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How to tell when food is past its best

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This is an old one but thought i'd post for anyone who hasn't seen it


EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its use by date.


DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like cheddar. Hard cheese is nothing but bad milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.


MEAT If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three mile radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.


BREAD Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.


LETTUCE Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable box without a brillo pad.


TINS Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a football should be disposed of. Carefully.


CARROTS A carrot that you can tie into a knot is not fresh.


POTATOES Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.



UNMARKED ITEMS Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not "burp" when you open them.


GENERAL RULE OF THUMB Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.


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Hope I have the knobs and switches figured out for this posting thing. Here goes.... When ever one of the kids holds something up from the fridge and asks WHATS THIS I ask them what color it is. If they answer a color they dont like. I tell them to put it back and in 3 days it will change. Teenagers are so much fun to torment.


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