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Update on Parent Situation


Crazy4Canning

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I'm so glad that an apartment came up that meets their psychological needs a little better, as well as their physical and day-to-day needs. I am so sorry you've had to go through all this, C4C....I cannot imagine how difficult it has been for you...

 

On the other hand, congratulations on your upcoming PhD (I know the vast amount of work, time, and dedication that takes...bravo!!!), and I'm so very glad you and your sweet DH had a nice little getaway. Sometimes you need to "refuel" before you continue dealing with a difficult situation.

 

Blessings to you -- you and your folks will be in my thoughts and prayers. :bighug2:

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Well, my parents were approved for the 2 bedroom apartment. We are now in the battle of TOO MUCH STUFF and deciding WHEN to move. Papers will be signed tomorrow and keys given, slowly the move will start.

 

I went today to clean out the hall pantry closet. I just wore an apron over my clothes. I should have worn a hazmat suit.

 

Now, bear in mind, since my mother only has 20% sight (and that's marginal), Dad's been cooking, shopping, and doing pretty much everything. About 3.5 years ago, I cleaned out their pantry, MADE A LIST and starred the items needing to be consumed. Ah. Well, the list was pretty much ignored, for there was a lot of stuff right where I left it.

 

By this time, bugs had found some things. A LOT of somethings. Cans had leaked and generally, it was nasty.

 

I came up with a box of canned food & boxed food that we could donate to a food pantry. It was due to expire soon and it was stuff my parents wouldn't eat.

 

I threw away TWO (2) HUGE contractor trash bags of bulging food, dented cans, buggy food, and spoiled food. We saved a few boxes of good food, a box of appliances (blender, popcorn popper) and some cookware. There was also a box of home canning and a box of long term bulk #10 cans.

 

I got boxes ready and began to clean; informing my mom of everything along the way. "Do you really eat this?" "Eeewww." "Um...why didn't this get eaten?" "Ummm....do you really want this?""Did you know you had...?"

 

She finally said that I had to quit being so descriptive because it was making her skin crawl and she was across the room. :grinning-smiley-044:

 

I found cleaning supplies mixed in with canned items....just a lot of spoiled food. She was embarrassed, for when she had her sight, nothing like this happened. As much as my mother irritates me, I have to say that she ran the household well and wasted nothing. Bills were always paid and ON TIME.

 

I asked her - what would be a good way to keep track of things? She said that she had spreadsheets and lists at one time; but since her sight has gone, those aren't of any use because Dad doesn't keep up on them.

 

I can't believe I did this, but I said; "What if I kept up on them? You guys will be closer, and I will be over more. Spoiled & thrown away food means money lost." She agreed and wants me to set up the pantry in an efficient way, like with can racks.

 

I also asked her if I could buy her some new dishtowels since hers are ratty. She agreed and asked for some dishcloths as well. Not a problem. I'm happy to get things they will use.

 

We did take a break and I got cheeseburgers for lunch - a treat for her.

 

We did also talk of how to keep up on bills since Dad wasn't telling her much. She agreed that his track record wasn't excellent and if I had to get involved regularly then so be it.

 

I am tired and sore...and need a bath. :bathbaby:

 

Just think....there is still A LOT more to do. *sigh*

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You're a good daughter and a good human being C4C. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you.

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Thanks for the love, guys. :)

 

Well, we are now 72 hours until the move. I've had to pay for one UHAUL truck to move things into storage. The house movers will arrive on Tuesday morning.

 

I knew this would be a time vacuum, I was hoping it wasn't going to be as bad.

 

On Thursday, I went and did the other pantry in the kitchen - a multi-shelved closet. Dad had been there before me, so one bag of trash and yuck had been removed because there was a clean spot on the floor. Yes, I could actually see linoleum. He had found a bunch of pasta and a soy sauce spill, a rotten onion, and some other nasties.

 

I found oven cleaner next to sugar, washing soda, borax and fels naptha next to bread (I threw the bread away because it smelled like soap) and I filled up another 1.5 bags contractor bags of TRASH, spoiled food, mislabeled food, and damaged goods. There were opened bags of crackers, granola bars, and other things that had gotten lost. The "snack bin" I labeled last time hadn't been used at all, because the 5 items I put in it 3.5 years ago were still there.

