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Bit of enough now


Christy

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Last week was a nightmare with the funeral and wake of my best friend's son. His ex-wife, deservedly called b***h on heels, made it a living hell.

At the end, Thank You for attending this funeral cards handed out when leaving the cemetery (weird custom, no-one here does it that way) mentioned the stepfather, biological mother, her kids, his kids and not a word about the biological father! Say what?

Yep, regarding the arrangements, procedure, burial plot, ceremony, and even the cards, the father was left out.

By law the person who gives the assignment for the funeral has all say and that was the stepfather.

The whole event turned into the Will and Maria show and that's what it was!

 

My friend is devastated by the death of his son and the treatment of his role as father has left him scarred. He'd been a darned good dad after the divorce, even supporting the BOH when she got knocked up by another man who left her. He told her to keep the child, raise it well and bought loads of babyclothes for the child.

He's a good man and wanted to see his sons grow up in a happy household even though he was not there.

 

Meanwhile turns out my eldest sister has terminal cancer. Matter of weeks instead of months.

Rang the hospital and she is not interested in seeing me or our other sister. One other sister is allowed to come once but we are not welcome.

She's an alcoholic and we lost touch over that years ago when she drove drunk with my child in the car. Came close to bashing her head in that day.

Now I wanted to tell her I learned a lot from her, hope she is not afraid of dying and do not hold a grudge.

Sadly, she does cherish her grudges and prefers to die without anyone but her eldest daughter. Other two kids are out of touch with her as well.

 

BIL with ALS cannot eat by himself anymore. Has to be fed, can hold a pen with two hands and is on permanent oxygen.

He won't see Christmas.

 

Me? I came here to recover a bit from all the buildingwork on the BOL. And I am at the end of my strength.

So sorry for not being around. The last weeks have been a bit much.

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Thank you all. Acception and peace is settling in.

Just the way life goes sometimes.

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Saturday the call came my eldest sister Annette had passed away. In her sleep with only her eldest daughter with her.

Her body is donated to science so no funeral or cremation.

None of us are invited to a ceremony of some sort.

 

 

With all my heart I hope that if there is an afterlife, it is kinder to her than this life was.

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Christy;

hugs to you.

You, your best friend and sisters are survivors. If you are needing closure, have a 'closing ceremony.'

This can be a meal in honor of the departed. Where stories are shared, or a walk in a quiet place. It is a specific time, date and ceremony of your choice. It is from the heart.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This weekend I wrote a letter to my sister. She was 17 years older then me.

Thanking her for teaching me how to sew, how to use a sewingmachine. For making me realize that our crazy dysfunctional family was not the alpha and omega of ones life. That one day I could leave behind what was damaging to me.

I thanked her for trying to teach me to ice-skate. When I slipped in the frozen up harbour of Edam, I felt her hand holding my shoulder and getting me up again.

Wishing her all the best on her new journey now and finding the peace she so desperately sought.

It's not much but I chose to remember the good things.

 

I've sent the letter to her eldest daughter (my age) and added a nice card for my niece. Wrote she was free to read it, throw it away or burn it, whatever she felt like. I just needed to thank my eldest sister for the good things she brought on my path.

Thanked my niece for sending me a card about her mother's death, via detour.

Wishing her and her family all the strength in losing their mother, grandmother and mother in law.

 

Another of my sisters, the only one I'm in touch with, clings to her bitterness and hate. She needs that hate to keep going.

My heart goes out to her and I can only hope that some day soon she'll come to terms with her past.

Had to draw the line when she was saying very negative things about our eldest. I acknowledged all she said is true but I do not want to live my life in hate and spite.

There's not enough life to live it in such negativity.

 

 

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Just had a call from my friend Rosa in Germany. It's her husband, the handyman with who I work together on the BOL.

His eldest daughter, age 51, died last sunday. Apparently she choked in her own vomit. Her son found her yesterday.

Wilfried the handyman collapsed, is now in hospital with suspected another brainstroke.

I'll be trying to drive there tomorrow, if not thursday at the latest.

 

I'm not really capable of processing so many deaths in such a short notice anymore. But if something were to happen to Wilfried, my friend Rosa would go to pieces.

So wish me luck and say a prayer for those who passed away in droves lately.

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Christy, I'm hoping that you will draw stregnth from all the love and concern that I'm seeing expressed here for you. I'll continue :pray: ...

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My friend, may God give you a safe trip and the peace and strenght to deal with this.

You have been on my heart for the last few weeks. I was told a long time ago that when you think of someone for no real reason that they need prayer.

Sending :wub::hug3::pray:

 

I will be praying for you and your friend.

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(((((Sweet Christy)))))

 

Forgive me...I just discovered this thread. I've been so behind lately.

 

I am SO sorry for all that you have gone through in recent weeks. It must feel like you are very close to buckling under the burdens you are carrying right now...just remember that the Lord is with you every step of the way, helping you carry each and every one. You are not alone. Prayers are supporting you day and night. I will certainly be adding my own.

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, especially considering you were not able to tell her in life all that you have told her in death...you are a strong person, Christy. It is so incredibly difficult to let go of the anger and bitterness of pain, and to CHOOSE to remember those things about your sister that were wonderful. I'm so grateful that you are so strong...that your memories of her will be of a loving older sister who shared her wisdom with you.

 

Death in and of itself is a difficult thing to deal with, even under the best and most peaceful of circumstances; the deaths of so many that you know lately, under tragic circumstances, must be overwhelming. Just remember how many people are holding you up in prayer right now, and know that you have the strength to persevere. I'll be praying for that for you.

 

My best wishes for Wilfried; I hope that he pulls through this safe and sound.

 

:grouphug:

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