TWO YEARS LATER; THE AFTERMATH

[Guest Guest]

SEPTEMBER 11,2001

Two Years Later; The Aftermath

 

Just the mention of that date evokes memories and emotions in almost every American citizen. It was a day that changed our lives, like no other in our history. It ripped out our hearts and wounded our spirits. It challenged our courage and our resiliency, yet it didn't defeat us.

 

My husband watches a morning news program, as he eats breakfast and prepares for work. He makes a fresh pot of coffee for me, then coaxes me out of bed with the promise of a waiting cup. I'm not a morning person, and it's almost the only thing that will get me out of bed. If there is bad news, or something upsetting that has occurred, he tries to break it to me as gently as possible. I don't like surprises, especially bad ones.

 

This was not the way my day started on the morning of September 11, 2001. Moments after he saw the first WTC tower collapse on the news, he ran into our room to awaken me. He was so stunned by the event, he was yelling at me that they were gone. I didn't have a clue what he was babbling about, so I yelled back. It only took a few seconds before I understood what he was saying. I accused him of lying, then I begged him to tell me that it truly was a lie, as I scrambled to pull on a pair of sweat pants and find my slippers. I don't really recall going from the bedroom to the kitchen, but when I saw what was happening on the television, I burst into tears.

 

I sat down hard in my chair, shocked, stunned, horrified, as the scenes played out before my eyes. "Jesus!" I whispered. "This just can't be true, this isn't really happening!" Then I knew who was responsible, if not why.

"What's that guys name?"I asked.

"What guy?" my husband responded.

"You know who I mean, Ben something!" I was frustrated because I expected him to read my mind. Before he could answer, I said, "Bin Laden! Osama bin Laden! He did this!"

He just looked at me for a moment and then said, "Nobody has claimed responsibility but, you could be right. He was the one who took credit for the bombing at the trade center, a few years ago."

 

We sat there and watched, in relative silence, until at some point, he got up and went to work. It was then that I realized that I was afraid. I didn't want him to go because I was scared he wouldn't come back, or that something might happen closer to home. I thought I might need him and he wouldn't be there. I knew my thoughts were irrational but, I couldn't stop them. I sat in front of that television, mesmerized, afraid to move, for what now seems like days. I canceled appointments and stayed in our apartment, afraid to go outside. And I cried.

 

I tried to talk to my husband, my sister, our children and grandson, about ‘normal' things but, conversations always seemed to be dominated by the attacks, and the fear of what might happen next. I realized that my daughters and grandson needed me to be strong and positive, so that they would survive the emotional upheaval, so I did my best. I had to hide my own fears, in order to help them face theirs.

 

I didn't sleep well and for the first week after the attack, I didn't want to leave home. I cried with little or no reason. In the first few hours, I cringed when I heard planes overhead, then I held my breath, waiting for something horrible to happen. When the planes were grounded, the lack of noise made me nervous. As military jets patrolled our airspace, my hands would shake and I would stand completely still. Then it finally hit me; if I cowered in our apartment, afraid to go on with my life, I would be allowing the terrorists to win. I knew that no matter what, I couldn't let them win.

 

I listened to friends and family talk about their fears, and tried to encourage them to live their lives as fully as possible. I rescheduled appointments and went about the business of living, as I prayed for the families and the victims, and for our country. Outwardly, I was strong. I had to be; my family took their cues from my behavior. Inwardly, I felt crushed, paralyzed; frightened beyond belief. Something inside me changed that day. A part of my heart would remain forever broken. There were times I felt hopeless, at other times I was so angry, I lashed out for no good reason.

 

I listened to my daughters voice their fears in different ways, and I knew I needed to guide them in the right direction. I had always taught them that hatred and bigotry were wrong but some of the things that were said chilled me. If my children, thousands of miles away from ground zero, felt such rage, what must New Yorkers be feeling? How could we, as a nation, get beyond this enormous tragedy, and rebuild our lives? It was mind-boggling, to say the least.

