The real Gospel!

[Guest Guest]

Thank God for CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITERS. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

 

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight

at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

 

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING

Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference

includes meals."

 

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water. "The sermon tonight:

"Searching for Jesus."

 

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

 

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

conflict.

 

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much

about you.

 

8. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

 

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious

pleasure to the congregation.

 

10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.

 

11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

help they can get.

 

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of

Pastor Jack's sermons.

 

13. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of

hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

 

14. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will

sing "Break Forth into Joy."

 

15. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 

16. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music

will follow.

 

17. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

18. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

19. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

20. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered.

 

21. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

 

22. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment,

and gracious hostility.

 

23. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

 

24. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may

be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

25. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from

the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 

26. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are

invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.. is done.

 

27. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

 

28. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use

the back door.

 

29. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

30. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

31. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan

last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

 

32. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

[gardnmom]

I may stop giggling by next week................

[Guest Guest]

maybe next week...these are FUNNY!!!

[Guest Guest]

Girls...be sure to eat between the giggles...don't want you to die of starvation....die from laughter but not starvation!!!

 

[Guest Guest]

ROFL..........I can't remember when I last laughed this hard! Those are great! Thanks Cavey.