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Crazy4Canning

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  1. Did a 15# box of beans and 60 ears of corn. Yielded almost 3 dozen wide mouth pints of beans and 3 dozen +5 wmp of corn. It's been a while since I've canned, so I'm simply beat. Realized that I'm out of canned beef so I'm looking for prices on that. . . And I'm out of marinated mushrooms...and other stuff. Seems the dissertation didn't just do a number on my brain - it did a number on my pantry!!!
  2. Cat - you were right. They have chosen to interpret things in their own way. Basically, they are telling what friends they have left that I have "put them in a home and cut off all contact", when all I did was request time and space and tell the truth about the toll their choices have taken on my (our) life (lives). A family friend tried to get me to visit them with her - and when I politely declined, she said, "Well, they said you wouldn't, so fine." It rang loud and clear of the manipulation my parents have been playing for a while - if I won't bend, they will use others to get what they want. Same game that's been happening for decades. I will say that I've not had a phone call since the letter and my body is finally beginning to 'stand down'. I am aware that I am dealing with some PTSD in some form, for every time I see a car that looks similar to theirs, my heart starts to race and I panic - and every now and again, I think I see Dad in a place where I know he would never be. I know it's my subconscience processing, but it is still quite disconcerting. I also have been looking at the world through new eyes - for I see other people's parents who are the same age as mine - they're still working, healthy, making good choices, living independently . . .and I can't help but be envious yet glad for them that they have not experienced my hell. Earlier this week, I had a chance to pass on some cookware that I'd had for years - a set of stainless mixing bowls and about 5 or 6 cooking pots. I've no idea where they came from, but I'd had them a long time. I was rather taken aback by my friends' genuine enthusiasm and sincere gratefulness. My husband hit the nail on the head when he said, "You've been around negativity and critical people for so long, you've been picked clean and don't know what it's like to have someone be genuinely grateful. That's just not right." He's right. So - now begins the putting together of me. The best way I know is to do grounding things - and to process as I can (no pun intended on my name, lol).
  3. Thank you all. They have made their choices and their lives are evidence of that. I know full well I can't change them but neither will I be party to their dysfunction and hurtful words. I've even gone to far as to tell the neighbors if they see my dad lurking to call the police, for he has no business here. On a positive note - I am getting rid of two boxes in the study - one of their bills from the past six years and one of Guardianship papers. I do need to keep it, but I don't need to keep it close. It can live in the basement.
  4. The summer has been a whirlwind. Just when I thought I'd have time to process, I was wrong and something else happened - hence why my last post was in JUNE. In early July, my mom was moved from the Adult Care home into an assisted living facility where Dad would meet her at the end of the month. Dad was released two months early for 'good behavior' and 'work credit time' where he was able to reduce his sentence by working in the kitchen. I am very glad his sentence wasn't longer, for in the 4 months he was there, he dropped 40 pounds! Not that he didn't need to lose some weight, but it was becoming unsafe for him with regard to his health. Because there was no one else, I stepped up and helped put things away for mom in the new place - they have a studio apartment in one of the best assisted living centers in our city. I am so tremendously grateful that through state subsidy everything is being paid. They were given a bed and had other needs met so they could live comfortably. I stepped in a couple of times to help out and then the insanity of August hit. I told them I wouldn't be available for anything until after Labor Day. Towards the end of August I ended up receiving some very nasty and abusive phone calls, the last of which was full of venemous comments and insinuations that I was not a good daughter. After pacing back and forth and being agitated for a couple of hours, I calmed down and realized I had something snap inside of me - after all the time, effort, money, and tough love, they STILL weren't respecting boundaries, taking hints, and being respectful to me as a person. When my husband came home, he could see something was wrong. How is it people can suggest the most obvious things that we would have thought of ourselves had we been in a better head space? He suggested writing a letter. I went to bed and fitfully slept - and penned the letter the next morning. In a nutshell, I told my parents I needed space and time to heal, that the past few years were brutal and cost my husband and I dearly on a number of levels - and I took time to explain each one in great detail. I also added that I didn't appreciate, nor would I be accepting any more abusive phone calls and that they needed to make plans for the holidays, for we were going out of town. Now, mind you, it wasn't this abrupt, but went on for just over 4 pages - well written, clearly stated, articulate, and TO THE POINT, emphasizing that I did love them. When I let my husband read it, he suggested some minor changes, which I made. He said, "You are sending this, right? This is too powerful to sit on your hard drive." I blinked a few times, printed it and mailed it yesterday. I should have dropped it by the PO, but had stuff to do here at the house. So there it sat in the mailbox, waiting for the postman. Every time I thought about yanking it from the mailbox, I remembered those toxic messages and stopped short because my parents need to realize that a lines have been crossed and I will not be tolerating this behavior any longer. My husband also reminded me - "They don't listen. They don't respect you - they never have. You have communicated your wants and needs to them. They are driving you to this point. The lack of relationships in their life, including yours, is their choice and their problem - not yours." Yes, he got a big 'old smoochie for that. So. I do anticipate a few more vitriolic calls from them, but this needed to happen. And for the first time in years, I'm beginning to feel free and rediscovering myself and my husband. Thank you for all your listening and encouragement. You are such a gift and a blessing.