 

I saw people change, subtly, both in real time and on the internet. I realized that the aftermath of the attacks was much more difficult to cope with because there was no one in this country that wasn't affected, in some manner. There was no one that any of us could turn to for reassurance and support, because we all felt the impact. Some people internalized their fears, some became angry and irrational. Fear turned into personal attacks; words were spoken that could never be retrieved. Friendships were destroyed and mistrust became a driving force. Millions of people, whose lives were not personally touched by this tragedy, were emotionally scarred almost as much as those who had lost a loved one.

 

Just as the mythical Phoenix rose from the ashes, little by little, we began to find our courage and our strength. ‘Old Glory', the enduring symbol of freedom, was flown as never before. It was proudly displayed on homes, cars, trucks, and even bicycles. People gathered on street corners, and waved their little flags, and waved as others drove by. It was the largest impromptu pep rally ever seen. It was wonderful! It gave us hope. We stood taller, walked with more surety. We acknowledged our neighbors and smiled at strangers on the street. We focused our energy on recovering and rebuilding our lives. We vowed to never forget.

 

We wanted justice, for the victims, for their families, for our broken hearts, for our wounded nation. We found a determination to weather this emotional storm with dignity and grace. Yet we knew we were forever changed. There would always be a division in our nations' history; before 9/11, and after.

 

It was the ‘after' that was frightening. What would become of us? How could we heal the deep, festering wounds, that were the result of a madman's irrational anger? It was difficult, to say the least. It still is, maybe even more so, because now our country is in the midst of an interminable war, and more of our people are dying.

 

As jobs are lost and families struggle to survive, we look for someone or something to blame. The very foundation of our country has been shaken, and the underlying sands continue to shift. We cling to the hope of regaining our security, yet we know we will never be the same. We search for that one thing, as individuals, that will push us forward, give us strength. We struggle to find the courage to rise above the pain, and come out of this better than ever. But somewhere inside us, in a small dark space we refuse to acknowledge, we know that we are still vulnerable. That sense of vulnerability will never change. We just have to learn to live with it.

 

 

We are Americans. We will survive. We will stand taller, stronger, and more determined. We will regain our freedoms and enjoy our lives. We will love better, laugh louder and work harder. We will fly our flags and display our pride. We will show the world that we may be down, but we have the fortitude to always rise again. Just like the Phoenix. We are rising from the ashes.

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA

 

 

 

Love,

Nana

[Guest Guest]

Beautifully said, my friend!

 

Thank you.

 

[Guest Guest]

Amen Nanapop, you said it very well.

 

Snowmom and I were getting ready for a vacation trip, which we almost called off. We decided to wait and see what it would be like just before it was to start. Well we made the trip, from here (north central Min.) to Indiana, the greatest source of pride on the whole trip was what we saw, Old Glory, on overpasses, trucks, on the sides of buildings, every where you looked the Stars and Stripes were there. We met several groups, from Government agencies and fire departments headed to New York to help, some paid, some taking time off.

 

The people and pride of country I saw then will stay with me forever.

 

 

[ozzzyyy]

(((((Nana))))))

 

Well said, dear heart! I love it when you open up and share in your writing!

 

I have been in a melancholy mood all day...I didn't think I could possibly cry anymore tears but one look at ground zero this am on tv, my ears and eyes on the children of the deceased reading aloud the names...the dam burst....I lost it. I will never ever forget what happened that awful day. But I do know this, out of ashes we have been made stronger. We are survivors.

[Lois]

So well written NANA thank you for sharing your inner emotions with everyone, I lost a very dear friend in the caos of that day and I still cannot put into words my feelings... my children begged me to return to arizona immediately, but I told them... I am an American, I won't run and I won't hide. God Bless America!

[Guest Guest]

Well, said Nana...thank you...

WE WILL NEVER FORGET....