Help! My husband wants me back again!!!!!

[Guest Guest]

Help! I need major advice. Last night we talked and he said he never meant this to go so far.(Meaning our separation that HE asked for!)He agreed to go to counselling if I go back to him.

I don't know what to do! We have been down that road before.(3 times) We seem to just do fine and then crash again a year later.

I really felt like a separation would give me time to think and measure and see clearly. But he is begging me to reconsider. What should I do???

I understand alot of you will say go back. But I'm not sure that will solve our problems.

 

HELP

Lynnie

[twilap]

Would he agree to go to the counseling first, before you are fully back together?

I know you are hurt, frustrated and tired....but don't give up. God can restore the marriage in ways you could never imagine!

Divorce hurts EVERY party involved so much....

I will be praying for wisdom for you!

[mrszouave]

Hi Lynne,

Seems to me you answered yourself.

"I understand alot of you will say go back. But I'm not sure that will solve our problems."

No one can make that decision but you.

Take your time and pray about it.

You are a smart woman and deep down you know what's best for you and your girls.

------------------

[Guest Guest]

I wish I felt like a smart woman. I feel confused and unsure. I want a break to work things out--to step back and look--but I want to be together too.

Sigh...why doesn't life cooperate? I had things better planned when I was a 16 yr. old.

Pray for me.

Thanks for all your support. I have depended on it this last month so very much.

Lynnie

[Guest Guest]

Hey Lynnie, why not have the best of both worlds for awhile, or should I say why not get exactly what you said you want.

You said...... I want a break to work things out--to step back and look--but I want to be together too.

You can have both if you want it. Tell him you want to have a break, take a step back and look but you want to date him and go to counseling with him. You want your space to breath and think and he can visit one night a week and take you out on a date one night a week. One night or day you will both go to counseling together and the remaining four days and nights a week are yours. No phone calls, no stoping in for a visit, they are yours to breath and think.

If he really wants you back and you don't want to walk the same beaten path one more time than he will honor your wishes and do what is necessary to try and win you back.

If he is not willing to try it under your terms then he is still trying to be controlling and play games with you. He can't push you away and treat you like yesturdays garbage one day and be all lovy, dovy and kiss and make up, I am sorry the rest of the time.

You are a person with feelings, you hurt, you cry, you need to love and BE LOVED. Yes God wants us to stay married but he DOES NOT want his children taking any abuse, and what he is doing to you is abuse in the worst form. If he beat you you would heal but mental abuse and torture is the worst form of abuse. You heal but the scar remains forever.

Read what he told the husbands in his word, Husbands LOVE your wives as Christ loves you. You husband is not treating you with love. You deserve so much better.

So this is my advise, take it for what it is worth for you. We can not walk in your moccosins, only you can and only you can determine what is best for you.

You are not ending the marriage or damaging it any if you split and agree to just date for awhile. You might just be saving it if you discover that is what you really want.

Remember my post to you before on this subject. You need to practice tough love. If he really loves you then tell him you need proof. He needs to prove it to you. I have a saying I wrote that is apropreate here......................................... Words are cheap, actions are harder. Show me your actions before you ask me to believe your words. He has shown you a lot of push me pull you and his actions have not backed up his words of love. There comes a time when we have to work hard to undo the damages we have inflicted on others we say we love.

Well it is his time. You can't live on empty promises. It is NOT good for you or your girls. It sets a pattern and they are watching, do you want your girls to live as you do, or do you want better for thim? The only way you are going to get your daughters to have a better life is by DEMANDING a better life for you.

Think about this..... If you treated your husband like he treats you, how would he react? Would he except it and just take it like you do when he dishes it out to you? What makes him any better than you? What did he ever do that was better than you and deserved special treatment? Why is there one set of rules for you and another set of rules for him?Is this the way you want to live for the rest of your life?

You are the only one who can change these things. You have to get tough, stick you foot down, dig your heals in and demand that he treat you with ALL the love and respect you deserve and he recieves or show him where the door is and tell him he can come back and TALK (NOT STAY) when he is ready to grow up and be a man and treat you like a LADY should be treated.

I DO NOT ENDORCE OR BELIEVE IN DIVORCE if there is any way it can be avoided. BUT I DO NOT allow any man, or, anybody for that matter, to mistreat me or anyone in my presence. It is totally unexceptable. YOU DESERVE to be treated like the wonderfully created child of God you are.

When your husband mistreats you, he is also mistreating God. (What so ever you do onto the least of these you do unto me.) And when YOU ALLOW him to mistreat you, you also allow him to mistreat God.

Think about that one when you are making your discission. Also while you are thinking and trying to decide what to do..... Ask yourself these questions..... Do you like the way you are living right now? Are you prepared and willing to live like this for the rest of your life? Is this the life you want for your girls as adults?

I think you will soon discover that when you learn what your answers are to these questions, you will also know what road you are going to walk.

Hill