How to part with the macaroni art and other childhood treasures?

[Homemaker]

My husband and I are in a transition in our lives, the kids are grown, either married or off to college. We are also facing a big change in our own lives with a possible career change and move.

 

In our effort to prep the house for sale, we are finding conflict with the kids over what to keep or throw. They are feeling saddened that their childhood home will be lost to them. On top of that, we are purging the place of all the things we have collected over the years that we no longer need. This is creating a problem with the kids because they don't want to part with childhood tokens. We've had resistance when I cleared out some of the Christmas decorations the kids made or bought us. We will also need to get rid of the shabby barbie doll house. I've changed my decorating style also and want to have nicer things.

 

Those of you who have made it to this point on your path of life, how have you handled this transition? How have you let your children see that it isn't the things that are important, but the memories that will last. You really can't go far in life if you have to drag the past with you.

[Cat]

With childhood treasures, if the *kids* don't want them badly enough to store them *themselves*, then it's *your* choice. But (if it were me) I'd offer them to the kids *first*. If the child wants to keep the things they made or played with to show their kids, etc., then it should be in THEIR care. Maybe the shabby Barbie house is something the kids would want to save for their kids, or even just to fix up and display in their own home.

 

When Homey and her Hubby were clearing out their "things" to go into mission work, they offered their nieces the Christmas ornaments and maybe other things, I don't know. But the nieces were THRILLED to keep some of their Aunt and Uncle's "treasures"... things they remembered and will treasure forever.

 

For things like macaroni pictures and falling-apart school paintings, just be sure to take photographs of them before throwing them away, and give the kids a copy of them on a CD. It shows the child you enjoyed and treasured them, but that it was time to let go. (Their choice if they keep the original or not!)

 

Just my 2 cents' worth...

 

 

 

 

[JCK88]

Before my mother moved to Florida and sold our childhood home, she gave us kids the option of taking our stuff or it would have to go. Thus, I have my old barbie dolls and doll house furniture and a few things that I made as a kid. It's fun to have them. She also saved things I had written and those are fun to have. She made it clear that although she treasured all the things we had done and made as kids, that if we wanted these things, we had to take them because in their new place, there would be no room.

 

I was the one who had to clean out the house after they moved and my brother and I had to empty the stuff they didn't take with them. It was tough to say goodbye to that house--but we all had homes of our own by then, we were grown ups. We had to let go.

 

When you run into resistance from the kids about you breaking up "their" childhood home, remind them that they are adults, that you have a right to sell your place, and that you are not the perpetual caretaker of their history and childhood but that you are their parents and that you had lives before they entered into the picture and you have lives of your own now that you are not raising them.

 

If they don't take what is offered and you can't take it with you--then take photos, put on a CD, send it to them. And pitch the stuff or sell it at a yard sale or whatever.

 

And, from the other perspective, when my father died and I had to break up the house in Florida and get rid of 29 years of stuff from there, it touched me deeply that my mother still had a couple of things I had made in my childhood and that in my father's treasure drawer was a card I had made him. Both of my parents also treasured letters and cards that I had sent them over the years and much to my amazement, my mother had clipped every single newspaper article I wrote during the time I lived in Florida and I treasure that collection now. It was heartwarming to see that they still kept mementos of my doings as an adult, and it reminded me of how much we loved each other. It made doing this awful task easier.

 

I also found that it comforted my mother to have photos that I took of the house and in every room before I dismantled things. She likes to look at these photos now that she is in the nursing home and it comforts her to know that grandchildren wanted certain objects or furniture, as if since she can't have it anymore, at least someone she loves does.

 

In the end, when the house has to be cleaned and emptied for the last time, when someone dies or has to go into a nursing home -- the important thing that remains is the feelings and the love you have for each other. The memory of the macaroni picture is better than the reality at this point--because you see, the love is the best legacy, the longest-lasting keepsake. Even when nothing tangible is left, love remains. It transcends death, outlasts death, even.

 

So...don't be blackmailed into keeping stuff just because of sentiment. Cat's advice above is right on....

[Crazy4Canning]

I have to second what I've heard here.

 

I lost my childhood home over 10 years ago. Long story, but I was in college and my parents were moving. They had to for many reasons. My dad automatically bagged and boxed ALL the childhood toys for going through later. I was grateful for that.

 

When my sister died 7 years ago, it was so overwhelming, I had him keep the boxes a couple more years because I just couldn't look at them.

