More fun for the family!

[ROBIE]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

 

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

 

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

 

 

 

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.

 

He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use, to impress that sweet young thing over there?"

 

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby"

 

 

 

 

I was sitting in a truck stop when an over-the-road trucker came in and sat at a booth. When the waitress came over, he sighed and told her his order.

 

"I want two eggs cooked just as hard as you can cook them. Burn some hash browns on the side, and add a couple of slices of bacon that are burned to a crisp. Also, if you would, give me a dirty look and make a nasty comment when you bring it, please."

 

"Why would you want that?" The waitress asked.

 

"I'm getting real homesick," he told her with a sigh

 

 

 

The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that,

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in modern business, education and government, a whole range of far more 'advanced' strategies are often employed, such as...

• Buying a stronger whip.
  
• Changing riders.
  
• Threatening the horse with termination.
  
• Appointing a committee to study the horse..
  
• Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
  
• Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
  
• Reclassifying the dead horse as "living impaired."
  
• Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
  
• Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
  
• Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
  
• Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
  
• Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly to maintain, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
  
• Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
  
• Promoting the dead horse to a higher supervisory position.
  
• Reclassifying the horse as a cow so it can be further milked.

 

Robie

[Amishway Homesteaders]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

 

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

 

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

 

Robie:laughkick:

 

 

SO you know Lori then?

She can make a buggy horse turn around to see what is going on back in the seat. LOL

Your over the white line, your to close to the middle, slow down, why are we going so slow, bump! (most times right after I hit it - like I didn't feel it?) LOL

NOT enough room here to say what happens when we are in the van?

[Cat]

One more for the "dead horse"...

 

*Declare it a plus for the environment that it no longer contributes to "global warming/climate change" and issue it "carbon credits" and a raise.