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How to Annoy Women

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1. Call her by the dog's name and then deny you did it.


2. Answer all her questions with a question, preferably one on a totally different subject.


3. Superglue the toilet seat in the "up" position.


4. Shrink her jeans, and when she overreacts because she thinks that she's gaining weight, give her a condescending smile and say that you prefer her with some meat on her bones.


5. Firmly refuse to ever ask for directions even if you find yourself in Georgia when your original destination was California.


6. Call her by her mother's name and then deny you did it.


7. Start a conversation with the dog in the middle of one with her.


8. Buy her power tools for Valentine's Day.


9. Never give her a straight answer.


10. Take up yodelling and practice a lot.


11. Quote Tim Allen to validate your position during arguments. (Argh! Argh! Argh!)


12. Leave the newspaper open to an ad for plastic surgery.


13. Practice your French lesson during a conversation with her.


14. Answer every question with "Yes, Dear."

**note: Use with caution as PMS is a valid murder defense in many states.


(author unknown)


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How to annoy a woman>


1. Open up a candy bar, eat it and crush the wrapper and toss it on the kitchen table and walk out of the room.


2. Ask her repeatedly for a drink of soda or water when you were just in the kitchen and too lazy to get it when you were in there.


3. Drive past 4 stores and 2 gas stations on your way home from work and then tell her that you need cigarettes and a pepsi and would she mind going out to get them for you because you worked hard all day and you are just too tired to do it your self.


4. Promise to cook her a good BBQ dinner and put the meat on the grill and then go to the store for 25 minutes and if she doesnt turn the meat it will burn up and noone eats and then it is her fault, not yours cause you had to go to the grocery store and spend 25 minutes buying 12 ears of sweet corn and a bottle of pepsi, but you forgot her cigarettes and does she mind going to the store and getting you a pack to while she is there...


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