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"Misery is a Choice"


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When DH retired I wanted to travel.  He had no interest, NONE!  I was angry and disappointed.  I made both our lives miserable for months, maybe a year.  Then somewhere, I came across the quote, "Misery is a choice", by Eleanor Roosevelt.  It hit me right between the eyes and in the heart that I was making the choice to make our golden years more rusty than gold.   I was making both of us miserable and unhappy.  Many things can't be changed by that quote but so many can. 

 

So, I changed my attitude.  I traveled w/o him.  The kids and I took a Caribbean cruise, later our daughter and I went on an Alaskan cruise.   Cousins and I took many shortish road trips, to Branson, Mackinac Island, etc.  Trips were taken by plane, train and automobile to California.  I grew up in California and still have lots of family there, including our daughter and her family.  A couple years ago I decided I was through traveling and have stayed home since.  I've become like DH, finally, and find I'm happier on the farm than anywhere else.  

 

DH didn't mind my traveling as long as he could stay home.  Me, being the dutiful wife :), made sure there was plenty of food in the freezer, etc.  I would much rather have had him travel but we'd have both been miserable.  He can pout!  So can I!  

 

How about you?  Found any quotes that have changed your way of thinking?  Made you realize that your life needed changing for the good or from the bad?  It took me into my 50's to have it happen to me but when it did, what a change in my life.  The rusty years turned golden again and life is good.

 

Put your quotes here and tell us how it changed you, if you'd like,  Maybe they'll help one or more of us.

 

AND,if you have a book of quotes that you just love, let us know what it is.  I'd like to find more of Eleanor's, if you have suggestions.

 

 

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I was challenged yesterday by a half-hour program on our local radio station, the Christian working Woman. The founder of the program is a life-time executive from Wheaton, IL. She probably worked in Chicago. There is so much depth to her writings. I seldom catch her short broadcasts, but always find a gem in them when I stop to listen.

 

Mary gave examples of how other women have searched and found 'one word' to cling to during the New Year, rather than a 'new year's resolution', which generally disappears over a few weeks into the year. Her concept, through a book she recently called My One Word, By Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen.  Her broadcast on the subject can be found at:  https://christianworkingwoman.org/broadcast/a-new-word-for-a-new-year/

 

How do you choose your one word for 2021? Well, first think about some things you would like to change about yourself. For example, patience might be an area where you know you need improvement, she said.

 

Or you might choose a word that exemplifies areas where you want to grow, such as wisdom or thankfulness. As you think and pray about what your one word will be for 2021, you will be amazed at how that process will lead you to the right word for you.

 

I haven't found mine yet. It will probably hit me between my eyes in an upcoming morning devotional.  :rolleyes:  Our thought process is so powerful. Our minds are so powerful. Hopefully, my 'one word' will be just what I need for 2021. It certainly should be better than the one the world chose for me in 2020 .... CHAOS.   :hapydancsmil:

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That is an excellent concept Homey. Thanks.  I've used Dee's 'Misery is a Choice' for many years now as I encounter each new challenge in my life but I can see where adding a word that I dwell on daily would really help.  Now, if I can just figure out what word is best instead of letting the world choose for me because I believe the word WAS Chaos this whole last year......:runcirclsmiley2:

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The first word that came to mind was "optimistic".  It seems last year had so much "chaos", using your word Homey.  It was full of anger and fear of the pandemic, , anger and fear of not getting together with friends, anger and fear of the government and so many other things.  Too much anger and fear equals chaos of the mind.

 

This year I will be optimistic in looking at my daily life, as well as weekly, monthly and for the year.  

 

NOW, this word came to me fast, soooooooo, I may change it but right now OPTISMISTIC is my word for the year.

 

Thanks Homey!

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This is a great topic, Dee.  And additional challenge, Homesteader.  :thumbs:

 

Um.....not sure I've shared this before.  But...it fits here so for whatever it might mean to anyone else.....or not. 

 

Back as 2011 was starting I "heard" a phrase from God  [ YMMV but I "hear" sometimes in non-audible ways.  However, I describe it:  'as clear as audible' . ]  The phrase that year was "Brace yourself for 2011" with undertones of "lean on Me; I will help You; etc".

