Write out a Will!

[fishermanwife]

Wow I cant express enough the improtance of having a will made up, up until now Ive always been in the background of the funeral being the grandaughter or great niece but now my father in law has passed and cant believe everything that has to be dealt with from dealing with the departed to banks and now with who get what but now thats not in our hands anymore it has went into probate bc of state laws. So please check with your state laws and see what you have to do to protect your loved ones from a big headache here in Oklahoma its as simple as typing your wishes out and having it notarized with two witnesses. This is not something anyone ever want to think about but I know after this past week and the continuing headaches we have made out a rough draft of who is taking the kids if we pass at the same time and all our other wishes and will be finalizing it soon.

[Annarchy]

Very important, Fishermanwife.

 

When FIL passed, the will was more valuable then any other piece of paper. MIL has always expressed its importance. She has taken measures to eliminate the inheritance taxes and any issues with the bank account.

 

It was a nightmare when my Grandmother passed. They fought over every little thing. I won't go into detail, it is sufficient to say, none of the kids and grandchildren talk to each other any more.

 

Such a shame.

[The WE2's]

Mountain Man's parents both had Living Trust's...we have a Living Trust, with each of us as Trustees (nobody else) until our deaths. Had an attorney make it up, to include our wills, pour over wills, advanced healthcare directives, no contest clause and a list of special "gifts" to whomever we want to gift. When we're BOTH deceased, we have a named Trustee. Showed Mom, and she immediately went to her attorney and had hers put together. It not only keeps the families out of probate, but it keeps family fights off the table. With a "no contest clause" ... it stipulates that if ANYBODY contests the wills or trusts, they immediately remove themselves as heirs. With advance healthcare directives, nobody has to make any decisions to "pull the plug" etc. It just makes things SOOOO much easier on the family. Costly...yes, but well worth the $$$ Ours cost us about $800 and Mom's cost her about $300. Also...it can keep you from being sued, because you don't really "own" anything any more...your trust does. We took our declaration page to our credit union and even our money belongs to the trust, we're only trustees. Our physicians have a copy of the declaration page, our insurance company has a copy of the declaration page, the real estate we own belongs to the trust, our vehicles belong to the trust. With our "pour over will" everything we buy that might "slip through the cracks" is "given" to the trust. Even our motorcycle belongs to the trust. Can't tell you often enough the importance of protecting your assets...for yourselves AND family members. All the living trustee has to do is go the bank, the motor vehicle department, the insurance company, the court house, wherever there are assets, present their copies of the trust and their drivers license to prove who they are, and that's it. They now manage and/or own the trust to distribute according to the directives of the trust etc. Have I harped enough?!

[Jeepers]

Fishermanswife, I'm sorry about the loss in your family.

 

 

YES, wills are very important! When my cousin died, her husband couldn't touch anything for over a year and a half because it went to probate. Plus he had to hire an attorney. Both her name and his name was on everything and there was no minor children and no one contested anything. She had a will but it said, "Her name AND his name" instead of "her name OR his name".

 

The state of South Carolina got their grubby hands in and also a lawyer. I should mention they didn't really have that much to begin with. Both vehicles paid off but they had credit card debt and a mortgage also massive medical bills. She had been disabled from kidney failure (hemo dialysis) for about 6 years. All of that was bad enough but he was still hounded to pay the C.C. and mortgage with a frozen bank account. Oh, and staggering medical bills. She thought she had her will in order and had her husband protected. It was a mess and it caused her husband to teeter on the edge of foreclosure and bankruptcy all while trying to mourn the death of his wife.

 

She was so detail oriented that 3-4 days before she died she called the funeral home and made arrangements for them to come and remove her body from the house and creamate it as soon as they got the call from hospice. And paid them herself. Then she gave her jewelry and personal items to whomever she wanted to have them. I only mention all of that to show how you may think you are covered and have everything in order but one little word or slip up can really cost you.

 

This isn't aimed at anyone here! Philbe it sounds like you are up to date on your will. But some of us made out a will decades (4) ago and forget to update it.

