Showering

[jillg]

How to Shower Like a Woman

 

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned

laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If

you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any

exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror

-make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,

leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice

stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage

shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint

conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave

on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub

for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and

jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray

mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a

small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for blemishes, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and

towel on head.

17. If you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any

exposed areas.

 

How to Shower Like a Man

 

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of

the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see

girlfriend along the way, shake wiener at her making

the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your [azz].

 

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water

rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh

at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and

surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs

stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor

because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole

time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,

light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist.

If you pass girlfriend, pull off towel, shake wiener

at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

 

[Nelda]

That's a rather sexist thing to have said. The only reply I can come up with is "WOO WOO!"

 

That's pretty close to the truth, Wicca. I had to add to it. Aint got time to redo the man’s shower, but will in the future…

 

 

How to Shower Like a Woman

 

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups-oldest child opens door, and says "I need to go potty"

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. When you've lathered up well, the 3 year old pulls back the shower curtain and says "Hi!" and begins playing "I see you", moving the curtain back and forth.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. While scrubbing, you hear the toilet flush, then the baby (19 mos) giggling madly, splashing in toilet.

9. Baby gets to shower with mom.

10. Go to wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Find that cake body wash was being used by baby while splashing in toilet.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs. You hear Husband having meltdown, trying to get 3 year old to put pants on. Oldest children’s laughter intensifies as DH moves from “accidental release” to “Chernobyl”

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Check entire body for blemishes, tweeze hairs.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.