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Crazy4Canning

How Things Are Going

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Well, I went away for a week to the coast. I was exhausted. It took me almost a full day to rest and shift gears mentally. I did get some good work done, but I needed another couple of weeks to really wrap it up.

 

I came back to find a sick kitty. My little sidekick had gone into hiding and we almost lost her. Evidently cats can get sick from missing someone too much. I felt terrible, but there was nothing I could do. She had a high fever and a raging infection. Thankfully, she is doing better now.

 

While I was gone, I only answered the phone from my husband and returned a very important call. I didn't pick it up for any other reason. It was refreshing and nice, in a way, to be 'single' again. I enjoyed some lovely food, some gorgeous sunsets and did recharge. I missed being home terribly, but needed to go.

 

Also, while I was gone, rather than call my husband for extra money, my dad went into the bank and withdrew some money, not once, but twice. He knows he's not supposed to, but both he and my mom are acting out now. They thought the guardianship would be 'paper only' and allow them to do everything as usual. They didn't fully understand what rights would be taken away even though I explained it to them a few different times and ways. Mostly though, he was chafing because his debit card didn't work.

 

Before I left, I cancelled his and my mother's debit cards because I set up the guardianship account and in an effort to keep him from spending what he shouldn't. I thought this would help prevent that. Even though I flagged the account, I should have known he would have found a way to get money out. Because the current bank account is 'regular', he can still withdraw any money he feels like, in spite of any flags I set. We had a chat about it and how bad it made me look, not to mention my secondary guardian, to have random cash disappear. He didn't understand, and still to some degree doesn't understand, why he can't control money or why he can't pay bills his way. I try to explain to him that it was because of the email scams. His reply is always, "But I don't do that anymore. So why can't I have money?"

 

My SIL who is my secondary guardian, went with me yesterday to visit with my parents. She said that she did notice a difference in my dad from a few years ago. She agreed that he was high functioning but it was still very apparent Dad wasn't all there. She backed me up on why Dad can't have cash and encouraged shopping lists, meal planning, etc., things I've been encouraging for a while. It was really good to have someone there to back me up. I've felt very much alone through this.

 

I am running to the VA administrative office today to forward banking information to the new bank account. Tomorrow morning will result in yet another hour spent in the social security office. I was there yesterday but didn't have 'certified' copies of guardianship papers. Go figure. Social Security needs actual real copies even though every other agency, including the VA take 'copies'.

 

I was able to secure some meager monies for my mom through Social Security - spousal benefits and early draw on her Social Security. I have no idea how much yet, but any little bit helps.

 

And yesterday, talking with my SIL, I went over some papers I forgot I had. I am forced to share them with my dad's attorney and am cringing, for they make him look bad. I know that I can't hold onto them, for if they are ever found, all the money and effort I've spent building my professional degree could be for naught. I realized that all the ethics I've been holding on to and preaching about my entire life, came down to that moment. Yes, I hesitated before mailing the envelope. Yes, I hated myself for doing it, but I had to. Some things are just too big a burden to carry alone.

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:hug3: I'm so sorry you have to do such difficult things. I'm sorry you have to be "the strong one".

 

**Still praying for you all**

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wow, that was alot to come home to after a nice week outside all that.

 

I hope it will work out but remember you are doing this for 90 days hon and if you need to quit it then, then you need to for your own sanity. A very complex situation for sure and I am sorry you have had to shoulder all this while you are trying to upgrade your own education, at a critical phase of it.

 

You are a good , moral, responsible person and I know its hard having to turn in that paperwork but very glad you found it and are doing so now. No need to have it be a mistake found later.

 

You have to be able to do things in your life too and sometimes its hard setting those kinds of boundaries but we know you are doing your absolute best in this and I hope your sister has a better understanding now of the difficulties and I hope she is grateful that you took this on at all.

 

My own dad is getting pretty forgetful and I worry about him and right now he is waiting for a prostate cancer biopsy, plus has a lump in his left chest area that doesn't look good according to his doctors and having severe prostate/UT problems currently.

Right now my older brother is going through a 6 wk trucking school to change to better work since construction fell by the way side and he needs to be able to pay his bills, so he is away from his home area which is near where my father usually is private campground-wise, so my dad is calling and telling us what is being done medically. He already told me he will just live as long as he has and not worry about cancer treatments or surgeries I guess... time lived that way is about the same and surgeries and such dont always 'fix it' anyway.

I don't know if he would live long enough to have to be put under special care in a nursing home situation due to his mental deterioration. I would really find it difficult to have to tell him he can't use his own debit card and pay his bills and such. It will be hard enough for him to have to quit travelling in his fifth wheeler. So far he hasn't had any tickets yet so maybe he is ok with it. Too stubborn to quit yet anyhow. Only my brother may know of any incidences while driving. I doubt he would admit anything to me.

He really enjoys his campground retiree friends too, that socializing is very important to him. I know he would be as bored as me, lol, if he had to be reduced to an apartment somewhere again and a nursing home situation would only be ok in his final days for hospice I think. But I hope one of his friends, if anything occurred that was truly out of line or harmful to him or anyone else would take his cell phone and call my brother.

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