[fishermanwife]

wow philbe that gives me alot to think about and look into, thanks jeepers thats what I told my brother who is taking the kids if we should pass at the same time to let the kids say goodbye within the 24 hr period then cremate us bc everything gets so expensive and the kids will need the money more than we need a grand going away ceremony, they wanted almost $900 to move my fil to a church 2 blocks away from the funeral home thats just robbery!

[blestmomof4]

We went through all of this last year when we found out DH had cancer. We had always meant to draw up paperwork but had never taken the time. We went to one of those 'will/trust' classes and what scared us was that if anything happened to DH while at the hospital getting surgery or treatment and wasn't unable to make decisions about his own care the hospital and medical staff (in Oklahoma) had the right to do whatever they decided was best. I, as his wife, had very little to no rights. Two days after we found out that DH had cancer I had surgery and the thought that if anything had gone wrong that the hospital could make decisions and not my husband was so upsetting that we took care of it ASAP. We also have a relative that has said that if anything happened to us thet they would quickly swarm in like a vulture and get what was 'due to them'....the only time we hear from them is when they are locked up (again) and have nothing but time on their hands. We are hoping the paperwork took care of that and will hopefully protected our kids from having to deal with it. We were also told that In Oklahoma if you don't have a will (as simple as a signed paper that has been notorized) your property/assets can go to the state.

 

I like the idea of the trust and will have to look into that some more. We recently talked to someone that had one set up and they were almost 'pushy' about telling us we needed to look into it....it looks like a way to protect youself and family in so many differnt ways.

[Ambergris]

NOLO Press has some very good, very cheap will forms, with instructions.

[The WE2's]

We went through all of this last year when we found out DH had cancer. We had always meant to draw up paperwork but had never taken the time. We went to one of those 'will/trust' classes and what scared us was that if anything happened to DH while at the hospital getting surgery or treatment and wasn't unable to make decisions about his own care the hospital and medical staff (in Oklahoma) had the right to do whatever they decided was best. I, as his wife, had very little to no rights. Two days after we found out that DH had cancer I had surgery and the thought that if anything had gone wrong that the hospital could make decisions and not my husband was so upsetting that we took care of it ASAP. We also have a relative that has said that if anything happened to us thet they would quickly swarm in like a vulture and get what was 'due to them'....the only time we hear from them is when they are locked up (again) and have nothing but time on their hands. We are hoping the paperwork took care of that and will hopefully protected our kids from having to deal with it. We were also told that In Oklahoma if you don't have a will (as simple as a signed paper that has been notorized) your property/assets can go to the state.

 

I like the idea of the trust and will have to look into that some more. We recently talked to someone that had one set up and they were almost 'pushy' about telling us we needed to look into it....it looks like a way to protect youself and family in so many differnt ways.

 

Comment from Philbe...having our trust made up has really given us a peace of mind, knowing that we "don't own anything" ... everything belongs to the Trust. Our kids have no idea what's in it. They only know that when we are BOTH gone, they each have to take their drivers license to our attorney's office for a copy of the Trust. We don't even discuss it with either of them...we just say "until we're both deceased, neither of you have to worry about a thing, just take your drivers license to Mr. ...........'s office. Sorry your first exposure was "pushy" ... but anybody that's stood by and watched a family fight over even the smallest estate can be heartbreaking. Once watched a relative and her daughter break into another deceased family member's home, remove EVERTHING while the rest of the family was at the church dinner. Said "we took care of her for 6 months while the rest of you lived your lives". Trust was they moved her in with them and sued the social security to become her guardians. BAD news when families get into these kinds of messes.

[The WE2's]

NOLO Press has some very good, very cheap will forms, with instructions.

 

Comment from Philbe...these can be easily contested, especially if they don't have professionals who have witnessed the paper work, and if they're not properly recorded.

[fishermanwife]

philbe, the oklahoma bas association website says a will can just be typed up and notarized with two witnesses, so hoping thats true you say properly record it how or where do I do that, thanks

[The WE2's]

philbe, the oklahoma bas association website says a will can just be typed up and notarized with two witnesses, so hoping thats true you say properly record it how or where do I do that, thanks

 

 

Comment from Philbe...I don't know about OK state laws. Around here, most people that have only a Will, leave it with a Title Company (if the company will let you) along with a copy of the Warranty Deed of property etc. With only a Will, around here, you'll still end up in probate...it just won't take as long going through the process.