Judy Moist Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I torn over a decision I need to make,, and have to make it by morning,,,,as I have mentioned before my dh likes his beer...seems, he likes it so much that he is willing to risk everything we have for it.. of which he has done tonight... We were watching the news, yet another story on how Tom Cruise thinks he is a degreed medical professional, and can tell people what they should and shouldn't take.... I said, that Tom Cruise needed to go soak his head in a toilet... until the day he has a baby and suffers from post partum depression, then he needed hush him mouth and stop attacking Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants... well hubby tells me , that Yeah "you like those things don't ya?,, then goes on to say that he doesn't know what all I have in the medicine cabinet, but knows that I take stuff,,, Yeah right, estrin d, an ativan once every six month,and tylenol and ibuprofen because I am on my feet all day and climbing ladders to help support this family while he sits in the recliner and drinks....WELL then he goes on to say that he believes in self healing and doesn't believe in taking addictive drugs...AFTER KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT FOR A LONG TIME ABOUT HIS DRINKING PROBLEM, I LET STUFF FLY, LIKE STUFF HITTING THE FAN AT FULL FORCE....." I asked what in the h*** did he think nicotine and alcohol was,,, he said that Ineeded to leave him alone about his beer, that he was going to have his beer no matter what,,,,,well I Said ok, then I guess you are just going to drink yourself to death,,, because all the things that are wrong with you is because of the alcohol... then I let it drop... he sneaks out of the house,,, in my car, which is in my name, and of which I just found out he didn't make my insurance payment and now there is no insurance on it....45 minutes later my nephew comes driving up, and comes in and asks me to come sit down in the computer room, he needed to talk to me,,, and didn't want the kids to hear.... he tells me that dh had just been arrested down at the corner store for DUI....he happened to be there getting gas, and seen my car,, thinking it was me, he waited around for me to come out of the store, but realized it was dh.... the jail said that I could probably bail him out in the morning, but would probably be a $1,000.00 fine,Of course it would be 10% of that, but might as well be $1,000.00 and even if I had the money, I now have no car.... so I am struggling trying to decide do I go for help to bail him out, or do I let him sit in there and get a public defender to help him straighten this mess out? I also have to worry about going to work tomorrow night, and have no babysitter... His sister and aunt keep calling me and asking me if I am alright, and not to get upset and to take me a nerve pill...I have yet to shed the first tear, I mad as He**, but I am not upsetting me or the kids over this... I had to sit them down and explain to them why daddy wasn't coming home,,,, all they could say about it was "good maybe he will learn his lesson"..... He maybe on a self destruction course, but I'll be darned if he is taking me and these kids with him. I have already put in for a government apartment,, I hate the thought of it, but if I have to I will.... He has made this mess, he is going to have to be the one who cleans it up this time.. I can't, I have to worry about our home, our kids and a way to support our kids.... My heart is just breaking that he cares no more for us than that....to put us in that position, because he thinks he is so superior that he is above the law...... Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 So sorry you're going through this....it sounds like he's on a self-destructive course and needs to be sent in for counselling ASAP....I'd leave him in the hole so he can think more about the pain he's causing his family. I hope he can get the correct perspective soon and do what's right by his family and get better. unikemom Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 ((((((((((((((((((unikemom))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry... He's put you in a bad spot as well as himself. Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 (((((unikemom))))) You are not alone. I have written you via PM... Hang in there hon, we're here for you. Link to comment
rockncook Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I'm probably late on the subject, but leave him there. If you bail him out, you are telling him that his behavior is OK. Since the aunt and family are being so "supportive," ask them to babysit. As Darlene said, you aren't alone. WE love you and will support ANY decision you make, and will help you in whatever ways we can. I'd babysit if I were closer, LOL. Love you bunches, darlin. Call if you need to. Mommy of Six Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I think I'm late too, but I wanted to let you knwo that I'm here for ya, too. How's it going? We're prayin' for ya! Link to comment
redhenfarm Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 ((((((Unikemom))))) I'm so sorry you are going through this but I do hope this is a wake-up day and the beginning of better things. Your children sound like they have your wisdom. If you have a relative or friend who will pitch in with child care while you get on your feet, don't be too proud to ask. I think you'd do the same for someone. My heart is aching for you today. Link to comment