  5. You took the time and planted a seed. You've already seen the results from a few seconds of love and caring. Think of what more can be done to mold and shape that little guy's life. Hugs to you.
  6. Yes, the apartment and storage unit are DONE. What isn't done is the inevitable conversation we will have to have with Dad when he gets out about "where did all our stuff go?" But that's not my job.
  7. Ambergris, I think the texture will still be an issue, for I've done it. I'll eat them, but they are far from being at the top of my list for dinner. Good to have on hand in case of emergency, but that's it in my book. Jeepers - yes - you dont' need to boil Pressure Canned food. That is an 'old rule'. Why is it safe? You've already cooked and sealed whatever is in the jar. Imagine my eyeballs popping out of my head when Violet opened a jar of meat *in class*, fishes it out of the jar and tastes it. The logic was sound - and as long as you hear the seal break (that 'schnnnick' sound) when you open the jar, you're fine. I can't tell you how great it is to open a pint of chicken and toss it into chicken salad or something else I've pressure canned and know it's safe enough to eat right out of the jar. It's part of the reason why I preserve food. Remember, you don't have this issue with Water Bath Canning, for those are all higher acid foods. You open a jar of peaches and eat it, right? Same thing with Pressure Canning. It truly is safe. Yes - I did meet Violet when she and her boss taught a Master's of Food Preserving course a few years ago. It was great. I walked in and she greeted me with this huge smile, "Are you crazy for canning?" We had a good laugh and became fast friends. I learned so much from that class, it was amazing. Thanks for the update Violet. I'm helping individual friends can over the course of the summer and wanted to make sure nothing major had changed. I had a feeling about the Tattler lids - that's why I've not bought any yet. After my early adventures almost a decade ago of losing 2 boxes of beans to regular lids not sealing properly, I'm really hesitant to use something that might cause spoilage.
  8. My friend's gramma is in her 90's. Every special visit is marked by a treat of some sort. Last weekend, she had some mini bagels with different types of cream cheese for her boys loved them and she thought Gramma would too. However, Gramma was a War Bride. She worked in the USO and since then has always thought that special events always need a sweet treat - and coffee with donuts is ALWAYS a good thing. Gramma sits down and fixes up her coffee, takes a bagel and looks at it through her coke-bottom glasses, "My dear, what have you done to this donut? It's so hard!" (picture dear Gram rapping it on the table) "Oh Gram, those are bagels. I got them for the boys." "Sure. You're not pulling one over on me - they don't make bagels this small! Looks like someone left these donuts in fryer too long. (rap, rap, rap) What did you do to the donuts?" Her sweet husband distracted Gramma and my friend set her oldest boy *running* down to the corner market to buy mini-donuts. "Sweetie, here's some money. Get whatever type of mini donuts they have! Run!" So her boy ran and came back in record time. My friend was on the phone in her home office, so her young lad (who is 13) opened the donuts and arranged them on a special plate like he'd seen his Mama do before and dealt with the situaion with the grace of a Man. He went into the dining room, "Hi, Grandma! Here are the donuts! We were playing a joke on you! (laughing) We know how much you like donuts with coffee!" He prattled on an on about the different types and put some each on her plate. With much laughter, they enjoyed the visit. After she left, and my friend posted to FB her decimated table with donut crumbs, bagel bits and used coffee and cocoa cups. Lesson? Price of the mini-donuts? About $6 Time used in distracting Gramma? About 15 minutes Value of a day with family and letting Oldest Step Up? Priceless
  9. Hi there, Realizing it's been a couple of years since I took my Master's Class in Food Preservation - I'm curious now about any 'new' regs like the adding of lemon juice to tomatoes, etc. Has there been anything noteworthy that we should know? I'm being asked to teach a handful of friends this summer and want to make sure I'm all up to date. Thanks!
