It's no wonder...

[MommyofSeven]

that I kept my children out of daycare as much as possible.

 

I am going to take a few day care kids, so I joined some email lists for daycare providers. Today and yesterday, on two different lists, they are screaming about moms who hold their babies too much-saying a 3 1/2 month old needs to learn to self soothe.

 

Ummm, WHAT? I'm sorry, but that is one of the reasons why I won't take any babies under a year until mine is over a year-because babies that little NEED to be held. Sure, she spends time in her carseat and swing, and I use the opportunity to get things done, but I absolutely do not let her "cry it out" in an attempt to teach her, at 3 mos., to self soothe. Now, we won't address the issue of a three month old baby in daycare. I'll skip that one for now. But still...I am so disappointed. I joined these lists to get curriculum ideas, to find out about resources for getting licensed, and to talk with like minded poeple. So far, I'm not seeing any like minded people. No, I'm not a perfect parent, and won't be a perfect dcp, but I like to think I'm clued in about what a child needs. Am I the odd one out here? Oh and they are REALLY ticked about the mom that bf's her baby. So what do they do at feeding time? Prop the bottle despite AMA's stern recomendation to not do so? It breaks my heart to hear these things.

 

OK, just needed to vent. I guess I'll be UNjoining these groups.

 

Mo7

ETA correct age of baby

[goatherder]

Do a search for "attachment parenting". That is what you (and my DD and I) believe is right. My GS is not put down to cry, never has been, never will be. He is carried around much more than he is put into a stroller or baby seat when we go out. He sits on a lap to eat instead of being stuffed into a high chair. Babies who are left to cry and "self soothe" have been shown to be less able to interact with people, more fearful, and less advanced developmentally than babies raised with large amounts of physical contact and interaction with the adults around them. We also believe in co-sleeping, which in my time didn't have a fancy name, it just meant that the baby (and often the siblings) all wound up in bed with the parents.

 

You aren't wrong in your approach. It's how babies were raised since the beginning of time and still are in many "less advanced" cultures.

 

 

[Leah]

I don't off-hand know the reference.....BUT.

 

According to scientists, a human baby is not considered to be fully developed until 1 year of age.

Comparing human developement to other animals, it was discovered that we give birth to premature babies. In order to have the developement of other animals, the baby would need to be approxamately 1 year old. That would be impossible for a human woman to deliver...

 

So realizing - I always consider a baby to be just that.

 

Self-soothe indeed!

 

 

 

 

 

By the way, I was a preschool teacher for 20 years or so. No babies or children needed to 'self-soothe' under MY care!

[Leah]

I found this on that subject...

http://www.parenting.com/parenting/experts...ndex081601.html

"... At one meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics I attended, the main topic of concern was: What builds a brighter, more independent baby? The consensus among psychologists and pediatricians who reviewed the medical literature: caregivers' responsiveness to the cues of babies. Children, like food, spoil when left alone.

 

The most notable research conducted on this topic was carried out by two doctors, Sylvia Bell and Mary Ainsworth, at Johns Hopkins University in the early '70s. They studied babies who had varying degrees of "attachment" to their parents. The children who were the most securely attached as infants had turned out, as they grew up, to be the most independent. Researchers who examined the effects of different parenting styles concluded that the spoiling theory is utter nonsense. Prior to writing our new Attachment Parenting Book, my wife, Martha, and I reviewed all of these studies and are now able to report that children raised with what we call an attachment parenting style (basically, a type of caregiving in which parents sensitively respond to the needs of their children) are more secure, happier, and less dependent. Attachment parenting, which implies knowing when to say yes and when to say no, doesn't spoil a child; instead, it's a system in which a baby's needs are responded to appropriately.

 

...Researchers have discovered that a baby who doesn't receive responsive care — one who's rigidly scheduled to "cry it out" and spends a lot of alone time in a crib or playpen — develops a high level of stress hormones. This baby wouldn't be in physiologic balance. On the other hand, an attachment-parented infant is held frequently in the arms of a caregiver responding to the child's needs, and as a result, the infant grows up in a state of hormonal balance. The caregiver actually enhances a baby's physiologic well-being..."

 

[MommyofSeven]

I have practiced attachment parenting since before I knew what it was. I was 19 when I had my first baby, and she was all I had in the world. I snuggled her and slept with her, nursed her and held her close. She is now 15, wonderfully creative, smart, independent and well balanced. Sure, we have the normal teenage issues, but I expect that-after all, she is independent (and certainly her mother's daughter LOL).

 

I have done daycare for YEARS. Paid my way through college with it the second time I went to college. We had a wonderful baby named Jonathan, and when I got there in the afternoon, I spent the afternoon with him on my lap while I read to the other kiddoes. He's the reason my oldest son is here LOL...got serious baby blues after hanging out with that little guy.

