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For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness. 2 Samuel 22:29


The door to the hotel bathroom crept open. Inside, I had set up a makeshift office so I could work late while the children slept. My eleven-year-old daughter Rebecca announced, "I can't sleep." I turned off my laptop computer while she sat on the edge of the tub and began to talk. She told me about her frustrations with having a younger brother, about her recent trip to Disney World and about her upcoming elementary school graduation. Suddenly, she wiggled her toes and yelped, "Ugh!"


"What?" I said.


"An ant was crawling on my toe."


We looked down at this insect, hardly big enough to see. It was climbing over mountainous tufts of fuzzy bathroom mat. After watching it struggle for a few minutes, we realized it was going in circles. So we decided to help it along its journey. We picked it up, removed the mat and placed it on the smooth tile.


"I think ants have a good sense of direction," I said hopefully. "Maybe now it can find its way home." Soon, it was crawling in circles again.


As we watched the ant, I felt as if I were watching myself. I'd been lost a few times in my life: when my parents divorced, when my father died, when I was laid off from a job. Each time, I struggled to find my own way.


Suddenly, Rebecca said, "Let's put it in the flowers." There was a vase of fresh flowers on the counter. After letting the ant crawl onto a piece of tissue paper, she gingerly placed it on an iris. "At least it will feel at home there."


I smiled at Rebecca's innocence and at her caring heart. And I said a silent prayer for the people who, each time I was lost, were there to comfort me, help pick me up and put me back on the right road.


Lord, thank You for Your guidance and the comfort You give through others.


By Billy Newman




I thank God for sending me all those special people to my side when I have lost my way. In my lifetime of almost 40 years; I have experienced pain and suffering of my parents divorce, loss of loved ones, broken relationships, illnesses, misplaced dreams, financial woes, and wayward family members. Yet through every time of sadness, confusion and grief, the Lord always sends a special agent of His to help me find my way again. Some have been friends, family and sometimes even strangers that have influenced me the most to look up and press on. We never know how very much we can mean to another when we live in love and compassion for those around us.


Back 4 years ago, there was a (((((((((Lady)))))))))))

here at Mrs. Survival, who took the time to pick me up when I was at my all time lowest as a mother dealing with a drug addicted suicical teenage son. My friends abandoned me, my church was silent, my family critical, my DH numb and heartbroken...and I was utterly alone experiencing the most heart wrenching pain I have ever felt in my entire life. And yet, God used this woman online (who at that time, I had never met) to minister to my broken heart....

She reached out to me with a compassionate love that I will never ever ever forget. She knows who she is and I thank her with all my heart!! I soon found my way and became the stronger mother I needed to be for the sake of my lost son. I hope and pray to be that kind of friend in return to all those who at assorted times in thier lives, lose thier way.


I pray also that this site, continues to be an instrumental way of helping others who have lost thier way...only to find it again with a renewed sense of hope!

Now thats truly survival; when others come along beside you and give you strength to make it through another day.


love and blessings always,



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  • 6 months later...

I dunno why I chose today to read this post...


6 months after you posted it, the heading caught my attention...


I too know all too well how it is to lose my way from first hand experience...


I feel like an infant again in some ways...a new beginning, a fresh resolve, a determination I lost a few years ago, and none of it is coming from me.


His timing is always perfect, and we never know who He will use to cross our path when we most need it...


For me, when the last straw broke, it was a turkish person, not born in this country whom He used to turn on the lightbulb. I guess we just never know, nor will ever understand His ways, but I am so very grateful for it.


Thank you Ginger for sharing this...it was very heartwarming to read, and obviously meant for me to read today...






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Yes, Darlene, you were meant to read this.

*You* know who helped me when I was lost so many years ago. I have never forgotten and will always give God praise for His agents of hope in my life! Bless you dear friend and go forth today with a renewed hope that your Father in heaven has not nor will ever forget you!


Love, Ginger

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He will never leave us nor forsake us.... we however forget to ask Him for help and thank Him when it is given. I try to Talk to Him daily. I did not say pray because so many think of prayer as a formal thing, I just try to formulate my feelings to Him. He is truly my Heavenly Father, My Creator.

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  • 7 months later...

I just stumbled over this posting: I know I have spoken to several over the few months that I have been a member here of the tragic and heart breaking loss of my mother last year. I have had a really hard time coming to terms with it. I have been through the anger, crying, depression, anxiety, loneliness , the wayward family members etc. My dh happened to go to walmart one day, and he went to the book section,(which in itself is very odd, he does not like to read much). He came home and told me that walmart had several of the Joyce Meyers books on the shelf (he knows I love to listen to her on television). So later that day, I went up to the store to check out this selection. It was almost like it was a signal for me, that I needed to read this book she had.... Especially since it was my dh who told me about the books. She has one titled

Straight Talk overecoming emotional battles with the power of Gods Word: It offers help and encouragement to combat:

Depression, discouragement, fear, insecurity, loneliness, stress, worry.


