A few jokes for my Amish friends

[ROBIE]

Elevator

 

An Amish family from Pennsylvania decides to go to the Big Apple for the first time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.

 

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around, they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before, they stand in front of it, bewildered.

 

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside, and the door closes.

 

The Amish family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again. The door opens, and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

 

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove your mother in there!"

 

 

 

Robbery

Two fellers were in desperate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they break into the Amish market. The logic being that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them.

 

Thus they carried out their plot.

 

However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them.

 

Calmly, the Amishman said, "Boys, I would never do thee any harm, yet you are standing where I am about to shoot."

 

 

 

Sheep

A newcomer to the political scene was campaigning in Amish country for the office of assemblyman. Outside an Amish homestead, he saw a young man and his sheep. He approached the man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.

 

Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. "Luke, get in the house. And who is that guy you're talking to?"

 

"Says he's a politician, Pop," Luke said.

 

"In that case, you'd better bring the sheep inside with you."

 

 

 

 

Amish Pick Up Lines:

 

Do you come to this barn often?

 

Does your field need plowing?

 

Why don’t you come by around 8, bring a fresh bottle of buttermilk, and we’ll sit silently amongst my large family.

 

Would you like to see my well?

 

I’d totally get shunned for you.

 

Will you churn my butter for me?

 

When we’re not together I churn for you.

 

Want to raise a barn with me? It builds community.

 

I own many acres of fertile land in Pennsylvania.

 

That modestly drab brown dress really brings out your eyes.

 

This quilting bee is turning into a quilting zzzzz. Wanna take a ride in my buggy, instead?

 

 

 

Q: How do you fit 10 Amish in a VW Beetle?

A: Tell them you are going to the livestock auction

 

Q: Did you hear about the Amish Flu?

A: There are only two symptoms. First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

 

Q: Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

A: He was driving her buggy.

 

Q: Why don't the Amish water ski?

A: Because the horses would drown.

 

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in an Amish Church?

A: A visitor.

 

 

 

Robie

[Cat]

Funny except for the last one.

 

I know many beautiful Amish ladies/girls. And most are relatives.

[ROBIE]

That was the only one I wasn't sure of.

 

They can't all look like the cover of a Beverly Lewis book...

 

and I posted only the clean ones. Who knew there could be so many dirty Amish jokes...

 

 

 

Robie

[Amishway Homesteaders]

liked most of them and yes there are some bad ones out there but what group does?

 

Thanks for a few laughs after a very long day.