Why women shouldn't take their men shopping

[Trip]

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

 

 

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target...

 

 

 

Dear Mrs.Pritchard,

 

Over the past six months, your husband Larry has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Pritchard, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!" This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor, that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

 

5. August 3: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

 

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 

And last, but not least:

 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.

 

 

[ROBIE]

Thats what they get for going to target.

[GirlNextDoor]

I can't find the story I heard on the radio news, but it went something like this: An employee was called to the back of Walmart (into the office) where she was fired for cursing out her boss and told she had anger management issues. The irate employee was ordered to leve the premises but instead was ranting and raving, cursing and went through the shoe department tossing merchandise to the ground. She then went through electronics where she began knocking items off the shelves and tipping over a big screen tv. The irate employee then went to housewares, pushing dinnerware to the floor and into the deli where she used to work and was behind the counter throwing fried chicken pieces and mashed potatoes and gravy at unsuspecting customers when the police arrived.

 

The DJ who read this story quipped, "Now, SEE...if she had just given the customers gravy with those mashed potatoes nobody would have pressed charges."

[Amishway Homesteaders]

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

 

 

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target...

 

 

 

Dear Mrs.Pritchard,

 

Over the past six months, your husband Larry has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Pritchard, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!" This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor, that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

 

5. August 3: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

 

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 

And last, but not least:

 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.

 

OH thanks you somuch for new ideas ....................

 

Don't tell Lori but- we are going to Walmarts today and now I have a mission!

 

I really like # 1,3,5,13

 

and I am going to try #15 for sure.

 

 

 

Now a few I have done before like #2 and #13

 

Lori hates it when we are in the big warehouse stores and when we get to the toy dept. I press all the buttons on the 'talking' animals or toys and walk away. She hates it but aways takes me there?

Then the last time we were there I was 'trying' to be good and all of a sudden I hear all the animals talking and as I looked .......................

it was LORI! doing it this time. With a smerk on her face she just walked past me and never said a word.

 

Life is good. LOL