SOMEONE UNDER MY BED

[Trip]

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM...

 

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

 

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears...'

 

'How much do you charge?'

 

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

 

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

 

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

 

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

 

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

 

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'

 

 

SO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!

 

 

 

[Deerslayer]

[Amishway Homesteaders]

well THAT should work!

But what about the one in the closet? LOL

[Trip]

well THAT should work!

But what about the one in the closet? LOL

 

 

Closet Monsters are different then under the bed Monsters... the ones under the bed live with dustbunny's and old dirty socks, forgotten sandwichs, not a good "hood" at all while the Closet monsters get clean cloths ( thanks to mom) and at least some daylight...Ya gotta know these things coz in the dark at night ya need to know where the most danger lurks...

[Amishway Homesteaders]

NOW YOU TELL ME ! ROFL

[Necie]

SO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!

 

 

 

[GirlNextDoor]

All of us Mommy's know how to make monster repellent. For the gents in the audience I will share my recipe:

 

TOP SECRET MONSTER REPELLENT RECIPE:

 

1 small spray bottle of water

10 drops lavender essential oil

10 drops of your Mommy's perfume or cologne

 

Put the essential oil and Mommy perfume in the spray bottle of water. Spray liberally under beds, behind dressers, in dark corners and closets, etc. Sleep tight. Reapply once nightly if needed.

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

When my friend left her alcoholic abusive husband (the only dad her kids had ever known) her 7 year old boy had nightmares about "monsters" & woke up in terror convinced they were real. After about 2 months he was basket case & I'm glad it was summer vacation. I cooked up a scheme with my then BF who came over in a white van with a magnetic sign on the side the house was on "Acme Monster Patrol". He wore a white bunny suit and carried a Geiger counter & clip board. "Somebody call for Monster removal?" LOL!

 

He then proceeded to "inspect" the premises all the while telling my girlfriend (for the benefit of the kid who was tagging along) how he saw "no evidence of monsters anyplace--no scales, no claw marks, no strange looking fur--Waitaminute...", he asked the kid, "Do you sleep with a teddy ear or stuffed animals? Well, that explains a lot. Also, you have family dogs and cats which tend to scare away monsters and make great alarm systems because they kick up a huge ruckus when the sense a monster. Dogs can smell a monster 3 miles away and cats can smell a monster almost 5 miles away. Have you had any unexplained instances of the dogs and cats going berserk for no reason? No, I don't just mean chasing each other. I mean for no reason. I knew you would say no because there is no hard evidence you have ever been visited by any monsters at this location." He showed the kid how the Geiger counter was not registering at all when he flourished it around but, the baby food jar of fish scales (& who knows what all else he probably got off his friend the radiologist--also a major nerd) Made the "Monster detector" go off. He also advised the kid to start sleeping with the dog on his bed--just in case--an early detection system.

 

The kid started sleeping through the night immediately. It took almost 4 months to stop wetting the bed. He didn't figure it out until he was about 10--the same time as he figured out about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Meanwhile, I had a couple of geeks who were insufferably pleased with themselves for a few weeks. And I gotta say I was pretty impressed with this simple kindness toward a strange child.