  10. You can also buy it in bulk from brewing supply companies. I did - and shared it among people who took our canning classes. It was around $4 for a huge bag, almost 4-6 times more than what you would buy with the 'brand name' in the jar. Works the same - just cheaper!
  11. I've done this - and they are fine. I seared the patties, used hot water, and processed them accordingly. I was able to fit 5 patties in a wide mouth pint jar, perfect for the two of us. What I did notice, however, is that the meat will have a different texture. This is because the meat is ground, seared, then cooked again in the jar and then altered again when you heat it. The proteins in the meat that are usually set ONCE are set a few different times. If you can get around the texture (which for some is no biggie), I think it's a great thing to have on the shelves. I make a gravy from mushrooms soup, add a can of mushrooms, a home canned jar of green beans, and some instant potates for a super fast supper.
  12. It is now the middle of June. Whoosh. As most of you know, early April saw my mom placed in a Adult Foster Home. She protested and caused waves, tried to manipulate people and circumstances, complained, and tried to blame me. Meanwhile, I had to sort through their apartment. It took me much longer than I thought it would – one bedroom of the two bedroom apartment was literally packed to the ceiling with boxes – most of which had items that were slated for donation. In a nutshell, I saved the important stuff. I saved their clothes, their Christian books and teaching dvds and some entertainment dvds. I saved the china and some ‘pretties’ from the china cabinet that I knew were family heirlooms. I also saved some things for a kitchen, including a very expensive water filter, should they have a small apartment within the next year. Unfortunately, the rest had such a horrible smell – and we were so limited on space, the Guardian had to have an estate company come through and liquidate. It was a blessing, for there was no way I could save all their things and move them – and clean the apartment. They did all that – and I was grateful. Now, had the Guardian or a Professional Service done the cleaning, aside from ‘personals’ like clothes or a specific item, it all would have been sold. Everything that had value would have been sold – and I was grateful I could keep the things I did. May saw us tackle the storage unit. This was a 10x12x14 unit that I could not do without my husband’s help, for my dad had stuff stacked to the ceiling like a monkey puzzle. There was furniture and boxes weaseled inside each other that when you moved one thing, it all came tumbing down. More than once, my husband commented, “Well, whatever is in here will fall, so if it’s breakable, I guess we’ll know in a hurry.” I did find family photo albums, negatives and slides that I need to archive – all of which need sorting – something to be done during the winter or a vacation day. However, well over 95% of what was so sacred in that storage unit was literally junk. Some boxes hadn’t been unpacked in over a decade, some even longer. I can’t believe the attachment to useless stuff. The bad news is that as a result of all the dust, mice poo and mold, my allergies that had already kicked up and by the end of the storage unit cleaning, I had upper respiratory bronchitis that required two different sets of antibiotics and two different inhalers. My husband also needed antibiotics for a wicked cold and sinus infection. We are both well now, thankfully. Last week, however, the hooey hit the fan. Mom kept calling and blowing up my voicemail - bothering me about what I had saved and just in general being a brat. Finally, the Guardian had a chat with her about all of her possessions and the beater cars. After the conversation, Mom called me quite emotional demanding to know why I let things happen. I assured her that whatever help I received was a blessing and reminded her about the smelly items – the overwhelming smell of trash, mouse poo, dirt, cooking odors, rancid oil, ketones, and adult diapers that permeated everything because of the state of the house. (For lack of better description, my husband and I are dubbing the smell, ‘It’, for It is largely indescribable and cannot be removed from clothes, shoes, hair, or other items. It sticks around and has burned Itself into our subconsciousness.) I assured her that we kept what we could but it wasn’t a lot – their possessions are in a tarp shed in our driveway. Dad’s tools are in a tarp shed behind our garage. She was in tears – lamenting and blaming me for throwing their stuff away. At the time, there was nothing I could say or do – I just let her rant. She was acting out due to anger and hurt. The next day, however, she called and apologized. I was secretly wondering if the health care staff had slipped her a valium or some thorazine. She said she prayed and God gave her peace. She said she realized how hard it had been on me – and that it was because of me that so many things got saved. Before I could blink, however, in the next breath, she was demanding to know itemizations again. I did thank her for the apology and assured her it had not been a pleasant journey for me – it made me sick, took time away from my home and husband, and even searching for a job. And – no- it did not give me joy to go through my parents’ possessions with them still alive. We did ‘make peace’, though I’m not lowering my guard. I’ve simply been through too much to step back into the abuse cycle. I am still dealing with the excess from the storage shed – I had to toss a bunch of files into boxes and leave them on my porch for recycling day. That is being cleared out this week and I will have my porch back. How will I celebrate? I will buy a new patio set. Total – my husband and I made 25 truckloads to Donation. At the apartment, we filled 4 dumpsters and 8 recycling bins. A separate list for another post is all the junk we found. If there is any advice I could leave anyone with – it’s this: Don’t accumulate what you don’t use. Rotate your groceries. If you don’t use something inside of a couple of years – why are you keeping it? This can apply to clothes, furniture, anything that causes clutter. Make everything have a place and put everything in its place. The plus side from all this? I’ve been so active, I’ve been running my butt off. I have an entire tote of clothes I can wear that I’ve not been able to fit in years.