I almost added washing soda to baking soda because the bag said "soda" .... until I smelled it.

 

I found unwashed cookie sheets and racks...and had to toss one completely because there was no way I could resurrect it from greasy blackness to something we could remotely use again.

 

In boxing up books, I found a spider family who promptly got squished and eaten by the cat...because dad hadn't been dusting regularly to keep the dust and spiders down.

 

And in the coat closet, I found my mother's head scarves right and gloves where I left them (on a shelf in plain sight) yet Dad somehow couldn't find them.

 

*sigh*

 

My mother tried to help pack some books but they kept slipping. After knocking the same box over three times, she dissolved into tears and let me do it. I wouldn't let her off the hook that easy, so I handed her the books and held the box.

 

The bright side was that in packing a shelf of children's books (they have friends with children who visit) I found some of my old childhood books like the Richard Scarry aphabet book...and an "I Can Read" book that was always too easy, but I liked the pictures. I did make my mom laugh by asking her if she was the one that read Cinderella backwards to me..."Oh, now, why would I do that?" she said laughing. "I recall being sick and wanting it read to me", I replied. "YES. On the seventh time, I read it backwards really fast to get you to rest. I was losing my mind reading that book to you so many times."

 

So, we did have some laughter and nice memories.

 

I did laundry and made it 'smell nice' and she folded all four baskets. Seems my dad doesn't put enough soap in or leaves clothes in the machines to sour. A lot of the laundry that he does smells funky. Mom has stated that she will be doing ALL the laundry at the new place because she CAN. At this house, the laundry is in the garage and she can't maneuver down the steps and around the corner to the machines. At the new place, it will be in the hall. We did have a laugh over matching socks.She called me over because there were 6 that were odd. I had to admit they were "work socks" that were faded and didn't really match, so it wasn't her. We matched 'style' of sock, not color, and left it there.

 

I'm so wanting this move to be DONE. It's taken so much time away from my writing. I now have 10 days until my professor returns and I've got nothing done since I last spoke with him. I've been too tired to work on my work after being with my parents. After Tuesday, they will be putting things away and I will be so glad to be done with the drama. Maybe I may actually meet my deadline. I don't know at this point. I really don't know.

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You really are making a lot of progress in a short period of time. After you got them going that is. When it is all said and done, it is going to make it so much easier for you and your hubby. And for them too. Now that your mom will be able to do some of the housework, it shouldn't get in such bad shape. Hopefully it will be a fresh (literally) start for them.

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((((C4C)))))

 

Nice to hear things are progressing.

 

Ewwwwww, on the crud. My heart goes out to you. I have family like that, where I have tried to clean it up, sadly, after I left, it got the same all over again. They were not willing to make an effort to keep it clean. :shakinghead:

 

Keeping you & yours in my prayers.

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I just realized with great chagrin, that this has turned into a bit of a therapy board for me. I'm sorry for that, folks. I can't really talk about this anywhere else.

 

Well, I had planned to take today off and rest and perhaps do some work, but no such luck.

 

When I went to empty their fridge, I found the upper freezer a solid block of ziplock bags. There was an icemaker, but it was impaired by junk.

 

Between the fridge and upper freezer, there were 2 more HUGE bags of trash. Seriously. I was finding 1/4 full zippy bags with all manner of unknown stuff in them.

 

As I emptied the final cupboards, I was still finding things that had been put away dirty - not just crumbs on a cutting board, but greasy pans, sticky cookie sheets and stuck on food. I'm amazed they're both still alive.

 

I was going to leave early but Dad ended up loading my car with "breakables" and unloading it at the new apartment.

 

I ended up spending the afternoon unpacking the kitchen and running EVERYTHING through the new dishwasher at the new place because Dad needed help moving their bed.

 

So, wanting to help calm the cat, I stayed. And stayed. And stayed. No huge surprise, but something broke on their car. Dad had to load my mom, the cat, and some overnight things into his pickup and drive up in rush hour traffic. They didn't get there until after 6, 3 hours after they should have. It gave me time to empty over 12 boxes and run the dishwasher about 5 times.

