, what if I quit and he loses his job? What do we do then? I'm sure I could get a job fairly easily - I do nonprofit fundraising and am fairly well known in those circles around here, but what if the economy's so bad no one's hiring? It seems like the worst time in the world to just quit a job outright, even though we have money in the bank and food in the pantry.

 

I know I don't need to panic yet - we still have months before this will come to fruition. And maybe it won't work out financially after all and I'm panicking for nothing.

 

I'm sure some of you have been here before - how did you come to your decision? Any words of advice, even about considering this change?

[anitapreciouspearl]

My advice is not very practical if you look at this from a financial perspective but here it is...

 

If at all possible make the sacrifice and stay home with that wonderful new baby. You will never regret it - you may however regret going to work and missing this precious time. You can't even imagine how hard it will be to leave him/her to go back to work for even a month!

 

You aren't asking but if you were - you should go back to work when your youngest child leaves home for good ! What can I say - I am a romantic and an idealist but one with experience. I have never regretted my decision even though at times it was difficult financially.

 

P.S. Since I am in the giving advice mood make it:

 

1)Hubby

2)baby

3)house

 

End of unsolicited advice.

 

Although partly in jest and partly serious - I wish you many blessing for the months to come!!!

 

 

[Stephanie]

I think it's a wonderful life! I gave up my career long ago and have never regretted it.

 

You can never be absolutely sure of what the future would hold. But, if you're both in agreement, I say go for it and enjoy!

 

As you go along, you may decide to make adjustments, but in the mean time I would start cutting back right now and begin to live as frugally as possible. You're a prepper! You can do it!

[Cat]

I had to make that decision.

 

Mom and her friends, who stayed home and knew the financial struggles, boredom (I remember her watching those darn soap operas... and I hate 'em even now!), and day-to-day work, told me I should work.

 

What sealed my decision was a 75-year-old neighbor who told me, with tears in her eyes, that she *had* to work, and would give *anything* if she could go back and stay home, instead. She told me I would never regret it.

 

I haven't. There are moments, but never real regret.

 

 

 

 

[ol'momma]

I vote with the others here. Staying at home with your baby(s) is an experience like no other. The most precious gift you can give yourself...

But one more thing you really do need to think about is that you won't be just giving up the paycheck. You are giving up the years of paying into the system/retirement...and when old age comes calling, you won't have those resources to fall back on.

[mom11]

Well...I always knew I did the right thing, staying home with all my chicks...Until the reality of what I had done hit....If you stay at home and someday, the unforeseen happens, that you may be trapped in a horrible marriage...You will have no value. NONE!

 

You may have no assets of your own, no retirement, no health insurance, and lots of babies to care for. 50% of all men, never pay one penny of child support. In our state, even if you don't work, they count 40 hours of min. wage, as your salary...Even though you don't get paid a cent.

 

My chicks have a host of health problems and disabilities. I know I have been called to care for them. Last week, I made 7 trips to the pharmacy (2 days, two visits), 2 sick appts., 4 hours of psy, therapy, 2 psychiatrist appts., 6 flu shots for chicks, another flu shot visit for myself, and an appt. to do one of the children's medicaid assessment. That is on top of simply taking care of them. It counts for nothing, has no value in today's world. Just make sure you keep some security for you and your baby. Don't give it all up. I am sorry I did and if my children had been healthy, I would keep working, if I could do it all over.

 

Just think about it, think about all the different scenarios life could bring...You will make the right choice for your family...Just be careful...Don't be ME!

[Aint2nuts]

There is so much that goes into a decision like this.

 

Just so that you know, if you stayed married for 10 years, you are entitled to some of your husbands SS ...not that SS will be there when you retire, but I am just saying.

 

In these uncertain times, I would do the best I could to make sure there was enough in my home to survive a year without outside help, in the food, cooking, survival areas. Diapers and toliet papers, to wheat and toothbrushes. If I could, I would be working now. However, my kids are 10-11-12. Old enough to leave at least the oldest home, and the other two at a friends house so I wouldn't worry about them.

 

However, when I had three babies under 2? I stayed home. Although, I was fostering children so that went a long way towards balancing our budget.

 

Is there a way you could work weekends or evenings while your husband is home? Work parttime? Work from your home?

 

 

[furbabymom]

Thanks everyone - so many things to think about! You all have so many words of wisdom - I knew this was the right place to ask.

