This journey my DH and I are on has had it's ups and downs. Today is a joyful day on the journey, so I thought I'd tell you how we have come this far.

We love children, and we wanted a houseful, but biological children has not been God's plan for us. Four years ago this month, I was pregnant and the joy was overwhelming. For so long we had dreamed of having children and I was approaching 40, we felt we were racing time. But then the disappointment came when we found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy.

Skip ahead to August of the same year. A case worker from social services told me about another case worker that needed to place a baby. The baby was hospitalized. She had been abandon by her mother several days after being born. Mom had left baby w/ grandma and went on a drinking spree. Grandma had taken baby to social services and reported her daughter. She was then placed in a childrens home, and like so many babies abandoned by their mothers she became sick. I got on the phone immediately with the baby's case worker and asked if I could have the baby. "Yes, Crystal, you may have her" was the response.

Morning Star* was one day from being 6 weeks old when placed with us. She was 6 lb 13 oz at birth, but 6 weeks later was barely 8 lbs. We brought her home with a paper to call the hospital for information. A call informed us that she was taking 3oz formula every 3-4 hours and that she was on Zantac for acid reflux. That first night we had her in bed with us. She would breathe fast, then stop. I'd touch her and she'd breathe again. She coughed horribly and we held our breath waiting for her to breathe. My brother-in-law told me that she'd pump up my prayer life. Boy, was he right. At night we are 75 miles from medical help, and 135 miles from the hospital where she had been. They had told me, if she turns blue around the nose and mouth to bring her in. I could hardly get her to take an ounce of milk, and she didn't cry to be fed.

The next evening was Wednesday, and we went to church. After church a bunch of us gathered round and our minister prayed for her. That night she woke up every 4 hours and drank down 4 oz of milk. A clear answer to prayer. Thank You Jesus!

She was with us in foster care for 2&1/2 months, then returned to her mother. We were in contact with the parents after the first week of her placement with us. By recommendation of social services, they met us for the hospital check-up appointment.

Just before Christmas, her mother called and asked me to come and get her. Dad was out drinking, and she wanted to go find him. (Or maybe she wanted to join him??) We had her for her first Christmas.

From that time on we'd have her in 2 or 3 week spurts. It eventualy evolved into us getting power of attorney. From October '06 to Oct '08 we had her almost solid. She go for an occasional holiday, or once in awhile they'd take her "for good this time" that would last for 2 or 3 weeks because she wouldn't eat for them.

When they took her the end of October in 2008, They once agin said it was for good, but we didn't believe it. Months went by and for the first time in her life, we didn't have her over Christmas.

This morning I got a text message, and by early afternoon. Morning Star is with us again after 4 months. I've been crying happy tears all day. My heart is high. This is a tough road to walk, with all of the struggles of letting go time after time. But this is the child that God put into our empty arms when our hearts were hurting. If I had had a successful pregnacy, I would not have taken on this baby when I was 7 months pregnant. She truly is a gift from God, and the child of our hearts.

*not her given name