 

I left at 8. Tomorrow the movers come and move the heavy stuff. There is still a room left that needs a LOT of help. I'm so tired.

 

 

As I was looking at the kitchen cabinets, I realized the over-spatter from the stove was severe. Dad evidently was frying things at too high a temp and the stove is *coated* with films of grease. The cabinets around the stove as well...I don't even know if it will come clean. We may be into this for more money than we thought. I called a friend of mine who is a Reservist and cleans houses for side income. She has a lot of knowledge about cleaning houses and will be available on Weds. If it were up to me, I'd kick butt and be done by Friday. Somehow, I think we will be stretching into next week.

 

The amount of money poured into this is amazing - so is the clean-up list. We have to wash curtains, blinds, insides of windows, have the carpets professionally cleaned, and a list of other things. If left to himself, it would take Dad until the the end of the month because he putters....

 

I have half an idea to do what we can and walk away from the money because I seriously don't think we will get any of their $1500 deposit back.

 

 

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C4C, don't feel bad about venting. That's what this part of the forum is for. We all use it from time to time as a safe place to 'let it out'. In fact, you have helped me to get on the ball and get my cabinets cleaned out and to stop putting it off. You know, out of sight out of mind.

 

I'm starting to see why your dad was dragging his feet about moving. The mess was probably overwhelming and he had no idea where to start or how to do it. Hang in there, you're almost finished.

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CGA, your words are echoing in my ears.

 

After the move today, having to go back and CLEAN a mess that isn't mine is a mute point. I'm just appalled that their living situation has gotten this out of hand. :ashamed0002:

 

The move happened today. I am $500 poorer. Four hours at $85, tax, fee for a piano move, and a gas surcharge. The guys moving it so my husband didn't have to: priceless.

 

What turns my stomach though, has been the smell permeating their home. I grew up in a house that was usually clean (but lived in) and it always smelled nice...like clean laundry or some homey smell like supper or cookies. It's hard to describe, but it seeps into my clothing and my hair. It's a cross between cooking smells (rancid oils) and dust, urine and ketones...trash and mousie poop. :yuk: I will be throwing away my shoes when I am done.

 

You know it's bad when I changed my clothes and febreezed my hair before tutoring children this afternoon (I didn't have time for a complete shower!), and upon sitting next to me, the 10 year old boy wrinkles his nose and says, "Miss L, I smell something strange." When I explained to him what I had been doing today and that it was a messy job and perhaps some of the smell was still on me, he understood and said, "I thought you had been doing a hard job. You usually smell so nice." :grinning-smiley-044: Gotta love the kids.

 

The shocker today? One of the movers brought me a surge protector that had fallen out of a box....on the underside was a squished mouse. Evidently earlier in the week the cat chased a mouse into the entertainment center and behind the surge protector that was on its side. Ummm...yeah. Seems a 20+ lb cat CAN kill a mouse in more than one way. :o I tossed it into the trash. Dad saw it and said, "Is there something wrong with it?" I told him he could look and decide for himself. He kicked it over and laughed. "Well. That's where the mouse went. What a great cat!" No comment about WHY the mouse was there in the first place or WHERE it could have gotten in. . . . :banghead: I *think* he left the surge protector in the trash, but I'm not sure.

 

Oh - and the ridiculous? My mom keeping an ACCORDION she can't lift or play. It sits in the closet. Why? Because God will heal her and then she will play it. Okay. So not worth the battle/ conversation of keeping vs.selling. :misc-smiley-231:

 

So. I'm off to steam clean myself until I can't smell anything but pretty. I may be there a while. :bathbaby:

 

Yes, and tomorrow, my friend, husband and I will take a LONG hard look at the house and decide if we want to do to military spit-polish-shine or a general once-over and be done. I've a feeling we will be renting a dumpster and do the latter.

 

More later. For everyone:

:bighug2:

 

 

If you are not getting your deposit back, just take out the trash, move the good stuff and leave. No point in killing yourself.

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