 

If I do keep working, I'll only work four hours a day (so I'd be gone about 4 1/2 with commuting time). Hubby would work from 5:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. (he works 6:00 to 2:30 right now), and then I'd meet him at his work, swap the baby, and then go on to work, working from about 2:00 to 6:00. So I'd still be home for dinner (which I guess I'd be making in the morning and leaving for hubby to pop in the oven or whatever in the afternoon), and we'd still have our evenings together, which is important to me.

 

Cat - I remember my mom watching soap operas too. I knew all the characters on All My Children when I was in preschool! Still, Mom will be thrilled for me if I stay home, but as a woman who put three kids through Catholic school and then most of college on one teacher's salary because she stayed home, she'll understand if I work, too.

 

Ol'momma, that's a good point about the retirement. And one that I keep mulling over in my head, especially with the market the way it is - I know this is the best time to be paying into the system!

 

Thanks to all of you for your advice - I'm taking it all under consideration, and I'm still thinking and praying about it!

[MomM]

You've been given great advice. Personally, I have stayed home to raise our 5 kids, and I don't regret it. Our budget was tight, but we were both willing to have a tight budget and me stay home. Our kids (now ages 34 down to 20 yrs) all say they are happy I was home with them. If you do go to work, it would be best (in my opinion) to work out your schedules (like you are considering) so you don't have daycare involvement.

What ever decision you make, will be the right one for you. Most of all enjoy your new little blessing. They are so precious and they grow up so fast.

[Darlene]

As usual, this is only MY opinion...

 

I have 4 children. When my first one was born, I went into labor at work. When I brought him home from the hospital after his birth, I remember sitting there holding him and talking to my mother about trying to make the decision about whether to go back to work or not and I remember my mom looking at me and saying, "look me in the eyes and tell me you'd be able to leave this baby with someone else". I burst into tears and the decision was made.

 

I look back on that and think to myself, "well, if that was what made sense to me at the time, then so be it because it was the RIGHT decision to stay home and raise my children myself, but 23 years later as I look back over my child rearing days, I understand and comprehend how monumental that choice that I made, was"...

 

Years later when I had the opportunity to go to med school, I had another conversation with my mom as I was about to walk through the door into college. She said to me, "Darlene? You made your career choice 6 years ago when you decided to have children. That is now, your priority in life". At the time, my children were 6, 4 and 2.

 

The point is, I'm sure there will be opportunities throughout our lives to leave our homes and go and work for someone else, leaving the child rearing to others. And being that I've already walked this path for the past 23 years, this is what I've learned along the way...

 

Having a child really IS the most important job I've ever had. Putting a child on 'hold' for 8 hours a day so that I can go and make some money really doesn't cut it...being a mom is a 24/7 job. Trying to organize a child's needs, so that they are met when I am available is a joke also. So, when my own children get married and have babies, my counsel to them will be "either have a child and stay home to raise that child properly, or go pursue the other career that you feel is beckoning". I don't believe that you can have "both". They'll do what they want, but at least that will be my counsel.

 

Over the years, I've had friends who have been faced with the same decision. I had one girlfriend who had a baby the same time I had my first. She left a high level job to stay home, her husband worked 2 jobs, and there were times they were really financially hurting and went without a lot. But their commitment was to that child, and while it was young and still at home, she stayed at home. She did a small day care thing on the side, taking care of 1 or 2 other children during this time...she made little crafts to sell, and she even had 1 more child. It wasn't until both children were in school full time that she went back to college herself and got a Masters degree and resumed her own desires and destiny for a career.

 

So, my counsel to you is the same I would give my own babies (young adults). You've made a new career decision in deciding to bless your marriage with a child. While that child is young, I feel that you need to raise that child, providing it with a secure and warm, loving home, while his/her foundation is being built. Once they start school full time (1st grade), then you will be in a position to have a little time for yourself, but truth be known, you'll never be totally 'yours' ever again. That child will need you at the most odd hours of day and night and after your husband, your child will come next. Everything else comes after that...even you.

 

There really is a law of nature that has needs, no matter how much people want to intellectualize that a person can have it all. That is the biggest lie that ever hit this country, and is one of the reasons I'm pretty strong about honoring these natural desires to be blessed with the gift of life in our children.

