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God told me, "Testify"


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This is a post that God has nudged me to write. “Testify”, He said. {takes deep breath} OK, with my earthly will, I will try. With His Spirit, the message meant for anyone else will be conveyed. I tell the first half of this story but have rarely shared the second half. It’s easy to rejoice and praise God for the first half. I’m just figuring some things out about praising Him in the second half.

 

 

PRELUDE:

 

Some months ago, I began a Bible study authored by Beth Moore entitled “Breaking Free”. Some of you may have heard of it and some may have done the study. It is very potent for anyone who will truly allow God to work through it. It is one I would definitely NOT recommend that you do by yourself. Get together a dedicated group to support each other. Also get some prayer coverage during the time you participate in this. Most important of all, do not score huge points for the enemy of our God by quitting once you have begun. You ABSOLUTELY MUST FINISH this study if you are called to begin. I am quite serious. I believe that damage can be done if you do not reach the END of this study. “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing”….you know the saying. Get the complete knowledge that Beth Moore has carefully, prayerfully laid out AND get the rest of what you personally need to know directly from your relationship with God.

 

Having said this, my reaction to this particular study [i’ve participated and led studies by B. Moore for years now and have benefited greatly by all of them.] ……well I’ve always known that this study is different. It gets into your business like none of the others. But…….it does so in a way that is very, VERY important. What’s it about? My personal description, wrapped in a tiny nutshell: Finding and demolishing any issue in our lives that present an ongoing obstacle to God’s abundant, joyful life. Hmmmm, true…..but it sounds like a definition out of a seminary. Try again: You find STUFF [that you might not have even been aware of] that was getting you stuck. Things that hold you in sadness, fear, defensiveness, addiction, compulsiveness, or any manner of idiocy that means you are prevented from believing God when He says differently than what your STUFF is saying. Be forewarned. You have to have the courage and determination to let God show you your STUFF. It can be pretty shocking when He shows you STUFF you didn’t know was STUFF! …..when you thought it was just normal but it turns out to be STUFF! But don’t be afraid! He’s …..God! He’s the very BEST counselor and has the very best intentions towards us!!!!! But sometimes it does seeeeeeeem like He is so slow about it. Usually though, it’s us that are “draggin’ anchor”.

 

“STUFF” – barriers to God and His best for us. Big topic. The best part of this study was to find out how to ditch the STUFF. To have the lies of the enemy and the lies we put up ourselves revealed as garbage. Then the truth of God’s Word is shown up on the screen next to the lies. WOW. That’s a potent way to unravel the false beliefs that we’ve somehow gotten tangled up into. You find yourself asking over and over again: “….and that garbage made sense to me WHY?!?”

 

“It is better to light a single candle than to sit and curse the dark.”

 

B. Moore has an accessory book to this study called “Praying God’s Word”. I’ve been reading slowly through this book as well. God revealed a bit of STUFF this morning that :cele: I don’t have to deal with. Cuz I already DID. :lol: But I hadn’t realized that it was STUFF…….as in, a massive stronghold for the enemy’s lies and my own fears for YEARS! It was only about a couple years ago that a dear friend made a single comment [obviously under the power and knowledge of His Spirit] that blinked TRUTH up there on the screen next to the lies I’d ….. um, cherished/hated, for so very long. Did anyone else hear the huge thunderclap that day? :0327:

 

I picked myself up off the floor [ …figuratively :lol: ] and :blink: and ….well, it was gone. Oh, the events happened and there has been cause for real sorrow and concern. But it could have been handled so much differently and…well, that war’s been over for quite a while and I hadn’t yet come out of hiding. It was like I was still hiding in the caves so I didn’t notice when peace had gradually crept back over the land. So just so I wouldn’t completely miss that point, today God said [inaudibly but clearly] into my ear, “THAT, my child, was a stronghold that held you back for so long. Testify!”

 

I don’t know at what point any individual will find a connection of similarity or some revelation from God about their own concerns……but here goes:

 

 

 

THE STORY…..PART ONE:

 

A couple decades ago, my husband …..died, sort of. He was brain dead from something we never actually discovered. Simply speaking, he was in a deep coma from lack of oxygen to the brain when I tried to wake him one morning. We never found out what caused that lack of oxygen. He was grey and glossy from the chest upward and the noise he was making was not unusual snoring. The paramedics told me later that it was what is called the “death rattle”.

