ROBIE Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 We've all seen the 10 rules for Dating my Daughter. Well, here is a version for the moms (or dads) who have sons that have or will be hurt by girls! Rule 1: If my son gathers his courage and asks you for a date, this is not an opportunity to run all your errands with my car, Sweetie. You will not ask him to take you on any little side trips to anywhere, especially the mall where he will be expected to tag along after you as you use him first as your personal chauffeur, then as your bearer for your packages. He has his heart and soul wrapped up in taking you out, for whatever reason that may be, and he has a heart of GOLD! Very Simply You WILL NOT take advantage of him. This simply will not happen, right? And therefore, I simply will not hustle your shapely little behind down my front steps to dump you in the trunk with your precious packages and UPS the entire bundle to Tibet, either..... Right??? Rule 2: You Do Not touch my son in front of me, PERIOD! No clinging, no hugging, not even holding hands! You may glance at him, but any glances going beneath the belt will get you an immediate expulsion from my house. You will find your feet hitting the pavement faster than your gum-smacking mouth can shriek, "What? What did I do??" Rule 3: I am aware that is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear the bottom of their shirts ripped off, where any sudden movements of yourself threaten to expose yourself to any casual passerby, or with necklines so low that your breasts nearly tumble out, so please don't take this as an insult, but you and your friends are all Moronic Sluts! Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose a compromise: You may come to the door with breasts hanging out, and looking like you are trying to get a job with Hugh Hefner, and I will not object. However, to ensure that your shirt does not expose any unintended flesh, I will feel free to helpfully use my hot glue gun to fasten it to your midriff and/or chest. Watch the makeup, while you're at it, too. Should you show up with your face painted garish colors and reeking of perfume like the (bad word) of Babylon, I will take the pleasure of helpfully introducing you to a scrub brush and a bar of Lava soap... Rule 4: I'm sure you are enlightened about sex, and have the latest information on diseases and methods of contraception. You may even be using one of these methods "just in case". Yes, I am sure you are well-informed. Well, I'd like to offer you one wee extra bit of information for your general edification - If even THINK of touching my son in an intimate fashion, I will break every bone in your hands! -No Questions Asked - just to helpfully remind you of my favorite method of contraception, which is called the nifty new "idea" of abstinence until marriage... Rule 5: I have noted that the recent fashions have tended towards piercing various, shall we say "interesting" body parts. I have no problem with your basic eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue, or belly button - honest - but be aware that, with only the most helpful of intentions, I also have a rather large pair of pliers in my toolbox. (Yes my toolbox, not my craft box. I really do want to be helpful!) Rule 6: I have no doubt you are a popular girl, and you may have the whole football team panting after you. This is fine, as long as it is ok with my son. Otherwise, after you have gone out with my darling boy, you will continue to date NO ONE BUT HIM until you come to an amicable agreement to separate. If you break his heart, I will most assuredly make you wish you'd never been born, dear. Rule 7: Should you happen to stop here, please remember there is still such a thing as *manners*. As you stand in the hallway, waiting for my son to appear, do not sigh and fidget, and do not snap your gum. He is hurrying as fast as he can. He's not only driving you, but he's buying your movie ticket. In fact, actually, now that I think about it, thanks so much for stopping over. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like VACUUMING? Rule 8: You may also be enlightened as to the use of many natural herbal substances or crystallized and powder substances. We're not even going to mention things that can be injected, are we? If I ever think you have even a small glimmer of intent to educating my son regarding these substances, I will be educating Officer Krupky about your general existence - just to be helpful - and to ensure your general good health. Rule 9: Do Not Lie to me! I may appear to be a Graying, middle-aged, not-kewl wanna-be. But on issues relating to my son, I am the ALL-KNOWING, ALL-POWERFUL and MERCILESS GODDESS (or God, if you're the dad) of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have *one* chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! I have been known to speed up slow answers by grabbing the back of the jeans with one hand, and the back of the hair with the other, and reintroducing them to the front walk. DON'T LIE, speak swiftly, and don't say "ummmmm".... Rule 10: BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID! Schizophrenia may very well run in families, they're not quite sure... and I am about the same age as my dearly departed grandmother when she snapped from stress and completely lost it. Family legend has it that she would greet my father's unacceptable dates with carving knife in hand... so try not to stress me out... yeah that's it! Try *very* hard not to stress me out. See, I have a very nice set of chef knives in my kitchen, myself... Grandma would have loved them... and I'm not kidding, not one tiny bit! Have fun kids!!!! (But not too much!) Robie Link to comment
themartianchick Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 My stepson in in his 30's but I really like #3... Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Rule #11: Do you know what BOB means? And do you know the sound a can of string beans makes coming out of a canner? But most of all can you cook a meal WITHOUT electric or water?????? OK you can marry him! Link to comment
Herbwifemama Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Maybe I'm too young for this (29), And I don't have sons, only daughters, but if anyone said any of that to me in all seriousness- I'd run away, fast. Wouldn't want them for my MIL! (Only wish I could tell 19 year old me that. Hindsight is 20/20) Link to comment
Jeepers Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Ohhh, I love it. It's about time someone puts those half-wits in their place. Seems like SOME of this generation of girls have become the new men. (That sounded better in my head than through my fingers) I'm so tired of seeing girls on TV etc. go on drunken rants and hitting/slapping the guys. If it was the other way around it would be all h*ll to pay. He would be in jail with a record. Double standards work both ways. And guys aren't responsible for getting girls 'in trouble'. It's the girl who got herself in trouble. (Well, you know what I mean...figuratively.) Don't put yourself in that situation! Go home. And ya know what? They are not your sweet little princess. They are self-indulgent brats who have a sense of entitlement. Wait until they hit the real world and sugar daddy can't afford them anymore. See how they cope in a world with no skills. I have a son and thank GOD he escaped all of the above situations. So yeah, mothers pay close attention who your son 'hangs out' with because she may soon become an important part of your family dynamics and the mother of your grandchildren. Whoa, must have hit a nerve here! Sorry about that...sort of. Link to comment
Christy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Pretty negative view of women nowadays isn't it? Perhaps it's a cultural thing, maybe there simply are more of such young females in certain areas. Wouldn't like to see my son date such a girl to be honest but most friends and "special" female friends of his are/were not as described in the slightest way. In all seriousness, does this type of young woman exist a lot in the USA? And I'm asking with care and courtesy because I find the whole thing puzzling and negative. Link to comment
Jeepers Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Pretty negative view of women nowadays isn't it? Perhaps it's a cultural thing, maybe there simply are more of such young females in certain areas. Wouldn't like to see my son date such a girl to be honest but most friends and "special" female friends of his are/were not as described in the slightest way. In all seriousness, does this type of young woman exist a lot in the USA? And I'm asking with care and courtesy because I find the whole thing puzzling and negative. I'll respond down in the Edge. Sorry for the hijack Robie! Link to comment
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