  13. My niece was late to potty train because of lazy parenting. Grandpa stepped in with "fairy wings", halo, wand, and skirt. She earned the wand first. Then the halo. The wings she wanted most, so those were last. I can't recall what finally clinched it, but I think seeing the wings pinned to the wall just beyond her reach was torture. Kid was more than ready - just needed the discipline to do it.
  14. Daylily- Yes. My mother became gestationally diabetic with my younger sister in the 70's. It never went away and turned into type II Diabetes. Doctors now know that this is quite typical in many women, particularly those who have genetic predisposition and lean toward the larger sizes. She should have been taking oral or injectable meds for most of my life. Up unitl the past 6 or 7 years, she had not been treating her diabetes. Her reason? Pfft - The doctors don't know anything and God had healed her. I do know this for fact by reading her medical records. It was recommended a number of times that she try various meds - and scrips were written - they were not expensive meds, she just didn't want to take them. The doctors said "modify your diet and exercise" she chose not to. Sadly, she broke her hip about 7 or so years ago and couldn't feel a thing. Re-broke it, then it began to hurt. Finally went into the hospital 3 MONTHS LATER and required surgery. They couldn't do surgery immedately because her glucose was around 700. It took 4 days to titrate her down to a safe level. She did have hip surgery, then a couple of months later had cataract surgery (she was 58) and there they discovered glaucoma so severe it couldn't be treated. The past 6 years she's had no more than 20% sight. SO, YES. She knew, she made a choice, and now this choice is biting her in the rear. She is also still under the illusion that God will miraculously heal her. She does aquiesce to take meds now, but only because without them, she is sicker - that and the state health providers have said "We will not service you if you don't take your meds." And this, my friends, is what is driving me to exercise and drop weight (not that I am morbidly obese, but I am a curvy girl). I am painfully aware of my medical and genetic predispositions. However, if there is anything in my power to NOT become my mom, I am doing it. Hence, why most morinings, I'm at the gym. I do know that diabetes and perhaps other health issues may well catch up with me at some point, but at that time, I will know that I will have done everything in my power to keep it at bay - I will own them. They will never own me.
  15. One of the first things I did was to arrange that Dad have a Bible. I had to order a new one from Amazon and have it sent - he has had a lot of time to read. Then, so he could talk to my mom, I had to arrange minutes on an inmate account so he could call long distance (remember he's a state away). The Guardian will add minutes as she can, but it may not happen often. And finally, I paid the $20 ticket left on my dad's truck because should it be left unchecked, it will triple and upon getting out of prison, he could be sent back in for non-payment. I thought - it's $20 - why not just take care of it? After all, I would want someone to do the same for me. I was asked by the Guardian to limit my time over there - and after the couple of incidents with waste, I had to. I'm a tough cookie, but it was more psychologically difficult than I thought it would be. And the Guardian was right - it gives the caregivers a chance to truly assess her needs and find her the best placement possible. I still have no idea where they will place her. Ideally, they only want to do it once - it an assisted living place where Dad can join her when he gets back. However, placements are very few. They may have to place her in adult foster care until they find an apartment. Mom is calling this experience 'her own prison'...though she hasn't come out and said "It's your job to take care of me", she has certainly implied it. There's no amount of logic or truth that will help explain that my mom's health status is largely her own doing. She was informed 35 years ago that she was diabetic and encouraged multiple times over the years to start oral meds - both for glucose and blood pressure. She made the choice not to and it is now affecting her health greater than she ever thought possible.
