Poohbear Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I received an email yesterday that nearly made me vomit! I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach! It was from the woman who was the foster mom to my girls many years ago. She had received a letter from their maternal bio grandmother. The letter said she had been contacted by the girls "father" and he had turned his life around and found God and now wanted to find his children. She told him the girls had been adopted over 10 years ago and she didn't have any information to give him. She didn't know their "new" last names, the names of the people who adopted them or even where in the country they might be living. He became angry at that point and said he would hire an attorney to overturn any adoption because he never gave his rights up and he would continue looking for them until he found them. The bio grandmother was hoping that the former foster mom knew how to contact us to let us know. I'm not worried that he could possibly overturn our adoption. He didn't have to willingly give up his rights or consent to anything. The state terminated his parental rights based on his conviction and 25 year prison sentence for AGGRAVATED CHILD ABUSE(which he only served 9 years of). Between him and the bio mom, they nearly starved my oldest daughter to death. She was 2 and only weighed 13 lbs., not to mention the filth and squalor they lived in. DD2 was removed from them at birth, so neither have any memory of these people or their "father". He was a violent man with a short fuse. It took us many years to repair the physical, psychological and developmental damage these people did to my oldest daughter. She's now a healthy, happy, well adjusted teenager. They're our children now and have been for nearly 11 years. With technology being what it is, I'm afraid he might somehow track them down. But we've been very vigilent about trying to erase the paper trail relating to their former life. As if on a certain date those 2 girls disappeared off the face of the earth. We legally changed their names, social security numbers, birth certificates, everything. But it still makes me anxious to know he's out there looking for them. Link to comment
Ambergris Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Termination is usually not voluntary, but it's still irrevocable. If you smell him coming close, get a restraining order. But not until he's found you, because that would be a beacon for him to home in on. Link to comment
carr Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 and take your location off of this site and any other site you are on ... you never know what random person could recognize your story and tip him off. Prayers for your comfort and God's watchful care over you and your family!! Link to comment
Poohbear Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks Carr. I did change our location in my profile. That never occured to me. Can I ask you to edit your post and take out our state as well (for the same reason you brought up)? Thanks so much! Link to comment
carr Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 your welcome pooh .. thanks for getting to that quickly for me dogmom ... just had a chance to get online ... SIL injured and in hospital. She's getting good care, and on the mend!! Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 OK here is my 2 cent worth............................ You do know he is NOT going to give up looking for you! and someday? someplace? when you least think about it he WILL be standing there. SO Get some legel advice NOW that says he CAN"T do what he says he will do. That way you are covered IF he shows up at your door! (something you can show the police if needed) Talk to the kids and let them know what is going on - in case they 'see' something going on - like someone always hanging around the school yard or seeing a car always everywhere they wa;l? Better safe the sorry . AS right now whenever you go anywhere I bet you are looking over your shoulder wondering IF that might be him sitting in that car or walking behind you in the store. Link to comment
carr Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 And speaking of safety and research ... why not do a little research yourself on HIM? What is his name? Where does he live? What does he look like? A current picture of him ... a literal photograph and a figurative "picture" of his life ... could go a long way in preparing you for a potential confrontation. What kind of work does he do? Is he married? Does he have children in this family? Does he have siblings that may help him search? Another thing that popped to my mind with what AH said was this ... do you have a "safeword" with you children? Have you discussed anyone saying to them, "your parents are hurt .. I'll take you to them ..." if not, perhaps this is a good time. Still praying for your comfort. Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Good one Carr! I forgot all about that one and it works! I still remember the one for my son and he is 27 now and HE still remembers it! and NO I am NOT telling (just in case) LOL Link to comment
kappydell Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 All these suggestions are excellent. Check with the local police dept child abuse unit (if they have one) anonymously if possible to find out what protective steps/paperwork the police would need to see if you needed them to act immediately. In my area a restraining order copy is required. But, as said above, it a beacon. The stress word is a must. Sad as I am to say it, 'finding God' does not necessarily change the leopard into a pussycat...there are more sociopaths hiding behind the flag of 'religion' than there are hiding behind the flag of political office (their two most favorite places). Need I mention that in this country, even Satanism is a religion? Prayers to St Michael for you all. Link to comment
CrabGrassAcres Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 If you do not have a self defense weapon, now is a good time to get one and learn to use it. Link to comment
carr Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 and to research hand-to-hand self defense tactics. oh my, I just realized we must be scaring the bejeebers out of you. So sorry to do. But better safe than sorry!!! Link to comment
Jori Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Look for a martial arts class for the kids, too. As odd as it sounds. DD and DS1 are taking taekwondo and they are learning stranger danger but also how to draw attention if some tries to grab them and how to punch and kick to get away and were to go. Our Parks Department offers it starting at age 3. My two are almost 5 and 3. Link to comment
Poohbear Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks for all the tips, support and prayers. I am 100% confident he can't legally disrupt the adoption. I was in the courtroom during the termination of parental rights hearing. Both bio parents had already begun serving their prison sentences for aggravated child abuse (which is an automatic ground for TPR). The bio dad was served with the petition in prison (proof of service was part of the record) and his attorney stated that his client chose not to participate in the proceeding or be transported to court. So a default judgement was rendered. His 25 year sentence was also an automatic TPR. Anything over 10 years (for any crime) is an automatic ground. So he had a triple whammy against him. I have certified copies of the adoption decree, birth certificates which show hubby and I as the birth parents, and social security cards with numbers which are different from anything he may still have on them from the past. All of this documentation was done legally and with their new names on them. I can prove they are my kids. Can't do a restraining order as we would have to have it served on him and we don't have an address on him. It would also have to state who he is restrained from and then he would have our names. We do have home protection in several different calibers, but I'm getting another handgun for Christmas (Merry Christmas to me!) and signing up for a CCW class in January. Our .357 magnum long barrel is a little too much for me to comfortably handle. And I can't conceal "dirty harry" on my person. We do have a safe word and my kids have had a self defense class. I just pray they never have to use it. I hope we've made it hard enough and covered our tracks enough that he will never be able to find them. But at some point in their lives they may choose to find him to satisfy their curiosity or learn their birth family history, but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. Link to comment
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