 

I have to say that for me personally [tho not nationally], 2020 was a cake walk compared to my 2011.  The blows began within a week with the death of a church friend, my aunt, my uncle .....and much worse before January was done.  :blink:   It. Did. Not. Stop.   Wretched unbelievable year!  Just knowing God KNEW that it was a harsh one, was a comfort I leaned on all that year.  He KNEW...of course HE did but still....a marvel, yes?

 

I've had various ones that He's given me to 'focus and learn this' or 'lean in closer' since then.  ....... 

 

So what is 2021?  :sigh:   "Hang on to ME"  Yep, personal delivery to me  [another sort of ominous one, isn't it?

but...I'm sure it's available for anyone else who might want to remember that too.

 

I usually hear by sometime in December and it was true this year as well.  And I needed "Hang on to ME"  before 2021 actually arrived.  I'm struggling in ways that are unusual for me.  And boy, I am surely hanging on to Him!  And I know very deeply, that 2021 will be okay.  {Misery is a choice, indeed!}   Probably not going to be a favorite of mine tho. 

 

 

The quote or phrase I like is "This too shall pass".  Reminds me of the temporary nature of most issues.  Even in the grief of loss, that intense pain will pass, tho the loved one "will surely not return to us....we will go to them someday"  [sort of a quote from King David upon the death of his infant son ....and then he got up and washed and put on clothes and went about his duties but likely still mourned for a long while.  And then new life, Solomon was born. ] 

 

MtRider   :pray: 

 

I want to clarify that any "message" I got is not meant as a national or global prediction of any sort.  A gazillion people may have a fantastic and non-challenging year in 2021.  For me, personally, welllll, probably not in some ways.

Edited by Mt_Rider
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When we first moved to Ohio I was pretty miserable. We had just bought our first house in Indiana, finally after many decades of renting, and I was really enjoying it. Son was just ready to graduate high school. 

 

My D-ex was and still is a workaholic. He was gone all the time. When we moved to Ohio he got a promotion and was gone even more. I didn't know anyone or my way around. Although we live in a suburb, the towns around here flow from one to another. You don't even realize which town you are in unless you see a sign. My Indy house was in a little country subdivision and the closest town was medium size. 

 

We had to have a lot of business dinners that I hated. Husband would drop me off at a table full of strangers and then leave to go talk business with the guys. Many times I was left sitting alone. I finally got to know some of the other wives and got along with them but they were uppity. And rich. Y'all know me, I'm neither. 

 

The head honchos wife was very nice. One evening we were talking about moving around and how upsetting it can be and she said, "It is what you make of it. You can be as miserable or as happy as you want to be". I'll never forget that and I used that line numerous times when we had new families transfer here. 

 

Now I love it here and all of the little towns that offer their own stores. I can find anything within a five mile radius of my house. Even more if I want to travel a little further. The many hospitals here are second to none. Then I discovered I'm less than 2 hours from the world's largest Amish community and Lehmans. I chose to be happy. Except at business functions. BUT, one of those business functions took us on a cruise to Greece and Turkey with a stop in Germany. Not to shabby. 

 

Now I have a grandbaby who wants his grandma so it's back to Indiana to another little country subdivision. Full circle? I'll trade all of my shopping for the 'short one' any day though. Oh, and now I'm single and happier than I've ever been. My time and my life are my own. I still have choices. 

 

I keep my circle of friends very tight and avoid 'toxic people'. That includes family. 

 

I still have a lot of aches and pains and some days are miserable and getting worse with age. And I also suffer with depression. But not every day. NOT. EVERY. DAY. 

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19 minutes ago, Jeepers said:

The head honchos wife was very nice. One evening we were talking about moving around and how upsetting it can be and she said, "It is what you make of it. You can be as miserable or as happy as you want to be".

 

Oh Jeepers, I know the feelings of being the new one, being lonely and not fitting in.  We moved from Southern California to a farm in Northern Iowa when I was 21.  I was the one that wanted to make the move.  I had no idea what I was in for.  I grew up 15 miles from Los Angeles, moved to a town of 250 people, left my family  and had no idea what a Midwest winter was.  Talk about culture shock.

 

There's very little I don't like about California.  It was just the insane number of people that drove me crazy.  They were nice people just a few million too many.

 

It took probably 5 years to really make a friend.  Five years, one friend.  I don't know when it happened but one day I realized I had all kinds of friends and it was home.  I love this place and I love even more living on our farm 3 miles outside our tiny little town.  