 

It ‘just so happened’ that our pastor was a couple of days from attending a national convention for our denomination. He notified the members of a national committee he was on and they notified their church prayer chains and …….well, I kept finding out that thousands of people all over the state and the country were praying for my DH within hours of his hospitalization.

 

I stood on one side of the ER bed where they had DH hooked up to all manner of life support. He needed everything. I held DH’s hand in one of mine and leaned hard into my cane with the other. A dear elder from our church held onto my arm to help steady me. [Our pastor had put me into the second ambulance to follow the first with DH to the hospital …….and somehow had to go preach that Sunday morning after the flurry that had been at our house early. But he promised to send someone to stand with me.] The doc in charge of ER stood on the other side and told me, in carefully couched words, that despite putting him on all these machines to continue his bodily functions, my husband’s brain waves were flat-lined. His brain is gone and his body will die or we will be making that most awful of choices…..to unplug. And they have no idea what caused it.

 

As I listened, a part of me took in the magnitude of what he was saying, but the greater part of me was getting more and more agitated. How DARE he speak like this with my husband lying there between us! Did he think DH was already dead meat that deserved no consideration? Why did he not take this discussion out into the hall or across the room. I was very impatient for the man to shut up and leave. As soon as he did, I leaned over to DH’s ear and said urgently, “DON’T you listen to him! If God wants to heal you, He WILL!”

 

To this day I still don’t know exactly why this was such a strong reaction ……such a necessary action for me. I DID hear the doc. I DID know exactly what he was saying, though he certainly wasn’t as blunt as I just typed it. I had received absolutely NO encouragement since this incident began. No one, from the paramedics to even my pastor, had said anything like “we’ll try this ….and hope that….” No one. I knew what that meant. I believe I knew I was a widow already and only the body was lying there, getting a dose of oxygen with each hiss of the machines.

 

And yet, …..though I so clearly remember knowing that certainly the most likely outcome of this day would be planning a funeral, …….I also knew very clearly that God could alter that outcome with a mere touch of His healing Hand…..with a puff of HIS Breath of Life. It did not matter about the doctor’s findings. This life was in God’s Hand. The decision would be His alone. And….most likely…..this was the day He would take my husband Home. I just could not stand for the doctor’s dour words to be what DH might ‘hear’ within the coma. I just felt like the doc was trying to usurp God’s holy authority with his predicted doom. Doc was probably right but I just HAD TO speak out to say it was in God’s Hands anyway. You know that verse that the very rocks will cry out on God’s behalf? That’s what it felt like. It erupted from me.

 

DD1 and DD2 were flown back to stand with me at their father’s bedside in ICU. They could not believe that a second father within their childhood was dying. Friends began to pour into the waiting room until it overflowed into the hallway. It seems half of the island came when they heard. Then…..the reversal happened. He stopped dying….or being brain dead….. or whatever [cuz there just are not words for it in English].

 

It was while I was alone with DH, carrying on a monologue. A nurse was constantly in the room, quietly sitting in one corner, so as to record the time of death. At one point in the ‘conversation’, I thought I felt DH squeeze my hand but quickly concluded that it was merely a nerve twitch. Yet a few moments later, as if in response to something I’d just said, it clearly happened again.

 

I think I hollered when telling the nurse, “He just squeezed my hand!” I knew that with a flat brain wave, no voluntary bodily action is possible; certainly no response to stimuli. He’d already failed ALL those tests completely. Yet……. The nurse came over, perplexed as I explained the two twitches. He got into DH’s face close and spoke loud and sharp. “DH! Open your eyes!”

 

And he did! The eyeballs rolled back up in his head and he closed them again. But…..but…..that can’t happen! He’s brain dead. The nurse was stuttering. He was trying NOT to say anything that an RN cannot say but has to leave for the doctor’s conclusions. He was wide-eyed and finally settled on, “I have to phone the doctor!!” and fled the room. I grabbed DH’s hand and continued talking to him. Would God REALLY do this miracle?

