sygnet Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 The police contacted me this evening. Tomorrow morning I have to call the PD in the town in which my 'ex' lived. Apparently he was found dead and I am listed as his next-of-kin in some dusty computer somewhere, as we have been divorced since 1981. That's all the information I have so far. He is dead. I've been sitting quietly in the dark. Hurting for a man so far back in my past, who must have died alone for the authorities to have to dig back far enough that they find *me*! Our marriage breakdown was nasty, painful, complete, and almost unendurable. It produced a son he chose to cut out of his life totally. A son who is a wonderful man now, with a family of his own and a happy, strong, and successful marriage. A son any man would be proud to call his. But he threw that away. He threw away our marriage. He destroyed all good and nice things in his life. It almost seems he a need that he had to do so. But I still hurt for him. After all he's done, after all the pain, after all the tears. I had no idea I would cry such soft tears. Link to comment
Cat Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I think sometimes we hurt for the might-have-beens, the potential wasted, the grief that loving him wasn't enough, somehow. Society tries to tell us that "love is all you need" , but there is so very, very much more. (((((((((((((((((((sygnet))))))))))))))))))) May you find comfort in knowing that his pain has ended, and that the son he left behind has created so much more in his own life. Maybe God kept him away so that his son would find happiness. Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 =hugs being sent your way.= Remeber there was love there once and remembering the past times will come back as you think about him. So don't worry about your feelings.............. you now know he is at pease. and NOT to make fun of it or anything but YOU posted it that way: An "ex" is never really an ex well he IS now. (sorry) Link to comment
landa Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 The police contacted me this evening. Tomorrow morning I have to call the PD in the town in which my 'ex' lived. Apparently he was found dead and I am listed as his next-of-kin in some dusty computer somewhere, as we have been divorced since 1981. That's all the information I have so far. He is dead. I've been sitting quietly in the dark. Hurting for a man so far back in my past, who must have died alone for the authorities to have to dig back far enough that they find *me*! Our marriage breakdown was nasty, painful, complete, and almost unendurable. It produced a son he chose to cut out of his life totally. A son who is a wonderful man now, with a family of his own and a happy, strong, and successful marriage. A son any man would be proud to call his. But he threw that away. He threw away our marriage. He destroyed all good and nice things in his life. It almost seems he a need that he had to do so. But I still hurt for him. After all he's done, after all the pain, after all the tears. I had no idea I would cry such soft tears. I am so sorry to hear about your heartache. Turn to God, He will give you peace and the strength to do what needs to be done. Comfort and peace to you! Link to comment
Annarchy Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 (((((((((((((((((((sygnet))))))))))))))))))) Link to comment
themartianchick Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 What a difficult position to be in emotionally. I can only imagine how you must feel. I will be praying for you... Link to comment
Mt_Rider Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Wow, that would be a blow outta nowhere. Perhaps tho, for your son's sake, it's better that you know. Yes, sad that you were the closest they could find to contact. I think Cat said it well, tears for what should have/could have been. MtRider Link to comment
sygnet Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Cat, as usual you are wise beyond many, and as I have done in the past, I heed your words carefully. As for you Amishway Homesteaders, I have to thank you for the laugh! How exquisitly perfect for me and mine. You hit my quirky sense of humour right on. ~soft giggle~ To everyone else, a thank you. Yes, there is a purpose to this. I will add more later as details unfold. It's time consuming though, he was in a different part of the country to myself. I'm over the initial shock, and over the nasty requirements of telling those who knew him back when ... and I've shed the tears he deserves. I know God will deal with him as is seen fit. Link to comment
Deerslayer Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 i agree totally with Cat--you are morning the "might what have been" I seem to be the shoulder everyone i know goes to for divorce advise--(that's another story) and this is what i tell them...when you are married you make plans and have dreams that include another person, it is very hard to stop that, and to dream the same dreams without that person in them--even if the other person did you wrong, it still stops those dreams, which can be very hard Link to comment
anitapreciouspearl Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Praying for you. Link to comment
sygnet Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 A sort of update type thing here. Dental records were needed for positive idenification as he was last known to be alive Dec 22, and wasn't found until Jan 7. He had been unwell, and had the heat in his house turned up quite high because he was feeling cold. Natural processes did not treat him kindly. Apparently some form of intervention should have been called in about two years ago on this man as he was living in the most appalling of conditions of filth due to failing health, lack of social contact, and obviously, dementia. His next door neighbour of 29 (yes twenty-nine) YEARS had never once stepped foot in his house, though they often talked out on the road! The house is most likely past being able to be reclaimed for being lived in ever again, but the property will be of value to sell. Hopefully enough income will eventually be generated to pay for the funeral expenses, lawyer's, Probate, etc. My son is the only possible heir as there is no evidence anywhere of a Will. Harsh way to end a life. His stubborness, arrogance, and holier-than-thou attitude in life made it so he never knew what an incredible man his son was; alienated all friends he ever had; and put him in a space to die totally alone and be left for so long after. Our parting was, as I said, really nasty... but I would never wish that on anyone.... never. Rest In Peace NFR, your dues have been paid. Link to comment
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