TurtleMama Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 It is 11:10 pm (pretty late for me), and I am sitting in my craft room/sewing room/office/room my kids like to trash, surrounded by bills, checkbook, budget worksheets, computer, and deposit slips. I have enough money in my account to make my house payment and nothing else. I have reviewed my spending and realized that I have been completely out of control -- for months. My finances are a mess, I have no savings, I'm in debt, and I have finally woken up and realized that over the past several months, I've been spending my way through the crisis that we had in our marriage indiscriminately. I haven't kept up the checkbook. I haven't paid attention to the bank statements. I spent to feel better, and now I've got to dig my family out of this mess. I feel so STUPID. Instead of making me feel better, I'm in a place where I feel worse -- except for about my marriage. That's going a LOT better. But I still wish that my husband would take a more active part in the finances, instead of leaving it all up to me -- I feel like I need accountability because I'm not holding MYSELF accountable, but he really wants nothing to do with taking care of the money. I feel so sad, guilty, dumb, and overwhelmed. I don't know how I'm going to dig us out this month in time for Christmas. One good thing is that I got a job for the Christmas season, so I'll be bringing in a little extra money -- not a lot, but something is better than nothing. I'm sorry that I'm sitting here blathering -- I don't even know if this makes sense -- I just feel like I've come out of a long fog and now I'm wishing I could go back into it!!! At least I have my food storage. That can keep us afloat for the most part grocery wise while I try to fix this up. Okay, there we go -- it all ties back to prepping somehow!! *sigh* Link to comment
SueC Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 the first step you have already made - recognising that you have a problem and that you need help. The next step is harder - getting help that is relevant to your situation. We can all say what we have done or would do, but you need to identify your problems and find the best solution for you. You have made a good start, budgets and balancing the cheque book. It has obviously scared you - but now take a deep breath. Identify priorities, work out best case and worst case scenarios. If all this too much then please get some outside professional help. Remember that when you get to the bottom the only way forward is up! you can do this. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 (((TurtleMama))) we've all done stupid things in moments of distress, not always money related, but nevertheless stupid..at least I have! There are several good 'get out of debt' strategies. One of them is Dave Ramsey's, I think I have his baby steps posted (or a link to them) on my MrsSurvival Blog, I'll go look after I post this. In the mean time, don't beat yourself up, you need your energies to be focused on the challenge at hand. And you CAN do it. You may need to rethink what Christmas looks like at you house. I'm trying hard to do that myself. not because I have to, but because I think it is better to focus on family and Christ. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Here you go...I found the link. Check it out, it's a good plan. http://positivelyprepared.blogspot.com/200...aby-step-1.html Link to comment
ScrubbieLady Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 (((TurtleMama))) we've all done stupid things in moments of distress, not always money related, but nevertheless stupid..at least I have! There are several good 'get out of debt' strategies. One of them is Dave Ramsey's, I think I have his baby steps posted (or a link to them) on my MrsSurvival Blog, I'll go look after I post this. In the mean time, don't beat yourself up, you need your energies to be focused on the challenge at hand. And you CAN do it. You may need to rethink what Christmas looks like at you house. I'm trying hard to do that myself. not because I have to, but because I think it is better to focus on family and Christ. I second the suggsetion about Dave Ramsey. He has a website: daveramsey.com You can go there and see if he is broadcasting his radio show in your area. His books: Financial Peace and Total Money Makeover are probably available at your library. One thing that he does hold is that finances are a couple responsibility. Your husband may not WANT to have anything to do with your finances but that is part of his responsiblity as a husband. At least you should be able to present to him what you plan or intend to do for his opinion. Link to comment
gofish Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I have done stupid too. I can't blame it on stress. More lack of training about finances. DH and I took Dave Ramsey's FPU class at church. It helped a lot. I know there are other programs, but his lets you acheive little victories that keeps you going. HANG IN THERE. If I can dig my way out anyone can. He is on Fox news . Link to comment
Andrea Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 (((TurtleMama))) I've been where you're at. It can feel so overwhelming but believe me, the situation you are in is completely fixable. I totally hear you about feeling stupid. I felt like the biggest DUNCE in the world, I also felt miserable, depressed, I gained weight . . . You name it. And why? Money. There is a book you really need to read if you are serious about getting out of debt. It's called Your Money Or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. You can get it at your library or you can order it online. There is also a website and forum that revolve around this book as well as another book by Duane Elgin called Voluntary Simplicity. The Your Money Or Your Life Book changed my entire outlook on money and helped me put money in it's proper place in my life. It's got worksheets to fill out and the whole works. There is an online class starting next month at www.simpleliving.net or just read the book and follow it's advice for yourself. Dave Ramsey's books are also quite good and I've read them as well. If it helps you any, just remember that you are not the first person in the world to have made this mistake and you certainly won't be the last. You will get through this difficult time and if you can create the proper mindset, it won't even feel all that difficult, it will feel liberating. Good Luck! P.S. Please visit the forum at www.simpleliving.net you will meet others who are in your situation who can help you with practical advice or just moral support when you start to waver. Link to comment
