Humorous Sayings...

[Amishway Homesteaders]

Recently read Bet Your Bottom Dollar by Karin Gillespie and at the beginning of each chapter were funny sayings. So I thought I would share with ya'll!

 

If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.

 

Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

 

My aim is to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim will help.

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

 

Warning! In case of rapture this car will be unmanned.

 

Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?

 

Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror.

 

If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

 

Jesus is the quicker picker-upper.

 

Instant Redneck: Jast Add Beer

 

Bacteria is the only culture some people have.

 

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

 

Even Jesus had a fish story.

 

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 

When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.

 

People are like tea bags. You gotta put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

 

Never test the waters with both feet.

 

Still hot! Now it just comes in flashes.

 

Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

 

Do not disturb! I'm disturbed enough already.

 

 

I really enjoyed this book and just starting 2nd book in series and if you enjoy these I might have more to post!

 

Lori

[Jewlzm]

Those are very cute Lori! Thank you for posting them.

[PureCajunSunshine]

Yes, post more of those sayings! I love to collect them.

 

Here's a couple from my notebook:

 

"Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems but it makes things more acceptable for a while."

 

"Motherhood: Boundless joy surrounded by bottomless pits"

 

--Sharon

[WiccadStargazer]

Trying to raise a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree.

 

 

My family is like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.

[Amishway Homesteaders]

OK, back by popular demand! These sayings are from Book 2- A Dollar Short by Karin Gillespie.

 

Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdown. Ever notice how all women's problems begin with men?

 

It takes forty-six muscles to smile, but only four to flip someone the bird.

 

My reality check just bounced.

 

Men are like pantyhose. They run when you need them.

 

If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.

 

Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.

 

Some family trees bear lots of nuts.

 

The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard.

 

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell.

 

If our food and drink don't meet your standards, please lower your standards.

 

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

 

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

 

Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in Hell.

 

Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

 

Are you following Jesus this closely? (bumper sticker)

 

When everything is going your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

 

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

 

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

 

Beware of the high cost of low living.

 

If we weren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat? (sign in the butcher shop)

 

Sex after eighty is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

 

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 

No one will win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

 

The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.

 

Life would be easier if everyone read the manual.

 

People in glass houses shouldn't walk around naked.

 

 

Hope you enjoyed these too. I will post from Bk. 3 when I finish reading!

Lori's post

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[HSmom]

Those are great Lori. Thank you!

[Amishway Homesteaders]

OK here we go again. This is from Bk.3 Dollar Daxe by Karin Gillespie- do hope she gets busy and writes Bk. 4-they've been such fun to read! And now for more funny sayings...

 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

 

I use to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 

Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.

 

Jesus is coming. Look busy.

 

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

 

They're not hot flashes, they're power surges.

 

When I married Mr. Right I didn't know his first name was Always.

 

I can resist everything except temptation.

 

Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.

 

When Blondes have fun do they know it?

 

What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?

 

If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.

 

Go braless, It will pull the wrinkles from your face.

 

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

 

Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.

 

Don't be so open-minded your brain falls out.

 

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

 

Wrinkled is not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

 

Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.

 

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

All men are animals, some just make better pets.

 

Church Parking Only. Violators will be baptized.

 

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

 

Being over the hill is much better than being under it.

 

 

[cookiejar]

wonderful!!!!!