 

So, the year I got married, 14 boxes of assorted items showed up in our garage. He was very insistent that these were mine, now. Not next month or next year, but NOW. So, one afternoon, I had some empty totes and I sorted. I washed dolly clothes and toys, keeping some and purging some. I took them to the donation site right away. And then I packed them up AGAIN.

 

My childhood art has long since been purged to the 'best' and most important pieces. My mama told me early on that she wouldn't save EVERY piece of paper except the most important ones. So, I do have a collection, one small file, of paper and artwork from childhood. It's enough. I do have a few of my favorite toys, and my sister's.

 

It does get frustrating, for my husband has virtually NOTHING from his childhood, except a couple of clothing items his mom gave to us one summer because "she just couldn't stand tripping over the boxes any longer".

 

It does present a problem though. These things are just THINGS. They represent a happy childhood, memories, and touchstones for growth. However, with the eyes of an adult living in a tiny bungalow, they also represent SPACE, space that if consolidated, could be used for pantry or other storage.

 

I know that if a natural disaster happened and I had to bug out, I would regret losing these things, but I have memories. I would be heartbroken and probably cry over it, but life would move on.

[gulfcoastruth]

Been there, done that!

 

All good advice here. I esp like the idea of taking pictures first.

 

I for one, made up a box for ea of my grown sons and presented it as a gift to them!! (Who can refuse a gift!!)

 

I also KEPT things of theirs that I just was not ready to lose. Have made several moves with those items, and am not sorry. In fact, very glad that I did.

 

I wish I had kept a few tokens of THIER childhood Christmas things. Like you, I wanted to upgrade with more grownup stuff. I miss a few of the things that were traditions for us back in the day. The thing I miss the VERY most, is an old cassette tape of Christmas songs. We had a fav..."Mary's Little Boy Child" to a ragge rythem. Every Christmas, I find myself serarching for it...a few versions have come close, but not quite.

 

A few of the things you will keep, you will want to share with Grandchildren. Part of the magic, is that those things will be ANTIQUES before you know it!! (My grandchildren have never seen a rotary phone, and don't know what a "phone booth" is!!!

 

Have fun with your move! It's a GREAT time of life! It's great to start fresh with new things.

[yarrow]

I have always taken pictures of things from school, or whereever. I know that the kids had favorite t-shirts or pieces of clothing. CLICK... a picture and it is glued in their scrapbook.

 

Course, they all have totes in the barn where I store exceptionally nice things. They will have to deal with it when they are ready.

 

 

[Momo]

I admit I am a packrat. Recently I have been trying to get DS to take some of his stuff that I saved. He says he doesn't have enough room. Right now, I have enough space but if we move or rent out the basement..something will have to go.

 

I had the opposite happen to me. My Mom hardly saved anything. Before she died, I looked around for things that I had made for her. None of them had been saved. That's where folks are different I guess. I could have never thrown away a sweater made by my daughter when she was 8. If she was really short on space she could have saved the headband instead..but no headband either.

 

I like the CD idea. Maybe I need to do that. I am already getting a big collection of things made for me by the Princesses. Fortunately, I have an attic too!

[RusticOkie]

This is a tough subject. I was just discussing this with my MIL and hubby the other day. Trying to decide which of my daughter's things to keep and which to donate/sell. She's only 20 months but its amazing how much stuff we have. I'm torn because my mother kept next to nothing of mine from when I was a child. I have 2 crocheted baby blankets that were made for me and that is about it. None of the beautiful handmade dresses, no childhood artwork. But my MIL kept EVERYTHING that ever belonged to my hubby. So I am trying to find that happy medium.

 

I wish I would have had the opportunity to keep some of my things but my mother got rid of them before I was old enough to care/know. Since your kids are older you should give them the opportunity to take the things that they feel are precious to them and you should discard the rest. If they don't think its worth taking charge of then there is no reason you should have to do it. Unless it is something that you find especially touching.

 

Taking photos of things is a great idea. I've already started doing that with my daughter's things. Even just in case something happens to them. Especially artwork, it adds up quickly.

 

I hope you are all able to find common ground with your decision.

[Homemaker]

Well, since I first posted this topic, I have done some purging.

Unfortunately my middle daughter discovered my goodwill pile and saw that I had gotten rid of a cheap little stuffed animal she gave me years ago. I have no attachment to it, but she will not let me get rid of it.