I have been reading this book. But before I go on let me tell you something else.


Before I picked up this book to read it. I did not realize how deep in a depression I really was. Or how bad I had let things go, just because I was discouraged because of family members, I felt insecure in many things, and very lonely, for I am not used to being without my mother.


Over the past few days, after months of just letting myself go, and my home and housework. I have once again found the strength and the will to get back to the way I was before all this happened. I have once again took an interest in my home,and the things around me. I have been able to curb alot of the anger inside of me.

I am not making a sale pitch,but I am telling you this book is worth giving a couple of days to and reading it....It has really opened my eyes and helped me. I know dh is pleased with the turn around and the kids are seeming a lot calmer than they have in quiet a while.....

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  • 4 months later...

I stumbled upon this website. I know The Lord led me here. I have been a member of another message board for about 3 years now. I am a Christian and that board is very secular. There are people on that board that are into withchcraft, gay life styles, and some are just plain mean. I thought I could share my views and somehow make a difference, but they only made fun of me. I stayed because I was lonely, and some of the people there are nice. But in my heart I knew I needed to find somewhere else to spend my time. I am so happy I found this place.


I did lose my way. I went througn so much in a ten year period I thought I would lose my mind. I lost my Mom and Grandmother both to lung cancer 4 years apart. My Mom was only 55. I took care of them both in their last weeks here, and I miss them terribly.

During this same time between 95 and this year, my parents divorced after 33 years of marriage. My DH lost his job in the military due to a back injury, and my business went under. We lost our house and one of our cars.Then my Daughter was raped and became pregnant, and my other Daughter was giving us a hard time. The stress made me suicidal. I developed a skin disease called Psoriasis. It is hard to deal with and also hard on my self esteem. I prayed for God to heal me. Then I begged God to heal me. It is a painful disease, and I knew I would be a better Christian if he would take the burden from me. But he did not heal me. I could not understand why, and I got angry. I quit going to church. I have started praying again. I am finding my way back. I have come to believe there is a reason I have this disease to deal with. I figure there is something I am suppose to learn from it, or something. I look at people who have worse things to deal with, and I thank God for what I do have.

This Christmas season I spent two days in a terrible depression. I was missing my Mom and Grandmother so much, it felt like they passed away last week.

I need the Lord's help. Daily stress feels like more than I can take some days. I need your prayers. My real name is Lisa. I am happy I found a place to share this.

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Lilly, we are all glad you are here too. We all here do a lot of crying on each others shoulders from time to time..but you couldn't ask for better friends, anywhere.


I know the loneliness you feel, I lost my mom in May of 2003 (my birthday) and it still feels like it just happened. As always when a loved one dies some family members feel they need to become leeches. Taking everything they can get. My 2 brothers, and 3 sisters have all separated. They all get together all the time with their families, but do not include me,my dh, and our kids.

To beat all, it is them who have hurt me, I did not do anything to them, but to offer to help with mom house payment....they thought I was trying to swindle them out of their portion of the house.

Well I stayed away and went about taking care of my family. Gradually, my youngest sister has come started coming back around, brought the kids christmas gifts, and is making a point to stay in touch with us. but so far not so much as a kiss my tail from the rest, even after I sent every single last one of them a christmas card and a box full of homemade candies.....I don't have anything against them, and if I have said anything hurtful to them, I have apologized long ago for it. and It hurts so deep....


That is just the short version of my story, but if I hadn't of had my friends here through out this whole ordeal, I probably would not be here to tell about it today.


So yes, you have picked a very good place to call home here. If you ever need to talk one on one, just pm and I will also be glad to give you my email address if you need to talk to a friend...You just don't know how much that can help, having someone to listen to you......

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Lily/Lisa, I am so glad you found us! I'm sorry you were hurt on the other board...While we are certainly not at all perfect.... I am most confident of that Mrs. Survival is comprised of the most caring people I know!. We may not always agree with one another 100% and we come from varied walks of life, but we do care deeply for one another!



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  • 1 month later...

Little do you realize, how special you are to us.


Perhaps that's the beauty of it all...just reading what you shared, and relating to so much of it, has been such an inspiration to me, so thank you for trusting us enough to share a part of yourself.