 

 

PART TWO

 

I can’t help it. Any time I tell this story, it gets long. And this post isn’t really about the joy of that moment but about the moments, days, months and years after that glorious moment.

 

For the next hours and days, DH was out of the coma but his brain was very much not ‘all there’. He slid in and out of consciousness. He woke with fear and confusion, asking over and over “What happened?” He could not speak due to the breathing tube and he could not remember why he couldn’t speak. He stated over and over that it hurt. He looked with fury around him and was not happy to be in a hospital. The rage on his face was something I’d never seen before. Oh sure, he was as impatient and susceptible to anger as any human being. But I’d never seen this look on his face. It was frightening. That second day was unbelievably exhausting. In the evening, some friends from church took me to eat at a nearby restaurant. I’d been surrounded by people for 48 hours. I really needed to just go into a room and wail my head off and then sleep. They were all so high on the excitement of the honest-to-God-miracle that they missed what I was seeing. I was so worried about this man who was half-restored that perhaps I was missing what they were seeing? I did not talk about it. In fact, I have rarely talked about this. The enemy likes it when we keep secrets.

 

By Day Three, the once brain-dead man was able to have the ventilator tube removed. His brain started clearing up quickly after that. By Day Four, he was arguing points of medical fact with the doctors. My chiropractor husband was stating why this was not caused by sleep apnea. Later, apnea tests showed that he was correct. We still don’t know to this day why he did not receive enough oxygen to the brain at some point that night. It was obvious the brain damage was caused by insufficient oxygen but WHY was it cut off? I guess we’ll never know. It was just one more thing to make me anxious. How did we know if it would happen again? What if I didn’t wake up in time? I began losing sleep monitoring his breathing with a flashlight. But God nipped that off fairly quickly by letting me know it was not my job to keep my newly-restored husband alive through each night.

 

I have read and re-read the stories of Jesus healing the sick, paralyzed, and even raising the dead. Funny thing…..I don’t read of anyone having residual symptoms. DH did have residual symptoms and I had nothing to go on, biblically. Most of the disabilities cleared up within the first week. Initially, he could not get that wiggly Jello all the way from the bowl to his mouth in a spoon. He could walk but it took a while to get the gait steady and sure. Even weeks later, he was just slightly awkward in coordination. He’d fall occasionally; tripping over his own two feet. It was the same thing mentally. Pieces of data would be slightly scrambled but, as in the case of arguing sleep apnea, he’d get it sorted out. He even went back to work as a chiropractor after a couple weeks.

 

Emotionally however, he had changed. That look of fury on his face showed up frequently. I began to secretly call it The Monster. He flew into rages over nothing. He misconstrued too much. Although he was never threatening us, he slammed his fist into the wall in our hallway on several occasions. We had to repair the holes when we moved out. He took offense and often stalked out of the house in high rage leaving us bewildered. DD2 and I began to get very edgy and nervous. We tried to get him to see reason. But he never understood. Apparently could not. Her friends stopped coming over and she spent a lot of time at their house instead of ours. I tried to talk to a couple of folks about this but they did not understand. After all, God healed him. “Why was the healing incomplete?” I secretly asked. Pastor nor Doctor gave me answers. So I kept the secret alone. At one point I looked directly into that frightening face of fury and told him, “I liked the other one better!” The man who was now my spouse replied back without missing a beat, “The other one died!” It was as though his twin had come home from the hospital instead of my husband.

