SNOW for beginners

[cookiejar]

1. If there is fog mixed with the snow... That's called a "White Out"... not, "OoooOoooooo preeettttyyyyyyyy!"

 

2. Do not, repeat, do NOT remove your glove to grab the metal door knob, car door, iron stair railing, or _______(insert your favorite).

 

3. If the soda you accidently left overnight in the car is colder then the one from the fridge... reconsider drinking it.

 

4. Gawking at someone wearing a light coat in the snow brands you as a tourist.

 

5. Do not say out loud in the motel lobby, "Oh good, our room's by the ice machine." Expect "plenty of ice outside" jokes to haunt the rest of your visit.

 

6. Do not be surprized when locals exclaim with glee, "It got up to 31 today!!!" Do not then announce "It's freeeeeeeeeeeeeeezinnngggggg!!!!" Expect laughter at your expense.

 

7. People are not abusing their dog by letting it romp in the snow.

 

8. That odd crunching noise is not engine trouble, it's snow under the wheels.

 

9. Snow folk do not think it's odd to add colored "icicle lights" at Christmas to their house, despite the fact that they have real icicles hanging from it, too.

 

 

More later...hope this made you smile

 

cookie de nieve

Hace freo!!!!

 

 

 

[Vic303]

Gee Cookie did you go somewhere up North for Christmas?

[Mt_Rider]

Frozen soda....... woooooeeeeeee! Geyser!

 

 

She must be getting her Snow Certificate in the Rocky Mts. this year. How's it going, cookie?

 

 

If it will make you feel any better, cookie.....DH and I are quite sure that 24 degrees feels a LOT colder this year. I keep checking my outdoor thermometer for accuracy!

 

 

I enjoyed your new-found knowledge.

 

 

 

Christmas was the only day in the past two weeks that's been warm enough to run water down 350' of hose to fill the horse tanks.... [thus relieving me of hauling MANY 3 gal. jugs of water]. So opportunity was knocking and my mom had to hold the ham a bit longer while we did that. Christmas in the Rockies.

 

 

MtRider

[Stephanie]

((((Cookie))))

 

Stay warm and thanks for the smile!

 

Maybe you'll have some new material for your story *hint hint*

 

 

[Mother]

I believe Cookie should write a book. "Snow for Dummies" I believe it would sell.

 

Keep them coming, dear one. I really need to laugh!

 

[cookiejar]

Originally Posted By: Mother

I believe Cookie should write a book. "Snow for Dummies" I believe it would sell.

Keep them coming, dear one. I really need to laugh!

Thanks gang and a big ((((Mother))). Here you go... Only truth can be this funny.


10. Expect anything containing gel to go "strange" - I.E. milky, thick, attempting to escape the container. (Will not attack.)

11. That glittery stuff is "black ice" - don't play on it.

12. Sledding is harder then you imagined. Please note... no brakes. Dragging your heels and flailing will only result in you travelling backwards.

13. Don't start a snowball fight with locals. It will not go well for you. (There is no mercy in snowball wars).

14. Add 10 to 15 minutes to any morning travel due to ice scraping and car heating. Add 5 more for powder snow removal.

15. Acknowledge that your car engine gauge will actually have to warm UP just to register *cold*.

[HSmom]

Quote:

10. Expect anything containing gel to go "strange" - I.E. milky, thick, attempting to escape the container. (Will not attack.)

The "attempting to escape" part is altitude. You shut the container at sea level with air at that pressure. Then you traveled to a place of high altitude, where the air pressure is lower. The pressure in that container is still at the "high" pressure of sea level, but it's surrounded by the relatively low pressure of GJ, CO. Pressure wants to be equal, so it tries to escape. Next time, before you shut the container, squeeze it slightly, so that it's dented. It'll be much happier. When you arrive at your low pressure destination, it will no longer be dented. Better yet, it won't keep trying to escape.

So says HSmom who lives close to sea level and visits in-laws at +5000 feet.

P.S. The milkiness...well you're on your own there!

[Mt_Rider]

Yeah, altitude: you ought to see our tater chip bags and round ice cream cartons. They are shipped up here from low country. Chip bags look like Cabbage Patch doll faces and the lid actually lifts off of the ice cream unless they are shrink-wrapped. THEN it lifts 2" when you open it at home. Plan to eat a lot of ice cream on that first serving.

 

 

I actually let some air outta my wheelchair tires as I'm returning back to CO from Hawaii..... "Well, Mr. Airplane Official Person.....that loud bang you heard in the hold was simply a wheelchair tire blow-out"

 

 

 

 

 

My favorite: 15. Acknowledge that your car engine gauge will actually have to warm UP just to register *cold*.

 

 

 

Hey cookie, did you find out the CO meaning of "Bun Warmers".....

 

 

 

MtRider [wave as you pass over my house tomorrow. ]

 

 

 

[Mother]

These are wonderful reminders that we in snow country forget to enjoy the HUMOR in snow.

 

(((((((SnowCookie))))))))

 

[Snowmom]

 

We have had enough of that pretty white stuff for a while now. I think we have gotten around 26 inches or more so far. That is more than we got all together in the past 2 years, or at least it seems like it. We had had to be plowed out 4 or 5 times already and it is only January.

 

 

 

[Cat]

**That thing about tongues freezing onto metal surfaces? It's *real*.

 

 

**That fluffy stuff that looks so pretty even after the snowplow pushes it aside? One tire into it and it'll suck you off the road faster than you can scream "Oh, nooooooo!".

