In Loving Memory

[Guest Guest]

August 15, 2002

My sweet Jessie, my heart still aches with missing you, and especially today, as I remember the terrible pain of this day, three years ago, when I had to let you go. Papa and Grandma put the flag out in your honor today, for you were truly a good American, and a true friend to an old soldier.

I miss you every day, and Papa and I talk about you often. Your picture sits next to Grandpa?s in the living room, as I know the two of you are together now. I cherish the blanket that you chewed holes in as a puppy, and I have all of your special things together in a treasure box.

All day today, your life has been running through my mind like a movie. You were an extraordinary spirit, and you led a happy, well traveled, extraordinary life. You went everywhere with me, and if you weren?t welcome, we didn?t go there.

You were an angel, sent to teach me how to love again, and to help me dismantle the wall that I had carefully built between myself and the world after a divorce. You succeeded in doing that, and it was because of you that Papa and I met. I laugh when I think of telling Papa that he had to meet with your approval before I would even consider marrying him. When he came to visit, he arrived here very ill, and from the moment I brought him home, you would not leave his side, even as I slept in the guest room. You stayed with him until he recovered, and you made it very clear that you adored him. When Papa and I were married, I wanted you standing there with us in the garden during the ceremony, but you were blind by then, and crowds of people frightened you, and there were too many stairs for you to negotiate.

When you and I moved to Arctic Alaska, your dainty little desert paws hurt from the extreme cold snow, so I had a Native American woman make you two pair of leather, fur lined mukluks. You looked so silly in them, but you gratefully wore them on your brief treks outside. We shared a twin bed in the cabin, and the blankets froze to the wall at night, so you wore polar-tec booties to bed, to keep your feet warm. You would sleep with your back against me, and your paws against the wall, and then you would push, to make a little extra room for yourself. In your whole life, you only growled at one person, other than in protection; my boss in Alaska, and you were so right about her, for she was an evil, wicked woman.

After Alaska, you hated the cold months of winter, so I would send you south, to the desert with Grandma and Grandpa, after Christmas, and you enjoyed the warm days on the patio, until I picked you up in mid February. I always missed you terribly, but it was best for you. Your manners were always impeccable, except for walking on a leash, and Grandpa would walk with you everyday, and tell you that ?we are just going for a walk, we are not plowing the fields today.?

Leaving you with Auntie Jo for 6 months while our house was built was so difficult. I felt like a non-custodial parent, and every Friday, I made that 80 mile drive to spend the weekend with you. I always cried when I drove away on Sunday, and saw your sad little face at the door, watching me go.

We went camping with friends, and one night you disappeared. We searched frantically for you, all over the campground. Then we saw you come out of the tent, looking sleepy, like, was someone looking for me? You always were early to bed.

When we moved into our new house, it was late October, and the whole place was one big mud-hole. I laid 600 square feet of sod for you to do your business on over the winter, and to keep your feet clean. When you went outside, I always said ?stay on the grass? and you always did. After you went blind, you wandered off one night, and I had the whole neighborhood looking for you. Grandpa was here, and he was as scared for you as I was. Thankfully, we found you, safe and sound. Grandpa told me to get a crew out here to fence the yard for you, to keep you safe, and he paid for it.

My boss yelled at me for taking you with me on business trips in the company cars, but I continued to do so, as the motor-pool said they had no problem with it. You were great company during those many hours of driving, and lonely nights in motels. You protected me from men breaking into the cabin in the middle of the night in Alaska. You protected me from two men, with no good on their mind, who stopped to ?help? when my car broke down in the mountains of Idaho. You protected me when I was working alone on the reservation, miles from anywhere. And, you were always there on tough days to lick away my tears, and worry after me until I felt better.

I remember how worried Gary was about taking you up with us in his small plane, but you just sat in the back seat and looked out the window, happy to be in a passenger seat instead of the cargo area you had to endure in the commercial planes. Ha, and I delayed the flight out of Anchorage on our return trip, until the crew had double checked to make sure that you were on the same plane with me, as I didn?t see them load you.

You were such a little mommy, and raised three kittens. Schiezie was only 4 weeks old when we brought him home, and you took over his mothering. We were amazed that he would milk tread, and suckle on your tummy. And we howled in laughter when you would wash him, giving him a ?spiky? hair-do. If he tried to leave, you would slap that dainty paw over him and hold him down until he was properly and throughly washed. He?s really missed you too.