 

I wish I'd known back then that, "misery is a choice" and/or "It is what you make of it. You can be as miserable or as happy as you want to be."  I would have tried harder to become one of them, instead of waiting on them to invite me in.

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I found my prayer/quote in an out of print prayer book written in the days when one never divorced, no matter what.  It was a prayer written as a plea for coping with a nasty spouse.  But it resonated, not because my hubs was nasty, but because I liked the way it tacked inexcapable hardship.  

"Grant me Your grace to do what I must, then ask of me what You will."  It helps me focus on acceptance of what cannot be changed, and coping with it.  One foot in front of the other, ya know?

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“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”  DH’s comment.  It has been his theme for over 10 years.
 

After quite a bit of pondering, “Diligence:  careful & persistent work or effort” is my one word for this year.  I have a framed cross stitch my Mother made, hanging in my office,“Patience and Diligence, like Faith, Removes Mountains”.  

 

 I wrote out a long story, trials, tribulations, frustrations, giving up on everything I wanted and vanished hopes & dreams... and lost the post, when I walked away from the computer.  :shakinghead:  Almost like my memory, or my strength, now days.....   :grinning-smiley-044:

 

Years ago, in the early 1980’s, I was sent to a motivational seminar for work.  The theme was, ‘I must do the most productive thing possible in every single moment.’

 

I am adapting that statement to, I choose to find the positive, in every single moment.

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Lincoln was quoted as saying he reckoned most people were just about as happy as they decided to be.  I keep reminding myself of this.  Sometimes with gritted teeth.

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2 hours ago, Annarchy said:

“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”

 

2 hours ago, Ambergris said:

Lincoln was quoted as saying he reckoned most people were just about as happy as they decided to be. 

 

Annarchy, that fits most of us here!  I'm always preparing for the worst but most of the time think I think I'm probably nuts.  Of course, I've been preparing for more years than I can even remember, with nothing happening.  Then 2020 hit and we had/have the pandemic.  People going wild looking for TP, paper towels, etc.  Going to the grocery stores in a panic, picking up whatever food they can find.  It was madness!  But for those of us here, not only did our prepping give us plenty of TP, food, etc. but having, hoped the best but preparing for the worst we could relax and not be out in the madness.  

 

Isn't that the truth Ambergris.  Most days I can choose how happy I want to be.  Somedays are much harder than others and somedays I can't convince myself to be happy at all.  Man, the human mind is something, isn't it!

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Homesteader, I think my word for the year will be 'Move'.  

 

Not only to Move my body into exercising more but to get a Move on to get this house saleable and to get a Move on to get the other house move in ready. I also need to Move toward getting my eyes and dental taken care of this year. 

 

Sometimes when g'son is jabbering on and I don't know what he is talking about I'll say, "My Word." You know, you have to say something sometimes to show you are still engaged. Anyway, I'm very familiar with the phrase, "My Word". That really fits me. So my word?  MOVE. 

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Many years ago I attended A.A. meetings for a few years. Not for myself but I'd go to support a dear friend. He finally got a sponsor and I was set free. LOL. They were wonderful people and very accepting. Even of me who wasn't one of them. Always there with smile, a handshake or a hug. And a cup of coffee and donuts. I never hid the fact why I was there and I never went to a 'closed meeting'. Thinking back on it, some of them probably thought I was in denial. Anyway they always prayed the first verse of the serenity prayer while holding hands at every meeting. 

 

God grant me the serenity 

To accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/serenity-prayer-applying-3-truths-from-the-bible.html

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Jeepers - I almost lost my mouthful of coffee onto the face of my computer monitor.   MOVE  :cele:  You sure have bitten off a BIG word for 2021. If anyone can do it, it's you. You have the personality and temperament to do it..  :hug3:  Go for it!!

 

The word that keeps coming to me (whilst walking past piles of paperwork on my desk) is being INTENTIONAL (done on purpose; deliberate) . A simple definition is:  having the ability to see specific results in the future that, if you achieve them, will make things bigger and better for yourself, your business and your life. Being intentional means getting clear up front about what you want to achieve. Your vision, your purpose and your goals.

