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Deb2of9

My family can use a little prayer right now

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My family can use a little bit of prayer right now. My nephew has a little boy whose mother had been refusing to cooperate with visitation. My nephew has been great. Although this was basically a one night stand that resulted in my great-nephew being born, my nephew has been very responsible since she found out she was pregnant. He supported her with most of his paycheck throughout the pregnancy. He then immediately went to the child support agency in town the day after he was born to set up child support. He has done everything he was supposed to and more and all he wants is to be involved in his sons life. However, she on the other hand has not been cooperative. He was stationed in Iraq when the baby was born, but was home on leave for the birth. She refused to let my sister and her husband see the baby in the hospital and then as my nephew was at the airport waiting for his plane back to Iraq, she texted him saying he would never see his son, but better keep the money going. She refused a paternity test, but only agreed because he told her the army required it in order for the child support or any other benifits from the army. When his tour was finished, she blocked his visitation by telling the court he was stalking her. Claimed he was driving by her house, while he was in Iraq. She knew he was out of the coutnry at the time and did this just to block him seeing his son while he was on leave. He finally got to see him for one day before his leave ended. He drove up on the weekends that was his visitation to see his son, but she did not always make the visitations and made rash claims about the care he gave his son after each visit. Claimed a diaper rash proved he hadn't been changing him, even took the baby to the ER immediately after a tornado struck to make this claim, when there was no rash 3 hours before when the baby was changed by us. In general, she has been very uncooperative. My sister and her husband also got visitation, that basically said they were to have the visitation for any visits that my nephew was unavailable for due to the army. The first holiday they were to have him for, she went out of state with him. They only got him that time because the court told her, return the boy for the visit or loose custody. That was the last time we have seen him. She then moved out of state and refused to come for any court dates or vistations. In the meantime my nephew was deployed again. He is back and went to court for full custody. He won, but he does not have the boy yet. He is supposed to get him the 28th.

 

I am asking for two things: First prayers that he is actually able to gain physical custody, not just legal custody. Part of this is that the transition goes as smoothly as possible. He has only known his mother, since she has blocked visitations. He is almost 2 now. It will also be hard on her. I do feel bad for her, because she will lose her son. If she had only worked with my nephew and allowed him to stay in his sons life, it would never have gone this far. I feel bad for any mother that loses her child, but if was her actions that led to the custody fight and allowed her to lose him. So prayers for all concerned during this transition and that my nephew actually gets his son.

 

Second there is the child care issue. My nephew wants my daughter to babysit for him. The problem is they live about 20 miles away and she does not drive. Due to my work schedule (delivering papers at 5 am then working 2-10:30 pm at my nursing job), I can not get her to the house every day. He will be staying with my sister and her husband for now until my nephew can work out a solution to keep them together while they are in the army, or until he gets out to take care of his son when his enlistment is up. We need prayers that a solution is found to make it possible for my daughter to babysit. I figure right now, staying at my sister's house is the best plan during the week when they need sitting. But also my daughter needs a drivers license and a car so she can drive to my sister's house when needed. With only me having a license and only one vehicle that isn't in the best of shape, I can not get her there every day.

 

So please pray for this situation that it will work out for the best. I am glad he won custody, even though I feel bad that the mother has to lose in all of this. I think my great-nephew will ultimately win. We know the importance of family and even if trust would be an issue because of her actions, I know we will still allow his mother and her family to be involved in his life. So in the end, he will win, even if he can't live with his mother. I do feel for her and know it will tear her up inside, but I still can't wait for that little boy to be back in our lives again. I have only met him twice. He is the sweetest little boy.

 

Thank you for the prayers.

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:pray:

 

 

Praying for your family.

 

You have a lot of compassion for the mother, which is very sweet of you. In the end, I think the little boy will be better off not being a pawn in her games anymore, if she played the games she did with your nephew, her son wouldn't be immune to her mind games esp. as he gets older, so he is definitely going to benefit. And, this situation may well be a wake up call for the mother to straighten up (and grow up!) and not play games with emotions and lives, esp. of her own child and those who love him. It's very telling that she lost custody - there had to be a lot there for the judge to deem him better off not being with her full time.

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I'm praying for this child and your family.

 

The story reminds me of a cousin who married while he was in the military. There were no children but the wife was very sickly. Wouldn't live with him but attached to his benefits. It was quite a time before he could divorce her. He also had a kind heart and good intentions.

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:pray:

 

 

Praying for your family.

 

You have a lot of compassion for the mother, which is very sweet of you. In the end, I think the little boy will be better off not being a pawn in her games anymore, if she played the games she did with your nephew, her son wouldn't be immune to her mind games esp. as he gets older, so he is definitely going to benefit. And, this situation may well be a wake up call for the mother to straighten up (and grow up!) and not play games with emotions and lives, esp. of her own child and those who love him. It's very telling that she lost custody - there had to be a lot there for the judge to deem him better off not being with her full time.

 

You are probably right Luna, although I always try to see both sides of a situation and have understanding for those that I feel are in the wrong, she has instilled very negative feelings in me. It is hard for me to be generous when I see what she has put my sister's family through. I also see what she must be putting her son through. She also has another older son who will also lose in this situation. That little boy (who I think is about 5 or 6) will end up losing his brother because of his mother's actions. At the same time, I do believe that children benefit from knowing both sides of their families. I also know that sometimes due to circumstances, they are better off without contact with some parts of the family.

 

I have always been a basically optimistic person. I do know that bad things happen and that there are even some truely bad people( as opposed to those who are idiots, or just without a clue) out there. I just usually try to see things from the other persons perspective as well. I find it difficult in this situation, but although I am very angry with her for what she has done, I do understand that it is hard on a single mom. It is just that she has done everything to make it harder from day one. I mean how many single mothers who got pregnant through a casual relationship can say that they were given support during the pregnancy. My nephew suspected that she was failing to report that income he provided to Human services, yet she recieved medical, food stamps and cash supplement from them all along. In fact the first they probably knew about any money is when he started paying the child support through the child support agency. Until then I believe she kept the support she recieved secret. She has refused contact with our side of the family. He invited her to family gatherings and even just to meet his parents without others around. She kept to no contact with our family until she had no choice when she had to give in to visitation and forced it to be supervised at first. Yes, seeing how much she hurt my nephew, my sister and my brother-in-law, it is hard to keep an open heart. I just know that I can do no less or I would not be able to live with myself. Saying that, I will not stand for her to continue to hurt my family with her actions.

 

You are also right that he was being used as a pawn and I am glad that this will no longer be the case once my nephew has him.

 

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I will keep you all posted on how this turns out.

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