 

Now before everyone gets in an uproar over my strong opinions, let me state that when conventional homes (married/husband working/secure family unit) fall apart, then there of course is a need to provide for our children, but aside from that, I really do wish more people would forego more material things for the sake of the human beings that we create together, or adopt.

 

When that baby is born and placed into your arms for the first time, the love that will flood your heart will be a moment you will remember forever.

 

God bless you, your husband and this little life that is growing.

[preparing]

You and your mother "Darlene? You made your career choice 6 years ago when you decided to have children. That is now, your priority in life".

 

That statement is so true!

[ol'momma]

I figure I'm much more valuable at home with my cubs then I am out in the work force. I was fortunate that when I was working I was either able to take the kids with me, or leave them with their father. Now our life has changed again and those are no longer options. But, yanno what? I don't mind being 'forced' to stay with them one little bitty bit!!

[Tx_Woman]

I am glad to see these responses! I, unfortunately, do not have children but if I did, I'd want to be a stay at home, home-schooling mom. I have some friends who (she) has a masters and was doing very well money-wise, but her husband wanted her to stay home and homeschool their 3 kids. She finally agreed and they have the best family - I envy them. I also have a coworker that just had twins.....she now has 4 kids. I asked her why she doesn't stay home and she said she likes her money. I almost fell over.......money - children........doesn't seem like a hard one to me.

[mommato3boys]

Furbabymom, maybe you can the best of both worlds. You said that you nonprofit fundraising. Well maybe you can still take on a job once in a while after the baby is born and work from home well at least organize it.

 

I stayed home until ds#1 was 18months old went back to work until ds#2 was six months old. Never regret leaving the work force and not looking back. Was able to stay home until ds#3 was 4 have worked off and on since then. Really wish I could go back to staying home well not working out side the home I want to start my own business.

[Momo]

I think any mother should try to stay home if at all possible..at least until the child starts school.

 

Even when I was a single mother with a toddler, I managed to scrap by on part time jobs and jobs I could do with my son around. I just refused to put him in daycare, and I had no relatives to give him good loving care while I worked a conventional job. We were very poor but I always managed to provide a home and food.

 

Was it worth it? I'll never really know. I do know I did my best and gave my son the most love and time I could. He seemed to grow up fine with garage sale clothes and few "extras" in his life.

 

I guess he appreciated it, because when he became a father his wife quit work to stay home with Princess Sr. She isn't going back to work until PrincessIII starts school. I am so glad that they made that decision.

[mom11]

 

I've always thought moms should stay home. Why have babies, if someone else was going to raise them? I always thought that, until recently. AND I have done without everything, to stay home, including phone, car, insurance, money...BUT...The laws are one sided and favor the male. If, and I pray this never happens to any more, of my dear friends here, you are in a horrific marriage...You will find that, although, many studies show, the value of a wife and mother, is far above $100,000...In the end, you aren't worth a penny. You could end up in a far worse situation, than what you sacrifice and do without, in a good marriage, if you live on one income.

 

My chicks have a new therapist and he went into this little talk with me, the other day...He said the new studies show...bla, bla bla...A wife and mother, with 2 children is worth $$$$$. I told him, that was pure nonsense, we have no monetary value...Zip, Zero, Zip...Just try and collect.

 

I didn't care what I had to give up, and even though I have a bachelors degree, I never gave a second thought to it being a sacrifice to stay home with my chicks...AND I do not have easy chicks. I have two aggressive, autistic, bi-polar children and all five have multiple physical problems.....I have never resented their care or my decision, until the reality of our situation hit me...I have failed them miserably. Society has failed all women and children.

 

In a very bad marriage, maybe even dangerous...You will find that the only options are punishment for the family, not the abuser. It is throw the children and mother into extreme poverty, shelters, no health insurance, maybe no vehicle.....The man skips off into a new life, with most of everything. Not once, has anyone ever mentioned consequences for the man, in my house...It is all for us. It's so easy to just let "shelter" roll off of tongues. My 7 year old has put six, 8 inch holes in his bedroom walls, during the past two weeks...With his bare hands...Think we will be welcome in a shelter for long?...How about section 8 housing?...Out we would go.

 

I'm not trying to say, anyone should leave their babies. I feel in my heart, we all should stay home...I just say...Think hard about the future. I was so caught up trying to deal with my chicks problems and being manipulated by this man, I just didn't even realize what was actually going on.

