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This might be my dad's time


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I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday.  Had a good...mostly coherent .... talk.  Said he was afraid of covid in the building and didn't want to eat the food.  But apparently he was eating. 

 

Today he's taken a turn .....since breakfast which he ate.  Doctor is in on Tuesdays and thinks it may be his time.  Graduation to Heaven.  He will be thrilled.  We'll be thrilled with him ..... but..... 

 

Oye, pray for us all.  Esp my brother.  He and his DD have tickets to fly here...arrive Christmas evening.  Stay 4 days.  Cuz this was going to potentially be  "Last Christmas" with all of us.  Now.....apparently my dad might be slipping away sooner.  They called in my mom. 

 

DH and I were getting ready to pick her up for shopping/get her 'scripts.  Then before we left.......... { I had to made a run for the bathroom}  :scratchhead:   Before we heard this about my dad.  I'm hoping it's just digestive distress from eating too much of DH's brownies with chocolate frosting.  BUT I told DH I'm not going in and expose my mom to "bug" I might have.  Especially the "C" bug tho I don't think that comes with this symptom.  [no fever, O2 is good, pulse good ] 

 

Then she called from the care home with more details and .....my dad might be slipping away in the next hours.  She asked me if I should come in. 

 

Well, no.  I have to protect her.  I'm totally ok with our talk yesterday being our last conversation.....if he passes before I'm sure I'm virus/bacteria free.  I would like to support my mom but DH is there with her. 

 

So......now we wait. 

 

Your prayers, dear friends, have gone out for our family many times thru the years.  Asking again.  :grouphug:  Especially for my brother.  He does not do this sort of good-bye well.  Nor does he do plane flights or our high mountain altitude well. 

 

Thanks.....so much,

MtRider  :pray: 

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:pray: I am praying for you all.  Take good care of yourself.  You will be needed in the weeks to come to hold up your Mom.  :hug3:

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Mt_Rider, prayers sent & continue to be…:pray:

 

It is terrible to handle the “waiting”, but God knows…

 

Did that with my Papa, sister, Mother & more than I care to mention…. 
 

May God bless you all with, “…His peace that passes understanding…”. 
 

:pray::pray::pray:

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Thank you all.  DH came home and said he was so pale and still, they thot for sure he'd go.  But he rallied a bit...not so pale.  Bro talked to him thru the phone and we think he knew who he was.  Bro told him that he's coming out to CO for Christmas to see him [our dad] ...  They weren't sure if my dad heard/comprehended that or not.  But he was talking a bit when the doc came back in to check him.  Speech was barely a whisper.  DH took my mom home, grabbed our groceries [original intent of this trip into town] and came home. 

 

We'll see what tomorrow brings. 

 

MtRider  ...thank you all SO much for prayers.  :grouphug: 

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Well.....my dad rallied today.  My brother's promise to be there for Christmas?  He wants to see Bro one more time?  :shrug:   Dunno but he was sitting up in his chair and wanted pancakes today. 

 

I don't believe this rally will last long.  Bone marrow is not producing enough cells.  This goodbye was pushed back for today.....  I hope it will be after Christmas tho.

 

MtRider  ...thanks for prayers.  :amen: 

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Sheeeeeesh!  Gotta hang on to this "roller-coaster" real tight!  UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN......   :sigh:   ..... as in:   we just got a call at 10:30 tonite.  My dad got up with his walker [not supposed to without help] and fell!  They'll bring X-ray from hospital [next door] over to the care home to see if he broke anything in elbow and hip.  Oh good grief.  If he broke his hip.......  Went thru that with my mom in 2018.  Well, if so, likely he won't be able to walk again....which might be a good thing.  No more falling.  But....just makes the final goodbye sooner, I'm thinking. 

 

I'm okay with goodbye....he's so miserable.  Wants to go Home to Jesus.  Maybe he's trying?  Don't think so.  He wants to go but still...some fear of it too.  Of course.  Hoping my brother can get here before he passes....and my dad's not making that easy.  2 more days....  :santa:

 

I got sleep med/ muscle relaxant med from my doc today....before this latest stress added tonite.  Took my mom grocery shopping and to get her meds filled.  Sheeesh, she's slipping too but she's under a ton of strain.  He calls her sometimes 15 times a day.  Sometimes just chatting.  More often now....raging about things he's misunderstood or ...the hallucinations are plaguing him.  :(  

 

None of us are having fun right now.  At least on that subject. 

 

I did laugh harder tonite than I've laughed in months.  That Happy Dog we've got.  She and I launched onto the bed next to DH at the same time - accidentally.  Surprised us both and I just began to laugh while she's wiggling around, delighted at the attention.  It is imperative that we find ways to smile and also laugh deeply.  Between anxiety and tears.  More tears coming...sooner or later.  It's that time of life for several of us here.  :pray:  for the rest of you who have lost an elder one in the past year or so.  Joyful....Dogmom......   And others who know the time is coming.... 