ANewMe Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 You are sooo not alone. I used to be the spender and I would ask "is it ok for me to get??" and DH would say "yeah" so I would buy....then I realized he was no longer paying attention to things because I guess he got overwhelmed and WHAMO....we are in the biggest, deepest, blackhole. Now I have changed my habits but DH has not gotten on board. i'm in a constant battle with him and DS who is used to getting the best of the best of everything when he wants it. I have no answers for you....I'm working it all out myself now and not very successfully I might add, but there are some things you can do. 1) I got into couponing. I cut my grocery bill from $400 to $166 this month. I bought things when they were on sale and used my coupons at a place that doubles. After doing research and asking questions on how it all works i was able to LOAD up. Now that things are really bad for us...food and toiletries is one thing I don't have to worry about and alot I got was free. 2) I'm trying to cut electric bill. Hanging as many items as I can. Unplugging appliances I don't use. I also found out that I was on levelized billing and by changing that to what I actually used it saved me some money. I plan to check out the site from above but PM me anytime...maybe we could put our heads together and come up with something between the two of us. But in the meantime...don't beat yourself up....atleast you are trying to fix the problem and you will be a stronger and better person for having gone through this. Lots of Hugs ANM Link to comment
Andrea Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Hi TurtleMama! Just checking in to see how things are going for you. Remember, we are here for you should you need any moral support! Andrea Link to comment
TurtleMama Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 Oh my gosh, y'all are SO wonderful...what great suggestions. I'm going to make a list of all these resources each of you suggested! It does make me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one who's messed up like this, although it makes me feel badly for those of you who have gone through it. After discovering that we had gone overdraft on our account and accrued more than $350 in overdraft feels, my husband and I sat down last night and each worked on an aspect of the budget. I got one of the Dave Ramsey books and he researched it and made notes; I paid the bills as best I could, caught everything up, and determined how much we have to spend until next payday (it ain't a lot but it'll work, at least we have something!!!). I felt so much better that my husband was by my side, getting involved in this. I forget which one of you said that my husband has to be involved, but you were SO right...I've come to the realization that I may be a whimp, but I just can't handle taking care of the kids, keeping up with their school activities, cleaning the house, making the meals, doing all of the shopping, laundry, sewing, gifts, etc AND do the money all by myself on top of it. Made me feel kind of bad, because I've been raised that women can and must do it all, but oh well. Please forgive me for taking so long to get back to y'all...it's been a LONG time since I was able to make it onto Mrs. S.! Thanks again for all your support and suggestions...I'm grateful for you all! Link to comment
mommato3boys Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 ((((Turtlemom)))) I think we have all been right where you are for some reason or another at least once in our life time. So of us have been there more than once. Link to comment
ANewMe Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 ((((Turtlemom)))) I think we have all been right where you are for some reason or another at least once in our life time. So of us have been there more than once. Some of us feel hopelessly STUCK there!!!....LOL (((Turtlemama)))....hang in there.....it will be hard and you will have to push yourself sometimes because you are not going to feel like doing one more thing or thinking about one more thing. Do not pull inside of yourself. If you have to you must set a thread here that is "Turtlemama's Rant" and just rant until you can't rant anymore. We are here for ya. HUGS ANM Link to comment
cider Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Turtlemama I just wanted to say that Dave Ramsey was the key for our family. You can listen to him on your computer anytime you want. Just go here: http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/ and then click on archives. It's all there for free. Good luck to you! Link to comment
Vic303 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hey Turtle, just want to add my support to you to try Dave RAmsey's method. It really is common sense. We just tonight paid off our next-to-last creditcard! Woohoo! You CAN get control financially. I heartily recommend Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. We're even going to his live event in DFW next year (DH & I). We should be down to only 2 debts & the mortgage by then, one debt + mortgage by the end of 2010, and I think by the end of 2011 we will only owe our mortgage! And that is on a single income with me at home with 3 kids! Stay strong, stay FOCUSED! You can do it. --Vic Link to comment
kathy003 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Turtlemama, I am so glad to hear that your husband and you are working on this together, it takes alot off your shoulders. I just wanted to add that I have also been there myself. Early in my marriage my DH made a pretty good living, and i spent unwisely,, very unwisely! It wasn't until he lost his job and we lived on a very small budget that i realized just how badly i had screwed up,, and had to fix it on much less finances. I think finances is a state of mind. Before, if we had an extra dollar, i'd spend it. Now, that extra dollar goes in a piggy bank or stashed in my wallet. Keep up the good work and let us know how your doing :-) Link to comment
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