Guest Guest Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 Hello everyone! I'm coming to you for some advice. With the holidays fast approaching, I'd like some input from you... As you all probably know by now, I was born and raised in Mexico by wonderful missionary parents. While there (I lived with my parents until I was 18), we hardly ever got to come to the States for any holidays, except a few at Christmas. Therefor we always celebrated Christmas at our house, just the five of us, then the seven of us (when my oldest sister got married and had a baby), then the 8 of us, when she had another baby. Sometimes it also included my foster brother and his family (wife and three kids) but of course there were no grandparents or uncles and aunts and cousins... On the other hand, my DH grew up in a small family, but always getting together for Thanksgiving , Christmas , Easter, 4th of July, etc., with his uncles and aunts, and cousins and grandparents (now all gone). Now we have our own family. Although it's only the three of us, I feel as though it's important to start our own traditions...so I want us to spend time together celebrating Christmas, instead of spending the whole time with his extended family. For Thanksgiving I have no problem spending time with everyone(part of that may have to do that we never celebrated that in Mexico-it's not a Mexican holiday), but Christmas, I'd like to start some of our own traditions. My DH's family gets together with his Dad's sister on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day with his Mom's brother. So the whole time we are expected to be with them. My sister-in-law (who is single)says that holidays are about family and spending time with them...I agree, but I think that at some point, we need to have traditions of our own, and I want to start as soon as possible. We have been married for a little over five years, but only in our first year of marriage did we live on our own...the others we were either at his parents or mine in Mexico. So this year it's really relevant. What do you all think? I know that many of you are mothers and grandmothers, so I'm really interestead in any ideas that you might have... ------------------ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, and His love endures forever! [This message has been edited by happygirl (edited October 30, 2002).] Quote Link to comment
ozzzyyy Posted October 30, 2002 Share Posted October 30, 2002 This really can be quite an issue in families. May your decisions be full of grace in not offending anyone. I agree with your sis in law...holidays are for families! We share holidays. Many of my family lives in a nearby state and my Dh's lives in the same town as us so we have learned to do what is best for all. We meet with my family on Thanksgiving and meet with his on the Saturday before Christmas. Christmas day we reserve for our immediate family and extend invites to those that can come to our home for Christmas dinner. Easter for me personally is a faith centered holiday and we spend the morning in our church and then later at home in a quiet reflective way. No big gatherings this day. This has worked well for us, our famileis and our children. Now that my son is grown, I can foresee the day when he'll marry and we may have to shift some to make it work for all. Blessings! ------------------ Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 1, 2002 Share Posted November 1, 2002 Hi happygirl When I first got married, I came from a fairly large family and my dh also had a big family. so Christmas for many years was a whirlwind of visiting, having people over, picking people up from the airport (my dh family is in Eire), flying to visit his relatives. It was great fun, gave us many treasured memories but I did sometimes feel that we didn't really have our 'own' christmas. So now we try to have Christmas Day for us, just the 4 of us. It doesn't always work and sometimes we have others for Xmas tea but it seems as if they are coming to join our family tradition rather than us always being part of someone else's christmas. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound selfish. I love visitng the family, having them round but I don't regret having some 'just us' time at such a special time of the year Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 1, 2002 Share Posted November 1, 2002 What we do in our family is a bit diffrent than most. But we sorta do the same as I hear everyone else say they do so far. My family always gets together on New Year's Eve to celibrate our Christmas. That way Christmas day is left open for just us as a family to celibrate and create our own memories together as a family. DH's family all gets together on Christmas Eve and celibrates together that night, thus again leaving Christmas day open for our own immediate families. I hope you don't mind my sticking my ten cents in here...... You are very lucky. You both have loving family that wants to be with you and your DD will look back on the memories years later with fond memories of time spent with family and learning the value of a family. She needs those memories, they will help her shape her values when she is older. That is what Christmas especally is all about, love and family. It is important that she get a mixture of all, you three as a family, your family and his