Baby Jokes for Robie

[Amishway Homesteaders]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Seeing Robie likes to post jokes here...............

and seeing he will be a new dad soon............

Lets post some baby jokes so he will have a few to tell the Nurses while wife is doing ALL the work! LOL

[Amishway Homesteaders]

Lets start with a oldy but goody...............

 

If we get corn oil from corn.

 

and we get sunflower oil from sunflowers.

 

WHERE do we get baby oil from?

[Amishway Homesteaders]

saw this in a old Readers Digest-

 

I have a new baby girl.

Her name is Alexis.

I chose that name because if I hadn't had her,

I would be driving one by now!

 

[S.K.]

thats funny

[ROBIE]

Michael & Lori,

 

thanks for the help, I can use all I can get!

 

My best friend named thier first girl Alexis, but I dont think they had the car in mind. My sister in law gave my niece the middle name of mercadies, cause she likes the cars.

 

Had a friend in Jacksonville FL, named Derral Hardy, he named his girl Laurel Ann....

 

Robie

[ROBIE]

I just found something sick and discusting... type in baby jokes to google and the top 3

results are for DEAD baby jokes

 

What kinda sick perverts are looking up dead baby joke? Thats enough to mak me want to shoot someone.

 

Robie

[ROBIE]

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

 

 

 

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

 

What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.

 

 

This is a good start

 

Robie

 

[Trudy]

Michael & Lori,

 

thanks for the help, I can use all I can get!

 

My best friend named thier first girl Alexis, but I dont think they had the car in mind. My sister in law gave my niece the middle name of mercadies, cause she likes the cars.

 

Had a friend in Jacksonville FL, named Derral Hardy, he named his girl Laurel Ann....

 

Robie

 

 

O.K. Robbie...I think I just hurt myself laughing at that one! Ya gotta remember that some of us are getting old. I'll have to tell DH about this one when he gets home. He loves to watch all Laurel & Hardy, Three Stooges, Ma and Pa Kettle and such. I DON"T!!!!! (seriously- I put in ear plugs and turn on the computer.)

[Trudy]

Let me put on my thinking cap to come up with something. Hope it won't be too much work for my old brain. I guess I'll just ruminate while I work.... Be back later.

[gofish]

 

Feeding the Baby

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

 

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

 

 

 

[gofish]

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”

 

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

 

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

[gofish]

Childbirth Q&As

 

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

 

A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

 

 

 

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

 

A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

 

 

 

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

 

A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

 

 

 

Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?

 

A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning

 

crews, journalists, etc.

 

 

 

Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

 

A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

 

 

 

Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

 

A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.

 

 

 

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

 

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

 

 

 

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

 

A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

 

 

 

[CrabGrassAcres]

Little Girl to her friend: "I'm never having kids. I hear they take nine months to download."

[mommato3boys]

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

 

"Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor.

 

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

 

"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

 

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

 

 

 

[Amishway Homesteaders]

now THAT was a funny one- Thanks

[Amishway Homesteaders]

Do you think that now that they are all coming home.....................

The real fun begins?

[michelle]

I love the childbirth Q & A's!!! So can someone tell me why?! I'm having a third.