 

If you can work for just 4 hours a day and Daddy, will be available to care of your precious baby...That's wonderful! You will keep some independence and security. I am sure your husband is a wonderful man and you can trust him..It's just that, none of us has a crystal ball....We don't see the future.

 

It is true, that after 10 years of marriage, you get some SS, however I believe the most you will get, at age 62, is about $600. I will still have a completely dependent child and a minor child then...We surely can't live on that.

 

My husband has a 401K type account at work. My name isn't on it. That is the only savings we have. I have no access to it. I don't qualify for legal aid and I can't get access to the 401K ..It isn't MINE...One lawyer said, I have no assets of my own. I can't even get a private attorney. If you can, keep some investments in your own name, somewhere secure. If you ever get an inheritance, keep that always separate.

 

My daughter, who will be 22 in a couple of weeks, became engaged this weekend. I love the guy, but this breaks my heart. Until the law changes, I don't want to see my daughters, degraded, by marriage. Women have no leverage and the men can get away with plenty, before they are ever put in jail, for failure to support.

Someday, if I ever have the energy, I will lobby for a law, allowing a man (or woman's) SS to be tapped, if they fail to pay support. As it is now, women have no power, nothing to counter the blackmail these men use, so often, to keep women from leaving, or from them trying to use the children, as leverage. "I won't pay you a penny, if you leave." or "I will take your children away." Granted, they probably can't take your children, but they will be the ones with the lawyer, and maybe you with no money and no lawyer..I stopped by our family court judge's office and was told "The winner, is usually the one with the best lawyer."

 

When I went back to college, I actually took my babies with me. I would take one of the oldest chicks and the baby, run to class, run downstairs, nurse the baby, run back to class...Two of my chicks learned to walk in the halls of Indiana University.

I wasted my money on that degree, now that I look back, but my chicks need me and I am determined to keep them out of residential care. Two qualify, right now. I want them raised with their siblings, with a mother, in their own home...We are paying a large price for this....

 

Just be careful, think your decision through, keep some security, don't relinquish all of your control. Do this for you and your new baby! God Bless You and good luck with your Precious Christmas Gift! Catherine

[HSmom]

Furbabymom, congratulations on your upcoming blessing! (You might need to consider a user-name change - lol) You will be absolutely AMAZED by how much you love this little person that is currently growing in you. I have two children, and have always said that having children is the best thing I've ever done. Gosh! I never cry, but I am feeling teary thinking about how much I LOOOOOOOOOVE my kids.

 

That said...stay home.

 

I briefly worked fulltime, after the birth of my first...about 18 months. Then the second came along. I tried the fulltime thing again, but she soundly rejected that plan!!! For the last seven years, I've worked parttime. I am blessed to be in an industry that provides healthcare to parttime workers (I'm an RN). This fits well with my dh's self-employment. I thank God that it's so easy for us both to do work we love and get the healthcare coverage we need.

 

Even so, with my "babies" now seven years old and nine years old...it's still hard to "leave them" to work for a couple of days. Yes, they're okay, but even my dh, their dad, doesn't take care of them as well as their mama, me, does. Children NEED their mothers!

 

I understand your concerns about these economic times. I went through our family budget today - looking for "fat" to cut. But stay home with your baby. Make it your job to make your household financially fit. Being home gives you time to do frugal things like bake bread. Bread really doesn't require more than about 20 minutes of your time, but it does require that you be there over two to three hours to give it those 20 minutes, watch the heat for rising, and throw it in the pre-heated oven at the appropriate time. I suggest that you read the Tightwad Gazette series (three books, or all three in one volume).

 

I do recall some small portion of boredom when my first daughter was a baby...but not since! Now, I find myself budgeting every hour to get things done.

[kathy003]

What a hard choice you have here.

 

I stayed home with my two oldest kids - they are ages 17 and 11 years old now. I hd to go back to work when our son was born, he is 7 years old now and I had a work schedule that sounds like yours. Because of the circumstances of our house my DH and i had to both work part time and opposite schedules. This worked out great.

 

I have to say i am glad I was able to get out of the house and interact with other adults. If I only stay home I get bored and pretty unproductive. I think i work best under pressure only because when I have all day to do nothing - that's exactly what i do ( i'm gonna have to learn how to change that since i am unemployed).

 

I don't regret my decision to work part time. It also gave my DH alone time with the kids to do his own thing with them.

 

If you can handle being home all the time, I would choose that option.