family. Some families juggle this by celibrating Christmas in July with one family, or maybe Chrisatmas on Thanksgiving, or even on New Years Eve, Day, what ever way you choose to do it, does not really matter, what really matters is that you give her a balance somewhere of all. Not to mention that Christmas is that much more memorable when it lasts more than one day. Please forgive me if I over steped and have went beyond the simple advice you was asking. Please allow me to explain where I am coming from here and hopefully you will understand why I say family is so important. I come from a family that does not know how to love. Their idea of family tridition during the holidays is to get together with a good meal everyone helped prepare. After dinner the discussions start. Most of my family has to try and prove they are better than all the others. They start picking each other apart. They settle on the weakest one and soon they are having a shouting match and linching party. No one can hear what anyone is saying because they all are trying to shout over each other. They get down right cruel about it. Last year I introduced my DD and DH to them for the first time and DD had nightmares that night. I made the descission then that sad as it was, I was not going to subject them to my family's tridition ever again. Most of my life I have has a longing and sadness inside me for a Christmas I will never have. When I see others getting together with their families for Christmas, it is always a very lonely time for me because I in many ways don't have a family. I long for those memories you all have but I will never have them with my family. We will be getting together with DH's family but they don't really except me except when we have something they want. So basicly DH and I feel the same way. We feel family is very important, especally during Christmas, we both feel alone with out family and we both are sad because there is a big piece of us missing. We will be creating our own family triditions this year and make our family day the focus, but we would rather it be spent with all of our family in a warm loving atmosphere. You all out there who have a loving family to spend Christmas with, cherish it and make all you can of it. Remember there are people like us who would love to have what you have and the wonderful memories to look back on. Please forgive me if I was out of line here. I just wanted to show you what your DD would be missing out on if you did not do the family thing. As I said earlier, I personslly feel it is very important and it does not have to be on Christmas day. You can explain your feelings about Christmas day to the families and ask them if they would consider changing their day of family celibration to another day. I also have seen where families have spent the morning for their family memories and the evening with the extended family or the other way around. It is tough at first to find a way for it all to work out but in the end it will be well worth it. Take what I have said for what it is worth, nothing but my humble or not so humble opinion, nothing more. Sorry if I went to far with this one. As you see this is a sensitive subject for me. I do not ever wish to push my opinions off on anyone. Hill Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 Christmas can be a time of expectations. The expectations of those who have created their own traditions. The reason everyone goes home is because it was always the way. But when you look at it most traditions are the immediate family plus the ring ins. Dont be scared of creating your own traditions. If you are enjoying the extended family at Christmas - why change. If on the other hand you feel that you are losing something on the way. Then look at what you can do. My Sister in law always had a special breakfast with her Mum and sister and families. (Bit hard when in 2 countries!) My inlaws try to have Christmas Eve together. My kids like a traditional Christmas with all the trimmings So we have established our own tradition, which always has room for the rest of the crew to join us. (And I really need to get that Chrissy Cake made- it should have been done in September!) This year we will join with the in laws as Dad in law has cancer and might not be there next year. I guess tradition is great as long as there is room for adjustment Personally I found it a hassle having to drag little children around from one Grandparents house to the next on Christmas Day. It is their day - and new toys are a bit of a let down if you have to leave them at home and go to someones place! SueC Quote Link to comment
mrszouave Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 Sidenote.........sorry for the interuption ladies..........(i don't have kids...so i didn't answer your question happy girl) ******debbie jumps up and down....Sue is here....Sue is here***** I've missed you Sue....been dying to know how you and your Father in law is doing!!****** This ends the interuption...you didn't see me. Quote Link to comment