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  • 8 months later...

Beautiful post. Oh no can get lost like I can. I have such a knac for digging myself in soooooooo deep in the mud that I spin my tires and get nowhere. Sometimes the way out is soooooo easy but so hard at the same time. The desire to fix my own problems can often interfere when all my Father wants to do it pick me up! Someday I'll get it LOL

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  • 5 months later...

This is the first time I have read this post. The title jumped out at me tonight because that is exactly how I am feeling right now. I feel like I have lost my way. We've been out of church for way too long and I'm feeling the effects of it. We've had a hard time finding a church since we moved. I was in love with the church that we were attending before the move but it is 90 miles away and too far to drive. The last couple of months, it's like we've given up on finding a church home. I haven't read my Bible in ages and I haven't been praying like I should.

Our finances are in such a mess that I don't know how we're ever going to dig out of the hole that we are in. Gas prices and food prices are going up and that is just adding to the strain.

I am determined to get to a church this Sunday. Any church will do. I feel disconnected and alone. I know that I am not alone. I am a child of God. He is still with me, I'm the one who has wandered away from Him.

I am so thankful that Sandi told me about this board. I needed to find all of you.

Please keep Paul and I in your prayers. We could sure use all the help we can get.


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I understand your longing for church services. I, too, have missed attending services. Now only occasionally. I was raised going to church. When I could no longer attend that church (too far away also), I tried attending many others, to no avail. Now I realize that I do not require a church, with a reverand and Sunday Services to worship the Lord. I can worship anywhere at anytime. I do still occasionally long for the communion of a congregation and the formality of services. Easter Sunday was a good example. There is a church right behind my house and as I was headed to the garden to plant potatoes, people were arriving at church for Easter Service. (Although in the summer I am in the yard on Sunday when people are coming and going from this church, none have ever even said 'hi'. And although I personally know the minister he had never invited me to services or brought up the subject. I find this odd at the least. I can usually *feel* when I belong somewhere and I do not *feel* this church would be for me. So it's ok.) But, anyhow, I started having those longings again and then started to get an attitude. Thinking: 'You all go to your services. God told ME to plant potatoes.' Well, that wasn't right and I knew it, but it started me thinking of Easter Service and a whole string of things happened in that garden and by the time I was done Easter Service at the church was over and I realized that I'd had my own worship time. I do hope you find the church that you are longing to belong to, but also hope that you do not limit your worship to a set place and time.


I, too, have felt lost many times for many reasons. Felt that God had abandoned me, only to realize that I had walked away from Him. He is there, always, waiting for me to turn to Him and let Him lead the way.

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  • 2 months later...

Being relatively new to this board, I have been taking a few minutes each day to read older posts.

I read this thread this morning and am once again so happy that I happened to stumble across Mrs.S!!!!!

What caring thoughtful Christian responses are in this post.

I wish we could all just come together with fellowship in one place.It would be a glorious church home to me.

I do not feel at home in my church but still attend on occasion though I'm talking to the Lord more and more and reading his word more and more each day.


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God answers our needs in many ways we may not understand. All the women,(specifically women) That I read here are growing stronger because of trials. In the early years of our country, the circuit preacher might only happen through your area once a year. That might be the only "formal" religious gathering a person could attend until the next year. I happen to believe those who believed, were just as religious the rest of the 51 "Sundays". I happen to live better, if I make every day Sunday, and talk to my Heavenly Father. To my discredit, I do not always find a "still" place and listen to his answers. Faith, worship and the practice of both are personal; a bond between one insignificant woman and her Creator. I read about the trials that happen to our fellow members,I was brought here to take heed of all those around me, that I may learn. I may need your strength some day. I thank you for sharing,......

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Oh boy, I have been there with you all for sure. Without my friends (face to face kind) and my friends here had days when I wondered if I would make it through even though most of the time my faith was strong. Do so appreciate being able to talk (and vent) to you all and to know there are others out there who know the Lord and follow Him. Prayer really does take care of everything and without it I would not even be here this year - I know, without a doubt, and will tell anyone who will listen that what brought me through the months in the hospital last year was answered prayer and I truly believe I am a "walking miracle of God"!

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  • 1 month later...