 

 

More??

 

 

 

[Mt_Rider]

Ahem.... lets say that one is a bit distracted on an all-too-familiar road...and um, one is mebbe not paying attention to how FAST one is going on snowpacked, steep ridgelines in the Rockies. And then one is...well, SHOCKED to crest the aforementioned ridge and find oneself needing to quickly SHARE THE ROAD with another vehicle [ what're they doin' on MY road? ] ........

 

 

Wellllll, a good rule to follow is that if the aforementioned vehicle happens to be a VERY large and VERY orange SNOWPLOW........

 

 

...one naturally would give right-of-way........

 

 

 

 

 

 

even if one would need to 'take the ditch' to avoid spinning out of control and thus risk hitting the nice snowplow man and his big orange truck.

 

 

 

 

That is proper protocol in Snow Country.

 

 

 

 

But also proper protocol is that nice Snow Plow man stops his big orange truck and hauls out a chain with which to haul one's silly butt outta the drift one planted into in avoiding him.

 

Cuz two weeks later, same nice Snow Plow man ditches HIS big orange truck in front of ones house. And then one would have the chance to return the favor......well, not pull him out, mind you. But use of a phone to get yet another nice Snow Plow man with another orange truck to come pull him out.

 

 

ALWAYS BE NEIGHBORLY IN SNOW COUNTRY!!!!!!

 

 

 

MtRider [......or so I've heard it told........]

[cookiejar]

Neighborly in Snow Country...I like it! That was a total visual!

 

For the Newbies who don't know me. I'm from Miami Florida and spent the holiday in the Grand Mesa area of Colorado. So I had from below sea level to...I think it was 5 to 6 thousand feet up? PLUS, I arrived in time for 5.3 inches of snowfall.

 

The Angels surely look out for drunks, babies and Miamians in the snow.

 

 

 

Snow hints cont:

 

Expect snowfall to add a whole NEW degree of difficulty to the game of parking spot hunting. I think I parked on a crosswalk once.

 

Just because a snowy field looks lovely and level does not mean it is level, just lovely.

 

Snow disguises potholes efficiently.

 

Braking distance is real and must be obeyed. (sigh)

 

That button with the wavy design and a windshield on it is called a *defroster*

 

Those thin metal threads in the back window are also defrosters, not just further antitheft devices.

 

Now you know why penguins walk that way.

 

If there is a millimeter of open space in your clothing, wet slushy stuff will find a way into it. Collars are particularly vunerable.

 

Water takes FOEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR to heat in the mountains.

 

Coffee is a life giving force and should be properly cherish and respected.

 

 

 

[DenimDaze]

Oh my cookie jar.

 

Wonderful post!

[Homemaker]

I want snow.

[Cat]

Homemaker says:

Quote:

I want snow.

 

 

**Cat loads 10 semi-truck-loads of snow from her yard and asks the drivers to take it to Homemaker...**

 

 

Ummm... what's that address???

 

 

I was tired of snow before November hit...

 

 

 

 

[Mt_Rider]

OWWWWWWW!

 

Cat....your snow shoveling guy makes my shoulders HURT just lookin' at him!

 

 

 

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

 

 

Ya think snow is soft and pretty?

 

Nope, snow is one of the most painful things in my life right now. And not JUST from landing on it.

 

 

Snow is painful....that's my new words of snow wisdom.

 

 

 

MtRider [joining Cat with being sick of snow......only ours will last thru last April and even May blizzards..... ]

[Homemaker]

Cat,

Tell your snow guy to unload it in the front yard. Keep it away from the chicken coop out back. I really don't want to slip and slide while carrying them their warm water.

Have him pile it really high on the driveway tonight so my husband can stay home from work.

[Aint2nuts]

Quote:

Now you know why penguins walk that way.

OMG ROFLOL!!!

[HSmom]

Originally Posted By: Cat

Homemaker says:

Quote:

I want snow.

**Cat loads 10 semi-truck-loads of snow from her yard and asks the drivers to take it to Homemaker...**


Ummm... what's that address???


I was tired of snow before November hit...

[Homemaker]

Too cute!!

[Granny]

Quote:

That button with the wavy design and a windshield on it is called a *defroster*

[Jewlzm]

Oh My goodness! My first day back in ages and I forgot to not drink while reading this forum!

 

Thanks cookie.. I should copy these and send them to my inlaws for their next travel out here to our lovely neck of the woods (they are from sunny california)

[Jeepers]

8. That odd crunching noise is not engine trouble, it's snow under the wheels.

[cookiejar]

It is not considered bizarre to see a block's worth of driveways filled with running cars with no people in sight... this is called, "Warming the car up."

 

Snow folk may forget where their wallets, purses, cellphones, and small children are... but they can always find the remote or duel key to complete above said ritual.

 

If someone gleefully exclaims, "I got HOTTIES on sale!" they're not discussing prostitution.

 

If the snow is white, how did the rental car get so dirty?

 

Thermal outsells lingerie.

 

The unforeseen problem of figuring the ratio of clothing versus cold level +/- the amount of time you have to dress or arrive somewhere.

 

Restaurants have actual coat racks, and if you get a booth, it will have it's *own* coat hooks.

 

Like spotting your own purse in a pile... you KNOW your own gloves.

 

No matter the size or breed of dog, if he has romped in the snow... he must come jump on you.

 

Even if they see someone else slip, a man will still walk over that same piece of icy sidewalk.