logcabinmama Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Unike, I am so sorry about all of this, but I do know the others are right. Leave him there, he really needs a wake up call. Let him realize that you are NOT going to let him get by with what he is doing. Please know I am Link to comment
ozzzyyy Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 (((((unikemom))))))) Praying wisdom for you. My hope is that you would love yourself above all else and do what is best for you and your children. You deserve the best, hon, and we are here for you!! Link to comment
gardnmom Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 I offer lots of to you and the children. Link to comment
Mare Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 All my prayers are with you and your family tonight. This is something that could happen to any of us. No one is immune to this kind of things happening in our families. So my heart goes out to you and I am asking the Lord to make Himself apparent to you and your family and to protect you. Link to comment
Bamboo Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Unikemom... All I can add is we are hear for you. You and your family are in my prayers. Link to comment
PlanoPa Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 sent ya a pm but heres another ....Q Link to comment
Judy Moist Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 First of all I want to thank all of you have sent pm's and offered your prayers and advice and believe me I am taking everything, everyone is saying to heart..I did leave him in overnight,, his sister finally went and got him out about 1:00pm Saturday afternoon...The story I am getting is: HE WAS ARRESTED FOR SUSPICION OF DUI,(the jail told me this when I called to see what the charges were)... Last week he could not wait until I got home from work to go and get a beer,so he decided to try and drive my buick lesabre, which had a blown head gasket.. He made it two miles down the road... he was able to pull off onto a side road, but the car was still in a bad place and was blocking traffic coming onto that street.. he left it there for two days.. I finally told him to get off his tail and go get the guys who live a couple of house down the road to take their tow truck and get the car,, (they recycle junk cars for cash)I said let them have it in payment... well went to get them, got to where the car was, and the city had already called for a tow, the car was gone....come to find out the tow company who had the car was Lynn Wagner,, who just happens to be dh's boss's brother.... well I got a certified letter from Lynn in the mail about the car.. I asked dh to call Lynn about it,, instead he gets going about how Lynn stold that car,, I explained to him, it wasn't Lynn's fault, the city police department was the one who called him to do the job....but he still went over to Lynn's and got cocky... started an argument, and was cussing in front of LYnn's wife.It almost came to physical blows.....one of them backed down, don't know who..... but dh was on his way home, he pulled in at the corner market to pick up a 12 pack, when he came out of the store the law was waiting on him... they said that Lynn told them that he smelled alcohol all in my car, and all over hubby,,(what he was actually smelling, is was a substance like liquid wrench), dh had been working on the car, and it was strong.... well he apparently passed the field sobriety test, and they did not do a breathalyzer,,,Lynn wants $125 for tow fee, $75 aggravation fee(for cussing in front of his wife), and $15 a day storage fee..I am going to talk with dh's boss to see if he can't work something out for me with Lynn, so that I can at least have my car... I can deal with the possibility of hubby going to jail as long as I have my car.. I at least know if dh goes to jail he will be getting the help he needs, with the drinking and his health problems... I have already went and applied for food stamps, and section 8 housing. was approved for the stamps, and am on waiting list for housing...Dh goes to court Tuesday morning...I already have it in my mind,, If I can at least get the car back,, If I have to go back to motel work I will, and at the same time move in to a room, that way the kids will be that close to me while I work,,,I can constantly check on them....If that is what it takes, then that is what Iwill do.... well that is the story for now,,, I have got to go pull myself together, my brother is going to pick me up at 3;45 to take me to work, he works at walmart also right now...until his transfer goes through to the other store. Hopefully I will have my car by next week.....well gotta go get ready.. Thanks everybody, it sure helps to know somebody does care.. You are the greatest bunch of people... Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 A long time ago, when you first came to MrsSurvival, we realized that you had found a very special place in our hearts. Of course we genuinely care and of course we're here for you. You mean that much to us. (((((unikemom))))) Link to comment