 

The agony of this portion of the story could get very long but that is not the point. Anyone who has dealt with a brain-injured loved one, will probably recognize what I have just described. I had no experience, nor could I find anyone with this important knowledge. This is actually a normal pattern for many folks recovering from brain injury. Because God allowed DH to go through this part of his healing in a “non-miraculous” way, I have had a few opportunities to share this knowledge with distraught folks in similar circumstances. Now that I know what to expect, I can give them some reassurance. The brain injured person often does not ever acknowledge or even know that a change has occurred, by the way. It makes it very much worse for loved ones but perhaps it is easier for the injured person. :shrug:

 

Life went on and there was more healing slowly over the years. There was a lot more prayer too. Yet there would be flashes of The Monster now and then. I was appalled and terrified of The Monster. The Monster was so illogical and spiteful. I did not fear physical harm from DH in that mood but it was because he was so different. The face of The Monster was alien and it felt like I lived with a stranger. Gone was the ‘eternal optimist’ that formerly was DH. Now he was gloomy and depressed. I used to muse sourly that I competed with a ‘mistress’ called Death. He was actually quite angry that I’d called 911 that day long ago. Any problem he now faced in life became my fault. I’m not the type to take that kind of illogic quietly either so it was not a happy time for us. It would have been encouraging to at least see the very slow progress over the years, but I was so focused on the monster moods that I missed it. I just kept my vigilance high in self-protection.

 

 

THE LESSONS LEARNED

 

There are many, many things I would do differently now, had I to do this portion of my life over again. There were many ways in which I could have been shielded by God’s loving protection. I desperately needed knowledgeable support but one does not tell the secret. I need not have lived in such fear and anguish. If I hadn’t, I could have lived with more love and knowledge of my husband’s progress. I ponder on how the healing of his brain might have gone more swiftly with that and with specific prayer, but that also is something I will never know. Instead, I was completely in the dark and alone those years. The enemy loves secrets.

 

From time to time I’d share a little of this burden. Everyone so loves Part One that they don’t really want to hear the reality of Part Two. Perhaps only two or three have known of it up until now. My family does not and the girls and I don’t speak of it much. {Hmmm, I think I’ll have to address that when God says it’s time. Without a doubt, it has been their burden as well as mine.} But a couple years ago I did share *this* aspect of The Great Miracle of DH with a friend. I felt like I’d been in prison for all these years and, in fact I had. With her single sentence, a question, I looked with eyes opened. I discovered that the prison door had been open all along. I had been sitting, looking at the opposite wall all these years. That wall opposite the door of my prison was covered with lies like: ‘it will never be like it was – always the Monster will return’, ‘he isn’t the same person – you can’t be married to a stranger’, ‘ you will never be happy again’, ‘life will always be this vigilance to protect yourself from emotional harm’, ‘you can’t trust this stranger’, ‘don’t fall for those supposed good times – they won’t last – the Monster lurks’ ‘he noticed you…so what, it doesn’t last’ ‘pull up the draw bridge and hide where you are [emotionally] safe’.

 

Whew! It’s hard to write this even though I have not believed those things for a long time now. None of them is true in the slightest …….in the way that I formerly believed them. Yes, DH is slightly different; not really an optimistic. I don’t hear “Life is Grande!” like I used to decades ago when we were young. But he certainly is not a stranger. He’s not gloomy and depressed anymore either. He doesn’t say mean things and doesn’t stalk out in inexplicable anger. What my friend asked that night long ago, that triggered me to turn around and walk out of the prison of lies was simply this: “How long ago did this happen?” It was merely a question.

 

Obviously there is no magic in the phrase and yet through God’s Spirit, it turned on the lights and TRUTH was revealed. Even if I did bring home a person who was so different, it’s been almost two decades. A LOT of recovery and improvement has happened. If you think about it, even if no brain injury had ever occurred, he {and I } would not be the same people we were back those many years anyway. With new eyes I looked at him and things began to improve for us greatly. It’s been slow but even in the harsh adversity of hosting his low-functioning sister and her young son in our home last year, he and I drew together amidst the chaos of her dysfunction.

 

Back when my friend asked that simple question and God used that to turn my mind to face the open door, I didn’t realize the full extent of what that prison was. There was a lot more to what I had walked away from and into God’s freedom. This morning He whispered that revelation to me. It’s important to know. Life is so refreshingly HOPEFUL when we know that we can be set completely free from ANY prison of lies we are bound up into. Not always instantaneously like in this case – when a single sentence turned the key. Perhaps that was the second miracle just for me. Some things however, we have to battle under God’s leadership and shore up every day with His Word of Truth and prayer support. But we WILL walk FREE!

