The mammogram

[rockncook]

It was like this, Your Honor...........

 

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi, I'm

Belinda!"

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one

side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into

this room here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything

clear

?"

 

I'm thinking, "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

 

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy,

but I

suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size

of 36-B to a size 38-LONG. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and

everything nice... or Spandex.

 

We can't be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of

square

glass and still pop back into shape. Belinda flipped me

(literally) to the left and said, "Can you stand on your tippee toes and

lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered.

I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why not use the remaining

circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding

pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4

pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt, a zap!

 

Complete darkness and the power went off! "What?" I yelled. "Oh,

maintenance

is working. Bet they hit a snag."

Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide

open so

you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back".

 

Before I could shout, "NOOOO!" she disappeared.

 

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire,

found

me, half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other

part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or

possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness as possible.

"Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks."

 

"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

 

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am soooo sorry! The

power

came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.

Are we upset?"

 

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

 

[Linda]

ooooh my that made me laught so hard that i had tears running and a leakly radiator....

[Guest Guest]

Me too! Me too! I'm going to have to send that to my Mom!

[Guest Guest]

I sent this to my mom and she about died laughing! Thanks again for sharing!