MoonGoddess Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Stolen shamelessly from the Grand Forks Herald This is the best Bird-Flu humour I've seen yet. http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/n...on/14194682.htm COLUMNIST LLOYD OMDAHL : Bird flu pandemic? Town says, 'Count us out' "A pandemic is coming! A pandemic coming! It's on CNN," shouted Orville Jordan, the retired Soo Line depot agent, as he rushed through the door of the community hall where the town's 16 qualified voters were gathering for a special meeting of the Homeland Security Committee. "We know! We know!" Committee Chair Ork Dorken stated firmly as he called the meeting to order by rapping the wobbly table with his Coke bottle. A scramble ensued for the best metal chairs in the hall those without cracks in the seats. With everyone seated, Ork asked Alert Officer Garvey Erfald to explain the urgency of a meeting. "They had this big meeting in Bismarck the other day without inviting us," Garvey reported bitterly. "They talked about chicken flu plans only for schools, businesses and health care places." "Well, that's nothing to get sore about," Johann Kerianski interjected. "We haven't got any of those things." "We already did our part in the sick chicken fight," grumbled Madeleine Morgan. "Einar ate his Bantam rooster, and that got rid of the only feathered thing in town." "The newspaper said we could get pandemic plans on the Internet," Garvey explained. "Are we on the Internet?" Einar Stamstead asked Holger Danske, who was sitting beside him. "I thought we were on Central Valley Rural Water." "Darn it!" Orville exclaimed as he straightened his visor for the third time. "I could sleep a lot better if this plague was an ugly virus spread by Florida alligators instead of sick birds that can fly here from anywhere nonstop. And everybody knows there won't be enough shots to go around, and the small towns will end up with placeboes like always." "At this meeting, they said that a government agency already has a plan FEMA, I think it was." "FEMA!" Madeleine interrupted in disbelief, half rising from her chair. "Did you say FEMA is in charge of the bird flu?" "I'll bet the plan has been privatized," Orville suggested caustically. "We're dead!" "The pandemic is coming, with or without FEMA," Garvey warned, "so we better have a local plan to fight it or reorganize the cemetery. For starters, we need a town ordinance to outlaw chickens and any other birds caught spreading pandemics." "Oh! Good grief! How are we going to keep chickens out of town?" Orville asked incredulously. "We'll add a warning to our speed bump signs: No Sick Chickens Allowed," Johann proposed. "What if terrorists drop sick chickens from airplanes?" worried Orville. "You know they've been talking about terrorists using spray planes in rural areas, and we're pretty close to rural." "Aw, we should just tell FEMA to count us out of this pandemic," Einar suggested as he adjusted the black arm band he was wearing in memory of his pet Bantam. "We can't afford to be in on everything. We're just a small town." "Besides, who's going to decide if our pandemic plan is any good?" queried Holger. "The county coroner, that's who," Ork retorted. "He'll do the body count." "Why don't we wait until the county agent comes around and ask him about the threat of spreading the pandemic with spray planes," Orville suggested, groping for an excuse to end the meeting. Since procrastination seemed to be the best policy, the members considered the problem settled and headed for the door. They were more interested in seeing how the culvert at the west end of Main Street was taking the March melt. Spring runoff was one of the most exciting events of the year. Link to comment
CathyP Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 That's funny! Did anyone catch Mad TV Saturday evening? They did a whole skit on Big Bird giving everybody on Sesame Street Bird Flu. Link to comment
bee1425 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 LOL, UKGuy! More bird flu humor...play the Bird Flu Game! Link to comment
brightblessings5 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 17 birds score:192 Link to comment
ashu12 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 85 birds score 1014 Ma Steel Link to comment
MoonGoddess Posted March 28, 2006 Author Share Posted March 28, 2006 Oh my!! 55 birds with 766 points We're in deeeeep trouble Link to comment
ricardo Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 54 birds That was fun! I like anything with a scope on it. Since we are on bird flu humor my friend sent this to me. Bird Flu A bear, a lion and a chicken meet. Bear says, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear." Lion says, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me." "Big deal!" says the chicken. "I only have to cough, and the whole planet freaks out." Link to comment
MoonGoddess Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 Saw this on Fluwickie, brings back memories but now has a completely different conoctation: Ring a ring o'roses A pocket full of posies A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down Link to comment
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