I tried to explain to her that it wasn't important to me, but the memory of her giving it to me was. It isn't like I've thrown out every childhood item.

She hadn't missed it all those years while it was buried in the closet, but once she saw it in the give-away pile, she was hurt.I asked her where all the gifts we gave her down through the years were, but it didn't matter.

 

I became a mother at age 16. I went from my childhood to motherhood without a transition. My toys became my children's toys and I never was able to define myself as an adult. I'm ready to move on to the next phase of my life, but the kids want me to drag all the stuff from the past along with me. I'm ready for my new adventures, to discover who I will be for the second half of my life, but my kids want me to remain the same person, living in the same house, surrounded by the same stuff for the rest of my life. When they come back from their adventures in life, they want to enjoy the museum of their childhood that is carefully tended by their mother.

 

This painful battle of growing up and changing is far from over.

 

 

[rootdiggr]

I became a mother at age 16. I went from my childhood to motherhood without a transition. My toys became my children's toys and I never was able to define myself as an adult. I'm ready to move on to the next phase of my life, but the kids want me to drag all the stuff from the past along with me. I'm ready for my new adventures, to discover who I will be for the second half of my life, but my kids want me to remain the same person, living in the same house, surrounded by the same stuff for the rest of my life. When they come back from their adventures in life, they want to enjoy the museum of their childhood that is carefully tended by their mother.

 

This painful battle of growing up and changing is far from over.

 

I would give a copy of this to each of your children, to give them the opportunity to let go of the past as well. I don't see how you could say it any better.

 

[Darlene]

I kept everything from baby clothes to report cards to pieces of art that was no more than a chicken scratch looking thing with crayons. I was faithful to collect and build these memories to give to each of my children, convinced that their hearts would overflow with gratitude at thoughtful hoarding.

 

I moved all these treasures from one state to another and as I was unpacking these boxes in the garage, and realizing that I didn't have the room to keep these treasures myself anymore, I began to call each of my children, asking them if they'd like all these things that I had meticulously saved for them over the past 20 years or so.

 

I was in absolute shock, and my heart was in shreds when they all stated "throw it out, we don't want that stuff"...lololol

 

*pout*

 

Actually, there was a few things they did want, but 95% of it they didn't want. I gave baby clothes and bedding and a ton of other stuff, away to a battered women's shelter. I still had twin sheets from when my boys were 5 (well they were still in good condition and had cute little fishes swimming all over lolol), on and on I could go.

 

The rest of the stuff, except for pictures, I threw away.

 

My garage now has more space, and I'll assume my children are happy that they don't hafta store all this stuff themselves...lolol

[Mt_Rider]

I am the Keeper of the Family Heritage. It's a role that definitely skips a generation from time to time. It most likely will be skipping the generation after me. If this ole life continues with any sanity tho....mebbe the Grkids????

 

Despite living all over everywhere [i married Bohemian stock] I have managed to keep quite a number of treasures from two or three generations back. My brother, who couldn't have cared less at the time I acquired these, now is fascinated by my collection that is a part of his history too. His adopted daughter and my two adopted daughters did not join the family soon enough to have met many of the people these originally belonged to. We've told them stories but....mebbe it will never mean anything. Just cuz #1 GrSon was born on his maternal GRGrGrandfather's B-day....does he get the train retirement thingie? At 6, it's too soon to tell. LOL

 

I've been keeping SOME of the later generation's things too. We have two small boxes of things from our daughters that mean something to me...whenever I want to dig so far under the clutter to find said boxes. LOL Keepsakes are like that. I can hang ALL of the antiques on the walls, etc. Or I am using them [cast iron, knives, etc]. And I never fail to get warm feelings remembering GrAuntP's hands mixing some delish dinner with that same crockery bowl. But the daughter's things aren't in that "decorative/useable antique" category ....yet.

 

Tho I'm a renown packrat, I'm satisfied with the balance I've achieved in choosing which to save. Well, considering the impending unknown future, I WISH I'd never let go of that copper wash tub and......

 

All in all, I think it's easier to save from the previous generations [cuz stuff can be chosen that is useable] than from future ones [cuz it IS macaroni art,etc.].

 

 

 

I still have two tree ornaments I made in Kindergarten! But I can just SEE my kids clearing my stuff one day and But hey, my GrSons have ornaments handpainted by me for their 1st Christmas too! Mebbe they'll treasure my ...ahem, later work.

 

MtRider ***Keeper of the Family Heritage***