logcabinmama Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 Happygirl, I really feel that if you want to start a tradition of your own that is fine. I do feel that Christmas is for family time, but that can mean several things. You have your own little family and then there is all the rest of the family. I am from a large family, (6 kids), and DH was the only child for his mother, and his half sister and brother are/were not around here. We usually got together on Christmas Day with all of the family that was in this area, and wanted to get together. My one sisters usually has their family together on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day most of them go to the in-laws. Others get together again on Christmas Day. When we lived in California, we were by ourselves on Christmas Eve and either had DH's brother over on Chirstmas Day or went to his place. We were only there 3 years so it was not so hard. Now, since my parents are gone and DH's parents are gone it is usually just the 2 of us on Christmas Eve and we have my sister, her DH and anyone who wants to come out to our place on Christmas Day. My niece who is in the nursing home has been brought out these last 3 years for Christmas Day for a few hours too. I guess what I want to say is that Christmas is for family, but, if you want to have Christmas Eve at home and then spend Christmas Day with family or the other way around it is up to you. You are the one that needs the time with your own family. No one else can decide for you. I love getting together with family, where others may not. Some of this may be because we always got together for at least Christmas Day. Good luck and I know you will do what you feel is what you need to do. ------------------ Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 We feel our daughter is way too concentrated on gifts. At age 14 we feel it is time for her to stop getting a lot of gifts and will be buying her one big gift. All other gifts will be home made just like the early pioneers used to do it way back when there wasn't all these stores and money to buy things. We know just how you feel, our income has droped by 75%. So we are going to figure out neat things each of us would like and make them. DD is crazy about horses and needs a jewelry box badly. So I will be making her an original, created and designed by me. I will have drawers that pull out, a rotating hanger for necklaces, and a post holder for her earrings. I also hope to add a secret compartment in it with an I love you note or poem hidden in it for her to discover when ever. DH knows that DD and I love birds so he is hoping to build us some bird feeders from the free pallets we get at a local lumber yard. The only limit to home made gifts is your imagination and resources. An exqample is..... Your DH is away from home a lot and probably really misses your cooking. Make him some goodies that he can take with him and enjoy when he can't be with you. It will probably make him feel closer to home and feel like you are not so far away. Most men can't resist home made fudge and cookies. There are a lot of ideas you can get off the net on crafts, cooking and lots of other things. I am usually quite good at research so if there is anything in particular you are looking for, please let me know, I would love to help you find it, if I can. If you would like to make your DD a cute puppet, I can teach you how to make one using stuff you might have around your home and if you don't you can get it very inexpensively at yard sales or resale shops. Dumpster diving brings about a good supply of things available for puppets also. My puppets are so easy to make that I have taught 6 year olds how to make them an some have them finished in less than an hour. If you have a glue gun available I can show you a puppet your DD can help you make and it takes about 10 minutes to make. Now puppet stages are really fun and easy..... All you need is a couple of boxes, some paint or markers and material or ols shower curton for your curton. Another fun activity for you and DD to do. And they are disposable too. When one wears out you just get another box and make another one. You can make a rag doll out of a rag mop head. You can also make puppets out of big spoons, forks, sponges, you name it. Hope this helps. Hill Quote Link to comment
gardnmom Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 Believe it or not, the Christmas that was most special was the year when DH had been out of work for 3 months, and we gave homemade jams, homemade maple syrup and biscuit mix as our gift to each of the families, DH had 3 sisters a brother and 2 half brothers, I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers. They all loved it. Christmas is about remembering the greatest Gift of all. God Bless. ------------------ Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 I live within 25 miles of my inlaws but about 200 miles from where I grew up. When my kids were little, I basically said, "You can visit here, but I want my kids home on Christmas Day so that they can wake up and play with their toys." My inlaws, however, preferred to get together on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at their house. I point blank refused Christmas Day (although they were welcome to come here) but tried to accomodate them as well as I could the night before although it was my tradition and preference to go to church on then. Eventually, they agreed to start the celebration mid afternoon and that way, I could leave for church. ONe year, I finally said to my Mother in love, "Did you spend every holiday with your parents? - could you have?" and she realized that they had not and no matter how much you love them and enjoy being with them, other parents and one's own family traditions are important, too. My dh's brother and sister were actually more difficult about it, not understanding why we couldn't conform. For years, we were the only ones with kids. NOW that the others have kids and mine are grown, suddenly the they want to celebrate on Dec. 23! Oh, well.... Also, as my kids got older and my own mother, who died a couple of years ago, became more infirm and unable to travel,we did travel the 200 miles to see her, getting up and leaving on Christmas Day itself. Since my kids no longer played with toys and got quite as excited and since my mother was unable to come here and was in need of love and support, that made sense. Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 Thanks everyone! Your advice was much appreciated! Hill, don't worry about stepping out of line...I like reading what you all say, and I tend to take what applies and leave what doesn't. I still read everything and see what I can get from it. I agree with all of you...family is very important. Hill, for a while there when you wrote about your family arguing, I thought you might be related to my DH's family! But, they don't get into shouting matches... Ginger, you talked about meeting with each side of the family on different days, and then have most of Christmas day for your immeadiate family. Stargirl, you have Christmas Day as a time for "just us", and then see everyone else on other days. Hill, sounds like you would rather not see your families for the holidays, but will have some kind of tradition started in you own immediate family. Sue (Welcome back!!! ), you also have time of just your family...and you are right, my little one won't like going from place to place. DebbieLee, you can interrupt whenever you want ! And SnowMom, it seems that you also have time just the two of you and then some time with everyone else on Christmas Day. So this is what I see you saying...Family is very important, but setting traditions (making sure you are flexible), is also important. What I think is going to happen is that we will ask my in-laws if it is possible to get together with them and my father-in-laws sister on Christmas Eve, and then have Christmas day for just the three of us. We'd have to set a different date to meet with my mother-in-laws side of the family, and then of course my Aunt and Uncle, but I think this might be what has to work. My DH's husband exchanged gifts just the four of them alone in between visits to other family members, but there was really never any traditions...jsut passing the gifts around. So I want to have something in the balance between my family and his. On Christmas Day at my parents we have a nice big breakfast, then get together in the living room where Dad will read the Christmas story from the Bible, sing a few Christmas carols and then pray, thanking the Lord for His ultimate gift. Then and not until then, do we pass out the gifts. That way, Dad always ensured that he was teaching us that it was a CHRIST centered Christmas. My DH isn't into singing much, but I think that we could read the Bible and pray, and it'd be fun to have a nice breakfast and dinner, and skip lunch (since we will be too full from breakfast). I'll present this to my DH and see what he says. Then there is also the matter of gifts. We are not doing good at all financially, so will not be able to give anyone much, except a box of chocolates...of course our DD will get something special...but otherwise, we just can't afford it. Any ideas? ------------------ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, and His love endures forever! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 LadyTiana you are one smart cookie. That pretty much sums it up right there IMHO. It is truely a juggling act and it seems like you came up with the best solution I have heard of. Not to mention how tastefully you handled your inlaws. A round of aplause for LadyTiana! I love this site, we can truely learn so much from each other. Hill Quote Link to comment
ozzzyyy Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 (((((( ))))))) Smiles and hugs all around! ------------------ Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 4, 2002 Share Posted November 4, 2002 Those were great ideas for gifts, giving crafts and food gifts! I too believe that Christmas is about remembering the GREATEST GIFT of all. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry I think I might make a platter of "goodies" for each family. My DH's father has diabetes, so I'll have to figure something special for him. And I'd love to give my DD a homemade doll! She'd love that! So, I look forward to that. Lady Tiana, you are smart! I think I'm going to try to talk to my in laws about this Christmas and how we want to have some traditions of our own...My DH and I are talking about hosting Thanksgiving here too...that will be interesting! I think it'd be fun! Thank you all for your wonderful advice and ideas. If you have any other ideas or comments, PLEASE share them. This has been really helpful! Love you all! ------------------ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, and His love endures forever! Quote Link to comment
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