God really does work in mysterious ways. I stumbled on this thread and finally feel able to tell my latest heartbeak I have been dealing with alone again since June 24th. As many of you know my 24 year old daughter had a baby girl named Whittney on January 16th of this year. She had moved back to SC from Va in July of last year. My husband helped her rent a little house, paying the deposit and a back electric bill and water deposits so she could have a place of her own and still be near us,which is what she wanted. When the due date was 2 weeks away her doctor advised her to stay with me because she could go in labor at any time, I heartily aggreed. I took her to the hospital and was in the room when my granddaughter was born, I saw her head when the doctor did. It was the most wonderful gift I had ever been given to witness the birth of my first grandchild. I call her my first, though she is my second, my daughter gave another little girl up for adoption in 2000, I never got to see her, hold her or know anything about her until after she was gone. I guess that's why I was so excited at the thought of being a grandmother, my daughter said she was keeping this one. We bought another crib,a swing, a bouncy seat, a bassinet, and clothes enough to keep her covered to the age of 18 months, all from yard sales and second hand stores. The deal was that she and the baby would stay with us until she was a month old. Before the month was up, she told us that her little house and the ones around it that were owned by the same man, were being sold and she had 30 days to get her stuff out. We accepted her at her word, she used her deposit money to get a storage building and some friends of her helped move her stuff into it. She and the baby would live with us. It was great, I got to hold the baby,with a pillow to support my arm because of my arthritis. As she grew she knew my voice and would breakout in smiles when she saw me and I would call her my Precious. My dh dipped her pacifyier inhis coffee when he was home, sit at his computer and play country music to her and sing. As she grew, if he walked in the room and didn't say anything to her and pick her up she would start grunting ro get his attention, sometimes he would play like he didn't hear her and she'd finally holler till he picked her up and she'd start laughiing and run her finger through his beard. She was fasinated by his beard. When she didn't feel good, or was fussy, he was the only one who could calm her down and get her to sleep.

My daughter finally went and got another job when Whittney was 3 1/2 months old. Whittney stayed in a day care that really loved her and she enjoyed being there. My daughter started showing the symptoms of her bi-polar again about this time, so I knew she had quit taking her medicine again. This has been a long argument we've had since she was diagnoised at 17, it makes my bi-polar goe into a deep depression when she starts arguments and snide remarks one minute and then has a manic high where she is so happy about the least thing and blows it out of proportion.She was working at a auto parts dealership and met this 19 year old boy- not man- boy. He was real clean cut and polite and acted like he had manners but I was leary, my daughter is not known for her choice of men "friends". My husband and I had told her she needed to concentrate on herself and the baby for at least a year when she was pregnant. My dh was really leary, and started asking around about this boy because he knew his last name. Come to find out that he too did not finish high school. His mother had been killed in a car accident in 03 and he got the insurance money and bought a car, a bobcat, a trailer for him and his dad to live in, and a pickup truck. He wrecked the new camaro within 3 months of having it and it sits in his dad's yard still. He also is a known pill popper by the county police, they have not been able to catch him with the pills on him, but he's been busted for DUI 3 times in 2 years. This is the kind of men my daughter hooks up with, but this one has a big inheritance coming to him from his mother in September. My daughter can work a man over like nothing I've ever seen. They have bought her jewerly, cars, clothes, furniture, stereos, tv's, you name it and she can get a man to get it for her. In June I reminded her that she had promised to get her GED so she could get a good paying job to support her and Whittney. That blew the whole month apart.She twisted it to if she didn't get her GED she had to move out, that we were kicking her out at the end of the month.She starting taking Whittnew God knows where on friday night and we wouldn't see her again until Monday afternoon when My daughter got off work.

On June 23rd she left saying she was going over to her cousins house. That was the last time I've seen Whittney. My daughter came in the next morning and said she had found a place to live since we were throwing her out at the end of the month. My dh was home thank goodness, because I fell apart. She was going to live with that BOY. She was determined to take all the furniture we had bought for the baby, even though she had the same stuff in her storage building, my dh said no, with a lot of ugly words added in. Needless to say she called the boy and said call the police. He showed up with the police trying to get in my face and calling me B***h and other things, I got cussed at more that day than I have heard in years. My daughter told them we wouldn't let her get her stuff. My dh told them what was her stuff and she was welcome to it but she had to get it that day, cause she wouldn't be welcome back.

Before the police had arrived she and my dh got in a huge argument. He told her she was doing this out of spite, she brought the baby to us to live with and love it and she was taking it away from me just to hurt me, she told him that I dropped the baby and hadn't been anykind of mother to her and she didn't want me anywhere near HER child. He then told her that if she went through with this move this way, she would never be allowed in our home again. She told him that we didn't have a home, we had a trailer, a home had love and that we had never loved her.

