ROBIE

For the last two weeks, I've been having computer problems but thankfully no viruses to deal with.... that I know of... but I had to enstall a new hard drive and redo windows... oh joy.... So I thought I'd find some computer jokes to share... Types of computer viruses Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years. Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network. Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee.. David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November. Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number. Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog! Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car. New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Nike virus: Just Does It! Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen. Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:. Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus." PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money. Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback. Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system. Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. Robie:laughkick:

My one year old son is always trying to help me cut veggies and handle the very hot stuff all the time! :wink (2): Robie

Did you see the news about the survivalist that was out camping with his son in California? Apparently they got lost for two weeks, and NO ONE KNEW TO LOOK FOR THEM. (The biggest mistake people make when going out hiking/hunting or just outdoors! Tell someone where your going and when to expect you back and when to call for help if you don't show/contact!....rant over ) Eventually they were found, dehydrated, starving, and with an endangered California condor carcass at their camp. Of course they were hauled into court for killing an endangered species. HEY YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. The court room was packed with survivalists and nature lovers and of course the press was there to cover it all. The father had a chance to speak and said "Your Honor, we were lost, starving, and I was watching my son literally waste away before my eyes. The condor was the first thing I found to shoot, and yes, I knew it was wrong. But it was the condor or my son... I'm sorry, but what would you do if it were your son?" The judge stares at the prosecutor and asked him if he had any qualms about dropping the case considering the circumstances. Prosecutor looks around at the press focused on him, decides he doesn't want the bad publicity, and declines to prosecute. The judge dismisses the case and raps his gavel. Then he said "Before I let you go, and I know this is kind of a morbid question, but what does a condor taste like?" The father looks at him and says "Well it's kind of a curious mixture of bald eagle and baby seal." Robie

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open,... as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?... ''Yes," was his incredulous reply...........She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.' Robie

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.' Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'Well, brothers, you know that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I found a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah! The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start." Robie

When I first read this artical this morning I was like... How will it make the rest of us look in the eyes of the sheeple? Another good reason for the best OPSEC you can have. From what I read in the artical, he does have a gas mask, the bunker is bigger than the LEO's first realised, and he has enough food/water/preps to hold up for at least a week. They found the bunker complex by looking at photos of the bunker found at his house. Huge OPSEC fail. If he is guilty of what he is accused of, he needs to face up to the law. There is however more to the story than being told at this point, but it will all come out soon. It will be talked about for years for the good and the bad. What he did right as far as preps and being prepaird, what he did wrong in breaking the law. How survivialist/preppers/militia/teaparty right wing extreamists/anti gov/ect...ect.. are either total nutjobs never to be trusted, or a fring element of our society that needs to be held in check. I can just see it now on doomsday preppers and doomsday bunkers.:frying pan: A few lessons/reminders: Dont live in fear! Dont let fear drive your preps/survivalism. Practice the BEST OPSEC you can every day/hour/minute you can!! Have faith in God and let Him be your guide. There is more to say, but this is enough for now! Robie

I saw this game the other day while at Barns and Nobles and just happend to think of all my prepper/ survivalist friends. It was about $35 at B&N, so I passed on it pluse I want to see how its played and worth the money. You can find it cheaper on Amazon, like this: http://www.amazon.com/Z-Man-Games-7021ZMG-Pandemic/dp/B0013OBXG2 Your thoughts? Robie

Only the chocolate ones!!! Robie

AHEM!!! Lori.... Yes there are a few of us left.... Robie:cheeky-smiley-067:

I would love a Mrs S t shirt, but I would not wear a pink, coral, salmon or "faded in the wash" or whatever else you might call it. how about a grey shirt? One that says " Happy Husbands of the Mrs S." Robie

Ambergris, I used to live in N. Florida too, and Im very possative that Im not your ex... first ex?? how many did you have? I know of a few other Robersons back in the south, but none that I'm related to as far as I know...but I'm about to find out..

Yesterday, a cousin I never knew I had contacted me on a genealogy website forum. I've not been to that forum in years so this was like a bolt out of the blue to me. Turns out, my cousin has started looking up the family tree herself and came across my old... old post... I admit, I was skeptical at first, but she answered all the questions and even showen me a few pictures to prove it. I cant tell you how happy I am! .... get the idea? I now know who my grandfather and great grandfather are! Fresh new starting points for me to follow!! For years I've told everyone that my family tree has eather been struck by lightning, petrified, or burned down... turns out it was just transplanted. Robie

I've not been a part of this, but have read a post or two. For my 2 cents, someone should write a book. Put all the posts together as one long narative, edit it and fill in the blank spots and make a good story that could be used to teach also. Anyone up for it? Robie

Looking up and needing all the help I can get with "Roberson" Robie!