After you were gone, you came to me one night. I didn?t see you, but I heard your tags, and I smelled you, and it was such a comfort. My arms and heart were empty without you, and I know it was you who picked out Missy, knowing I would love her, and heal her months of abuse. I also know that you come and visit Missy, for she has taken on your habit of shaking her tags to wake me up......a tactic that I don?t think a deaf dog could figure out.

We buried your ashes under Grandma?s front porch, before the cement was laid. Your resting place will never be disturbed, and Grandma is comforted, knowing that you are at her front door.

You touched the lives of all who knew you. You were my child, my friend, my protector, one of my lifes greatest joys, and I?ll always love you, my sweet little bear, Jessie.

http://www.geocities.com/pinboywww/jessie.html

[ozzzyyy]

(((((((Mare)))))))))

What a beautiful tribute to an awesome friend! Bless you for sharing your heart with us!

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[Guest Guest]

Oh Mare. It was so hard to read your story. My Princess is 11 and she's starting to show signs of aging. She has taken care of me during all of my illness the past few years.

I truly understand your love and connection to Jesse. Especially the jingling of all her dog tags. Princess does the same thing. Princess just taught our "new" 3 year old dog to do the same thing.

I hope it's ok that I copied your story to leave out for my kids to read. I've been trying to prepare them, but there really is no way to prepare. But, I hope the story will help to ease their pain when the time comes. Thank you and God Bless.

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Pray for Peace

[gardnmom]

The animals we loved are sooo....missed.

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[mrszouave]

Oh that hurts to read! **crying along side of you Mare****

[Guest Guest]

Sorry... my best dog was a golden..he protected my small girls when I was alone..funny how they become family...

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[Guest Guest]

(((((Mare))))) Tears streaming down my cheeks. Your Jessie was a true friend. Something about a dog, they just have the gift of unconditional love that keeps on giving even after they are gone.

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[Guest Guest]

They are all so special aren't they? Those little animals enrich our lives so much, and my heart goes out to everyone when they face the loss of that special friend.

Logcabinmama, I'm honored that you would want to share Jessie's story with your kids.

[Guest Guest]

WOw, what a touching story, I had a hard time reading it through my tears when I read it to my husband.

My dog I had picked out my husband also. He protected me completely. So much so that we had to put him to sleep because he was trying to bite everyone.

He looked up into my eyes as he was dying as to say, I took care of you and trusted you to take care of me too. Why?

I will never forget that look as long as I live. I know we could not allow him to try biting everyone. And the last straw was when he got in a fight with his own father and we could not back him off. We was so afraid someone was going to get hurt. We felt we had no choice but to do what we did.

When my husband was abusing me he was so angry at all men that he started trying to bite men and did bite my brother, my Father and my Adopted Dad. When I divorced he became my offical protector and would not allow any man to come into our yard.

When I brought my boy friend here one day he bolted out after him and I was so afraid he was going to bite him too. I kept calling him back but he would not back off. He ran right up to my boyfriend and wraped himself right around his legs in a full hug. I couldn't believe it!

He was telling me this man is ok, you can marry him and I did marry him. It just killed us both to have to make the descission to end his life. If he had been a bit selective in who and what he tried to bite things could have been diffrent but he wanted to bite everyone.

Our vet said he knew I was being abused and couldn't help me so he took his anger and frustration on anyone and anything he could.

I wish I could get his last look out of my mind. I feel so bad and so guilty.

Hill

[Guest Guest]

How beautiful!! There is nothing more precious than a faithful dog. They love and love no matter what. They comfort us when we are down. They are our protectors when we need them. And they just live to please us in any way they can. We had a very spectial dog die a couple of years ago. I cried so as he was so faithful and good. They are special gifts to humans from God.

[Guest Guest]

Ahhhh, Hillbillie, I had a hard time reading your post too. What a very tough thing to have to do...I'm so sorry.

[logcabinmama]

((((Mare))))

((((Hillbillee))))

Even though they are animals, they are family members. They are so easy to love and they love and forgive.

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[Guest Guest]

((((Mare))))

You precious soul.... how sorry I am for your loss. But how wonderful that you experienced such a devoted friend and companion for so many years.

I'm very behind on these posts but I could not resist sending you a post. HUGE hugs.

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