 

I found this on a women’s website that puts flesh around the word INTENTIONAL:

 

- Be mindful of the media you consume   -   Election results, court battles, covid 19, 20, 21, 22  :0327:

 

- Choose to be kind - Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” ― Harold S. Kushner

 

- Do something that brings you joy  - Time to dust off those C.C. skiis and get out before the snow melts  :hapydancsmil:

 

- Ask “why” before you buy

 

- Practice active listening

 

- Make time for self-reflection

 

- Do something you can be proud of

 

- Question your “have to’s”

 

- Prioritize rest and self-care - This is difficult as I have 24/7 care of my mom on hospice.

Edited by Homesteader
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Mine for this year is "Trust God".   

 

I feel like I'm constantly thinking "What am I going to do?  What am I going to do?  What am I going to do?"   My health, what is going on in our nation, my health, so many decisions.....

Trying to figure it all out is stressful and so very overwhelming on top of what is going on.

I keep coming back to I need to trust God.   Scriptures about trusting Him keep coming before me.  

So to me always thinking "What am I going to do?"   I have to keep telling myself "I'm trusting God.  God has a good plan for my life,  God loves me unconditionally." 

 

I read this in Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind book last week and then it was in an email from Joyce's "Battlefield of the Mind Study" I'm trying to remember this many times a day:

"I don't know yet what I am going to do in my situation, but God does know and that is good enough for me. He will give me direction at the right time."

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I remember back in the seventies my EX would belittle me, and had nothing much to do with our daughter. She was just a baby. He started running around on me when I was pregnant with my daughter.  It was hard for me to believe he was doing that even though his friends told me what he was doing.  When the flood happened when we lived in Richmond VA. We had to move back to Portsmouth. I thought maybe he would change. And for a while he did but then he started his mess again.  This time we were trying to buy a house and trying also to have another baby which when I caught him red handed I was so upset that I had a miscarrage. We did end up getting that divorce as there was no changing a cheat. I did a lot of praying and my saying was to just let go and let God. So that is what I did. It was hard raising a child, trying to hold down a job and no one to help me. But I got though it. and 6 years later I met my DH I have now.  He was a blind date. He also was divorced and had a daughter 3 years older than my daughter, but her mother had her most of the time. Within a year after DH and I were married his daughter got preg. and got an abortion. She got an infection and didn't tell anyone what she did.  She moved in with us sick as a dog. So I took her to doctor and she ended up in hospital having a D & C. They didn't think she could get preg. after the damage that was done, but 6 months later she got preg. again. This time she had the baby and DH and I raised her. His EX took his daughter to marry a drunk and all these years we thought he was the father. Nope, granddaughter did the DNA thing and found out he was not the father. We went though a lot with that child and really hoped and prayed we could have turned her around and put her on the right track. She is now 53 years old and still hasn't learned.  So my step grandchild is the one that lives in CA and I love her as if she was my own. She has done very well with her life. We had our issues through the years with DH's daughter and then 8 years later when he had the stroke. Because of that our plans to move to the country was off the board and we are still living in the house he bought just before his EX left him for someone else. Though our plans took us in a different direction, I knew I could live in misery knowing I could have had that farm house in the country I had always dreamed of. But then, I also knew if God wanted me to have that country home, it would have some how happened. DH worked for 2 years after that stroke and was unable to do the job. His place of work had someone drive around with him for that 2 years and helped him with the work. He was a pipe fitter for gas co. They were really good to him as he only had to work 2 more years after that stroke to be able to retire with full benefits. So he retired, i was still working and we raised our granddaughter and my daughter as she was also in her early teens at that time.  What got me through so many things was my faith in God, letting go and just giving it all to God. And lots of praying. Now we have 5 wonderful grandkids, all have turned out very well and so has my daughter. And though my DH has had his share of bad health, God will get us though this as well.  My trust and faith is and always will be in the Lord. What I am going through now with my DH, yes we will get through this as well. And if God decides it's time to take him home one day, I will get though that also. That though will take sometime as I don't want that to ever happen.  And I have already turned 2021 over to God and praying all will be better for everyone this year going forward. 

Ok, I spilled the beans, and yes 1999 was a really bad year for us as well.  I lost an aunt and uncle within 4 months of each other, then DH's brother passed away, Then DH had a heart attack and had a 6 way bypass, then another of my aunts passed away, then my older sister passed away, All of that happened in 1999.  So yes, My faith and trust in God has bought me through a lot. Turning it all over to the Lord has kept the worries at bay. I might be tired trying to keep up with everything but God has given me the strength to go through the trials of life. 