  16. Hi everyone, Just wanted to send a request for prayers and an update about my folks. Well, back in December, the Licensed Public Guardian took completely over. The past few months have been a bit of a harsh reality for my folks, for in addition to stopping our financial and physical support during the summer, they have had to cut corners and budget...which is terribly hard for someone with dementia to do. In a nutshell, this past week has been hell. I am so grateful I had the Guardian and her staff in place. On Monday my dad's criminal case came to a head. He took a plea bargain and has a 6 month sentence. He was immediately taken into custody. I got a frantic phone call from my mom late Monday night saying dad was in jail and I needed to get the car. My husband and I drove to their apartment while I had the guardian on the phone. She had NO IDEA this was happening, for the attorney hadn't been in communication with her, neither had dad. We had no idea he was taking the plea bargain and no idea it would happen this week. So. This has left Mom alone - handicapped, blind, and unable to care for herself. The Guardian has been scrambling like mad to have Home Health Care workers come in and assist her with laundry, bedding, and meals. I was there for three days this week. . . and had a couple of melt-downs myself. Tuesday, the house was a wreck, so I and the Health worker cleaned - the kitchen mostly, for I had no idea what they had to eat. Dad said he had needed to get food from the Food Bank because there was no food - but the cupboard and freezers were PACKED. Absolutely jammed full! I threw out two kitchen bags of trash and half a sink full of questionable food down the disposal. So. The guardian will place my mom into assisted living as soon as possible. What caused me to 'snap' this week was my mom's health conditions and the fact that she is in denial about it. She had a case worker come in and do a reassessment - and lied. She said she was showing improvement, NOT needing more help, contrary to my words. Tuesday when I went over, her bed sheets were full of dried waste. We pulled the sheets down to the mattress cover and had to wash it too. The bed will not be savable. I am so glad it will be disposed of - it hasn't been suitable for sleeping in years. The health care worker and I worked our tails off. The next day, I came in to find waste tracked on the carpet down the hall, into both bathrooms, and by the bed. Evidently there was an accident. Not only did she not know about it, but she didn't clean herself up. When I suggested she take a shower, I helped her undress and there was dried waste on her body...from the waste down...down her leg, and into her socks...she had waste between her toes. She assured me she could clean herself and I kept peeking to look. She did, but refused the help of the worker for bathing - something they are SKILLED to provide. I was appalled, shocked, dismayed, horrified, and any other number of terms. I sent an email to the guardian and thankfully, the health care worker showed up and dealt with it while I had a little melt down. When the guardian came later to tell her she had to move into assisted living, she refused to listen. I had to take her hands off her ears, and say, "Mama. you can't stay here. Daddy's social security is what was paying rent and your bills. It goes away while he's in prison and will take a while to get back. You don't have the money to live here. I'm sorry, but you can't live with us we don't have room and I don't have the skills to take care of you." She cried and yelled...and said it was nor fair. I don't think she said it was my fault, but it was implied. The guardian and her assistant have had a heck of a time finding a place for her because they didn't have *TIME*. They needed a few weeks and Dad didn't give them that. So. They will give last month's notice and Mom will be somewhere soon. Meanwhile do you know what nasty job is left? My parent's storage unit. Oh, yes. I knew 18 months ago that it would fall to me and I was right. Well, I'm stronger now and much better equipped to deal with it. Doesn't mean I want to. Dad has communicated that he wants a few things to go a few specific places. I will do my best to honor his request. My husband reminded me that there are people who we know that will do a day's labor here and there for a reasonable sum and I will need to employ them for I will not throw out my shoulder or damage myself in any way. The guardian asked me why I'm doing this and I told her: 1. It's the last way I can honor my parents. I wouldn't want a stranger going through my stuff. 2. I want to see all the financial papers from my childhood (which they've saved) so I can better understand why they've been so financially stupid all of my life, if there can be an explanation for such a thing. 3. There are possessions mixed in with the trash that need sorting. She understood, God bless her. I assured her that I will lay eyes on the storage this weekend and will make a plan of action and get it done. It will be sheer hell, but at least we have a month and not a week like we had cleaning their house a year and a half ago. She did remind me that I was not obligated in any way financially or time-wise. She could call in people to 'take care of things'. I asked her what that meant. She explained. Usually when someone will be moved into assisted living, they take their things with them. Anything left behind is left for the workers to keep or sell. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. So, you literally have people picking through your stuff like vultures - worse than an estate sale. I said NO. I'll deal with it. Find her a place. My husband and I will pay storage for 6 months on what personals and possessions they need to keep - like the precious things. We will pay for a small unit for 6 months. At $50, we will do that. I also realize that it will be extremely hard on my dad to come back to a different place, with different possessions, with different things. I want to save the important things for him. Also, I'm also very afraid to share this, but as strong of a person as my mom is, assisted living may do her in. Prison will age my dad. I've a very strong feeling that I can't explain that she will hang on for him, they will have a happy reunion, and then within the next year one or both of them will pass on. I can't explain it, I just sense it. I hope to God I'm wrong, but when I've had this type of 'second sight' in the past, I've always been right. So. Over the past week, I've had a couple of melt downs. I had no idea my mom's care was needing to be so intense. I had no idea Dad had covered over so much and was so enabling. I will not step into the caregiver role or rescuer. I will do what I would want someone to do for me - hold my things and respectfully pack my stuff. I will do it out of honor and respect, knowing that they are aging and may not live long. That is all I can do.
