UPS Pilots

[DonsCountryGal]

UPS Airlines

 

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a High School Diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' Pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundingon something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[LeeAnn]

I fly often, nearly weekly and hope your kidding

[michelle]

Ok I never fly so

[ol'momma]

Reply..tis hte truth. My Sibling is a certified AvMaint Specialist(airplaing mechanic). He can't change the windshield wipers on my car...but he can fix planes.