 

MtRider  ....waiting for the call....did he break anything tonite????  :( 

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Well.....good news:  He didn't break elbow or hip!  :amen:   Wore him out tho.  My mom, DH and I visited him today.  Woke him up at 2pm.  I gave him his traditional present:  chocolate covered cherries.  My mom brought him some of the cookies and mints we made when I stayed with her.  He liked them too.  When it began to snow hard, we left.  He was ready to sleep again....with plenty of goodies on his tray. 

 

If United Airlines doesn't cancel their flights, Bro and niece will be here tomorrow evening.  My dad will cry to see Bro again.  Niece too.  We can't give him much anymore...except our presence.  And candy...LOL 

 

Thanks for continued prayers.  So VERY glad he didn't break the hip!!!

 

MtRider  .... :offtobed:   ...getting more than a bit worn out myself.  

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Generally, they hang on until they've seen everyone. We were instructed to slowly say our good-byes to our mom and then quietly leave. When she got to the point where she couldn't hear our voices anymore, it gave her the ok to cross over and be the next one to wait for us.

 

We were in the next room but whispered. Over the ensuing hours, her breathing became more shallow and her temperature rose. It was over 104 by the time she died. I did sneak in and put cold washrags on her head. I didn't say anything.

 

Praying for all of you.  :hug3:

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10 hours ago, Homesteader said:

t gave her the ok to cross over and be the next one to wait for us.

It was similar with both DH’s Mom and my own Mom. Sometimes a person is called home suddenly.for reasons we don’t understand. Sometimes they are given the choice to stay a bit longer.  I believe each person is different in their reason’s for lingering but certainly the need to see one last person or finish one last task is what I’ve seen several times.  Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to assure them that it’s okay for them to go home, that we will all be okay until we are with them again.  My Mom was my best friend.  We talked almost every day for most of my life.  She was also the mainstay of keeping the family connected.  Telling her it was okay and being okay with her leaving us wasn’t easy but we did it for her.  Our last act of kindness to her for all the years she gave to us. She was 96 .

 :hug3:

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On Sunday, we had arranged to have a small room for our family Christmas party at my dad's care home.  There was already a small tree in that room.  The staff got him ready in wheelchair with O2 and wheeled him in.  He was nearly overcome with joy.  Seeing Bro and Niece....and everyone there for him.  :lol:  My niece had collected photos from all of us.  She had them printed to different frame sizes.  The frames are very light so the care home can put them all over his walls.  But we sat around in a circle while he unwrapped the pictures.  And more chocolate covered cherries.  He near to made himself eating too many of the ones I gave him 2 days earlier. 

 

He and I sat in side by side in wheelchairs.  [being able to shift around ..wheelchair is more comfortable for me]  Niece on other side handing him the next photo....tho after a few, she had to start unwrapping.  He'd take a long look at each and clarify who was who.  Sometimes the pics were from years passed.  Then the pics went around our circle.  Finally we arranged ourselves by the tree and Bro used cell phone to get a pic of all of us.  We're laughing while he tries to click the button and slide into place with us before the pic was taken.  We had a wonderful time and he was so happy.  Not quite so happy when we escorted him back to his room and said goodbye.  I think he promptly fell asleep after we left tho.  Bro and niece will see him again before they leave on Tues.  :amen:   :amen:    We all needed that.....to see him happy ...perhaps just that one more time?  God only knows.

 

The rest of us then had an enjoyable evening opening gifts from each other.  No one did a lot this year.  But we were able to laugh and talk together. 

 

I'm wearing out with the past 3 wks of activity.  REST day for me today but poor DH had a double shift...2 clients today with a 40 min. drive between them.  I began feeding him as soon as he got home....he'd forgotten the lunch I packed last nite.  :(   His back is quite stiff with all that driving.  2nd client will only be twice a wk for two wks.  Extra pay to get talked into that much!  Client is WAY out in boonies.  Nice person tho.  

 

Tomorrow our last day with Bro/Niece.  We'll gather later in afternoon.  Mebbe go eat.  Don't know. 

 

Niece took my suggestion today:  Take mom into bigger nearby town to shop.  She's shrunk and has no "nice clothes"  .....aka: funeral clothes.  It will ease her mind if that's done already.  They did that today and ate and a restaurant my mom loves.  :)  That's something DH and I couldn't do for her......too far for DH to drive yet.  Our little town has nothing but Walmart ....and Goodwill.............which might have a better chance of finding something nice than Wally's.  :lol:  

 

Odd as it seems, we've been able to have a reallllly good Christmas - despite the harsh year we've all endured   :sigh:   and the sorrow we're inevitably going to face.  Thanking God for that gift to our family.  :amen: 

 

MtRider  ....Thanks so much for all of your prayers!!!!!!!!!  :grouphug:  [ I'll be back when I can...? ]

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:sigh:   ..........today my mom, Bro and Niece went to see my dad again before they fly out tonite.  :sigh:  

 

He didn't remember the Christmas party....even yesterday.  :yar:  I am realllllly sad about that.  I wanted him to hold on to a GOOD memory.  We have it to remember....but he only had those moments in real time.  .....THIS IS SO HARD! 