  17. Oh my, ladies - you are indeed fabulous! I will forever remember the line "If I want to be treated like dirt, I'll sit next to a shovel." I have engaged in a bit of therapeutic self-talk. The cats look at me as if I'm crazy, but these days, it's not too far from the truth. The drama this week was that dad failed to plan for gas to his court date. He asked me to drive him, I wanted him to meet at my house, like we've always done. "Oh, I don't have enough gas to get over there. You can get money, right?" I conveniently became busy and involved the guardian. She and his attorney encouraged him "You do need to show up even though we're resetting the trial date becuase if you don't it's an automatic bench warrant." Dad has seen this handed down many times. So what happened, you ask? The guardian also send an email with this zinger enclosed, "Should you choose not to attend tomorrow, I must know now so I can provide for your wife's care during your incarceration." Oh yes, she's that pointed and that fantastic. I actually gave a little whoop and holler when I read that - for this is who I *am* in daily life, but who I can't be with my folks. Somehow, don't ask me how, Dad found gas money to drive the 25 miles to the courthouse and back. He did show. No story yet on where he got the money or who drove him, if he had someone drive him. I was so exhausted yesterday - not knowing if he went or not, or if there would be a bench warrant. I forced myself to let go and not care. The not caring was the hardest part - for I do love my parents, I just can't and won't stand for the abuse any more. So, I have a few errands today and one small trip to the grocer before the crazies come out. I need ice cream, of all things, for the apple pie my husband has requested. Happy holiday everyone!
  18. I recently joined a co-op, called Bountiful Basekts -it's open in so many areas. For $15, and a we get a huge portion of fruits and veggies. I've had so much that I've been sharing. It's really fabulous. You can do every week, but for the two of us, it's about right every other week.
  19. I realized it's been awhile since I've posted on here, so here's an update. It's been crazy. In early October, I did mention that I was railroaded by them for 45 minutes. It happened again in early November for about 20 minutes, and then a week or so ago for 8-10 minutes. Why is it getting shorter, you ask? Because I'm getting bolder. Something inside me has simply reached maximim capacity and snapped. I've reached my limit for both tolerance and ability to deal with unnecessary drama. I've also stopped being a doormat and I'm slowly extricating myself from being a handy part of their dysfunction. This past month, Dad's SS was cut because he had to start paying medicare costs, thank you, Mr. Obama. They took $300, the equivalent of what his monthly bills are. I had to work with the guardian to decide what to pay and what not to pay. I let her make all the decisions and I just scribbled the checks. This means that some hard decisions will have to be made about their living status as well as their care. This is EXACTLY why I pulled in the professional guardian, because I saw this happening a year ago and knew that I wouldn't be able to deal with it. About a week ago, Dad told me mom was out of meds. It was a mix-up, because I thought the new guardian was taking care of it, she thought I was. I took ownership and filled all the scrips and of course, my mom had a fit. Somewhere along the line, Dad has either been buying insulin from a pharmacy using cash or he has not been dosing my mom correctly. He still had a full bottle of one type of insulin left. I was yelled at for getting the wrong kind, even though he told me specifically what to get. He told me to return the insulin and give them the cash, never mind telling the guardian, for they were starving. (Mind you, they have a full freezer and a full pantry - they are NOT starving in any way, shape, or form.) I was also yelled at for getting a generic meter and strips because Mom could not afford the name brand glucose test strips (They were 1/3 of the price.) After the third time of being yelled at for being careless and irresponsible, and having my mom turn on the tears to try and manipulate me, I politely excused myself left. I then realized I was DONE. I had done all I could with a giving and willing heart - for *years* I had supported them, even in their dysfunction and tried to honor them as an adult child should. My professional life as suffered, I had put my education on hold, my own finances suffered, and so had my marriage. I was done. I realized that my parent's lack of good decisions were not mine to deal with - they are THEIRS. Their lifetime of bad financial choices did not automatically make me their savior because I am their daughter. I am their *daughter*, not a bank, care giver, gas station, grocery, pharmacy, or myriad of other things. I am under no obligation to provide for them because they have failed to plan or provide for themselves. After venting to the guardian, I asked to be removed from the process of their care. I just can't handle it any more. The guardian noted that something that I hadn't completely recognized before - and I must say it was terribly vindicating to hear her say it - that my parents were being quite abusive and blaming me for it. I recognize that I have done more than 90% of people would have and while a part of me still wishes I could have done better, the