He told the police that the boy was forwarned, he was never to come on our property again, if he did he would be tresspassing, and the law states he could shoot tresspassers. The cops looked at the boy and told him "Did you hear this man? He's dead serious, you've already lied to us over this mess so I suggest you go over and wait by the car." Then my husband came up with a shocker to the police. My daughter was loading all her things into her car and my husband told the cops he just found out that morning from the highway dept. that she didn't have insurance on the car. The cops asked her if she did, and she lied and said yes. The cop called in her plate and said she didn't, and if she tried to drive that car he would arrest her right there.That boy had to borrow a cell phone from one of the cops because by this time even they wouldn't let him in our home, he had to pay a towtruck rollback to come get her car and take it and them to his dad's house.

It's all been such a mess. my daughter took Whittney out of the nursery, so I couldn't even call to see if she was ok. Then in the beginning of August she quit her job. My husband ran into her last week and told her he wanted his kerosene heater and fuel jug back and she needed to put in a change of address at the post office. She told him it would be a cold day in H*** before she gave him HER kerosene heater. Well, she put in a change of address alright, she closed our mailbox and got a weeks worth of our bills, and her name wasn't even on the mailbox! My dh exploded at the post office when he found out. Thank goodness we don't have any credit cards or she might have been able to get the numbers and use them. I just found out that she's working at a plant in a nearby town, and so is the boy. The plant has a daycare inside so Whittney is going there I hope. But they also require a high school diploma or GED, so they both lied to get the jobs, which means when their 90 days are up and the plant does their checks they both will loose their jobs. My nephew ran into her to find this out, he begged her to take the baby to see me, she said that there was no way.

So ladies, how would you handle this. I just pray in my heart that God gets me through this. That He will let me have some kind of relationship with my granddaughter and my daughter. When I had knee surgery on July 17th, the doctors said I had a irregular heartbeat during the surgery caused by the anesthetic, but my surgeon asked was I under some kind of stress. When my husband told him this story, my surgeon said stress could have caused it too, he was going to tell my regular doctor to keep an eye on my heart. I can tell him now what's wrong with my heart, It's broken.

I'm sorry this is so long.

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Karen, I wish I could just hold you and let you cry... I see the pain in every word. But you know life would only be worse if you both had allowed her to have her own way, too.


Your prayers for Whittney may be the best you can do. And though it doesn't nearly sound like enough for *us*, God will be faithful and hold this little one near Him.


If she gets tired of caring for a baby, you may end up raising her. That's what happened to my Mom, and my nephew has grown into a fine young man despite all the odds against him. That was difficult, but at least Mom knew where he was and that he was fed and well.


My prayers are with you. Try to stay as healthy and as strong as you can... that little one may need her Grandma desperately.



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Hi Karen,


I am so sorry that you are facing this extremely difficult time in your life.


I have no easy answers or quick fixes to share. However, I do want to encourage you to "Let Go and Let God". This load is simply to heavy for you to carry, you must turn it over to Him.


Matthew 11:28-30 says


Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.


I also like the way it reads in The New Living Translation,


Mat 11:28 Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.

Mat 11:30 For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."



And please keep this in mind, this is not the end of the story... only one chapter of hardship... the Lord knows the beginning from the end... and we simply must trust and know in whom we have believed.


In the mean time, if you ever feel that the baby is in danger or being neglected in some way, do not hesitate to call DHR/DHS.


I would like to suggest that you get a journal and write in it every day to your precious grandaughter. Write about what you shared in your post of the cooing and the beard and etc. Just fill it with love and good memories and thoughts. Then, you'll have that to give her one day to show that you were thinking of her and loving her while you were separated. Writing is also very healing.


Many blessings!


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Karen--you and your whole family are in my prayers. This situation is so sad and I can tell how much anguish you're in. (((Karen))) I don't know how much you're willing to involve outsiders, but is there someone, such as Children's Services, who could be notified that your daughter is bi-polar and has not been taking her meds and that you fear for your granddaughter's safety? Of course, this would run the risk of further alienating your daughter, but if there's any question as to whether Whittney is being well-cared-for, it's an option you might need to consider. I'm praying that the situation can be resolved without such a step having to be taken, though. I'm sure your daughter knows that you have been a good mother to her and how much you & your dh love and care for Whittney; she's probably not acting or thinking with a clear head right now, due to being off her meds. The Lord knows the truth of the whole situation and I pray that you can stay strong and trust Him to work out the problems even when you can't see any evidence that they're being worked out. I love Psalm 138:8a, which assures us that God will perfect that which concerns us. Hang onto that promise and know that you have lots of prayer support here.


Stephanie's suggestion about keeping a journal in which you write to Whittney is an excellent one. I hope you'll consider it. God bless you, sweetie.

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