 

 

Today...... :(   ....he asked who Bro and Niece were.....   After my mom told him, I guess he remembered but....perhaps, painful that it was, it brought the finality of this situation for Bro and Niece.  Not being here and seeing what we see...it's hard for them to really grasp it.  Yes, he's going quickly.  Whether he passes quickly or not.....what is left of him is disappearing rapidly.  In that way, we're very quickly losing him.  He's even said a couple times to my mom..."are you my wife?" 

 

MtRider  ....very glad he was so happy on Sunday....but.......   

Edited by Mt_Rider
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Oh Mt. Rider, I've thought about you so often but had no internet in Indiana. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I often wondered if his time had come yet. Sending up more prayers and gentle hugs. He may not remember the Christmas party now but you sure gave him a good time while it was happening. Glad your brother and niece were there to help ease some of the burden from you, your hubby and your mom. Wish I had better words of wisdom to offer. Don't forget to breathe friend.  :hug3:

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Mt_R.  Please don’t be discouraged about his memory.  It is very possible that inside he does remember but he is not able to bring those memories forward when he wants them. In the quiet of the night, in the recesses of his mind he may very well be treasuring the memories.  Just smile when you are with him and love him.  Those are the universal communications.  He will recognize them even if he can’t tell you he does or return them.  
 

Now a bit of humor and wisdom.  We spent several years visiting almost daily with DH’s Mom in the nursing home.  Sometimes she knew us, sometimes we were someone else she remembered, but she was usually glad to see us.  Towards the end she spent much time sitting in the ‘rocking chair’ room chatting with some of the other residents.  One day we were there listening to first one say something and another answering with something totally unrelated and others adding their unrelated input and marveled at how they thoroughly enjoyed and understood each other.  Then suddenly I turned to DH and said we had to leave because I found I understood what they were talking about.  We laughed but It was a bit unnerving and I mentioned it to a nurse on the way out.  She laughed and said it just showed, in the end, how unimportant the content of our conversations were. That what was most important was the understanding behind the words.  
 

:hug3:

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Thank you all for prayers, kind words, ...and that bit of odd wisdom, Mother.  I call that sort of communication:  listening with a loose ear.  Long ago I worked at a state mental hospital.  The day before they thot my dad was ready to pass...Tues last week.....I had a conversation with him about "a woman that keeps trying to get out of the box but she just can't do it!"  [ was the box a coffin?  ]  :shrug:   I was just sympathetic and "mumbled warmly". 

 

More news.....my brother arrived with a cold.  He ALWAYS has a cold when he comes.  The arid climate drives his sinuses crazy and he keeps a humidifier here to be able to sleep....and breathe....at the same time. 

 

My mom reported today that his flight back was indeed miserable.  Up and down pierces his ears.  [ we both have Grpa's sinus issues ] And today he's feeling much worse.....and beginning to HOPE AND PRAY that he merely has the common cold that he gets when traveling.  He'll test for C in a day or two.  :sigh:   That would complicate things! 

 

DH is currently a home health care provider for folks needing that....two different people for just this week and next.  Then back down to one.  We feel fine.  Should he stop contact cuz Bro is sick and we were around him?  I'm definitely NOT telling the nursing home .....unless Bro is positive he's positive for C.  Aaaaugh.  We really don't need further complications.

 

MtRider  :pray:

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AND....the care home finally checked his phone.  For the past couple weeks, he's been saying "you don't call me" and my mom says "I let it ring [literally] 25 times and you don't pick up!"  His vision is getting bad with cataracts but is his hearing going too?  Nope, it's the phone.  Staff called my mom to ask her to call...so they can check the ring.  Nope, not working!  He'd better get a new phone quickly!  OR...to they simply have to gorilla-tape the volume button on high?  Does he fiddle with it? 

 

MtRider  ....  :rolleyes:  you just cannot tell if his" reality" is REAL!  This time, he was right... that he couldn't hear it.

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Just now, Mt_Rider said:

:amen:   Bro called to say the At-Home test for C was negative!  :amen:  

 

 

So far none of the rest of us is ill at all.  Just our usual list of injuries, aches, and sinus!  LOL 

 

MtRider   :sSig_thankyou: to God.

Amen!!!

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