larger part of me knows it was impossible and I was set up to fail because of my parents' dysfunction. I am relieved that they will be cared for, and I know I still have work to do. I will be the one to sort through and deal with their storage unit - for the guardian says she would like me to - and I do want to at least get copies of family photos and things before I entrust them to Dad's care. So. The holidays will no doubt see us in a further bad light, for I have drawn a line - not in sand but in concrete. My husband and I are not doing holidays with any family this year - AT ALL - on his side or mine. I value my marriage and my sanity too much. We are spending it alone. My husband has requested roasted chicken and the sides of thanksgiving - potatoes, pickles, olives, cranberry sauce...and my special apple pie. I'm happy to do it with a happy heart. You will be happy to know this - One thing I've started doing when my parents rain down abuse is that I turn it to good - I tangibly do something good for someone else. A week ago, on the evening of that stressful encounter, I made my husband a special dinner. He emerged from a hot shower after a cold day outside to find beef tips with mushroom sauce, potatoes, and salad. As he blinked in stunned silence for this special dinner mid-week, his teasing comment was, "Wow. I think you should get mad more often." This week, I am exercising my right to a drama-free holiday and giving away my turkey, the trimmings, and other things to a needy college student who is so broke she can barely afford gas to finish the term. This way, not only can I say, "I'm not doing turkey this year, so no, you can't come over", but a poor college kid and her boyfriend (and probable friends) get to have a decent meal they otherwise couldn't afford. And yes, a grocery card will be included with the box, for there's always *something* you need or don't have, and you also have to eat after the turkey is picked clean. I so wish someone would have done something like that for me when I was in college... Blessings to you all - I wish you the happiest and most drama-free of turkey days.
  20. Well. After my meeting with the new guardian last week, I'm still on the hook, in some form, probably through the end of the year. Wanna know why? It's simple really. While the court papers have gone through (standard 10 day or so processing), it's going to take at least that long to get Social Security and VA straightened around. Also, the more key point - she's wanting me to *prove* and her to *prove* via documentation, that my parents need more intervention than they are currently getting. I'm all for it. I assured the guardian that whatever needed to happen, I would help her do. I would not be remiss in anticipating that by the beginning of the year, they may be moved into a new place to assist them with meds and help them with their health. So. Not free yet. Still have tons of paperwork sitting here. Probably will for the next few months. *sigh*
  21. Thank you for all your kind comments and encouraging replies. The past month has been rough. I did make it through my Dissertation defense in late August. My changes were made and accepted by the university. My student account has been closed and I am now officially "Dr.". To further enforce the point, the diploma came in the mail last week. To tell you the truth, I've been rather out of sorts trying to find a new project. It's been unsettling at best. This has taken literally *years*. I thought I would be able to get back into sub-teaching right away. Well, there were changes made over the last year that I wasn't made aware of. Because of the issues with my folks, I didn't sub the required minimal hours last year because I wasn't aware there were any. Therefore, I didn't get carried over into the new system. They aren't opening up the system until late fall or late spring. So, I was very much in a panic over income. Thankfully, this week, I was able to pick up another private student twice a week. That will be quite helpful. I was really upset when I discovered this, for it hit me like the proverbial rake in the face, for I realized yet again, that in dealing with my parents' drama, my career has taken a rather expensive hit. Yet again, another financial impact because of their issues. About my folks - well, last you heard was the Fruit Basket Upset when the Guardian told them I was leaving and getting a professional replacement. To use the phrase 'acting out' since then is putting things mildly. Near the beginning of last month, I took by their rent check and dropped off some gas cards and grocery cards. I also had some Costco things and items I ordered from online - sanitary supplies and other hygiene things. In a nutshell, they railroaded me for 45 minutes and said they were unhappy with my work, they needed more money, they didn't have health issues, and there was no need for my help. They were put out that I got them what they needed, how dare I do anything beyond it, etc. etc. etc. There was nothing I could say or do, so I said nothing. I stood there and I took it. As I left, my hands were shaking. I got home and I was so angry I was actually yelling- something that is really rare for me. I've had a few email interactions, demanding meds, demanding money, implying that I've been making choices without their input, and Dad has even been harassing the new guardian every other day demanding money telling her that their needs aren't being met. She is