Miki, you used a word there, sanity.... I seem to remember that from a long long time ago
2010 and 2011 have been very difficult years. At times I wondered if it was worth ploughing on and muddling through.
New Year's Eve at 6pm the phone rang and they called to say my dear ex-SIL had passed away. Knowing I can't even fill up the car with gas right now, let alone a ticket to Israel, all we could do was talk on the phone and try to comfort my beloved ex-MIL who was more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was.
And I found in the end, how harder it gets, the more I grow.
Yes from the meds my stomach hurts so much I barely eat but I lost 7kg. Yes my son is ill but he is rethinking his life and I have faith in him to come up with the right solution.
Yes people drop dead left and right and lean on me but come here and I'll comfort them.
Yes I fell like a ton of bricks for a wonderful man who turns out to be very ill and has a really bad outlook for life. Who wants to spare me getting too involved cos he might not be around too long. With a disease you don't even wish a nasty person, let alone such a caring one.
It sucks and with the smaller things I get depressed. Now things are getting harder faster, just seem to suck it and go on with life.
It's as if I'm getting into higher gear and mentally bracing myself for things I've only seen in Africa.