So I say no matter what life throws at you, just let go and let God handle it. He knows better than we do what our future holds.

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Wow, Little Sister.  You've had a life full of set backs and yet God always provided a recovery.  You chose to take those recoveries and go again.  Obviously, lives have been changed due to God's influence in yours.  :amen:  

 

MtRider  :pc_coffee:

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On 1/3/2021 at 6:50 PM, Dee said:

I wish I'd known back then that, "misery is a choice" and/or "It is what you make of it. You can be as miserable or as happy as you want to be."  I would have tried harder to become one of them, instead of waiting on them to invite me in.

 

That's a good insight, because they may have thought you weren't interested in being "invited in" so they didn't try either. :unsure: Sounds like some advice that I should try.

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I think we are all going to have some tough choices to make in the coming months.  Just remember to look up to God and pray hard. The next 2 years are going to be tough.  And not what any of us think it will be. The great reset or more of the one world government is here rather we like it or not. Our country as it used to be is gone along with our freedoms.  This pandemic was a plannedemic. The left and even in other countries had this planned as they needed a crises to do what they have done behind it. The pandemic is real but also a cover up for the far left.  We can choose how we will deal with it or just sit and worry over it. Worrying about what has happened is not the way to go. Take it in stride and hold your Bibles close, read it and study up on end times as it is here.  The next two years will be brutal as we loose our freedoms little by little. That has already happened to a lot of people. They have used this pandemic to put the small businesses out of business for a reason. I now have a very good picture of what is to come. I already know where I will be one day so I don't care what they do. I have the Lord on my side and he will protect anyone that believes and goes to him in prayer for advice and for what we should be doing. I am changing up my ways of prepping as under a Biden administration, Socialism will be bad. They will take our freedoms and if we don't get that vaccine which they will not force us to take but will not let you fly, go to sporting events, concerts or anything else. This vaccine is not what they want you to believe. It does change your MRna and DNA. The second vaccine they will own you. They will be able to trace you, they will know what you are thinking and so much more. There is something in it that attaches to your DNA that they will be able to trace you and what you do and think. They are going to let places like Amazon, Walmart and any big box places make the decision to let you buy in their stores.  They will control the health care system and they decide who lives and who dies. They want to depopulate us. The new green deal is not what you think either. You will have to show proof of getting the vaccine. You will not be able to get around it as they will have a way to know if you really got the vaccine or not. The rapture is very close. Look up and do not worry for anything. God is in control and he will take care of us. he knows our needs. 

I am telling all of you this because I feel you need to know the truth. this is only a small amount of what will be happening. Please check this all out for yourselves. Look at China, they already are on a do as I say system. Do what you are told and they will leave you alone. Get out of line and they take away your freedoms till you reform. They watch everything their people do in China. Check it out. Biden will sell us out to China also. Russia is also in on this. We cannot stop the one world government. But we can try to stop our carbon foot print. 

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You believe differently than I do Little Sister.  Since I've been old enough to know anything I've heard people say end times are here.  I haven't seen them yet and, if I remember correctly, NO ONE knows when end times will come.

 

I left this board, along with a number of others, quite a few years ago because of the politics.  Mrs. S. used to be a busy and wonderful place to be until the politics began. You know nothing of what will happen with Biden, but we sure know what happened under Trump. 

 

Give him a chance and quit predicting all your dire ideas.

 

 

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Dee, everyone has their differences. Biden had his chance as vice president. And his son did things illegal and used his father to do it. Biden went along with it. But it really is not about Biden.  It is about the one world order. I have studied the Bible, and Bible prophecy.  Things are lining up. It is not about politics. It's about being saved from our sins.  Please don't leave because of what I say. Forums are for everyone to voice their opinions. And we each need to except how each one of us feel about it. What I said is my opinion based on Bible prophecy not the news. No one knows the day nor the hour of the Lord's return but we are to know the signs of the coming.  I see the signs all over the place. These are not predictions but what the Bible has said. I can't go against that. Just hope you understand my way of thinking, though you don't have to believe it. That is your choice and I fully except that.  Please no hurt feelings. 

 

And I don't know if anyone has heard yet, but a doctor in Miami FL. has died after receiving the Corvid vaccine. I saw it on a news program I get on emall but not sure if it is one the regular news, Fox, CNN or anything as I have not been watching the news as of late.

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