definitely going to get more than she bargained for. I will be meeting with the new guardian on Thursday, she is coming over for lunch. I will hand off all paperwork. I will still be dealing with finances in some regard until SS & VA are deposited into her accounts, so the freedom will be gradual. I honestly have to say that I will be so relieved when I will not be involved anymore. I expect to be completely extricated by the end of the year. It will take that long to deal with the change of finances. Right now, I have little hope (almost zero, really), that the relationship is salvageable. My parents view me as someone who has betrayed them, Zero hope and not caring are not characteristic of my usually sunny and optimistic disposition. Friday after court, I came home very sad and burdened. I fully realize that decades of poor decision making have rendered my parents incapable of anything but poor choices. I know I made the right choice on their behalf, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. My husband and I are thinking of taking the holidays at the coast *alone* this year or perhaps in Alaska...or maybe the Bermuda Triangle. Someplace far, far away...and without drama. I think we deserve it. We could leave presents for the nephews around Thanksgiving. Sounds more appealing by the minute. ~ ~ ~ ~ In writing this, I was interrupted a number of times. I just discovered that my dad authorized a new phone line because he was tired of waiting for me to take action. I have no idea who it is with or when, but he informed everyone, including the new guardian of their number but ME. He doesn't understand that he can't make decisions like this anymore.
  22. Doctor of Education, specialty in Education Leadership & Development At least some wise acre didn't say "Dr. Who....wooo wooo wooo" like the tv show, lol I was at a BBQ with some friends and my friends husband wrote on my red cup "Dr Is In" It took me a TOTAL of 9 years...I took a year and a half off 1.2 year then 1 full year for personal issues...so cumulative, 7.5 years. 5 years of that was solid class work. It's very surreal to not have a deadline to be working towards. I've been excavating the study (notice the adjective!) and so far have accumulated 4 bags of recycling. It's amazing how things get away from you when you're busy.
  23. Hello everyone. Well, it's official, the dissertation is DONE. I turned it in on Friday. Now, I'm awaiting all the offices to clear me and I will have transcripts. Do you hear that? It's the angels singing. And on the heels of this wonderful celebration, my mom fell. She says she's 'sore' but won't let me take her into the doctor. I can't argue with her, so the new guardian gets to. Speaking of, the new guardian is appointed on the 21st of this month. I will be working with her quite closely, for she's not about 'taking over' but making good decisions. Dad has a court date this week...they decide whether or not his case is going to trial. I have a very strong suspicion things are going to head south very soon. And finally, my car, the little puttputt that's lasted 12 years has begun the death rattle. It has 236,000 miles on an engine designed for half that. Yet another chore for the week. Hugs to all!
  24. SkagitGal - yes, I had to view my parents as strangers would - that started last year when my husband and I intervened and moved them. That pespective - viewing them as strangers would - has kept me sane and involved to this point, and yes, seeking a new guardian. It's enabled me to see AGAIN, anew if you will, their dysfunction. While it would be terribly sad if they didn't speak to me anymore, it's happened before. I can handle it again. The sad thing - with this recent eye drop medicine mix-up, I realize Dad did it on PURPOSE, so he could return an 'extra' drug and get CASH because he thinks I'm starving him. When the social worker was helping me understand this behavior, I attributed the extra medicine (Mom already had 3) to hoarding....never even crossed my mind that he would try to manipulate for cash. During our conversation, the new guardian was asking specifics about their care, ability to care for themselves, etc. It will not surprise me if they will be moving very soon and into a smaller place or extended care facility. It's not something I could do for them. This entire process has made me very grateful for those people who are *called* like this new guardian to work with people in difficult situations and can move the government to work on their behalf more than I ever could on my own. Also not sending hundreds of dollars my parents' way has allowed my husband and I to really fill some voids in our pantry & bobs.
  25. Just minutes after posting, I heard from both the guardian and the DSHS worker. I brought the guardian up to speed on some things, and she was very helpful. She will be meeting my parents on Monday and I will be meeting her next week sometime after my defense. She hasn't been handed the case by the courts yet, but she is big on preparing for a smooth transition. The DSHS worker confirmed what I knew to be true for months, that my mom's papers are in some sort of vacuum....so she started the ball rolling again. It's very nice to be commended by people I've never met face to face - they both said that I did all I could and I was wise to involve professionals. It doesn't help with my processing right this very minute, but its nice to know.
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