 

I guess I would expect licensed caregivers, who spend time and money furthering their education, some to the point of having advanced degrees in Early Childhood Education, to understand the importance of nurturing a child-including holding it. I can understand the need to put a baby down. They need a secure sleep place and need to learn to occasionally hang out while mom goes potty and washes a few dishes, but when the baby is done hanging out, they need to trust that someone will be there for their needs. A baby's crying is its signal that it needs something, if even just some snuggling, from those who care for it. In addition to his above statements, Dr. Sears has also said that a baby under six months can't be spoiled (in the traditional sense). But in a daycare situation, as long as you don't let your income come before the well-being of the children, there's no reason that you could not spend a considerable amount of time nurturing that baby the way they are supposed to be nurtured, while still maintaining a positive learning environment for your older children. Two babies? That would be more difficult. Moms of multiples manage to do it, but I, as a caregiver, understand those difficulties and want to create the best environment for children in my care. That means not having multiple babies.

 

I'm thinking that some of this thinking comes from the daycare center mentality, ie., a child care home is a mini daycare center, and centers (in my state at least) are allowed a 5:1 child to staff ratio in their infant rooms. Even most child care homes are allowed 3 under 18 mos. The thing that these providers are not taking into consideration, in my humble opinion, is that the needs of a 3 month old vary greatly from those of a twelve monyh old whoch vary greatly from those of an 18 month old.

 

Will continue in a later post cause I'm about to time out due to one handed typing with a baby in my arms who needs to be put down for her nasp. We're going to go snugglt together on the couch and watch happy feet with the bigger kids. Maybe I'll put her in bed when she's asleep lol.

 

Mo7

[preparing]

I feel the same. I heard all the stories about let them cry and they need their own rooms.

[goatherder]

DD called me this morning to come over and take care of GS because she has a bad headache. Right now he's peacefully sleeping on my lap. He ate his breakfast on my lap as well, then we went outside for some swing time. He is only 7 months but already says mama, da, ba-ba, na (means "nurse me!"), and ga-ma. He clearly knows what each sound means because he uses them in specific situations and uses some of them in conjunction with baby sign language. I'd say that far from "spoiling" him, we have fostered his development.

[Becca_Anne]

I am sad for the babies in their care, and sorry this kind of thinking is still around. I hope you can find a resource to help you with the business side of things, and I agree an AP website would be a great place for ideas about curriculum.

 

http://www.shrewsbury-ma.gov/schools/Beal/...activities.html

http://www.sitesforteachers.com/index.html

 

Looking up info on homeschooling forums might be a better way to find like minded people who have ideas for curriculum. The children in your care will be very lucky to have such a caring emotionally conected caregiver! We need more people like that taking care of our kids!

[SueC]

First of all I do not agree with the attitude of letting the precious babies cry, but when doing Day care here about 11 years ago, the directives were to prop a bottle for a baby, as cuddling them could cause a bonding to the care giver instead of the parent who basically dressed them (if you were lucky)and picked them up to take them home for dinner and bed. I spent many hours with other peoples babies on my lap

 

But I can understand the reasoning behind it too. It must be devastating to discover that your child treats you like the baby sitter and the caregiver gets all the loving! (So Stay at HOME!!!!) Babies need loving.

[mommato3boys]

I was only guilty of "self soothing" when my kids were older, at 3 months I was still nursing. When the boys starting fighting sleep is about the time they were put in their bed after an hour of rocking. But they didn't cry the 20 mins 99% of the time they were out like a light after 2-3 mins. I guess they were 18-20 months old. They were walking but still in the crib. Heck even after they were put in a "big boy bed" we still laid down with them when they went to bed.

 

During the day I have the kangaroo pouch then came the back pack, as they got older and could sit up their old brothers played with them in the floor under my feet. It wasn't until the youngest one started school that I could go to the bathroom without a child sitting outside the door wanting to know what I was doing and why the door was locked (locked during on certain occasions) when the door wasn't locked they would open it, or take a shower with the door closed and no one peeking in to see if I was still there.

 

To this day if they catch me sitting on the couch alone they will laid down and put their head in my lap and want me to scratch their back and they are 22, 19 & 17. The 19 year old is not as lovey dovey as the other two. He still hugs but he is more of a touch me not.

 

Personally I couldn't handle the crying it drove me insane. There were those days that they pushed me to the edge (mostly it was during PMS)and they would wear me out. I would put them in their beds for nap time and they would fuss half the time they would sit down and play with all the toys that they had. There were also the days we would take naps in mommy's big bed well okay so they would put mommy to sleep and get up and go play with their toys. They would wake me up giggling as they got off the bed and tried sneaking out of the room, they thought they were getting away with something...sneaky little monkeys

[nana9]

I don't spoil my Grandchildren I throughly LOVE them. They need to know that someone will meet their needs when they cry when they are young. I did daycare in my home for 9 yrs and didn't let the little one cry them self to sleep. They need that warm touch and love.

[Cat]

Nice to know so many others feel like I do about parenting.