Judy Moist Posted July 4, 2005 Author Share Posted July 4, 2005 I hope you know all of you mean the world too me,, in return Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You deserve so much better, but as I have learned, better is what we make it and often we must be torn apart in order to heal together. Your kids are wise and watching you closely. They will learn a lot about life just in the way you choose to handle this and all other situations. Choose wisely and handle with lots of prayer. You are in my prayers and heart. Hill Link to comment
Linda Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 how is things going for you??? sorry i am so late.. but you and yours are in my prayers also... Link to comment
Judy Moist Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 Well I am personally feeling better about my situation..I have the security of my job, I am on a schedule that is pretty consistent, and will not coincide with school schedule for the kids... Dh is telling me that he is planning on checking on a job,, but to see him actually do it yet, is a different story,,, I have asked for government assistance, since I am making only $6.20 an hour right now, but will be up for evaluation here in afew weeks and that should go up some....We are getting a section 8 apartment,,,we have several new complexes for section 8 and they are really nice..the kids and I can make it on my paycheck,, we don't need all the extravagances dh needs,, we like the basics,, and plus we don't have to worry about beer and cigarettes.. But I have let it be known that if hubby has to do jail time, which is looking to be 45 days to 6 months,,, he better use the time wisely and decide which is more important to him, the alcohol or me and the kids,,, because after his sentence is over, if he wants to come home to me and the kids,,, there will be no alcohol in our home,, it will be mine and kids home,,I will be the one making the payments, not him... I love him, he is my husband, but Me and these kids will never go through this pain over something like alcohol abuse ever again...I have made it plain to him and his family.....so right now that is where we are, waiting on his court date,of august 18th.... Link to comment
rockncook Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I just wanted to say quickly that I'm so very proud of you, for the strength of your choices and principles. You stood up for yourself and your children and you have shown what can be done with just a little bit-a little bit of money, a little bit of love, and a little bit of fortitude. Link to comment
Judy Moist Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 I don't think I would have ever had the gall to stand up, like this if I hadn't found the strength from you guys....but regardless of my feelings, my childrens well being will always come first...no matter how embarrasing it may be, having people know I live in government housing, or knowing that I get food stamps, at least Iknow my children are not having to live on the streets... you just have to do, what ya got to do and hold your head high..... Link to comment
redhenfarm Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 ((((Unike)))) You are in a hard place and I'm proud of you, your convictions to take care of those children and the difficult stance against the alcohol abuse that is effecting the husband you love. As hard as you work to take care of your family, and always have, you have no need to be ashamed or embarrassed about needing assistance. I know you'd rather be self-sufficient and I believe you will be again. Praying DH makes the better choice. Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Quote: no matter how embarrasing it may be, having people know I live in government housing, or knowing that I get food stamps, at least Iknow my children are not having to live on the streets... you just have to do, what ya got to do and hold your head high..... Lemme tell ya something chica, you are to be admired. Alcoholism is a disease and is widely known for taking *hostages*...hostages in the manner of emotionally and mentally. While it is not a sin (per se) to be an alcoholic, it is a sin (per se) not to do anything about it. There is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that does offer a viable solution, but that is a choice each and every person must make for themselves. With that said, you are doing the right and healthy thing not to support or be a part of his disease. You're right, if he wants to get the help he needs, then IMHO he deserves the support of his family. If his choice is to continue drinking, it is in your best interests and the childrens interests to not be a part of his decision. As far as what others may think or say, most times when we think others think down on us, it's just our imaginations.. For the times when it's true, first of all we don't answer to them, we answer to our families and God. It's none of anyone's business what your unique circumstances would be, and I've always been of the opinion that those that judge me without knowing me are not ones I'd really wanna know anyway. On the flipside, there's us here at MrsSurvival and I'm sure others in your real time life whose hearts go out to you, whose support will be unwavering and whose admiration for your courage in truly taking care of your children is beyond my scope and ability to express. (((((unikemom))))) Link to comment
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