 

 

[nmchick]

Furbabymom, I think I'm going to come out for trying to work part-time. Or, at least I have some questions for you to consider.

 

(1) Suppose you don't work for say 5 years. Will you be able to re-enter your career? I don't know about your business, but things change a lot in most businesses and your skills or connections need to be kept current.

 

(2) How good are you at working while sleep deprived? I worked for a while after my son was born and it's a good thing I knew my topics well enough to teach in my sleep because I *was* teaching in my sleep.

 

(3) How much of your identity is tied up in your profession? It was a really hard thing to figure out who I was after I wasn't Dr. NMChick anymore.

 

(4) It was really great to go to work because at least for a few hours I got to eat/go to the bathroom when I needed to. And I was was good at what I was doing and people respected me. Our baby was unhappy with us no matter what we did. (He remembers being mad at us all the time. No lie!)

 

(5) Being able to work at home will depend a lot on the baby you get. We had the kind that only slept for 15 minutes at a time and only after we danced with him in a sling to loud music. Couldn't sit down or take him off when he was sleeping either, so whomever he fell asleep on was stuck for a while. But some babies take two or three naps a day and sleep in a crib, or so I'm told.

 

(6) (Sorry, back to the questions.) Say you stay home. Does your husband have enough life insurance and disability insurance so that if something happens to him, you and your child can survive if you aren't able to return to work for a while?

 

(7) I think it's very good for a marriage to have the husband be responsible for the baby at least part of the time. People who aren't involved in the care of children tend to minimize the effort it involves. Both of you will feel better if he participates. Deep down, my husband thought it should be my problem when the baby cried. He didn't know what to do about it, and thought I did. (I really wasn't any better at it and for a while, our baby really preferred daddy.)

 

Now my circumstances aren't typical. Turns out DS had some food intolerances (wheat/dairy) that we didn't get straightened out until he was 3 as well as some autism spectrum issues. To say he was difficult is an understatement. And then his sister came along and she was also a non-sleeper, but at least a pleasant one. Come to find out this non-sleeping thing runs on both sides of our families. (They both sleep now, most of the time. DD didn't do it regularly until she was 5. My friends have had to get to know me all over again. I'm really different after I've had a few complete nights of sleep.)

 

DH and I both had very flexible schedules and we're hard workers, as well as efficient. If DS had been a more typical baby, we could have handled alternating care for him ourselves. But, ultimately, I quit my career. Working was good for me, but it wasn't working out for my family. And the hard thing is that I know that I can probably never get a job in that field again: mid-career academics are not in high demand since you can get new Ph.D.s for much cheaper, along with their youthful enthusiasm and "fresh" knowledge.

 

I don't regret it, BTW. But I do wonder what will happen to us if DH isn't able to work. At the moment, I'm not very employable. (Yes, I need to be working on that. It's be a good prep, huh?)

 

So, I say if you decide to stay home, make sure you build your safety net. You got that little baby to think of now.

 

BTW. for me, staying with a baby was a combo of exhilaration and times of extreme boredom, sometime all in the same five minutes.

 

Congratulations. And let me say again, I don't regret it. But it's not a black and white kind of decision.

[serendipity]

Originally Posted By: furbabymom

he doesn't mind if I stay home, as long as I realize that my "job" will be: 1) baby, 2) house, 3) him.

furbabymom,

Just wondering what exactly your dh meant by number three.

Sends up a huge red flag for me but it definitely depends on the structure of your marriage and what the expectations are and how equality figures into it.

If he is saying you would now be there to "wait" on him and be his servant I would urge caution. You are contemplating staying home to care for your baby and home, not a grown man.

Please be very careful and I apologize if I am offending you in any way. I do not mean it to be offensive or accusatory at all, but I have seen waayyyy too many marriages where the woman exists to serve the man while he puts in his hours at work and comes home and sits while she continues working far into the evening caring for children and home. And it is not like society gives you credit for those years...it is generally not considered a plus on your resume. Men rarely configure their work around the children. Women rarely configure their lives any other way.

Having said that, I do think staying home is best for the children and I did so myself. But it came at a very very high price in terms of being able to go out into the workforce and earn a decent living should that become necessary. I am getting to an age now where I am less and less marketable.

And should anything ever happen to make a marriage dissolve you are left struggling.(I am NOT suggesting it would for you but do you know how many women say "oh, that would never happen to me?"). The statistics on this are not very encouraging. Again, not accusing you or your husband of anything, just tossing some caution at you.

