A few funnies for today.................

[Deblyn]

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.

 

A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you but don't start anything!"

 

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry - we don't serve food in here!"

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

Two ariels meet on a roof fall in love and get married.

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant!

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

Man with a strawberry on his head goes to the docotr.

 

Doc Says "I'll give you some cream to put on it"

 

"Doc I can't stop sining "The Green Green Grass of Home"

"Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrom"

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual!"

 

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning"

"I don't believe you "says Dolly.

It's true - straight up no bull!"

 

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says "I think I've lost an electron"

The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies "Yes I'm positive......"

 

Answer phone message

".....if you want to buy marijuana press the hash key......."

 

A man takes hi Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well " says the vet "Let's take a look at him."

So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes then checks his teeth.

Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down>"

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No because he's really heavy."

 

Two elephants walk off a cliff............boom boom!

 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.........

 

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

 

I went to a seafood disco last week..... and pulled a mussel.

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

 

Two fish are in a tank.

One says to the other:"I'll man the guns and you drive!"

 

 

 

[Guest Guest]

*Gigle!!!*

[Goose Liver]

groan... going to have to write some of those down... gigle