HapyGirl Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 I need a hug, actually a lot of hugs. I don't want to go into the details I am just so incredibly sad and stressed almost past my capacity to deal with my marriage. Men can be so incredibly thoughtless and stupid! I am going to be sending us both to councelling so don't worry I am getting help with this but I could really use your prayers and support. Quote Link to comment
ozzzyyy Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 (((((((((Becca-Anne))))))))))) You've come to the right place, hon! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 (((((((((((Becca)))))))))))))) Big hug for you sweetie - hang on in there. Love Stargirl Quote Link to comment
edensong Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 It's your's((((((((((Becca))))))))) Many of us have been there. ... it's okay to cry. And call on Jesus Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 (((((((((Becca-Anne))))))))) I'll be praying with you for you and your marriage. When/if you feel like sharing, we'll be here... Quote Link to comment
mrszouave Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Oh Becca......i'll be praying too. HUGE HUGS! love, deb Quote Link to comment
Linda Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Becca....I want you to take your right hand and place it under your left arm now take your left hand and place it over your right upper arm.. now squeeze hard. you just been hugged and then go fine yourself a blankie wrap yourself in it nice and tight. Have a good cry and call upon the Lord. Praying all will work out for you and yours Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 No marriage, in fact, no relationship, is void of conflict...it's unfortunately a natural occurrence...I do not know one person who has not had major ups and downs in their marriage... When my husband and I went into marriage counseling in the early 90's, our counselor described our relationship as thus: When we were first married, we were 2 halves, hooked together, that made a complete circle...what had happen over the years, is that I grew to be a complete circle on my own, while he remained still a half...and the goal and the work that needed to be done was that he had to complete his own circle, so that both of us, as individual circles, could then cross our circles over the other, and that would be when our relationship would grow to where it needed to be. And I remember telling her that I felt like we were 2 islands living in the same home, and she said to me, "Can't you throw him a rope to hold onto on his island?". I replied no, I could not at that time. She then said to me, "Can you throw him a string that can potentially break?". I told her I could do that. That was the beginning of rebuilding a relationship that had somewhere, over time, gotten off track... Only you know your circumstances, those were just a few of mine, but it's important to me that you know and understand that you are not alone. We've all been there... (((((((((((((becca)))))))))))))) I'll keep you in my prayers, my friend. Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 (((((((((BIG-HUG)))))))))) Becca! I'll be keeping you in Prayer for the Lord to take care of you and your marriage! Friend know it will be ok.... Quote Link to comment
logcabinmama Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 ((((((((((Becca)))))))))) Will be praying for you and your DH. Quote Link to comment
Homesteader Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Hang on Dearie. This too shall pass!!! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 You and your DH are in my prayers, Becca-Anne. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Becca-Anne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Quote Link to comment
HapyGirl Posted February 3, 2003 Author Share Posted February 3, 2003 Thank you all so much! Your support means the world to me. I realize it si no reflection on me but I was reluctant to expalin why because his behaviour was so embarrasing and humiliating to me. After thinking about it I decided to post because it is his issue not mine and I deserve to be comforted! Hopefully the councelling will help him see that his behaviour is wrong and is damaging my heart and spirit and if he continues he will end up alone Your prayers mean the world to me. I am so grateful for your love and support! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 OH ((((BECCA)))) I'm so sorry for you.I know almost exactly what you are feeling. I am going through the same thing, except that my legal spouse has chosen to care about the same gender that he is. Please know that you are good. Please know that any abuse that you have gone through is anger he has towards himself. Please DO NOT turn to alchohol or other destructive means of self medication. Please turn to us. Please turn to your friends, your professionals, your pastor. Please turn to God. Please take care of yourself because YOU ARE GOOD. Quote Link to comment
Goose Liver Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Big hugs Becca-Anne...take care of yourself.....if you need to talk you know where we are..... Quote Link to comment
HapyGirl Posted February 3, 2003 Author Share Posted February 3, 2003 Don't worry I am taking care of myself. I figured it was better to mellow out than break things in front of my children yesterday, but I promise not to make it a habit. I actually don't even drink in general except on holidays. DH is supposed to make an individual councelling apt with a councellor recommended to me by my best friend, and I am going to get a reference for a marriage councellor today from a psychologist friend of mine. I will be installing net nanny on all our computers and depending on the councellors advise I will decide what else needs to be done. Unfortunately I can't just get rid of it, because his job requires him to have internet access from home, and his computer is needs to be available 24/7. The door to his office is going to be removed and he will have to prove to me his computer is clean- I know where to look. I will change the password to give him access for his work and when he gets to use the internet. It is annoying and frustrating to have to treat him like a child, but if that's what it takes that is what I will do. I told him there is the barest thread of hope in my heart alive that he will have to strengthen with lots of effort on his part. I am not pushing him away emotionally or physically, it is up to him to do the work neccesary to fix this. I can only promise that if he does I will still be willing to try. Now that he knows that the consequences are absolutely he is out on his ear if he doesn't comply 110% I think he is crystal clear what the cost of failure is. I was able to talk to my mom about this and she gave me some good advise and hope that no matter how broken that this is still fixable if he makes the effort. She went through something similar in her marriage a few years ago which we had talked about so I knew I could approach her for support and help without fearing that she would hate my husband forever. I also have a very best friend that I can talk to about this so I have lots of RL support too. Thank you all for your prayers! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 ((((((((((((((((((((((((Becca))))))))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Becca, I'm so glad you can trust your Mom. Having a friendship with my Mom saved my marriage and possibly my DD's and my life, and for sure my DH's life. I really didn't have the problems that you are having, but had a whole set of problems of our own. Different and yet the same. Our marriage, like you said, was in his hands. I had put myself through so much, that I finally just gave it up to God and said that if DH really wanted his family back, he was going to have to work at it. And our relationship was as broken as they come. So don't loose hope. Give your relationship to the Lord, and He WILL take care of you...even if your DH doesn't do his part. I will be praying and trusting with you that he will. (((((((Becca))))))) BTW, DH and I have been back together for over a year now...more in love than ever, and with a deeper commitment (from both sides, but especially his) to our realtionship and family. Quote Link to comment
HapyGirl Posted February 3, 2003 Author Share Posted February 3, 2003 Thank you Happygirl. I appriciate your support so much! DH is making his councelling apt and I am getting a reference for me today. It will never be the same, but just maye we can salvage something worthwhile from the ashes. Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 {{{{Becca Anne}}}} Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 Still praying for you {{{{Becca}}}} Quote Link to comment
Dee Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 BIG HUGS FOR YA BECCA! You know Darlene gave a perfect example of how relationships in marriage evolve some times and how they can be repaired if two people are willing to work together. Your in my prayers and I always have a hug for ya... Quote Link to comment
logcabinmama Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 Becca, I will continue to pray for you and this situation. Dr. Phil had something on one of his first programs about things like this. I don't know if he would have anything on his site or not. I am glad your DH is going to get counseling. (((((Becca))))) Quote Link to comment
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