Just not necessarily the best for the mom, if you kwim. If you can at all stay current in your field I would highly, highly recommend you do that.

It is such a tough tough choice and balance to attain.

Again, I apologize if this seemed harsh. My intent was not to attack you or your situation at all. Just offering some things to consider.


((((furbabymom)))))

[serendipity]

Originally Posted By: nmchick

People who aren't involved in the care of children tend to minimize the effort it involves.

This is a dead-on, bullseye, COMPLETELY ACCURATE statement by nmchick.

No matter how much they "think" they understand about how hard it is cannot compare to their true understanding of it when they are required to also be involved.

[nmchick]

Plus the children get to know their dad too, and them him. After a day with me, my kids are really happy to hang out with daddy for a while. It's valuable for all of them.

 

But, what I really wanted to say here is

 

FISH OIL

 

or some other source of Omega 3s. All our sleep problems were greatly helped by fish oil. We have friends who first child was a non-sleeper. The mommy took her omega 3s during her second pregnancy and the second child slept through most everything. (He might have been going to be that way anyway, but maybe not!) Diets in the US are woefully short of omega 3s and they are important for the brain development of children, especially around being able to stay asleep.

[nmchick]

Originally Posted By: furbabymom

1) baby, 2) house, 3) him.

Little babies are very time consuming. Things let up around 4 months, but until then, unless your baby is one of those "spuds" as my husband calls them, you might not be able to do a whole lot of taking care of your house. You need help. DH needs to continue to do his share of housework and probably more if the minimum of laundry and dinner are going to be accomplished.

Now I know that there are folks here who've had a different experience, but at least with the first child, it takes a while to adapt to how you need to do things differently. I can grocery shop, cook dinner, and do the laundry one handed now, but I couldn't when the baby came and didn't even know I was going to need these skills, plus being sleep deprived made it hard to learn them.

I think your priorities should be

(1) baby
(2) taking care of yourself at least enough so that you don't fall ill
(3) your marriage
(4) house

[furbabymom]

Hi all,

 

Thanks again for all your great advice! I want you all to know that, while I'm not replying much, but I am reading everything and digesting. So many different things to think about. I'm beginning to think I started thinking about it too early - I should wait until I'm back at work afterward and see how I feel then. I'm just a worrier and a planner - it's my natural tendency.

 

I do want to reassure everyone that, when my husband listed himself in my priority list, he didn't mean that I should be slaving away for him or anything! He just meant I'd keep on doing the stuff that I already do - his laundry (he's not allowed to touch the laundry, LOL!), packing his lunch for him, making food he likes, stuff like that. Oh, and I'm sure that if I learned how to use the lawn mower so he didn't have to mow anymore, that would be a bonus!

 

I do like the idea of our daughter getting to spend a little quality one on one time with daddy every day. I think not only would that create a deeper bond between the two of them, but it would pretty much guarantee that he won't spend the whole afternoon playing computer games anymore!

 

And, I know that, no matter how many times we've promised each other we'd never get divorced, there are no guarantees in life. This is forever in the back of my mind.

 

Anyway, I'm still thinking. But I did want you all to know how much I value your advice and friendship!

[Cricket]

Daddy can take care of baby while Mommy mows the lawn! Take your headphones and enjoy the fresh air.

 

I stayed home with my kids when they were little. My DH worked full time and often took side jobs on evenings and weekends so I could be home.

 

We lived simply. We rented. I was a very frugal home manager and cooked from scratch. I had a schedule for my housework and laundry (I used the Sidetracked Home Executive 3x5 card system) I used cloth diapers, breast fed, and made my own baby food.

 

Years later I ran across one of our tax returns from those years and was shocked at how small our annual income was. (Yes, ours. We were in it together)

 

I read to my babies from day one. I sang to them. I danced around to the radio and made funny faces at them while doing housework. I walked them around the neighborhood in stroller and sling and we touched rocks and trees.

 

I met hubby at the door every evening with a smile and a kiss (usually wearing an apron, no lie!!)and dinner simmering on the stove. I made sure he knew he was my hero for providing for us.

 

I'd do it over again in a heartbeat. It was worth every sacrifice. Especially when my children became young adults, and actually expressed appreciation for the value of thier upbringing.

 

And 31 years later, hubby still gets the smile and the kiss!