 

DH is my husband, given back to me from the dead….twice, sort of. I love his fallible, old self. And he loves my fallible, old self. :P This recent time has been one of growing for both of us. I can hear God saying, “It’s about time, children!” But He says it fondly.

 

Come to think of it, I haven’t actually seen The Monster face in a looooooong time. Years, even. Hmmm, ….hadn’t realized that. :D

 

 

So for whatever that’s worth and for whoever this is for…..this is the other half of my miracle story.

 

 

MtRider […..checking around with a flashlight to see if there are any other prisons I’m not aware of! Freedom is better! :amen: ]

 

 

 

 

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That is so inspirational to me and I thank you for taking your time to write it down! I recently told a close freind a "secret" I had also. I believe I understand the freedom now. You are appreciated. Praise God!

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The most important words I feel in my life, is,

"be still and know I am GOD" Ps 46:10

He is always at work in our lives ALWAYS, weather we like it or not.

I LOVE it. :D

Amen

 

 

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Mt. Rider called me tonight and asked me to let everyone know that her computer is gliching right now because of a storm that recently went through...

 

She said to tell y'all that she'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack and will post some more.

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Mt. Rider...

 

Do you remember about a year and a half ago when I felt God laying something on my heart that was so big that I just had to fast and pray about it?

 

And do you remember me talking to you about this thing I felt He would have me do, and yanking you into potentially doing it yourself also?

 

Do you remember me telling you that when I got to the last day of the fast, after praying and praying, seeking His will over this thing I felt He wanted me to do, that I took some time to pray specifically for you and His will for your life.

 

Do you remember me telling you later that when I was praying for you, He gave me a one word answer that was very clear and concise. That when He gave me that word for you that there was a part of me that though, "ummmmmm, are You sure You don't want to include me in this too?" lolol...(I know, I'm a brat, and sometimes it pains me but most times it makes me laugh because I know He laughs as He shakes His head as he watches me lol)...

 

I know you well enough to know that you do remember...because we've discussed this several times over the last year or so. I don't know why...because this post has been here for a couple of days...but I don't know why it suddenly just hit me this morning, but what the word God gave me for you back then was that you were to "testify". Not give your testimony...that was very emphatic...but that you were to testify as to His power, His grace, His faithfulness, His tenderness, His ministrations, His everything.

 

There is something very holy and annointed in what you have testified above. It truly is one of those 'bullseye' posts that are Spirit driven for eternal purposes. There is much He will do with what you have testified to above, and it just stuns me that even though He clearly said 'testify' during that fast, that His perfect timing for that word, was now.

 

I can't help but think..."Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb of God that was slain for the world".

 

((((mt rider))))

 

For some reason, He just wanted me to remind you of the above. I might even call you since your computer is messed up and read you this post.

 

Love you.

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There is something very holy and annointed in what you have testified above. It truly is one of those 'bullseye' posts that are Spirit driven for eternal purposes. There is much He will do with what you have testified to above, and it just stuns me that even though He clearly said 'testify' during that fast, that His perfect timing for that word, was now.

 

:amen:

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I've been talking with Mt Rider on the phone.

 

I find it not so interesting, the timing of her brand new computer going on the blitz.

 

God says to testify, she's obedient to the burden He's laid on her heart and then the enemy attempts to rob and steal her connection.

 

I'm so grateful God is God because I know she'll be back soon.

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  • 4 weeks later...

..........MtR strolls in.......with duct tape over her mouth/fingers........cuz I don't think God wants me to 'testify' :shakinghead: about all that went on in the past several weeks regarding this computer and all the waranty and Protection Plan people. :happy0203:

 

Suffice it to say......the modem DID get fried from an electrical storm that was still far away. Not far enough for the phone line tho. I was desperately trying to get shut down and did not do so in time. Dratted mountain summer storms!

 

 

Back on this topic: I was a bit resistent to writing this second half of the story. But ...... I am glad that it spoke to some of you in ways that are between you and God. When HE tells any of us to 'Testify', we never know the full reason or extent of the 'why'. In faith and obedience, we just gotta do it.

 

 

See ya around the site......

 

MtRider [ missed ya alllllllllll! ]

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